Fight with girlfriend this weekend

[thr1986]

For example, last night after work we went to a concert. When I got home from work she was getting ready- putting on makeup getting dressed, etc. after we got dressed we grabbed something to eat quickly and drinks before going to the concert. The whole time from when I got home, while at the restaurant eating and having drinks, she didn't make any effort to really talk to me. I just kept thinking why does she even want to hang out with me. It was just me asking her questions and her answering and not really acting like she was having fun.

 

Then we went to the concert and honestly she was nearly causing a scene with how much she was dancing. Not with anyone but just by herself. Th people behind us kept looking at me and I was getting a little embarrassed because she was dancing so much more than anyone around us.

 

My family has money. She knows that. I have a good job in NYC and do pretty well. My problem is i think I'm a little nieve. We take turns paying for things but I usually pay for more. She has a lot of student loans. We've discussed getting married. She's also brought up how if we get married then I'll help with her loans. I thought that was strange to bring up. Maybe I'm being paranoid about this but it has crossed my mind that maybe she's using me. I want her to want to pay and want to do whatever it takes to have me with her, just like I do.

 

 

She thinks she has me totally locked down. I need to show her that I can leave if she's not careful. How can I do this??? What can I do?? Please help

[Versacehottie]

For example, last night after work we went to a concert. When I got home from work she was getting ready- putting on makeup getting dressed, etc. after we got dressed we grabbed something to eat quickly and drinks before going to the concert. The whole time from when I got home, while at the restaurant eating and having drinks, she didn't make any effort to really talk to me. I just kept thinking why does she even want to hang out with me. It was just me asking her questions and her answering and not really acting like she was having fun.

 

Then we went to the concert and honestly she was nearly causing a scene with how much she was dancing. Not with anyone but just by herself. Th people behind us kept looking at me and I was getting a little embarrassed because she was dancing so much more than anyone around us.

 

My family has money. She knows that. I have a good job in NYC and do pretty well. My problem is i think I'm a little nieve. We take turns paying for things but I usually pay for more. She has a lot of student loans. We've discussed getting married. She's also brought up how if we get married then I'll help with her loans. I thought that was strange to bring up. Maybe I'm being paranoid about this but it has crossed my mind that maybe she's using me. I want her to want to pay and want to do whatever it takes to have me with her, just like I do.

 

 

She thinks she has me totally locked down. I need to show her that I can leave if she's not careful. How can I do this??? What can I do?? Please help

 

Well what you have posed is a HUGE thing to overcome. First, I would have a serious talk with her about where you see things going in the future and things that cause you to have doubts or are bothering you. You have to do it when you guys are in a calm mood so she is not confrontational back or defensive. As I said above, make this about you and what you hope for your future not as much about what's wrong with her...just that you have some doubts. I'm not wording this well at all but what you need to do is make a place where you can build from (rather than tearing down the relationship or her). It sounds like you feel neglected by her and not sure if you are being used. Idk if i see her using you from what you said (but obviously I don't really know). I think she might just be a narcissist who "needs" to push limits to feel alive (maybe that is due to her bi-polar & how she likes to be seen personality-wise). On those two things alone, I'm not sure if you will ever get what you need from her. Ultimately you can't "change" a person. Some of your problems with her seem to stem from who she is not only how she treats you or behaves in a relationship. Some of that can be worked on or fixed and some is just stupid to try.

 

It sounds like you are wanting to give it another shot or keep trying rather than just bail. Fair enough because sometimes you just need to see things through to the end to "know". I have to admit I'm not optimistic about you guys' potential long term. If you are able stay together, I don't think you will be happy. I do understand & see the potential in trying because for you, you will learn something and feel like you gave it your all no matter how it ends up. Sometimes that's just the way you have to do things. Good luck

[kendahke]

For example, last night after work we went to a concert. When I got home from work she was getting ready- putting on makeup getting dressed, etc. after we got dressed we grabbed something to eat quickly and drinks before going to the concert. The whole time from when I got home, while at the restaurant eating and having drinks, she didn't make any effort to really talk to me. I just kept thinking why does she even want to hang out with me. It was just me asking her questions and her answering and not really acting like she was having fun.

