My Girlfriend Doesn't Have Enough Faith To Commit To Marriage

[PegNosePete]

I don't need a lecture on the law, but it's quite easy and a lot of people do it.

Maybe your ex is simply a law abiding citizen.

 

Entering into all the potential legal drama that could have ensued, at such a young age, giving her a criminal record and destroying her future, would have been a big mistake. No matter how many other people do it.

[Lazy Fox]

If u love her u wait no matter what dude. 5 yrs so be it but things can change in that period she may decide to do it sooner or maybe it doesn't work.

It's either wait or feel the pain of separation.

I wss wth my mrs well ex now for 6 yrs and two of those were long distance long story lol I moved interstate for a better life and she followed 2 yrs later then dumped me lol.

Marriage is a big thing it's not something to rush into I know I been married. Plus wen ur married if u divorce it can get messy wth assets etc.

I read both ur threads. She's clearly unsure wat marriage involves.

Kudos to u for being ready and willing to take that step to be wth her. And move country.

I moved only a thousand kilometres and let me just state this even that small move it's a bit change I miss people back home I miss my home. But now that I'm here going back side even harder property has shot up in price etc. Sometimes I wished I'd never made the move.

Moving country is a huge change think about it u wont be able to see ur parents like u do now. Even tho those things may seem trivial now let me assure u ull feel it after a whIle of being over there.

Ures is a complicated situation who knows maybe u wont feel that way and ull love it.

I have a friend were in australia who married a girl from London. He moved there for a half dozen yrs then eventually he missed home too much and now they moved here to Australia.

It's not impossible. Ur still young tho. Wether young or old im in my 40'S I can tell u we are all looking for love so if uve found it early on that great. I wouldn't listen to the people who say oh ur too young lol because that's what ull be searching for your whole life that's the reason we join certain groups clubs it's all to be acknowledged recognised so really love is the big picture.

 

Lastly good luck

 

Thanks for commenting and thanks for the advice. I'm not close with my family at all (that's a story for another day but i can live without them, believe me), and i've only a few friends.

I think things would have worked out and i'm not bothered by the "law" whatsoever.

 

Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, we are completely done and i haven't spoken to her in a week. I love her and it's a shame that things didn't work out but she wasn't willing to make the (understandably huge) commitment, and there's nothing I can do about that. Five years is an insane amount of time to wait, during which there's a possibility of finding someone else and being just as happy / happier.

 

Thanks!

[JuneL]

What kind of things did you tell her about her appearance? Just wondering.

 

This is also that thing that stood out when I read the OP, and obviously his looking at other girls.

[Lazy Fox]

This is also that thing that stood out when I read the OP, and obviously his looking at other girls.

 

Sorry i never noticed this comment before.

The girl i was with before this girl had large breasts and this girl didn't. For some reason i felt the need to tell her about this and how "i like large boobs".

That was about a year ago and in the last six months i appreciated this girl more than ever and i loved her appearance a lot.

I also just generally told her what i found attractive, even if it wasn't something about her. "I like the goth look", etc. All stupid mistakes but i've learned and won't do this in my next relationship!

[JuneL]

Sorry i never noticed this comment before.

The girl i was with before this girl had large breasts and this girl didn't. For some reason i felt the need to tell her about this and how "i like large boobs".

That was about a year ago and in the last six months i appreciated this girl more than ever and i loved her appearance a lot.

I also just generally told her what i found attractive, even if it wasn't something about her. "I like the goth look", etc. All stupid mistakes but i've learned and won't do this in my next relationship!

 

I'm completely speechless

[Lazy Fox]

I'm completely speechless

 

We live and learn and i don't think i have regrets. She told me she didn't like me doing those things so i learned to stop. There was nothing more i could have done and now out of the blue, over a year later she has decided they are a problem. They likely played on her mind for a year but again, there's nothing i can do to change what I did so i don't have regrets, i did what i thought was right at the time.

