misspalmy Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 Do you hate her that she where you want to be? or do you feel sorry for her? do you have any feeling to her? Link to post Share on other sites
ms millie Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 I never wanted him to leave her, really I didn't think anything at all,she was an abstraction. Never was told much about her. Jealous? No. but when I saw photos of her ad she became a real person to me, I couldn't understand how my MM could lie to her. That did it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
lostgirl87 Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 (edited) For almost the entire length of the affair, I never thought about the wife. My relationship with MM was just he and I. I knew he went home to her and all of that but I never really considered her. Now that he and I are mostly over, I don't hate her for being with him. She's the wife and was there years before I met him. I don't feel sorry for her either b/c she has the facts of MM and my relationship i.e. He and I are in love, wanted to be together, get married, etc. She also knows that after dday we were still talking and seeing each other and even though they said they were going to divorce, she asked him to stay and give it another chance and made promises to change herself to make their marriage better. So she had all the facts and made that choice so I don't feel sorry for her b/c she is no longer blind to what happened for a year and a half. Keep in mind our affair started about 10-11 months after they got married. Having said that, I don't really like the woman but it's not bc she "has" him. He still loves me and is missing me. I wouldn't want a marriage with a man who loves someone else and is staying out of moral obligation. The reason I don't like her is the way she is making up that I'm calling her or harassing her which makes MM doubt and question me. I had left them alone but she continued to say I was calling and bothering her and blames me completely for the affair. Am I at fault? Yes. Completely? No. I didn't marry her. I didn't exchange vows with her. I don't know her. I don't owe her anything. Some may argue that i owe her to not date her husband, woman to woman but that's not the way I see it. I owe loyalty to my family, my friends. To people I have relationships with. I don't owe strangers anything. I can only imagine how much hate I'll get for that lol. How do YOU feel about the wife? Edited June 19, 2017 by lostgirl87 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author misspalmy Posted June 19, 2017 Author Share Posted June 19, 2017 For almost the entire length of the affair, I never thought about the wife. My relationship with MM was just he and I. I knew he went home to her and all of that but I never really considered her. Now that he and I are mostly over, I don't hate her for being with him. She's the wife and was there years before I met him. I don't feel sorry for her either b/c she has the facts of MM and my relationship i.e. He and I are in love, wanted to be together, get married, etc. She also knows that after dday we were still talking and seeing each other and even though they said they were going to divorce, she asked him to stay and give it another chance and made promises to change herself to make their marriage better. So she had all the facts and made that choice so I don't feel sorry for her b/c she is no longer blind to what happened for a year and a half. Keep in mind our affair started about 10-11 months after they got married. Having said that, I don't really like the woman but it's not bc she "has" him. He still loves me and is missing me. I wouldn't want a marriage with a man who loves someone else and is staying out of moral obligation. The reason I don't like her is the way she is making up that I'm calling her or harassing her which makes MM doubt and question me. I had left them alone but she continued to say I was calling and bothering her and blames me completely for the affair. Am I at fault? Yes. Completely? No. I didn't marry her. I didn't exchange vows with her. I don't know her. I don't owe her anything. Some may argue that i owe her to not date her husband, woman to woman but that's not the way I see it. I owe loyalty to my family, my friends. To people I have relationships with. I don't owe strangers anything. I can only imagine how much hate I'll get for that lol. How do YOU feel about the wife? not hate i just dont like her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 I don't hate her or feel sorry for her really. I don't know her well enough to say that I like or don't like her. I used to think she was very nice. I know more of her flaws now but now I'm so biased myself that my opinion can't be trusted. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 not hate i just dont like her. Why? What did she do? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 I,didn't think of her one way or the other until she chose to make me dislike her. Then slowly I came round to the consensus view, that she really was a waste of space. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oceansaway Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 It took a long time but now I feel bad for her. She lacks the confidence and low self esteem that she stays with a lying cheater. Her choice I guess but I wouldn't want to be her. She has tolerated and known about me from day one. He "was" just a cake eater. I took that away from him. Now he has to deal with reality of his life and marriage. Good luck to both of them 1 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 I had animosity toward her for a while. Mostly it was just the competition thing (which was dumb. She didn't even know ow she had to compete). Then later I just thought she was pathetic. Now I don't care. I know what kind of person she is and I would never choose to be around her. I met her mother recently quite by accident and we got along famously, laughed for the entire conversation. Lots of arm touching and just kind of one of those encounters where you instantly get on. When my h told me who I had just been enjoying my evening with I kind of laughed and said "Well, if she ever had to meet me that would be the way, since we got along so well. She may hate me but she has to also pair that with how much fun we had". 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted June 20, 2017 Share Posted June 20, 2017 I felt sorry for her. I remember once thinking "oh she is lucky, her husband is so hot" and in the next instant realizing.... And he's cheating on her 18 months after their wedding. Oh yeah, she isn't lucky at all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
