The strange fall of a LDR

[GoldenCracker]

Hello, I have come here to plead for help to understand my ex, a 19 years old woman whom I have strong feelings for even after 2 months and half since our break up.

 

We met 4 years ago, and we started dating almost inmediatly after meeting, we really like eachother's personality and we would talk everyday all day, not joking here, in whatsapp we had more than one million messages exchanged. However, it was a difficult relationship, we could only see eachother in videochats, she is from USA and I am from Mexico, and I lacked economically, so seeing her was not possible. I worked the soul out of me to see her, I wrote books to sell, did lancing jobs, started a semi-successful youtube channel which was my strongest success, worked in a few jobs, etcetera, sadly, college came and the registration and stuff sucked out everything I made that was meant for her.

 

Last summer, in 2016, we pretty much agreed to break up because we didn't made it, however, we still talked like partners, like if we never agreed on anything, and we didn't care, we loved eachother so much...

 

January 2017, a mutual friend of ours pushed us to make a plan to finally see eachother in real life in 1st of April. We agreed and worked for the airplane tickets, and in March 15 we bought the ticket for me to go to USA and finally see her after 4 years of dating. This is the sad part, just 3 days before 1st of April, she calls me to tell me to cancel the flight because she thinks it won't work and also because she had a crush on someone else in real life. I suffered so much, but did what she requested. For the next month, everyday it was suffering, plead, crying, and she would still say she loved me, send me kisses, etc, but her love for me clearly seemed to fade.

 

I requested 3 favors that she could do at least to respect our legacy. 1. To not see that guy in the week I would be staying (1st apr - 8th apr) because it was supposed to be our week. 2. To at least wait 3 months or so to start dating that guy, because I was so unprepared and hurt, I felt left behind. And 3. To watch The Notebook, just because she couldnt do 1 & 2, that is right, she invited the guy over to her house in the week and also one month later since our break up they started dating and she lost her virginity to him and she thought he was special. Oh, she didnt watched the movie either.

 

As I said in the beginning, has been quite sometime, and I found out she cheated on me before but I forgave her, I feel so bad, I miss her and as more as i try to do NC, I fail, I mess up my sprees every 2 weeks, when I start craving for her attention. She claims that she broke up with me because it wasnt going to work, she didnt had faith in us and whatsoever, but I think there is more, she probably was with that guy way longer? I don't know... why tease me for 3 months to then tell me to f--- off? Also, she told me to disappear completely from her life and that just broke my heart. She used to be my unique friend, and now I have nobody to talk to, I am an extrovert, the social life is not my thing. Point is, I am broken and confused. Do you think she will last and even marry that guy? Is it rebound, GIGS or what? I wish I could know.

[ExpatInItaly]

This is why 4 years of online chats and communication is not the same as a 4-year, in-person relationship. I'm not saying you didn't mean something to her, but it wasn't dating.

 

Thus, her new relationship isn't a rebound or GIGS or some such thing. It's a real relationship, and unfortunately, your friendship with her just cannot compete with that. You two were close, and I understand you are hurt and disappointed, but you need to gain some healthy perspective. You two never went on a date, never shared a first kiss together, never fell asleep in each other's arms - these are examples of intimacy that is only possible when you're in your partner's presence. A virtual relationship is no substitute for the real thing. Your error was confusing the two and investing heavily in someone you have never met.

 

Unfortunately, you don't have any right to tell her not to date anyone else for 3 months. She has broken it off with you and it's her prerogative to date whenever she pleases- and the same applies to you. I don't see how watching (or not) The Notebook makes any difference; life isn't a romance film. Will she marry her boyfriend? Eh, probably not. She's only 19. She will likely date several men before she settles down forever. By the same token, it is very unlikely she would have married you either. She was 15 when she met you; she's growing up now, and the excitement of an online buddy and possible romance has faded and she's interested in pursuing the real thing now. I realize you had booked your ticket, but the long-term feasibility of your relationship was likely quite low anyway, I'm afraid. I do think you're probably right that she's been seeing her boyfriend longer than she let on, but this is all the more reason to end contact with her.

