Was NC the right choice?

[Birdman56]

I dated a girl for a few weeks before going overseas for 3 months for work. Long story short she came and stayed with me and my family before I left and told me she loved me and promised she'd wait until I got back.

 

The first week of being away was fine, she pretty much smothered me saying she missed me and to hurry up an come home etc. A couple of weeks in I noticed a shift in her behaviour. She became cold and distant. I probed her to find out what was going on she said was stressed and depressed.

 

Now, I think I may have messed up here, but I'm not entirely sure. She ceased all affection towards me and would barely talk to me. Instead of giving her space I got needy and insecure trying to work out what was going on. In the back of my mind I thought she started seeing someone else or her ex. I never directly accused her but she may have picked up on it.

 

I think before I pushed it a little too far her feelings were still there and said that nothing was going on, however eventually she ended up telling me that she couldn't focus her energy on me while away and wanted to be alone for a while, but still wanted to see me when I got back. I asked if we were still exclusive and she said I guess not. Obviously this confused me alot and hurt me a little. I ended up drunk calling her that night and telling her that if her feelings toward me had changed to just cut me away and not to lead me on etc. (I know this was a big mistake)

 

The next morning I apologized, she said it was ok but at that point I knew I'd messed up and went NC. A few days later she a picture of her and another guy on her Snapchat story. My heart sank and it triggered my insecurity. I asked if she was seeing him, and she said no it's just a friend he's pretty much a brother.

 

I felt stupid and ended up deleting her off everything. She asked why I deleted her on fb messenger and I just told her that I was turning a bit crazy, hurting a little and had to get my head straight.

 

It's now been nearly a week and a half of NC and I haven't heard from her. I miss her even more right now and can't help but feel like deleting her completely was a mistake.

 

I would like to see this girl when I go back but I feel like I'm drifting even further away.

 

I feel like I should re-add her and see if I can strike up a normal conversation minus all the feelings to try bring us closer again, but at the same time I feel as if she really had feelings for me still that she'd reach out.

 

I'm away for another 6 weeks. I really don't know if I should add her again or continue with the NC. I'd feel bad if it is depression and I've just cut her away completely.

 

I can't seem to move on because all thats going through my head is whether or not I've pushed her away completely with my insecurity, or maybe she thinks I don't want anything to do with her anymore because I deleted her, when I do.

 

I want to message her so bad right now, but I'm scared it's going to backfire.