crystalstevens Posted June 20, 2017 Share Posted June 20, 2017 Do you hate her that she where you want to be? or do you feel sorry for her? do you have any feeling to her? No significant feeling, tbh. Like one PP said... yeah she's lucky her husband is so hot and a wonderful father to their children. But after a decade of marriage, this man is obviously tired of her and instead of dealing with their marital problems ... he goes off and cheats. God only knows how many women he's been with, he has a charming personality and almost everything I want in a man. But should I feel bad for his wife? I'd like to think... maybe if his wife would have put a little more effort into their marriage and paid more attention to him... he wouldn't be cheating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author misspalmy Posted June 24, 2017 Author Share Posted June 24, 2017 Why? What did she do? she put on facebook how much she hopes karma gets me and telling everyone her man cheat so they feel sorry for her. playing the poor wife when shes no angel herself, she slit up his 1st wife and didnt care, just wants attention, shes happy to spend his money, making him work long hours which is killing him just for few hang bags, well i really hope he cheats on her again with another chick i really do. I got all the blame when hes sitting there not saying a word. she can have the mouse cheater i need a real man Link to post Share on other sites
Author misspalmy Posted June 24, 2017 Author Share Posted June 24, 2017 No significant feeling, tbh. Like one PP said... yeah she's lucky her husband is so hot and a wonderful father to their children. But after a decade of marriage, this man is obviously tired of her and instead of dealing with their marital problems ... he goes off and cheats. God only knows how many women he's been with, he has a charming personality and almost everything I want in a man. But should I feel bad for his wife? I'd like to think... maybe if his wife would have put a little more effort into their marriage and paid more attention to him... he wouldn't be cheating. I ex mm i was with wasnt even hot. very over weight. i didnt care about his looks he said all right things, man im a fool. Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 Personally I think she's pretty awesome. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 I didn't cheat with the guy but the last two married men who hit on me I felt sorry for their wives. The one at my work hit on me having been married only a few years while his wife was pregnant. Link to post Share on other sites
Springsummer Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 I,didn't think of her one way or the other until she chose to make me dislike her. Then slowly I came round to the consensus view, that she really was a waste of space. Then I would have to question her husband. What kind of man would choose to marry a waste of space? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 Then I would have to question her husband. What kind of man would choose to marry a waste of space? A young kid with an over-inflated KISA complex who thought he could fix broken. Luckily maturity and counselling cured him of all that. Link to post Share on other sites
Ahurtgirl Posted June 29, 2017 Share Posted June 29, 2017 If she split up his first marriage, for her, this was karma. She has only herself to blame for marrying a cheater. Men who cheat, always cheat. I read over and over how the married guy cheats with one woman to the next. I think she is realizing how blind she was to think otherwise and is using you to vent her anger for her stupidity. Sadly, I would have wanted to marry my exMM also but I was saved from that burden. Now I see it as a blessing that it didn't work out. However the lawsuit against me by him and his wife still angers me. Most affairs do not end with a lawsuit against the other woman but his wife was a greedy rich woman that wanted me to pay, literally! Link to post Share on other sites
purplesorrow Posted June 29, 2017 Share Posted June 29, 2017 If she split up his first marriage, for her, this was karma. She has only herself to blame for marrying a cheater. Men who cheat, always cheat. I read over and over how the married guy cheats with one woman to the next. I think she is realizing how blind she was to think otherwise and is using you to vent her anger for her stupidity. Sadly, I would have wanted to marry my exMM also but I was saved from that burden. Now I see it as a blessing that it didn't work out. However the lawsuit against me by him and his wife still angers me. Most affairs do not end with a lawsuit against the other woman but his wife was a greedy rich woman that wanted me to pay, literally! She is merely extending the same courtesies you extended to her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
knabe Posted June 29, 2017 Share Posted June 29, 2017 Do some betrayed wives go "off the rails"? yes they do. The reason they do is because another woman decided to aid and abet a husband breaking up a marriage/family. Maybe a bad marriage. Maybe a dysfunctional family. But it was still HER life. And someone with empathy gets that. So being angry at "the wife" is rather disingenuous. And no, I am not a betrayed wife. Just a woman with empathy. I get it, the OW huirts too. But unless the MM lied about being married, the OW knew what she was (and wasn't) getting. That's like buying a bicycle with flat tires and then complaining about a salesperson who wasn;t even at the store when you bought it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 If she split up his first marriage, for her, this was karma. She has only herself to blame for marrying a cheater. Men who cheat, always cheat. I read over and over how the married guy cheats with one woman to the next. I think she is realizing how blind she was to think otherwise and is using you to vent her anger for her stupidity. Sadly, I would have wanted to marry my exMM also but I was saved from that burden. Now I see it as a blessing that it didn't work out. However the lawsuit against me by him and his wife still angers me. Most affairs do not end with a lawsuit against the other woman but his wife was a greedy rich woman that wanted me to pay, literally! I'm not saying I agree with her, but form her point of view, you came in to her life and upended it. I know you place all the blame for that on he husband, but if you hadn't gotten involved with him, you wouldn't have been a party to helping to hurt her. You even say yourself that you would have wanted to marry your ex-married man, and you wonder why she is angry with you? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 Then I would have to question her husband. What kind of man would choose to marry a waste of space? ^^^^ Couldn't agree more with this comment. In fact the person who chooses such a terrible spouse, is the one who has the issues IMO. Feeling sorry for someone or trying to rescue them, is one thing if we're talking about a pet, but not someone to marry and go on to have children with. Choosing a waste of space to be the mother (or father) of your child, is not the way to go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 Choosing a waste of space to be the mother (or father) of your child, is not the way to go. Absolutely! Which may be why my H had an agreement with his xW not to have children (unilaterally violated). But more generally, it's an important point. If boys weren't raised feeling they have to rescue broken women, and girls weren't raised to believe they need to be rescued, society would be a great deal healthier. But back then, those norms prevailed. If you were a teenage boy and a sobbing, drunk older woman begged you to take her home with you because she had nowhere to go and was scared, you slipped into your suit of shining armour and took her home. Luckily, people learn, grow and change, especially with counselling and support. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts