My new wife says she is "distraught" that I put her on notice for her drama behavior

[JuneL]

It's also a little rude for your mother to bring only those spicy main dishes considering your wife has food allergies to them. I understand that your mother wanted to cook your father's and your favorite dishes on father's day. But this party is also an occasion for your family to get together and celebrate together.

[knabe]

Why would you feel the need to "defend" your wife for missing her father on FATHER'S DAY? Why didn't you keep your word and take her out? Just because YOU were stuffed? You asked her what was wrong. She didn't want to talk about it. You pushed. I suspect she didn't want to talk about it because she knows you don't care.

 

The fact that you are completely incapable of even seeing your own selfishness here makes me wonder....Honestly, I'd suggest counseling for you. It's not normal to be this clueless about one's own lack of empathy.

[sheismadagain]

I have to defend her behavior becuase people notice when she's quiet or not acting happy. it's obvious and they wonder what's wrong.

 

She did this recently when we were out with my BF. He made a JOKE about my wife setting me up for failure on something and my wife got very quiet/cold and then drank too much. And we had a huge fight about it when we were on the way home.

 

My friend didn't mean to offend her and it was a JOKE. but my wife said it wasn't funny to her -- it was insulting and she felt that I told him too much about our relationship. He is my BF. Of course I'm going to tell him things. And he noticed! He called me the next day and asked what was wrong with her.

 

The other issue is her drinking. Last night, after this argument started she said she had to go to the store to get hairspray. I knew she was going for wine. She already had over a glass and half of wine and she was out.

 

I told her I want her to stop drinking and that is another reason I told her she was on "notice". She said that she needed an extra glass after the night she was having...and I told her that's a sign she's an alcoholic and she must stop drinking or we will not work out.

 

She still went and got a bottle at drank a glass of wine and went to bed. I predicted that as soon as she had wine at dinner there was going to be a fight and I was right! It's the alcohol....she didn't drink while my family was there and acted like that was some kind of sacrifice and that she was on 'good behavior'. I think she knows that my family worries about her drinking too. They drank quite a bit and she didn't becasue she didn't want them talking about her....

[hippychick3]

I have to defend her behavior becuase people notice when she's quiet or not acting happy. it's obvious and they wonder what's wrong.

 

She did this recently when we were out with my BF. He made a JOKE about my wife setting me up for failure on something and my wife got very quiet/cold and then drank too much. And we had a huge fight about it when we were on the way home.

 

My friend didn't mean to offend her and it was a JOKE. but my wife said it wasn't funny to her -- it was insulting and she felt that I told him too much about our relationship. He is my BF. Of course I'm going to tell him things. And he noticed! He called me the next day and asked what was wrong with her.

 

The other issue is her drinking. Last night, after this argument started she said she had to go to the store to get hairspray. I knew she was going for wine. She already had over a glass and half of wine and she was out.

 

I told her I want her to stop drinking and that is another reason I told her she was on "notice". She said that she needed an extra glass after the night she was having...and I told her that's a sign she's an alcoholic and she must stop drinking or we will not work out.

 

She still went and got a bottle at drank a glass of wine and went to bed. I predicted that as soon as she had wine at dinner there was going to be a fight and I was right! It's the alcohol....she didn't drink while my family was there and acted like that was some kind of sacrifice and that she was on 'good behavior'. I think she knows that my family worries about her drinking too. They drank quite a bit and she didn't becasue she didn't want them talking about her....

 

The more you talk, the more I feel sorry for your wife. I'm surprised she doesn't drink more.

[JuneL]

How old are you guys? She's your new wife, but how long had you been together before getting married? I was just wondering why she would marry you considering how insensitive you are to her. Are you also this insensitive to her extended family or her kid(s)?

[BoxerMomma]

Wow. I don't often feel compelled to comment, but I'm appalled by your attitude and behavior toward your wife, and the fact that you apparently continue to see absolutely nothing wrong with it.

 

I'm not so sure she's the one with the flair for being dramatic.

