LostNtrapped Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 I'm curious what both men and women think of sexting. Is it cheating? Is sexting reason enough to divorce? My husband always said he didn't cheat, because he didn't physically go out and cheat. In his mind he was faithful. Thoughts on sexting? Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 Anything you wouldn't want your partner to see/hear/know about is cheating. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 Yup, it's cheating. No question. Is it reason enough to divorce? I think so. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 Of course sexting is cheating and yes it is a reason to divorce. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 The best reason to divorce is not wanting to be in the marriage any longer. Do you want to divorce? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostNtrapped Posted June 18, 2017 Author Share Posted June 18, 2017 The best reason to divorce is not wanting to be in the marriage any longer. Do you want to divorce? My situation is quite more complicated than sexting. I was curious as to how both men and women viewed sexting, and if it warranted divorce in their eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 I have read some of your other threads and you want to stay married due to practical reasons - no job, sahm, young kids and so you WANT us all to say "Oh sexting, of course it isn't cheating it is nothing, don't be so silly...", so that you can persuade yourself to live with the fact that whilst you were literally dying due to childbirth complications, he was busy sexting some other woman... and no doubt continues to do so, whilst he pushes you off when you want sex and he doesn't want to do anything with you socially and he is "sucking the life out of you". You have a bad and unsatisfying marriage and if anyone here was to tell you that sexting isn't cheating then it will make very little difference to your whole situation, you still IMV need to consider divorce as an option to get you out of an unhealthy place... Of course your husband is going to tell you sexting isn't cheating...he's not stupid. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/614746-31-trapped-my-marriage 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostNtrapped Posted June 18, 2017 Author Share Posted June 18, 2017 I have read some of your other threads and you want to stay married due to practical reasons - no job, sahm, young kids and so you WANT us all to say "Oh sexting, of course it isn't cheating it is nothing, don't be so silly...", so that you can persuade yourself to live with the fact that whilst you were literally dying due to childbirth complications, he was busy sexting some other woman... and no doubt continues to do so, whilst he pushes you off when you want sex and he doesn't want to do anything with you socially and he is "sucking the life out of you". You have a bad and unsatisfying marriage and if anyone here was to tell you that sexting isn't cheating then it will make very little difference to your whole situation, you still IMV need to consider divorce as an option to get you out of an unhealthy place... Of course your husband is going to tell you sexting isn't cheating...he's not stupid. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/614746-31-trapped-my-marriage Actually I see sexting as cheating. I prompted this question because I saw this topic discussed on a Facebook page I follow. I also do still love my husband and my reason for being a stay at home mom is due to my medical problems. I guess you miss the part of my other forum post where I stated I'm unable to work. Back when the sexting happened, I didn't see uprooting the kids was warranted over sexting. Fast forward to now, I can see that the sexting was merely just the start of what would become other issues. I don't think I can see my husband the same way as I did before the sexting. The fact that he didn't see how damaging it was just magnifys why I feel how I do still, and go other events came to happen. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 Like most things it depends on the agreements you make with your partner. There are many people who see cybersex/phonesex as an acceptable outlet because it is SAFE. you cannot bring STDs home. and if you are meeting people on some anonymous hookup site where you don't know who they are and won't see them again, it's not very emotionally risky either, it's just interactive porn. so for many people a don't-ask-don't-tell arrangement with online stuff would make them both happy. on the other hand i think most people who didn't talk about it beforehand would consider it cheating. would they consider it cheating enough to divorce over? i really can't say. i mean, even things people say they would definitely divorce over they often don't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 ..my reason for being a stay at home mom is due to my medical problems. I guess you miss the part of my other forum post where I stated I'm unable to work. NO judgement intended from me at all, but the facts of the matter are that you do have no job atm (whether due to medical problems or chronic laziness is immaterial actually in the scheme of things), and you are a sahm with young children. It is not easy to just walk away, but I guess you must. Fast forward to now, I can see that the sexting was merely just the start of what would become other issues. Yes, I do agree the sexting is the tip of the iceberg. These "misdemeanours" rarely exist in isolation, there is usually a lack of love and respect behind it all and sexting whilst you were fighting for your life implies a lack of caring and basic empathy for a fellow human being, never mind a wife. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostNtrapped Posted June 18, 2017 Author Share Posted June 18, 2017 NO judgement intended from me at all, but the facts of the matter are that you do have no job atm (whether due to medical problems or chronic laziness is immaterial actually in the scheme of things), and you are a sahm with young children. It is not easy to just walk away, but I guess you must. Yes, I do agree the sexting is the tip of the iceberg. These "misdemeanours" rarely exist in isolation, there is usually a lack of love and respect behind it all and sexting whilst you were fighting for your life implies a lack of caring and basic empathy for a fellow human being, never mind a wife. Thank you for following up on your previous post. I appreciate the bluntness. I do have a job, I just am not sure I can physically work more. It truly is a hard situation to be in. I don't want to put our kids in a place they don't need to be in, but at the same time I can't let him just think everything is okay either. We have discussed counseling again, but I honestly know he will say anything and agree to anything when he knows I'm serious about exiting. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 I'm curious what both men and women think of sexting. Is it cheating? Is sexting reason enough to divorce? My husband always said he didn't cheat, because he didn't physically go out and cheat. In his mind he was faithful. Thoughts on sexting? Easiest way to know if one's partner or spouse considers sexting inappropriate is to show them the content. If one thinks that act would be 'stupid' to continuing relations, there's your sign. Deception is good.... for that. Not necessarily for a healthy relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 I In his mind he was faithful. No, in his mind he was unfaithful. His thoughts were with another. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 Flirting is also cheating. Sexting is worse 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 My situation is quite more complicated than sexting. Yes, and there's the rub. I think every situation where there is extra-marital sexting is "more complicated"! If there is sexting with someone they know in real life such as a work colleague or "friend" then you can bet your bottom dollar there was a lot more than sexting going on.If it's sexting with someone they've never met then how do they know and how and why did they meet this person?If it's sexting with someone they've never met and they are planning to meet up then you can bet your bottom dollar they won't be playing Monopoly. It's extremely rare in anyone's situation that there is just sexting going on, so the question "is sexting cheating?" is usually rather moot. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 It's extremely rare in anyone's situation that there is just sexting going on, so the question "is sexting cheating?" is usually rather moot. depends on what their kinks are, some people are into things in phone sex or cybersex that are IMPOSSIBLE in real life and have no interest in taking it into physical form of course that just means there are other more complicated questions to ask about your relationship like if your husband is pretending to be a woman online to solicit guys he probably doesn't intend to meet them, BUT. Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 I'm curious what both men and women think of sexting. Is it cheating? Is sexting reason enough to divorce? My husband always said he didn't cheat, because he didn't physically go out and cheat. In his mind he was faithful. Thoughts on sexting? If you are inclined to believe that emotional cheating exists, I believe sexting is in between that and physical cheating. Sexting demonstrates a very strong desire to engage in physical acts given the opportunity. I believe if your partner is sexting, they are yearning for an opportunity to engage in the physical acts shared...one foot out the door. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 IMO, it's a gray area. Some people think porn is cheating, most do not. Some might think hiring cam girls is cheating, but others just see it as customized porn - edging towards unacceptable, but probably not a deal breaker. Porn becomes a deal breaker when it takes priority or preference to sex with your significant other/spouse. Does he know this person - in person? That would make this a much more significant problem, if so. I also think forming an emotional attachment that goes beyond friendship is emotional cheating, so there is that possibility here. And of course, actually having sexual contact with someone else is cheating if your significant other doesn't know and approve. Anyway, sexting can be cheating, or not. It depends on circumstances and context. It's not a clearly defined yes/no situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 In my mind there is no difference between physical sex and sex of the mind, because both kind include the same emotions and motivations. Sexting is cheating just as much as physically copulating . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
froggymom Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 A marriage is a bond and partnership. Each person should be treated with respect and dignity by the other person. The fact that you think sexting is cheating is what counts. You might consider marriage counseling at this time before you jump into a divorce. Maybe have a conversation with your husband about how you feel and suggest counseling. Pick a good time when he's not tired or upset about things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostNtrapped Posted June 29, 2017 Author Share Posted June 29, 2017 Yes, and there's the rub. I think every situation where there is extra-marital sexting is "more complicated"! If there is sexting with someone they know in real life such as a work colleague or "friend" then you can bet your bottom dollar there was a lot more than sexting going on.If it's sexting with someone they've never met then how do they know and how and why did they meet this person?If it's sexting with someone they've never met and they are planning to meet up then you can bet your bottom dollar they won't be playing Monopoly. It's extremely rare in anyone's situation that there is just sexting going on, so the question "is sexting cheating?" is usually rather moot. I don't think you understand what I meant by more complicated. I firmly don't believe my husbands sexting is anything more than sexting, as in I doubt it would lead to physical affairs. He typically sexted women in other states than ours. I say that because this has been a pattern for years from him. He gets overwhelmed and goes and finds a female to vent to and sext, to pretty much deal with feeling how he does. That being said sexting to me is cheating if it is something done in secret. I'm a very open minded and sexual person, I understand people have needs. I have told my husband on numerous occasions that as long as he is honest with me and doesn't hide things from me, I am open to whatever. He always says he doesn't want that yada yada, probably because he doesn't want me to do the same. Yet I find out after the fact each time. I think it's ridiculous that he hides something he doesn't have to hide. Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted June 29, 2017 Share Posted June 29, 2017 It's cheating if: -it was hidden from you -only done when you're not around -you have spoke about boundaries in past and this crosses it -you ask them to stop and they go underground 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted June 29, 2017 Share Posted June 29, 2017 if you couldnt show you partner the conversation and would actively not want him to read it...its cheating...and sexting...sort of says it all...its sex....talking...and thats cheating.......deb Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 29, 2017 Share Posted June 29, 2017 The problem with the digital age is that it makes monsters of many. The anonymity, the curiosity, the immediacy, the plethora of temptation at every turn is hard to resist for many people, particularly when one is lacking in their personal life. Unlike physical cheating, online cheating is even more pervasive because its just a click away and open all hours of the day or night without ever leaving your chair. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
maryquitecontrary Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 Female here. I do think it is cheating. No, I don't think it warrants a divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
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