Do married men who cheat usually choose a younger women?

[thefooloftheyear]

tfy, if you want to go through the threads and pull out actual data of how often these things are stated, feel free! it would probably be quite interesting to see ACTUAL statistics of how many threads posted in the last year have a clear age gap, a suggested age gap, or no age gap, and so on.

 

But if you go by simply 'I remember seeing it a lot' then your memory will tend to be skewed by the things that are most in line with your expectations sticking out more, and the things you think of as weird being brushed over.

 

No one has said it's a unicorn sighting, only that it's absolutely not a rule followed by all people in all situations. It's ridiculous to think all women want older men, it's ridiculous to think no women want older men. It's ridiculous to think all men want redheads, it's ridiculous to think no men want redheads.

 

Who said it's a rule??

 

Only a complete idiot would suggest that it's more common than a conventional. same aged pairing...I may be an idiot, but I am certainly not a complete idiot...

 

My only point is that it's more common than people are making it out to be...

 

Nothing more...

 

Nothing less...

 

End of story...

 

TFY

[DKT3]

I think her point is Charles chose an unattractive older woman over a young woman who most considered to be pretty.

 

I know, but that isn't accurate...He was already with her when he was forced to marry Diana. He never chose Diana it was always Camilla.

[stillafool]

I know, but that isn't accurate...He was already with her when he was forced to marry Diana. He never chose Diana it was always Camilla.

 

I know the story and I agree. However people are referring more to how much more attractive Diana was them Camilla plus younger. People think that whether he knew Camilla first or not he would be stupid to pick Camilla over Diana based on age and looks alone.

[stillafool]

I know, but that isn't accurate...He was already with her when he was forced to marry Diana. He never chose Diana it was always Camilla.

 

And he did chose to marry Diana over Camilla for whatever purpose.

[Sweetfish]

It's a standard theory for people who base the entirety of human relationships around money and sex.

 

Men are only good for money. They tend to make more money as they get older and get career advancements. Therefore, older men are more appealing.

 

Women are only good for sex. They are sexier when they are younger, and better able to make lots of babies. Therefore, younger women are more appealing.

 

And since there ARE people who think this way about life, you will definitely find older men who are ugly but well-off swanning around with pretty young things who are happy to trade sex for money.

 

It's definitely not how all people see relationships. Some people actually like each other.

 

 

 

I agree with you 100%. However, when did you decide to rewrite millions of years of evolution? Don't make me laugh ... there are a flock of birds in here that fly from one thread and say a man with a career is attractive and a man with his own house is attractive, and men who have a degree are attractive and the same birds come in here and completely stick their foots in their own mouths and talk "trading sex" for money or some form of barter system when both me and you know most likely you would not date the guy who works at Taco Bell because he has no money or no position of power. Doesn't matter how nice he is.. he will most likely not fit what a woman is looking for unless she simply cannot do better.

 

If you were a 9 or 10 in looks most often you are going to seek out a man with great looks, a great career, and etc. Your not going to be looking for men working at fast food restaurants or retail stores.

 

So I would assume by standards your not a 8, 9, or 10. So you subscribe to oh its not about looks or money right? Women in there 40s-60s who subscribe to this refuse to realize the script has flipped. Again, as stated before: breast augmentation, lipo, make-up and products is a multi billion dollar business because women are trying to reserve or enhance their youth and youth attracts men because we like beautiful women... women like beautiful women so whats the problem?

 

What is right and wrong and "what is" are two different things. This is how mostly 1st world countries are. Once you have a position of power you can acquire women and have better options. No one said the human race was crippled to this... but on a basic level this is what it is...

 

50 shades of Grey was a world wide hit and you think if Mr. Grey was flipping burgers at burger king and 21 and was the same exact person that the was in the book it would be successful:lmao:

[somanymistakes]

You've failed to consider the option that I'm a millionaire myself and therefore have no interest in a less-attractive man just for his money.

 

The fact that fewer women are rich is part of what skews the balance. There's an interesting feminist argument to be made that it's anti-feminist to disapprove of trading sex for money, as this is the easiest way to redistribute resources...

[Sweetfish]

You've failed to consider the option that I'm a millionaire myself and therefore have no interest in a less-attractive man just for his money.

 

The fact that fewer women are rich is part of what skews the balance. There's an interesting feminist argument to be made that it's anti-feminist to disapprove of trading sex for money, as this is the easiest way to redistribute resources...

 

Sweetheart... the fact that you are a millionare does not change biological construct. A man will still want to seek a younger hotter female and he will attach his other little requirements like intelligence or etc. The only thing you have done is made your options harder.

 

Why would a hot male who is also a millionaire date another female millionaire of the same age which is rare assuming the millionare is in his 40s 50s.

 

The one role you will strip a male of is his desire to provide and once another female sees him as a provider he will lose interest in you.

