Messed up

[Subzero90]

I never understood what love really means until the past 2-3 days when I perhaps lost that person forever who I had loved for nearly 9 years. Unfortunately, because of a myriad of both self created as well as some realistic assumptions, I suppressed my feelings and lived in total and complete denial that she was actually the special one for me. All these years, I went out with a number of other amazing women to get over her but never did I once feel that warmth, fondness and affection for anyone that I had felt for her. Despite the fact that I crushed my sentiments and buried them deep within my heart, I constantly yearned for her and thought about her a lot.

 

While I kept wavering in my heart and mind, I encountered the inevitable a couple of days ago when she told me that she's getting married in the next six months. Although I had expected that I’ll be hearing such one day since a very long time, I did not AT ALL imagined how it actually will feel knowing that I will never be able to end up with her. The kind of pain, sorrow, regret and grief I have experienced over the past few days is simply indescribable. It has made me realise that it is hard to wait around for something that you know might never happen, but it’s even harder to give up when you know that it’s everything you want.

 

I have talked to a couple of friends of mine and except for one of them, all the others have told me to leave this as it is and to forget about her. I know it is too late now and completely useless to go and tell her how I feel about her, but this is exactly what I want to do. I harboured so much affection and love for her all these years and I do not want to burn in this anguish for the rest of my life with her not knowing about my feelings. Maybe right now, I am overwhelmed with emotions and not thinking properly ? But this thinking ‘rationally’ and ‘properly’ is what has landed me in the position that I am currently in. What should I really do ?

[preraph]

Here it is folks, the classic example of Didn't want her but didn't want anyone else to have her, and doesn't see her value until some other guy does.

[Subzero90]

Preraph

 

What makes u say I 'didn't want her' ?. Yes, I absolutely messed up and failed to realise that I utterly loved her. People can be confused about emotions and it can take them years to realise that someone was the special one. I do not intend to stop her wedding or not let anyone else get her. I'll be most happy with her happiness. All I want it closure for myself.

[NopeNah]

All I want it closure for myself.

That comes from you. It isn't her job/place to make you feel better..sorry. 9yrs is a looong time to not fully 'invest' in a relationship.

[loveiswar101]

Buddy, thank you for writing this not only a wake up call for me but after 9 years should be even a bigger one for you. 18 months ive been dragging my feet over a women who loves me but doesn't love me and back of mind Im scared of the day that I hear what you just have.

 

Forget the wedding, forget her, no need to be rude but up to you explain why your moving on letting go and it's hard and it will be a huge task to walk away, but you will never find happiness down this road and after 9 years surely you see that.

 

Please tread carefully and do it now.

 

Again I know it's not what yu want to hear but thank you for this post, you have helped me emotionally, mentally towards doing what you need to do.

[anika99]

Preraph

 

What makes u say I 'didn't want her' ?. Yes, I absolutely messed up and failed to realise that I utterly loved her. People can be confused about emotions and it can take them years to realise that someone was the special one. I do not intend to stop her wedding or not let anyone else get her. I'll be most happy with her happiness. All I want it closure for myself.

 

You haven't suddenly realized what love is, this is just a case of you wanting what you can't have. You have intimacy issues and your feelings right now are just a symptom of that issue. People who have intimacy issues typically push away the people who love them while pining and agonizing over the one they can't have. You pushed her away for 9 years and now that you know you will never have her you have decided that she is the one you want. That is not love my friend.

 

All you want is closure for yourself? Yeah that about sums it up. It's still about you and what you feel, which again is not love. If you truly care about this woman then you will not mess with her head and her feelings now. You will congratulate her on her upcoming marriage, smile and wish her well, and then nurse your selfish feelings yourself. You don't get to mess up her life now because you want closure for yourself.