hawx79 Posted June 21, 2017 Posted June 21, 2017 I managed to get a second date with her, but she told me not to give her any gifts, is it a bad sign for me?
ExpatInItaly Posted June 21, 2017 Posted June 21, 2017 Not necessarily a bad sign, but it seems odd that she would mention this after only one date. What was the context for her comment? Did you mention getting her something?
Author hawx79 Posted June 21, 2017 Author Posted June 21, 2017 Not necessarily a bad sign, but it seems odd that she would mention this after only one date. What was the context for her comment? Did you mention getting her something? Yea I told i wanted to give her very nice things when I would see her again. She doesn't even want flowers from me. And every woman knows giving flowers is the next serious step.
Superchicken Posted June 21, 2017 Posted June 21, 2017 Dude, don't over do it. Your sounding like a desperado by showering gifts already.. The best gift you can give a woman (No Girls, it aint Diamonds !), is your total attention, and devotion (Long term here). For now, provide her with the attention. Its all about her, her, her. Only the smart ones (Women) know when your doing this, and lets face it, we can only keep it up for so long !. But they understand that you are trying, and as long as you don't ask or expect anything, your good in their eyes. Of course, there are some of us guys, that are , Chameleons, and stuff it up for the rest of us. Good luck. Ted. 1
Gaeta Posted June 21, 2017 Posted June 21, 2017 Yea I told i wanted to give her very nice things when I would see her again. She doesn't even want flowers from me. And every woman knows giving flowers is the next serious step. If giving flowers is a serious step then why would you want to do this on a second date? You are rushing. You barely know each other, on a second date you are still strangers. She is telling you to hold your horses you are rushing things. I didn't like it when a man brought me a gift on a 1st or 2nd date. I understand they like me but they like me *too much* if they make such a gesture and it makes things feel imbalanced between us. 3
ExpatInItaly Posted June 21, 2017 Posted June 21, 2017 Yea I told i wanted to give her very nice things when I would see her again. She doesn't even want flowers from me. And every woman knows giving flowers is the next serious step. According to? I'm a woman and I don't agree. Where did you read that? Look, don't go too bananas with the gifts. It's been one date and she is just getting to know you. Your better bet would have been to just bring a flower to her without announcing it first. That comes across as more sincere than telling us you want to give us nice things, without even really knowing us. 1
Gaeta Posted June 21, 2017 Posted June 21, 2017 Is she the same woman that you posted about on March 21st? Who also did not want gifts from you. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/617958-she-has-limited-time-me
Gr8fuln2020 Posted June 21, 2017 Posted June 21, 2017 I used to give flowers on the FIRST date and it never scared anyone away. :-) I don't do that anymore. I have an easy first 'meet' and if a date is scheduled, I will present a flower or two. It depends on whether the person is actually interested or not. Some will reject gifts b/c it does present some anxiety. And for too many, it could mean ratcheting up of expectations that are not desired at the moment. OP, slow it down. 2
RecentChange Posted June 21, 2017 Posted June 21, 2017 I would prefer not to get flowers.... It's not the "serious next step" despite your belief. I also don't like receiving gifts, especially not early on. Feels like an imbalance - I don't want to bring gifts, and I do want to get them - let's simply enjoy each other. 2
smackie9 Posted June 21, 2017 Posted June 21, 2017 In the olden days giving flowers on a first date meant being a gentleman...these days it means seriousness....I have no idea why it got to that, it sounds so silly to me, because there are so many complaints from women for not being treated special in some way. *shrugs* 3
Gr8fuln2020 Posted June 21, 2017 Posted June 21, 2017 I would prefer not to get flowers.... It's not the "serious next step" despite your belief. I also don't like receiving gifts, especially not early on. Feels like an imbalance - I don't want to bring gifts, and I do want to get them - let's simply enjoy each other. Does this include a flower or two? I dated a woman once who 'preferred' not to get flowers. Not b/c she didn't enjoy them or thought it creepy in any way to receive them on a date, rather, she was against killing the flowers for a few days pleasure. In the olden days giving flowers on a first date meant being a gentleman...these days it means seriousness....I have no idea why it got to that, it sounds so silly to me, because there are so many complaints from women for not being treated special in some way. *shrugs* I think it really depends on the individual. Like I said, I have yet to meet any woman who wasn't at least flattered by receiving them, but I think that those who have experienced the unfortunate clinger, etc. may find gifts too forward. I am convinced, in fact, know that there are plenty of ladies who continue to believe that receiving flowers on dates is a romantic gesture and not necessarily one of desperation or unwanted/inappropriate attention or over-reaching.
