My boyfriend broke up with me after his mom died

[Lostandconfused1]

My boyfriend and I were together for 2 years. We were each others first real relationship. He was the sweetest guy I've ever met. At first it was smooth sailing and perfect. I'm a huge catholic and I wanted to save my virginity until marriage but I gave it to him because we knew we wanted to be together forever. He did everything for me and took me on amazing vacations. In college, I lost a lot of friends from dating him because we spent all of our time together. He always wanted to do everything to make sure I was worry free and happy.

 

Once I started losing friends, we started arguing--about 5 months into our relationship. I had a really bad roommate situation and took it out on him. But he stayed with me through it all.

 

We always had the best summers and enjoyed going out. But we found that we became "loners" and would stay home to drink and love on one another instead of going out. We are both 22. At first, he was fine with it. But later, he was getting sick of the fact that we "had no friends". But a lot of times we would stay and hang out with his mom. We had the best times with her.

 

We fought like cats and dogs but we always knew that we loved each other and wanted to be together forever. Last Christmas he gave me a promise ring. Then after the new year his mom suddenly died. I was there throughout it all. I put my life on hold and stayed with him in the hospital for a week. I helped him and his family with funeral arrangements. I took his siblings out for coffee and stuff.

 

It is hard to figure him out because he is kind of closed off. So after she died he was very loving and then got very mad. He would act normal and out of nowhere start fights. I didn't realize it was him grieving and I would fight back. He never yelled at me once before his but after she died he started to. The fights kept getting worse and he would yell "I'm done" which I thought meant he was done with the fight.

 

I graduated from college and he still had another year left. I finally took a huge step about a month ago and introduced him to my entire family. Now we are both living at home and things have gotten dramatically worse. I think reality finally hit him that his mom is gone. And now he has a bunch of responsibilities that he didn't before. Every time we have been together ( 4 times in the last month) he has yelled at me so bad.

 

I've been having a hard time because he said he needed space so I gave it to him. He would only talk to me maybe 10x during the week. It hurt because we usually are tg 24/7. On the 9th he told me he still wanted to Marry me and be together but on Saturday he said he couldn't do the relationship. He said he has no feeling anymore even towards me and the fighting makes it an unhealthy relationship. He claims he hasn't been happy for awhile but I said it's because of his mom and not me and he said it has been before his mom. I don't believe it because how could he have given me the promise ring for Christmas? BUT he claims it's not because of that and he isn't happy with me anymore.

 

He told me he loves me so much and cares a lot for me. I begged him to be with me and told him I couldn't live life without him. We had the best, most contagious love. I don't know where it went. He said he wanted to Be free and couldn't do it with me. He told me best case scenario one day we could be back together. I begged him to come back to me. He told me he would always love me.

 

I don't know how he could live without me. I can't live without him. I'm so hurt. I can't stop crying. I mentioned how much his mom loved us together and how happy she was about the promise ring and he couldn't stop crying. How could he just tell me a week before he wants to be with me forever. I'm so scared he will never come back he was the love of my life. I know our relationship has had its ups and downs but nothing has even happened to make him so unhappy. Is this because of his mom??

[Lostandconfused1]

Someone please respond I need help

[anika99]

I'm so sorry you are hurting. The first heartbreak is always the worst and there really isn't much anyone can say to take away the pain. I can tell you that you can and will live without him and that someday when you are healed you will love again too. I know that is a hard thing to believe right now but I promise it's true.

 

As for the reason your boyfriend broke up with you, I think it's a mixture of grief over losing his mom and a realization on his part that your relationship hadn't been really healthy for really long time. A relationship is supposed to enhance your life, it's not supposed to steal your life. People in healthy relationships still maintain their friendships and pursue their interests. I think your boyfriend realized that you two had developed an unhealthy emotional dependence on one another. You two started fighting early into the relationship and yet continued to isolate yourselves away from the world. That is not good. As a matter of fact it is toxic.

 

You can't make him come back if he doesn't want to and continuing to chase him will only make you feel worse and prolong your pain. Sometimes all we can do is accept and learn. Never give up your values, friends, or passions for the sake of a relationship.

Edited June 20, 2017 by anika99