Second Chance?

[Raleigh]

I was wrong to cheat and whatever excuse I have won't ever justify it. It doesn't matter that I didn't feel loved or respected in my marriage or that he never wanted physical intimacy. I was attracted to a friend and I let things go too far because it felt so wonderful to have someone who cared about me.

 

I divorced my ex husband after trying therapy, but it was the same cycle of never following through on his promises and I had emotionally checked out after years of never feeling good enough. I was so wrong to treat my ex husband that way though. I should have ended it way before, but I kept thinking it was a phase that all relationships go through...So that happened and I joined the ranks of every other horrible person who has cheated and hurt someone deeply. I feel guilty and desperately want to atone for my sin, although I can't say I regret it because it led me to the man I truly believe I could spend the rest of my life with.

 

I am thankful every day to be with this amazing man who treats me like a partner and not his caretaker. I love being devoted to him and can't wait to spend my life with him. I am simultaneously horribly guilty and remiss for cheating, but if I hadn't, I would never have known what this love could be like. I hate myself for hurting my ex, but I'm happy to not be a martyr in my relationship anymore. I'm not quite sure how to move past the terrible thing I did and not feel guilty about being happy with someone else.

 

Sometimes I don't know that I deserve anything because cheating is one of the most selfish, hurtful things you can do to your partner. I just try to be the best partner I can be and pray that one day my ex will find someone who will be compatible with him in the ways I wasn't. I hope that I can have a second chance at building a life with my partner. .

Edited June 20, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs and approve auto-moderated post

[William]

Moderator bump due to extended auto-moderation of post.

[somanymistakes]

Good luck with your new relationship!

 

I don't believe that once-a-cheater-always-a-cheater is true, not if you really internalised that it was an unhelpful move that just caused more pain. I think you have a chance to be happy and I hope it works out.

[Unforseen]

Raleigh, it sounds as though you are feeling a great deal of shame for what you have done. That maybe, because of your actions, you feel like you are a horrible person and don't deserve the love or acceptance that you are now receiving. That is a bad place to be stuck in. Guilt is fine, remorse is fine, but feeling like your not good enough or unworthy can be emotionally and even physically damaging. The best cure for shame is to get those feelings out into the light so they can't gnaw at you in the dark and reach out to someone to get some empathy to help counter the shame. Someone that won't judge you for things you have done in the past and will walk by your side as you work through the shame and other caustic feelings associated with your past actions. Certainly a close girl friend or family member or even the new man in your life if you feel the relationship has progressed to level of emotional intimacy.

 

If you have not already, it would probably do you some good to look into individual counseling to help you work through the traumatic choices that you made in the past. Yes you did make some bad and hurtful choices, but you probably don't need to be told that. Just please remember that your choices do not define who you are now. There is always room for change and growth and it sounds like you are well started down that path. You made bad decisions, that does not make you a bad person.