It took three years, but I'm through now

[ms millie]

Hello all, and thanks for allowing me to share this.

I was with a younger MM for three years. We met in person about a dozen times. This does not excuse it,but maybe that was what kept it going so long.I met him online. He messaged me and told me right away he was married, but his wife was "a simple girl". He was Indian, in an arranged marriage, in the US for 5 yrs. IT job in Manhattan. I went to NY on my day off, we had dinner.something clicked. Was it the contrast? The novelty? I always had contempt for "homewreckers", but now I was about to become one.

We met in May 2014. He was at my house June,August, October, and December. He used to take retreats for meditation, so this was the excuse he gave at home.He would take the train out on a Friday and stay till Sunday morning.We would stay in or maybe go to the beach, the park,etc .The next year he was over twice.Last year he came out once, by car, as his wife and child ( he has a son) were in India.

Now that I look at it, was it even an affair? How many times did I want to end it? I know he had at least two prior affairs, one in India and one in the US. I used to joke about who he would be with next.He assured me he was through and I was "it."I caught him on that site I met him on, with the same profile, with only a few words added that he was "taken".

There is a lot of stuff on the 'net about how Indian men cheat because their wives don't give them sex,and I guess I used that as a rationale. And we didn't have sex, if you can believe that.It was mostly BDSM play, me being "Mistress."

I blocked him on my landline last year for a week when he called and started to tell me about his Thanksgiving trip to Cancun. No OW wants to hear where their MM went with his wife! As it is, his or her parents are over here every year for months, and I was "off limits"then.I told him I was depressed over the election, I wasn't about to act hurt. He was suggested to me on Facebook as a Contact . Of course he would not allow that, he never replied, said he was off FB.

Here is where reality set in. I found his wife's name and FB page. A sweet girl ,almost my daughter's age. Simple, maybe, but pretty. Devoted to home and child. So- who am I to hurt HER? There were photos from Cancun, photos of her parents (very stern, must have been an arranged marriage too), photos of New Year's. So maybe they aren't in love with each other the way I love him (yes, I still adore the boy) he is TAKEN. So on June 6th, three years from the day he first came over,I told him that it was over, by text. And blocked every number and email..did I mention he had his own email for me, and an alias? And all I got back was, "I don't know what happened, I know we haven't been talking much but I still thought we were very good friends."

So, was I played? Probably. I went into it eyes open. Never called first. Never did anything to compromise him. I didn't want him as a partner, and never expected more than I got, in fact I was happy with never seeing him.It made the time together fresh. But it was SO WRONG for us to keep doing this to his wife,who is, like my MM, part of the system that makes marriage a contract deal brokered by families with love totally out of the equation. I hope he can work this out, and that his wife never finds out.

[anika99]

I have a casual friendship with a young Indian woman. She had an arranged marriage and she explained to me that an arranged marriage isn't a forced marriage. She said their families brought them together and then there was a courtship but she said if no attraction or feelings developed she or he could have refused marriage. As it was her husband was not the first man her family had chosen, there was one before him but my friend didn't like him so her family chose another who was more suitable to her. They courted and fell in love and so they married. Her marriage was not forced on her or her husband. Perhaps her family is more modern, I don't know.

[ms millie]

My MM never said the marriage was forced, or that there was coercion on either side. He never really told me much about his wife except that she had a bad temper. Now, how much of that was a lie, who knows. Believe me, I did major research into this concept,pro and con, and I do have online friends from the same part of the country MM came from. Parental expectations are the driving force there; MM got his degree, got job, got child, all as expected..of course he married in his caste. Indians who come to the NY area move to Edison, NJ, shop at Costco, buy Toyotas b/c good resale value. Nothing like my life, which was scattershot and extremely liberal. So I represented freedom he was unfamiliar with. Also, sex doesn't exist for most Indian girls and porn is forbidden to both sexes. I was a valve for the pressure cooker.

[freengreen]

Also, sex doesn't exist for most Indian girls and porn is forbidden to both sexes. I was a valve for the pressure cooker.

 

Eh, wrong.

 

Its the second largest populated country in the world, a combination of less contraceptives and more sex. Women are as into it as men.

 

He is just feeding you bullshoot because you are not familiar with the facts and you listen to him.

 

This guy is a sucker, good for you , you moved on.