Edited June 21, 2017 by Sweetfish

[wmacbride]

I wonder if, for some men, a younger women may see like a "damsel in distress" who needs him, which mat be the opposite of his wife.

 

As a woman in my age group, I was brought up with the dichotomy of the "they lived happily ever after" prince charming fairytale and the idea that women should be strong, independent and not "need" a man. Could that get to be a bit much for a guy, and he wants someone who makes him feel needed?

 

I'm not a man, so I don't know if the answer.

 

I can give perspective as a female.

 

I can stand on my own two feet, and I need my husband in terms of companionship and love, but not financially. Sure, if I was single a rich ( but kind and honest) man might catch my eye, but not because of his money. I care more about what he's like as a person. Good looks are a bonus, but if it came down to a attractive jerk or a more average looking nice guy, I'd pick the nice guy- this is after having a horrible experience with a good looking but horrid guy.

 

I suppose, if you are married and in the market for an affair, the same relationship parameters may not apply as do if you are single? It's not likely for the long term so maybe it doesn't matter so much what the other man/woman is like, personality wise. They don't have to tick all the boxes as he's or she is just there for short term fun?

 

Of course,that's just a guess. What the hell do I know:laugh:

[carhill]

In my generation/demographic, it was pretty normal (older man/younger woman) due to the general social practices, being men generally married younger women. A decade younger wasn't uncommon, like a late 20's guy marrying a young lady right out of high school. In my parent's generation, it was even more common, both affairs and marriages, and some of those couples, many IME, were married for life, 40-60 years, affairs notwithstanding. Different times I guess.

 

One aspect I can comment on as an older male, something I've noticed in myself, is that when I interact with women of all ages, whether young or not, is that I often forget that I'm pushing 60. I don't 'see' the age difference with young women that I should. It isn't registering. IDK if other guys are like that or not.

 

I do recall an older uncle, who had a number of affairs, ogling young ladies at the beach and making comments about them and I, a young man at that time, didn't quite get the 'don't see myself as old' aspect and occasionally mentioning 'hey, she's young enough to be your granddaughter'. He died in his 80's with his wife of nearly 60 years, and his daughter, granddaughters, and great granddaughters around him. Men do what they do.

[Southern Sun]

My MM was about 14 years older than I was (am). But he was in his 50s when we started the affair, so it's not as if I was some young pup (I mean...compared to a 20 year old!).

 

For clarification, I am also married, so the single other woman comments don't come into play.

 

I can't explain why, but the age difference felt perfectly natural. I admit that I totally get why women find older men attractive. Not A LOT older, but somewhat.

 

I would bet that the motivations for getting into an affair contribute towards the reason for the age difference. Both men and women want to feel good about themselves again: alive, youthful, desired. A younger woman will make a man recover that vibrant feeling, inject a feeling of youth and desirability; and for a woman, if she's desired by an older, accomplished man who may have a measure of success, that gives her a surge of feeling powerful and beautiful that perhaps her same-age husband hasn't shown 'appreciation' for in the same way. Mutual admiration can be dangerously intoxicating.

Edited June 21, 2017 by Southern Sun

[CptInsano]

One aspect I can comment on as an older male, something I've noticed in myself, is that when I interact with women of all ages, whether young or not, is that I often forget that I'm pushing 60. I don't 'see' the age difference with young women that I should. It isn't registering. IDK if other guys are like that or not. [...]

 

That's normal. Once self-image develops relatively early in life, and the early relationships set the tone. However, talking to a woman that young makes me often realize the difference rather abruptly. If you talk to somebody whose view of the cold war is as abstract as the one of the civil war, you more or less feel like you should tell her how you chased the wooly mammoth in your youth.

 

That's the nice part about being with somebody your age, there is far less of a need to explain.

[somanymistakes]

Sweetheart... the fact that you are a millionare does not change biological construct. A man will still want to seek a younger hotter female and he will attach his other little requirements like intelligence or etc. The only thing you have done is made your options harder.

 

Your 'biological construct' is not true. Many, many men marry women their own age and do not wait around for the latest 18yo to fall off the assembly line.

 

The one role you will strip a male of is his desire to provide and once another female sees him as a provider he will lose interest in you.

 

Not every male wants to be a provider. Not every woman wants to be provided for. Not every woman even wants a man at all. Some are lesbians, some don't even like sex. People are not all the same.

 

You are not competing with the entire world for the same, singular, best woman in the world that absolutely everyone wants. This just isn't how humanity operates.

 

If it makes life easier on you to imagine me as a woman with a masculine personality seeking a man with a feminine personality, you can go with that. I think that's over-simplifying, but it would at least be a step up if you recognised that people have different drives.

 

Not all men marry. Not all men cheat. Etc.

