Date Rape Recovery ? Telling a New Partner

[TofuJ]

Wondering if anyone may have advice on being with a new partner after experiencing date rape?

 

When I was 16, I was assaulted by my ex-boyfriend after telling him I was not in the mood to be with him on two occasions (He was 19 then). Unfortunately these incidents have stuck with me and has made it somewhat difficult to have sexual relationships.

 

I have been with one person since the assault. I told him about the assault before we began dating (While we were still very close platonic friends). So he knew before we ever tried to be physical. He was very understanding, patient, and concerned with my comfort.

 

He and I broke up, and I attempted to be with a new partner. I didn't tell him anything about the assault, but I felt comfortable with him. Once we started to be intimate though, I immediately felt trapped and left his place pretty abruptly to avoid becoming emotional in front of him. I guess a big part of me thought that three years time and a sexual relationship later I wouldn't still feel so trapped by previous experiences.

 

I would love any advice anyone has to share on telling a new partner about past sexual abuse, and how anyone may cope with past abuse. Thanks in advance.

[preraph]

Well, you need to deal with this through therapy, rape counseling. If you tell a guy at the outset what happened, from then on he doesn't know how to act or what to do and you don't even see his real self. You need to go to rape counseling. Start by calling your police station and asking for the victim's advocate and see if they know of any groups or counselors for that. You might google your town and "rape counseling."

 

You also might take a self-defense course to give you confidence that if you had someone force himself on you again, you could kick his butt. But don't TELL your dates you took that because it only arms them with knowledge.

 

Get to a counselor and take your life back. It will help.