 

Get out and cultivate a new social life for yourself. It's not healthy that she became the centre of your world and now you're left with nobody to talk to. It's not her job to be your sole confidante or friend. You also know far too much about her relationship with her new man; it's not helping you to let go. Stop communicating with her. I know it will be hard, but it's going to be necessary.

[coolheadal]

Hello, I have come here to plead for help to understand my ex, a 19 years old woman whom I have strong feelings for even after 2 months and half since our break up.

 

We met 4 years ago, and we started dating almost inmediatly after meeting, we really like eachother's personality and we would talk everyday all day, not joking here, in whatsapp we had more than one million messages exchanged. However, it was a difficult relationship, we could only see eachother in videochats, she is from USA and I am from Mexico, and I lacked economically, so seeing her was not possible. I worked the soul out of me to see her, I wrote books to sell, did lancing jobs, started a semi-successful youtube channel which was my strongest success, worked in a few jobs, etcetera, sadly, college came and the registration and stuff sucked out everything I made that was meant for her.

 

Last summer, in 2016, we pretty much agreed to break up because we didn't made it, however, we still talked like partners, like if we never agreed on anything, and we didn't care, we loved eachother so much...

 

January 2017, a mutual friend of ours pushed us to make a plan to finally see eachother in real life in 1st of April. We agreed and worked for the airplane tickets, and in March 15 we bought the ticket for me to go to USA and finally see her after 4 years of dating. This is the sad part, just 3 days before 1st of April, she calls me to tell me to cancel the flight because she thinks it won't work and also because she had a crush on someone else in real life. I suffered so much, but did what she requested. For the next month, everyday it was suffering, plead, crying, and she would still say she loved me, send me kisses, etc, but her love for me clearly seemed to fade.

 

I requested 3 favors that she could do at least to respect our legacy. 1. To not see that guy in the week I would be staying (1st apr - 8th apr) because it was supposed to be our week. 2. To at least wait 3 months or so to start dating that guy, because I was so unprepared and hurt, I felt left behind. And 3. To watch The Notebook, just because she couldnt do 1 & 2, that is right, she invited the guy over to her house in the week and also one month later since our break up they started dating and she lost her virginity to him and she thought he was special. Oh, she didnt watched the movie either.

 

As I said in the beginning, has been quite sometime, and I found out she cheated on me before but I forgave her, I feel so bad, I miss her and as more as i try to do NC, I fail, I mess up my sprees every 2 weeks, when I start craving for her attention. She claims that she broke up with me because it wasnt going to work, she didnt had faith in us and whatsoever, but I think there is more, she probably was with that guy way longer? I don't know... why tease me for 3 months to then tell me to f--- off? Also, she told me to disappear completely from her life and that just broke my heart. She used to be my unique friend, and now I have nobody to talk to, I am an extrovert, the social life is not my thing. Point is, I am broken and confused. Do you think she will last and even marry that guy? Is it rebound, GIGS or what? I wish I could know.

 

I am expert at this because it's been a while I have one that I known for 2 years and never seen her. So may excuses but you know it's not real until you actually meet them. They can do anything they want on the real side. You may never know. They though and love is not real, just hope love, hope things will be like they could be. But it's not anything you can hold on too. That's why your in a mess. She use you to be there when she wanted to be in love and you were very attentive. I've done this also prior and with the new one. I hope she does fly over just waiting on 3 things. I am not paying for anything it's all up to her by her means. If she really wanted to be here she will take care of everything. That way she would actually fly here. If you pay they will never come.

 

For you and this girl she's just your friend, nothing else, you can't live like this you need to find someone local get on OLD if you can't do a face-to-face which most people can't do with strangers some can and some can't. You wasted 4 years of your social life with a stranger you have never met in person. Skype yes but Skype, cell phone talk, text talk just not enough that the real in person deal. You need to get over this sure it's not easy but you can. Don't contact her again and if you try get out of the house drive or ride your bike but get your head out of her otherwise you'll never have a normal life with a new girl.