[carhill]

However, talking to a woman that young makes me often realize the difference rather abruptly. If you talk to somebody whose view of the cold war is as abstract as the one of the civil war, you more or less feel like you should tell her how you chased the wooly mammoth in your youth.

From the social standpoint that makes sense, in that our life experiences are different and, for an older man, far more voluminous than for a young woman. Still, at the sexual level, I've noted age seems to disappear. Also, having run across a number of women with 'old' souls, so to speak, they often display interest in, and knowledge of, parts of life I wouldn't expect, eras long over and before they were born. When mentioning 'young', I'm talking generational young, like one to two generations difference. Women the age of friend's daughters, many within a decade or so of my age, I view as contemporaries and wouldn't consider them 'younger'. That's probably some socialization at work due to early messages regarding male/female interaction.

 

IMO, unless a guy is dipping into the teen areas, most young ladies I've met in my older life have been around, are educated, independent and pretty savvy about things. They haven't presented as naive, innocent nor ignorant in the ways of men. If anything, pretty smart about that stuff. If an older married guy goes for them, and some have (friend's daughters or granddaughters anyway), they know what's up. That doesn't mean they won't play but they get it and accept the rules and customs of affairs. This stuff has been going on as long as humans have existed and will likely continue until we cease to exist.

[stillafool]

Sweetheart... the fact that you are a millionare does not change biological construct. A man will still want to seek a younger hotter female and he will attach his other little requirements like intelligence or etc. The only thing you have done is made your options harder.

 

Why would a hot male who is also a millionaire date another female millionaire of the same age which is rare assuming the millionare is in his 40s 50s.

 

The one role you will strip a male of is his desire to provide and once another female sees him as a provider he will lose interest in you.

 

I doubt a female millionaire has a need for more money so more than likely she, like men have done, will pick her partner based on sex appeal. What else would she need him for? Like lazy women, there are a lot of young men who don't want to work and want to be kept.

[Sweetfish]

Your 'biological construct' is not true. Many, many men marry women their own age and do not wait around for the latest 18yo to fall off the assembly line.

 

 

 

Not every male wants to be a provider. Not every woman wants to be provided for. Not every woman even wants a man at all. Some are lesbians, some don't even like sex. People are not all the same.

 

You are not competing with the entire world for the same, singular, best woman in the world that absolutely everyone wants. This just isn't how humanity operates.

 

If it makes life easier on you to imagine me as a woman with a masculine personality seeking a man with a feminine personality, you can go with that. I think that's over-simplifying, but it would at least be a step up if you recognised that people have different drives.

 

Not all men marry. Not all men cheat. Etc.

 

Who said everyone has the same drive or motive? Who said every guy cheats?

 

Wealth does not make a woman biogically attractive to males. Men do not get a stiffy because X female has X networth. We are attracted because of your looks.

 

If you were 300lbs do you think your charm is going to give you options? That you will get men to be attracted to you because you have a millionare dollar networth. This is you trying to play the equality game and this attraction is mostly reserved for men.

 

Yes, i would agree that most men want to be a provider to his wife and kids. How do you think you and I exist this day?

 

Men produce 75 perecent of the income in the US and 75 percent of the purchasing power is female..

 

What else is required to prove that man desire to provide?

Edited June 21, 2017 by Sweetfish

[stillafool]

I swear Sweetfish all your post is implying is that women are greedy, money grubbing, so and so's who like to shop all day. Geesh! My mother certainly didn't marry my dad foir money but they worked together and built a financially successful life. That is what most young couples IN LOVE do.

[Sweetfish]

I swear Sweetfish all your post is implying is that women are greedy, money grubbing, so and so's who like to shop all day. Geesh! My mother certainly didn't marry my dad foir money but they worked together and built a financially successful life. That is what most young couples IN LOVE do.

 

Im sorry you feel that way.. I dont believe that women are greedy. Its just more often they seek comfort and those comforts are dictated with a list of requirements a man must meet.

 

A degree

A career

A home

 

Etc..

 

Often men do not seek these requirements and the less attractive she is... the more she will lower the requirements or even increase the requirements if she gets a degree or a decent job her self.

 

A woman with a lot of money is still not going to supplement a stay at home dad and if she does he will feel inferior.

 

So if love is so important... why does a degree or career or money even matter?

Edited June 21, 2017 by Sweetfish

[carhill]

The economics angle may have traction for those men who feel a younger woman is easier to 'keep', meaning control or influence with money and power. Women who are older and who've been around more, done more, enjoyed more bling and baubles might not be as impressed or enamored. Historically, mistresses kept by older, powerful men were almost always younger.

 

An obvious exception would be the dalliance of Prince Charles, who married a much younger woman, Diana, and had an affair, by many accounts, for a long time with an older woman, Camila Parker Bowles, later marrying her after his wife died.