 

She doesn't respect you, that's why. I mean, I didn't witness it, but I can see it plain as day from where I sit.

 

Then we went to the concert and honestly she was nearly causing a scene with how much she was dancing. Not with anyone but just by herself. Th people behind us kept looking at me and I was getting a little embarrassed because she was dancing so much more than anyone around us.

 

Again, she likes provoking you and she does this on purpose, so understand that she doesn't care anything for you. What you should have done was gotten up and left her there. She can download Uber or Lyft on her phone and catch her ride back home that way. But staying there said that you condoned what she was doing and it's why she doesn't fear your reaction--because you won't do anything.

 

My family has money. She knows that. I have a good job in NYC and do pretty well. My problem is i think I'm a little nieve. We take turns paying for things but I usually pay for more. She has a lot of student loans. We've discussed getting married. She's also brought up how if we get married then I'll help with her loans. I thought that was strange to bring up. Maybe I'm being paranoid about this but it has crossed my mind that maybe she's using me. I want her to want to pay and want to do whatever it takes to have me with her, just like I do.

 

She is totally using you. I'm glad you came to that realization.

 

 

She thinks she has me totally locked down. I need to show her that I can leave if she's not careful. How can I do this??? What can I do?? Please help

 

See, you are still making excuses.

 

Have you even read what we've been writing, or is this some stream of consciousness writing exercise for you?

 

No one but you has you locked down.

 

YOU DON'T NEED HER PERMISSION TO LEAVE HER.

 

You make a plan and you execute it. It's easy to do. What's hard is making the decision to do it.

 

I completely disagree with talking to her about anything further. You've already done that and you see where it got you. She doesn't give a F about you or how you feel. Period. Full stop. A woman who does doesn't behave this maliciously. Frankly, she doesn't deserve for you to talk with her further to work thing out. She's let you know loud and clear how she feels about you and she treats you accordingly.

 

You say your family has money. Time to tap into it to remove yourself from this situation--it is not working out for you. If you want to remain in NYC, then tap your trust fund and go get yourself another apartment---or move back to where you came from or move someplace else. But you need to get out of your living arrangement with her. Like I said above, it's easy to do. You do it, it's done.

 

Under no circumstances should you ever marry her. Stop talking marriage with her because if you think things are bad now, when she gets to be legally entitled to take half of your stuff by marriage, it's going to be far worse.

 

Her student loans are her problem, not yours. They always have been. You didn't sign your name on her loan papers.

 

She can find some other low-confidence guy to run this game on. You are not her obligation. She's a grown woman who has chosen every action she's taken with you--and every action has its consequences and she's grown enough to take her a$$ whippin' for those.

 

Make sure you don't make any oopsie babies with her because she may attempt that tactic in order to get next to your family's money. And for God's sake, the next woman you get with--don't let her know that your family has money until she's consistently proven that she's not rapacious and disrespectful.

 

If your problem is you're afraid you'll buckle under her tears, then all you need to do is remember the looks on those people's faces when she was provoking you and making a nuisance of herself and remember that you've asked her numerous times to stop doing that and she still went ahead and did it.

 

In the meantime, I refer you to my tag line:

 

_____

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V

Edited June 21, 2017 by kendahke

[stillafool]

I completely agree with Kendahke. She gets a thrill from the chase. You are caught and in love with her so no longer a challenge. She wants every man to want her and is on constant look out for the next victim. She would marry you because you put up with her behavior, you have a good job, parents have money in case you'all need it, you are responsible and good looking. She does need someone to pay her bills and keep a certain lifestyle but she will never stop her behavior with other men.

[thr1986]

The problem I have is that I just hate being alone and especially now that I'm in NYC and her friends are really my only friends. Also, she constantly tells me she loves me and that she thinks I'm handsome, etc. from this I derive that maybe she really does love me and it makes me want to overlook the stuff that I find offensive. I'm 30, I feel like maybe the problem is me and not her. I dated another girl similar to her previously for 3 years and my parents finally made me leave her because she was acting nuts but that's another story I don't want to get into.

 

 

What if she really is in love with me (she constantly says she is) and i leave her then I lose that. Ugh this is such a difficult time for me right now.

[thr1986]

Also... she's human. Doesn't she crave the desire to love and please someone like I do and you do and everyone else?

 

Where does she get those feelings from if not me?

[Zahara]

Also... she's human. Doesn't she crave the desire to love and please someone like I do and you do and everyone else?

 

Where does she get those feelings from if not me?

 

she will tell stories about guys she has had sex with. Telling the stories in front of me to a group of people just makes me uncomfortable and honestly makes me feel insulted a little. I don't do that to her. And I never hear other girlfriends doing that to their boyfriends.

 

She's human. But not everyone is wired the same way. Read the bold. It's indicative that you're dealing with someone that lives their life in a different way - one that isn't compatible to you.

 

There are people out there that do not need what you need. Don't project. If only it were as simple as everyone having the same wants and needs. That's unrealistic.

 

She may just be shallow and require attention to get what she needs. Some people don't run very deep.

[Zahara]

The problem I have is that I just hate being alone

 

There it is. When you function this way, you'll settle for just about anything and it seems that you are there again.

 

and especially now that I'm in NYC and her friends are really my only friends.

 

You've become an extension of her. You have no sense of self. So you latch on to the one next to you and make their life yours. The problem with that is it tears at your self-worth and at some point will leave you an empty mess.

 

Also, she constantly tells me she loves me and that she thinks I'm handsome, etc. from this I derive that maybe she really does love me and it makes me want to overlook the stuff that I find offensive.

 

Focus on actions. Words mean nothing.

 

I dated another girl similar to her previously for 3 years and my parents finally made me leave her because she was acting nuts but that's another story I don't want to get into.

 

You seem to have a pattern. It should have been a lesson but unfortunately, it's not taught you anything for this next round of dysfunction.

 

What if she really is in love with me (she constantly says she is) and i leave her then I lose that. Ugh this is such a difficult time for me right now.

 

People that love you don't treat you this way. You can't see that because you see very little value in yourself. Any type of piddly attention, even when negative or some empty words are magnified in your brain because you're desperate to be accepted and loved.

[thr1986]

There it is. When you function this way, you'll settle for just about anything and it seems that you are there again.

 

 

 

You've become an extension of her. You have no sense of self. So you latch on to the one next to you and make their life yours. The problem with that is it tears at your self-worth and at some point will leave you an empty mess.

 

 

 

Focus on actions. Words mean nothing.

 

 

 

 

You seem to have a pattern. It should have been a lesson but unfortunately, it's not taught you anything for this next round of dysfunction.

 

 

 

People that love you don't treat you this way. You can't see that because you see very little value in yourself. Any type of piddly attention, even when negative or some empty words are magnified in your brain because you're desperate to be accepted and loved.

 

Two final thoughts:

 

1. You're right. I have problems seeing value in myself. I grew up with a very narcissistic father and i think that may have something to do with it. How do I see more value in myself and project more confidence? It's hard to just think totally differently. Does anyone have any advice or resources for this?

 

2. After her spending the better part of two years begging me as a friend to date her and telling me she was in love with me. It's hard for me to just accept that now that she has me she just takes it for granted. But maybe it's true. So...if I were to break up with her, what do you guys think is the best reasoning to explain to her for the decision? Just say it's not working for me?

[Zahara]

Two final thoughts:

 

1. You're right. I have problems seeing value in myself. I grew up with a very narcissistic father and i think that may have something to do with it. How do I see more value in myself and project more confidence? It's hard to just think totally differently. Does anyone have any advice or resources for this?

 

First, you get out of this relationship. All you're doing is feeding your dysfunction by hanging on.

 

I've been where you are. Yes, it is hard. Requires much effort. The sooner you begin that journey, the sooner you start making healthier decisions in your life. Hard is not an excuse to delay your self-development.

 

You should start with a counselor. Therapy will help you identify and sort your thoughts and emotions. It will help you dig deep and understand where your insecurities come from. Start there. Join a meetup group. Create your own circle of friends. Do something that you find most uncomfortable. It will empower you. Travel on your own. You will find comfort in your independence. Volunteer. You may meet like minded people. Cultivate your own passions. So many things you can do to start branching out on your own rather than cling to others to complete you. Check for resources online or at the library - how to work on rebuilding your self-esteem and embracing your self-worth.

 

2. After her spending the better part of two years begging me as a friend to date her and telling me she was in love with me. It's hard for me to just accept that now that she has me she just takes it for granted. But maybe it's true. So...if I were to break up with her, what do you guys think is the best reasoning to explain to her for the decision? Just say it's not working for me?

 

Yes, the relationship is not working for you and you would like to move on. She doesn't deserve anything more. Stop pandering to her and her "feelings" -- she's done nothing but disrespect you. Stand up for yourself.

Edited June 21, 2017 by Zahara

[stillafool]

Perhaps you need to examine yourself as to why you pick girls who act inappropriately. Work on that before you chose a wife or you will end up with a miserable life.

[kendahke]

The problem I have is that I just hate being alone and especially now that I'm in NYC and her friends are really my only friends.

 

Another excuse.

 

Time to pull up your big boy pants and get over that.

 

Also, she constantly tells me she loves me and that she thinks I'm handsome, etc. from this I derive that maybe she really does love me and it makes me want to overlook the stuff that I find offensive. I'm 30, I feel like maybe the problem is me and not her. I dated another girl similar to her previously for 3 years and my parents finally made me leave her because she was acting nuts but that's another story I don't want to get into.

 

A person who loves you doesn't embarrass and disrespect you in public.

 

Perhaps what you need is to take a break from dating anyone until you get your female picker fixed if you can't seem to attract sane women.

 

What if she really is in love with me (she constantly says she is) and i leave her then I lose that. Ugh this is such a difficult time for me right now.

 

Another excuse.

 

It's always better to be alone than with someone who spits on your esteem in front of people, especially when you've already told them that their behavior offends you.

 

When you leave her and get over her, you work on yourself to get to the point where you are able to attract a far healthier type of woman who doesn't need the validation of every other man in her line of site because she's broken on the inside and wont' take time out from a relationship to fix that.

[kendahke]

Two final thoughts:

 

1. You're right. I have problems seeing value in myself. I grew up with a very narcissistic father and i think that may have something to do with it. How do I see more value in myself and project more confidence? It's hard to just think totally differently. Does anyone have any advice or resources for this?

 

Therapy. You've got the money...

 

2. After her spending the better part of two years begging me as a friend to date her and telling me she was in love with me. It's hard for me to just accept that now that she has me she just takes it for granted. But maybe it's true.

 

Have you ever thought that she wants more to get next to your family's money than she wants to get next to you? You're a means to that end.

 

Experiment: tell her you had a horrible row with your dad and he's cut you out of your inheritance, but you're cool because you don't want it or need it to be happy. Watch her behavior and her face when you say this. Then watch how she acts over the course of the next few weeks, especially when you're out. This will show you more than anything what she's with you for, and I can say, from what you've written so far, it's not for you--it's for what she can get out of you. And that ain't love.

 

I hope when you talked about marriage, which you shouldn't, that you also spoke of a prenup.

 

So...if I were to break up with her, what do you guys think is the best reasoning to explain to her for the decision? Just say it's not working for me?

 

That you're done with her disrespect her embarrassing you in public and that you refuse to tell a grown woman how to act in public.

[thr1986]

Why is is that she just HAS to have the approval and validation of men who she does not have OR men who have wronged her and treated her horribly in the past.

 

How will she ever have a long term relationship? You can't go forever in a relationship with someone treating them badly and playing hard to get to maintain an edge so they stay attracted to you. At some point you just have to love one another and be nice. Am I right????

[Zahara]

Why is is that she just HAS to have the approval and validation of men who she does not have OR men who have wronged her and treated her horribly in the past.

 

Just like her, you're sitting there and accepting poor treatment because you desire her approval and validation. You're doing the same thing.

 

How will she ever have a long term relationship? You can't go forever in a relationship with someone treating them badly and playing hard to get to maintain an edge so they stay attracted to you. At some point you just have to love one another and be nice. Am I right????

 

How will you ever have a healthy long term relationship when the last two have been with women of similar nature who have treated you badly? How have you been going on in these relationships? Ask yourself the hard questions. Don't focus on her -- look internally.

 

You're so busy questioning her mental and emotional state when you should be pointing the finger at yourself.

[Miss Peach]

Based on what you've posted it sounds like her interest might be more push/pull behavior which is likely to mean either she's unavailable emotionally and/or she's insecure.

 

If this is a pattern, if could be you are not emotionally available yourself, use your rose colored glasses too much, and/or lack strong boundaries.

[thr1986]

Just like her, you're sitting there and accepting poor treatment because you desire her approval and validation. You're doing the same thing.

 

 

 

How will you ever have a healthy long term relationship when the last two have been with women of similar nature who have treated you badly? How have you been going on in these relationships? Ask yourself the hard questions. Don't focus on her -- look internally.

 

You're so busy questioning her mental and emotional state when you should be pointing the finger at yourself.

 

I've done some thinking. To summarize what I think the best description of her behavior is I'll say this:

 

When we are togethe alone at homer- she's very loving. Tells me she loves me constantly, talks about the future, tells me how handsome she thinks I am, tells me I'm the best boyfriend she could imagine and how lucky she feels.

 

BUT

 

When we are out in public and/or with other people she is very preoccupied and doesn't give me nearly the same attention. She seems to seek the attention of whoever the other guys we are with are. She feels the need to make them want to talk to her and notice her, regardless of who they may be.

 

This is what kind of bothers me. Can't she just be satisfied with my love and attention? I don't feel the need to seek the approval of other women.

 

And when another girl gives me attention or starts a conversation with me- she usually tries to end it and keep women away from me

[Zahara]

I've done some thinking. To summarize what I think the best description of her behavior is I'll say this:

 

Again, this isn't about her anymore but your own dysfunction. Best to focus on your own behavior.

 

When we are togethe alone at homer- she's very loving. Tells me she loves me constantly, talks about the future, tells me how handsome she thinks I am, tells me I'm the best boyfriend she could imagine and how lucky she feels.

 

It's because you're an available source of attention when she is alone with you. She can't get it anywhere else but from you.

 

When we are out in public and/or with other people she is very preoccupied and doesn't give me nearly the same attention. She seems to seek the attention of whoever the other guys we are with are. She feels the need to make them want to talk to her and notice her, regardless of who they may be.

 

It's because she has other options and sources and doesn't need you.

 

This isn't hard to work around. I am not sure why you are confused.

 

This is what kind of bothers me. Can't she just be satisfied with my love and attention? I don't feel the need to seek the approval of other women.

 

No. You do feel the need to seek approval from women, that treat you badly.

 

She can't be satisfied because love is not what she is looking for. She feeds off superficial attention.

 

And when another girl gives me attention or starts a conversation with me- she usually tries to end it and keep women away from me

 

Of course. You are her puppet. No one is allowed to utilize her source. Jealousy is not love. It is about control.

Edited June 22, 2017 by Zahara

[coolheadal]

Hi. I'm a 30 year old guy. I moved in with my girlfriend about 5 months ago in NYC after us being in a long distance relationship for a while. We generally get a long quite well. I however, have been quiet about something that really bothers me that she does and last week on Thursday I talked to her about it.

 

She has a lot of guy friends. Which I'm ok with. We hang out with them together all the time and it's fine with me. But, a couple of them she's very flirty with and just acts inappropriate with in general for someone who has a boyfriend. Very touchy and flirty. I've kept this frustration internal and have not said anything about it to her. Additionally, very often when we're out with friends and we're socializing, she will tell stories about guys she has had sex with. Telling the stories in front of me to a group of people just makes me uncomfortable and honestly makes me feel insulted a little. I don't do that to her. And I never hear other girlfriends doing that to their boyfriends. So, I also brought this up to her last Thursday as well. Overall she was receptive she. She got defensive a bit. But to be fair, she walked away from the conversation saying she agreed that my concerns were very reasonable and that she would stop doing it.

 

Friday night we're out with a group of people, we had been drinking for a few hours. So everyone is a little drunk. My girlfriend tells a story to the group about a guy she previously "brought home" and told this story that she thought was funny about the experience.