GorillaTheater Posted June 21, 2017 Posted June 21, 2017 Like I said, I have yet to meet any woman who wasn't at least flattered by receiving them, but I think that those who have experienced the unfortunate clinger, etc. may find gifts too forward. I am convinced, in fact, know that there are plenty of ladies who continue to believe that receiving flowers on dates is a romantic gesture and not necessarily one of desperation or unwanted/inappropriate attention or over-reaching. Yea I told i wanted to give her very nice things when I would see her again. She doesn't even want flowers from me. And every woman knows giving flowers is the next serious step. And therein lies the problem here. She correctly deduced his intentions with the flowers, and pushed the brakes. You're not necessarily dead in the water, Hawk, but for godsakes slow down or you quickly will be. 1
RecentChange Posted June 21, 2017 Posted June 21, 2017 Does this include a flower or two? I dated a woman once who 'preferred' not to get flowers. Not b/c she didn't enjoy them or thought it creepy in any way to receive them on a date, rather, she was against killing the flowers for a few days pleasure. Yeah even a flower or two. I think “oh great, now I have this flower to carry around” – and I think its pretty cheesy. Receiving a flower doesn’t make me feel particularly special, it isn’t a gift that is personalized, or require much effort. Its not something I am going to get much of any enjoyment from, just simply have to feign appreciation for receiving it. Now, finding a vase of hand-picked wild flowers waiting for me at home, along with a love note from my husband is a totally different thing. Its still not about the flowers themselves, but the fact that he forged for them, was thinking about me when he looked for some beautiful flowers, and left them where I can find them – hoping it would brighten my day, even though he knew he wouldn’t be there to benefit from my immediate reaction. Do they have the “flower ladies” where you are at? Around here, there are these people that wander the streets / bars / night life areas on busy nights trying to sell roses – they go hit up every couple they can find. Man I wave away those flower ladies and dudes SO FAST. “No thank you!! No flowers.. thanks!”
coolheadal Posted June 21, 2017 Posted June 21, 2017 Then listen to her, you don't listen and what happens is your fault only. Do as she ask. You can keep the money for you then. I take them out and i don't buy them anything. When I feel it's the right time then I will buy them things. I like to surprise them.
Author hawx79 Posted June 21, 2017 Author Posted June 21, 2017 So basically it means she doesn't yet wanna be serious with me
GorillaTheater Posted June 21, 2017 Posted June 21, 2017 So basically it means she doesn't yet wanna be serious with me Why the hell would she, after only one or two dates? C'mon man, what's the rush? You barely know each other at this point. Don't be the clingy guy. 4
Gaeta Posted June 21, 2017 Posted June 21, 2017 So basically it means she doesn't yet wanna be serious with me Is she the same woman from your March Thread? Where are you from? Are you from a culture that marries on second date?
Author hawx79 Posted June 21, 2017 Author Posted June 21, 2017 Is she the same woman from your March Thread? Where are you from? Are you from a culture that marries on second date? No, but we communicated online for 10 months before we met and next month we will meet again.
Gaeta Posted June 21, 2017 Posted June 21, 2017 No, but we communicated online for 10 months before we met and next month we will meet again. Why did you wait 10 months to meet?? And why you need to wait another month to meet again?
Author hawx79 Posted June 21, 2017 Author Posted June 21, 2017 Why did you wait 10 months to meet?? And why you need to wait another month to meet again? Because we live 1500km away from each other.
TheWoman Posted June 21, 2017 Posted June 21, 2017 I really do not like gifts, I suffer them. I was with someone for a long time who thought gifts were the answer to all problems - they are not. Your attention, affection, time and effort are the real gifts x 3
Sprince92 Posted June 21, 2017 Posted June 21, 2017 I think she said this caue she thinks youre gonna get her something crazy and she doesnt want you to think she will "owe" you anything. Flowers don't mean anything is serious.... my ex gave me 2 dozen roses on our first date. I thought it was SO cute. it made me fall for him quicker...but just because it was such a cute gesture.. but I dont think she is talkign about not getting her flowers....and if she said she doesnt want gifts, i dont think its a bad thing..but i do think you shuldnt be rushing in to buy her things...it sounds kind of desparate.. GOOD LUCK! 1
ExpatInItaly Posted June 21, 2017 Posted June 21, 2017 She'd be crazy to want to get serious after only 1 date. How old are you both, OP?
Author hawx79 Posted June 21, 2017 Author Posted June 21, 2017 How old are you both, OP? I am almost 38 and she just turned 37. We both have no kids.
preraph Posted June 21, 2017 Posted June 21, 2017 You're desperate to get her and she knows it and isn't going to let you think you can buy her love. You need to not get her ANY gifts for a very long time, and you need to prepare yourself because your behavior in this is unattractive and needy and desperate. She does NOT want to feel obligated to you in any way. And no woman on a second date should want to. It's just way too soon, way too indiscriminate like you don't even know her and are already trying to escalate things. You're just out of line and trying to get somewhere with someone you haven't even taken the time to get to know.
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