[Lazy Fox]

Well, this ended with me finding out that she lost love over time and thought the entire relationship was unhealthy. After less than a week of splitting up with me she started to sleep around on Tinder and as of three weeks being separated, she's slept with four guys, eleven times. I'm heartbroken and angry that she was even mentally able to do that so soon after me, and that she left me in the dark while enjoying her life. I felr like the victim, but she disagrees. She wasn't who i thought she was (monogamous at the very least), and I realise i may have dodged a bullet. The distance we had saddened me as she was probably craving sex that i couldn't give her which likely added to her wanting to split. Thanks for all the comments everyone.

[ExpatInItaly]

Sorry i never noticed this comment before.

The girl i was with before this girl had large breasts and this girl didn't. For some reason i felt the need to tell her about this and how "i like large boobs".

That was about a year ago and in the last six months i appreciated this girl more than ever and i loved her appearance a lot.

I also just generally told her what i found attractive, even if it wasn't something about her. "I like the goth look", etc. All stupid mistakes but i've learned and won't do this in my next relationship!

 

Wow. Just....wow.

 

I don't know what exactly your objective was when you openly expressed your preference for large breasts but you are darn inconsiderate and darn lucky she didn't retort by telling you how much she enjoyed an ex's bigger member.

 

Also, if you honestly believe it's that easy to fool US Immigration, it's also a darn good thing you didn't attempt it. It's clear you wouldn't have had any clue what you were up against.

[Chilli]

Ahh , bit late and for that expat , didn't you see his last post

 

iT doesn't matter what she was craving LF, what were you craving , same that she couldn't give you too yet you didn't do that.

l'm sorry you had to have that news but really , who would want to marry a girl that would do that anyway or couldn't make the same sacrifices you were willing to do.

Things you crave are no less important or less for that matter than hers.

 

l know it's not much help man but a girl like that ain't marriage material anyway, you really dodged a biggie there.

New beginnings will come your way.

[Lazy Fox]

Wow. Just....wow.

 

I don't know what exactly your objective was when you openly expressed your preference for large breasts but you are darn inconsiderate and darn lucky she didn't retort by telling you how much she enjoyed an ex's bigger member.

 

Also, if you honestly believe it's that easy to fool US Immigration, it's also a darn good thing you didn't attempt it. It's clear you wouldn't have had any clue what you were up against.

 

I put my hand on my heart and i say sorry for saying those things to her. I have cried over it and i felt bad daily because of it. I cannot imagine what it was like and it was a life lesson for me - i wont ever talk about a previous girl with a future girl. All I can say is that when this girl told me she didn't like me talking about my ex, i stopped. At the time, i couldn't have done any more than that.

[Lazy Fox]

Ahh , bit late and for that expat , didn't you see his last post

 

iT doesn't matter what she was craving LF, what were you craving , same that she couldn't give you too yet you didn't do that.

l'm sorry you had to have that news but really , who would want to marry a girl that would do that anyway or couldn't make the same sacrifices you were willing to do.

Things you crave are no less important or less for that matter than hers.

 

l know it's not much help man but a girl like that ain't marriage material anyway, you really dodged a biggie there.

New beginnings will come your way.

 

I think you are right. It's unfortunate that i had to wait two years to realise this, but she taught me a lot in those two years and im so very grateful for that. When i met her, i had terrible anxiety and couldn't leave the house. I remember her teaching me things, holding my hand and supporting me through my bad times. She's a great person but she's just too immature, naive and inexperienced to hold a relationship.

I hope that in a year or two, we talk again.

 

She told me that she isn't arguing with the new guys she's talking to like she is with me, but honestly that's probably because they are on Tinder for sex, not a relationship, and they aren't spending much time together. She was a lot of work, i even found myself censoring my beliefs and words because of things she didn't like, she's extreme left-wing and i just don't see anyone else putting up with her like I did lol

 

Thanks for the kind words. It's a shame it had to be like this, we would have worked very well if we had both sat down, discussed our issues and worked on them! I tried several times to do this but she wasn't interested.

[Lazy Fox]

The hardest part of dealing with this for me is that i'm sat here crying and depressed everyday while she's meeting guys for sex and loving it.

She told me all about it (long story, she didn't know it was me), and she's having more fun with them than we ever had. The treat her better and she's found a new love for BDSM for god sake. She's arranging multiple different guys on different days each week and it just disgusts me.

[Robert]

This thread has been continued here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/628469-coping-after-two-weeks

 

~6