 

I literally just could not believe she did this again. So, I quietly talk to her about it the next opportunity we have alone which was about 20 mins later. I'm quite mad to be honest and I'm sick of dealing with this. I told her I'm done and that I was going to move out and the relationship was over. I'm sick of being insulted. We don't really get into a big fight or anything about it. We keep quiet about it and talk a little before bed and then a lot more the next morning.

 

When we talk about it- i said I'm just sick of her doing this. I do apologize for going overboard and I tell her that I don't want to break up but that I just was so furious she did it again. She says it's ok. We have been acting like the fight is over and we're fine. But- how do you think this makes her feel?

 

I was very apologetic for handeling the situation perhaps a little too extreme but at the same time I still maintained my stance that I don't appreciate that behavior and that I Don't do it to her. She actually agrees that it's inappropriate for her to act that way and says that my reaction is ok and that we are past it.

 

Do you think deep down I ruined our relationship by acting this way?

 

I love her so much but I just can't take the flirty behavior and sex stories in front of our friends it makes her look promiscuous and makes me look like a chump I think

 

What are your thoughts??

 

You are in the wrong type of relationship with a player type. She can't help herself and been doing this way before you got into the picture. She will never change her ways. Why because she won't! Not even for you! That's her comfort-zone. You must have realized how behavior like men would do when they're with their guy friends. To have that in the woman you love is unheard of. I would never settle for such behavior, but you sit there like a good little boyfriend and just take it like a man should taken it. But enough is enough your done with this and you told her but she said she would stop! She will never stop!! It's her way of life.. It's shame really I can tell you have put a lot of effort into her. But as she done the same for you. Doesn't seem so. Again we men can't change women idealistic ways. You have now seen this in action tried to talk and cope but she repeats and repeats. My question to you is why did you agree to go out with her guy friends. Do you know what it means to a woman to have guy friends. You shouldn't have allowed her to still continue to have guy friends and you just did and now you just tag along as another one. Your with her she's not with them, but your just there to take up space and not really that important. No way would I allow myself to be in the same presence with her guy friends and she shouldn't be going out with them. This woman is clearly just into this and you can't stop her. My advise it to get out, move out and tell "hey this is just not working out and I am for you only but you want me and all these guys to hang out with and tell rude jokes about how you dated one guy and what happen etc.." Goodbye..

[SammySammy]

My thoughts?

 

Why are you arguing with a woman?

 

Don't live with a woman you're not married to.

 

Don't be with a disrespectful woman. Have the courage and self-respect to walk away.

 

You know ... stuff like that. General rules.

[thr1986]

One more thing-

 

My parents are in New York visiting this weekend. Last night they took her and I to dinner. In the cab on the way to dinner, my dad made a very quick and harmless reference to a political thing going on. Her political affiliation (and that of her family) is opposite of my families political affiliation. This doesn't bother what so ever. Anyways, the remark was made subject changed immediately. We go to dinner and really have an amazing night. My parents got dinner of course. Then we get home and my girlfriend brings up this remark and says he made her feel like she's different and not welcome. And I said look I'm sorry I love you etc. I just find myself apologizing to her. When in reality- my family took her to dinner and was so nice to her and engaging her all night. They like her and we're so nice to her. Why does she have to find the one possile thing to bring up at home to seem like a victim and I'm sitting there apologizing to her? Apologizing for setting up dinner with my parents (who she has only met once before) and then buying everything. Her exact words were "he made up for it after because he was nice at dinner"

 

He made up for it? Like he has to beg for her forgiveness for a harmless comment while he takes her to dinner and accepts her as my potentially future wife? And goes out of his way to be genuinely nice to her?

 

Thoughts please?? Should I feel bad about my dad referring to politics? It was a general comment, noting realated to anyone specifically in the car

[Zahara]

I'm not sure what you need from this board.

 

She is toxic. Period. You will always be in volatile situations that will have YOU behaving submissive and passive -- and that's because you lack self-esteem and healthy boundaries. She knows she can run roughshod over you.