[BaileyB]

Really, you don't understand why she has a hard time on Father's Day?

 

Then you "put her on notice" but don't understand why she didn't touch you or wasn't affectionate that night. Hmm... That's a tough one. You treated her like a child, disciplined her like a parent, do we really need to explain to you why she wasn't warm and affectionate toward you in bed?

 

I dare say, with her lack of affection she has put you on notice - that your behavior is not acceptable and will not be rewarded, by her.

Edited June 19, 2017 by BaileyB

[sandylee1]

You behaved disgracefully and you have a problem admitting when you're at fault.

 

So many of your comments are insensitive and it's like she should be on bended knees with gratitude to you.

 

The poor woman.

[basil67]

It's also a little rude for your mother to bring only those spicy main dishes considering your wife has food allergies to them. I understand that your mother wanted to cook your father's and your favorite dishes on father's day. But this party is also an occasion for your family to get together and celebrate together.

 

It was more than a 'little rude' of his mother to bring only spicy foods which your wife is allergic to. It was extremely rude.

 

When catering for a crowd, it is good manners to have food which everyone can eat. ESPECIALLY the ones with food allergies where fussiness isn't the issue. We make sure there's a vegan option for the vegans. A gluten free option for the coeliacs. A mild option for those who don't like spice. This doesn't mean making a heap of different dishes - just a bit of thought and consideration. Heck, my husband has perfected the gluten free pastry for Christmas fruit mince pies. Our coeliac friend is so grateful and nobody else can tell the difference.

 

The OP's mother could have combined forces with the wife to make a feast which had options for everyone. Or if she was determined to do it alone, she should have considered all at the party.

[desert_punk]

I have to defend her behavior becuase people notice when she's quiet or not acting happy. it's obvious and they wonder what's wrong.

 

She did this recently when we were out with my BF. He made a JOKE about my wife setting me up for failure on something and my wife got very quiet/cold and then drank too much. And we had a huge fight about it when we were on the way home.

 

My friend didn't mean to offend her and it was a JOKE. but my wife said it wasn't funny to her -- it was insulting and she felt that I told him too much about our relationship. He is my BF. Of course I'm going to tell him things. And he noticed! He called me the next day and asked what was wrong with her.

 

The other issue is her drinking. Last night, after this argument started she said she had to go to the store to get hairspray. I knew she was going for wine. She already had over a glass and half of wine and she was out.

 

I told her I want her to stop drinking and that is another reason I told her she was on "notice". She said that she needed an extra glass after the night she was having...and I told her that's a sign she's an alcoholic and she must stop drinking or we will not work out.

 

She still went and got a bottle at drank a glass of wine and went to bed. I predicted that as soon as she had wine at dinner there was going to be a fight and I was right! It's the alcohol....she didn't drink while my family was there and acted like that was some kind of sacrifice and that she was on 'good behavior'. I think she knows that my family worries about her drinking too. They drank quite a bit and she didn't becasue she didn't want them talking about her....

 

You're not getting the responses you want so now you are trying to add more details to the story. It's not working. Your friend might have meant it as a joke but it doesn't change the fact that it hurt her feelings(very inappropriate "joke" btw). She has a right to be offended at a tasteless "joke" told at her expense. She also has a right to mourn her father(there is no time limit) and a right to be quiet when she wants. You are 100% in the wrong.

 

Also, it's inappropriate to compare your son being away at college on father's day to her father dying. You can see your son whenever you want at any time you want. She will never see her father again. They are not even close to the same thing. Technology has come along way but i'm pretty sure there isn't a way to communicate with the dead or bring them back to life.

[rushed]

Wow.

 

Just wow.

 

Every single one of your posts just blew me away. Send me your wife's contact info so I could tell her she deserves a much better guy than the jerk she is married to.

[William]

OK, I wish I could share the details of why this thread was closed but suffice to say it was due to a hydra we've been tracking over two years and nearly 100 usernames. Thanks for the input and sorry we didn't catch this sooner.