[somanymistakes]

 

A woman with a lot of money is still not going to supplement a stay at home dad and if she does he will feel inferior.

 

So if love is so important... why does a degree or career or money even matter?

 

Stay at home dads exist and have happy marriages. Not all of them. Not all stay-at-home moms have happy marriages, either.

 

Men without degrees and careers and money still get married.

 

Men marry men. Women marry women. Women who are totally focused on their careers and do not do household stuff need someone else to help out with that side of things.

 

Women earn more than men in 40% of heterosexual marriages in the US, apparently? It does lead to an increased chance of cheating/divorce because, yes, some people get upset about it. But not all of them, and it's getting better over time as attitudes change. The more support we provide for people in those situations, the more we say that yes, it IS okay, the better people manage to get along.

 

 

As for why a degree or a career or money even matters - to some extent, the degree and the career represent personality. I have no interest in entangling myself with a high-powered businessman, he'd probably be too busy to spend time with me anyway. Someone with a quirky degree and a hobby business that he's passionate about, though, is probably interesting. That's all theoretical, of course, as it would really depend on the individual. The money, I don't care, unless someone's in debt for bad reasons because that's personality again.

[Woggle]

People usually cheat to boost their ego so it makes sense that men and women would pick somebody younger. They feel age coming on so they want somebody to feel young again. As for me I would never cheat but even if I were single I wouldn't want a younger woman. The taste in music would be enough to drive me up the wall. I want a woman who had quality music in the mainstream as part of her youth.

[aileD]

I remember when my husband was in his affair he was annoyed/inconvenienced because his AP was just turning 21....first time living alone, being out in the world....he helped her get an apt, a car, etc. bet all that older man stuff came in handy for those things and made him and her both feel good about themselves/the relationship.

 

But 21 hit, she always wanted to go out and party....he was thinking this would be great. But really. It was just a novelty. Been there done that. Have nothing in common with anyone she hung out with. She wanted to have fun and live her life and he wanted to come home and relax after work and do HIS hobbies (which also happen to be my hobbies )

 

It never would have worked long term

[Arieswoman]

I agree with Sweetfish #67 in part

 

I dont believe that women are greedy. Its just more often they seek comfort and those comforts are dictated with a list of requirements a man must meet.

 

A degree

A career

A home

 

Etc..

 

Often men do not seek these requirements and the less attractive she is... the more she will lower the requirements or even increase the requirements if she gets a degree or a decent job her self.

 

I have seen several examples of women who were SAHMs with no qualifications who went and re-trained for something once the kids were old enough. Once they were qualified they left the marriage for someone they met in the same academic arena.

 

I don't think it's attractiveness per se that influences a person's choice of partner, I think it's self-worth. people who have low self-worth will often be less discriminating about their choice of partner and see the partner as better than themselves. This is more likely to be true if the partner has high self-worth. Some people will overlook character flaws and serious issues when they believe the partner's self-worth is higher than their own.

[Birdies]

It does seem to be this way. I hate being a cliche, but my former MM is almost 10 years older. But he acts so youthful and we enjoy all the same activities and hobbies, so I forget about that. Probably the age difference was still relevant at some level for both of us, however.

 

In general, I think it's because men are hardwired to find younger women more attractive because younger = more fertile = increase your genetic fitness by reproducing more. Of course this isn't what they consciously think, but it's a very strong biological urge and as much as we humans think we have free will.....yeah, no. Evolutionary processes are very influential.

 

Likewise, women often find older men attractive because we are hardwired to be attractive to someone who can support and protect us and our (perhaps non-existent or hypothetical) children. Older = successful / financially stable and/or in a leadership role of some sort. Again, this isn't necessarily a conscious thought process.

[Southwardbound]

I think that is also true in some cases, they see the married man as someone who will leave his wife for them and suddenly they will become Mrs MM and reap the benefits of his often nice and comfortable lifestyle.

Their ego is flying high, they WILL replace the old, dowdy, plain, unsexy, fat, unintelligent, argumentative wife who makes his life a misery...

 

I don't think Affairs are all about finding someone younger. I'm 'old, dowdy, plain, & fat;' & 10 years older than him. While his W is younger than me, but 2 years older than him, plus she's thin. I imagine she is fairly intelligent, because I don't think he would tolerate a complete ditzy person on a daily basis. But, probably not widely conversant outside of her work field - which they have in common. I'm conversant in a wide variety of subjects - lol- there isn't much I can't talk about. MM & I talk all the time. Argumentative (?) - she's probably more controlling than me. She's predictable, I'm not. Essentially- she & I are complete opposites.

 

I didn't 'get with him' thinking about 'reaping any lifestyle benefits.' I've know my MM for a long time, before he married the wife.

[misspalmy]

In my case yes. he was 50 and im 32.

 

blood good lair. well wife took him back.