 

You have two choices -- stay with her and accept being treated poorly or leave, work and learn to love yourself and seek healthier relationships.

 

As for you apologizing all the time -- she knows you're weak and can manipulate you into feeling bad. You excessively apologize because you're petrified of rocking the boat with her and actually standing up for yourself.

 

You should seek professional help and give yourself a chance before you start on that path of wanting to make her your wife.

Edited June 23, 2017 by Zahara

[Versacehottie]

One more thing-

 

My parents are in New York visiting this weekend. Last night they took her and I to dinner. In the cab on the way to dinner, my dad made a very quick and harmless reference to a political thing going on. Her political affiliation (and that of her family) is opposite of my families political affiliation. This doesn't bother what so ever. Anyways, the remark was made subject changed immediately. We go to dinner and really have an amazing night. My parents got dinner of course. Then we get home and my girlfriend brings up this remark and says he made her feel like she's different and not welcome. And I said look I'm sorry I love you etc. I just find myself apologizing to her. When in reality- my family took her to dinner and was so nice to her and engaging her all night. They like her and we're so nice to her. Why does she have to find the one possile thing to bring up at home to seem like a victim and I'm sitting there apologizing to her? Apologizing for setting up dinner with my parents (who she has only met once before) and then buying everything. Her exact words were "he made up for it after because he was nice at dinner"

 

He made up for it? Like he has to beg for her forgiveness for a harmless comment while he takes her to dinner and accepts her as my potentially future wife? And goes out of his way to be genuinely nice to her?

 

Thoughts please?? Should I feel bad about my dad referring to politics? It was a general comment, noting realated to anyone specifically in the car

 

I have thought from the beginning of this thread that she sounds like a narcissist. Combined with the other issues, I don't see any point in staying with her. I think you know that but maybe prefer venting at this point because you are not ready to break up. I would say apologizing for stuff that doesn't require an apology is your issue though--maybe it's just what happens in a bubble with her. Stuff is going to bother her (or whoever) in life and you are going to be a bystander to some of it; she or whoever is going to complain or open up to you about it. That doesn't require an apology just because you were remotely and indirectly involved!! Maybe it's just the dynamic and pattern set up between you guys but don't take on this stuff. You can be supportive or a listener or put her in her place or talk some sense into her about that situation without apologizing. That part is on you--to manage what comes at you.

 

ok, just wondering this part but you know how you said growing up your dad was a narcissist? I do think (without getting too psychobabble) that sometimes we try to recreate and fix whatever parental relationship was difficult for us by picking the same pattern person for our romantic relationship, i.e. in this case another narcissist, your girlfriend. I've seen that happen with some people for sure. Anyway, you have the power to stop whatever you don't like in your life and move toward whatever you do want. Make sure you don't turn into the one who is acting victim-y. Idk, staying in this relationship with this many doubts and issues with her is starting to sound like that from you. No one is forcing you to stay but yourself. Even living with her, that can all be worked out, if you really want to leave.

[kendahke]

Two final thoughts:

 

One more thing-

 

All this drip drip drip...

Please unload the whole story already.

 

Thoughts please?? Should I feel bad about my dad referring to politics? It was a general comment, noting realated to anyone specifically in the car

 

I think we've been more than generous with our thoughts so far. There is no indication to me that you are even reading what we've been writing.

 

Nothing you add to the story is going to make the majority of us change our opinions about the train wreck of a girlfriend you have.

[OatsAndHall]

For me, there are unspoken boundaries in a quality relationship and one of them is being respectful of a partner with respect to members of the opposite sex. A mature significant other with respect for the relationship would not be flirting with other men much less bragging about their sexual exploits. There is simply no excuse for this kind of behavior. It doesn't matter whether it's in RL or on social media; someone who takes a relationship seriously and truly cares for their partner will not be displaying attention seeking behavior.

 

In my mind, your only mistake was not approaching her about it earlier. I dated a woman briefly that I met via OLD and I saw how she acted over social media. Selfie after selfie, "liking" posts from guys that were inappropriate (a married man stating that she was "so f-cking hot"), and throwing up posts that were intended to elicit flirty responses. I calmly called it off and walked away.