Dating is so complicated

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

She has a 16 year old daughter living under her roof.

 

She is moving in a stranger what kind of example is she giving out as a mother and as a woman.

 

Yeah, I knew that about the OP, but my question was directed to the poster encouraging her to "go for it!"

[Gaeta]

Yeah, I knew that about the OP, but my question was directed to the poster encouraging her to "go for it!"

 

Poster, Divegrl, has 2 children. Of younger age I beleive.

[divegrl]

Hi!!!

 

Thanks Gaeta, my friend!!!! I have two little girls that are my angels!!!!

 

Have a beautiful evening ladies!!!!

[stillafool]

She has a 16 year old daughter living under her roof.

 

She is moving in a stranger what kind of example is she giving out as a mother and as a woman.

 

This is a terrible example for a young girl to see. Children's needs should always come first before some new boyfriend.

[salparadise]

She has a 16 year old daughter living under her roof.

 

She is moving in a stranger what kind of example is she giving out as a mother and as a woman.

 

OMG! This is nuts! I guess she'll be screaming and banging the headboard against the common wall between the rooms. I can't imagine what it would feel like for a 16 year old girl to be exposed to all of this... the alleycat symphony.

 

I always waited at least six months to even introduce a girlfriend to my daughter, and NEVER had anyone sleep over while she was here.

 

In my earlier post I was like, eh, you're an adult so do whatever, but having a teenage daughter changes everything. Nope. If you've got a brain in your head OP, don't bang strangers in front of your daughter.

[kendahke]

If you've got a brain in your head OP, don't bang strangers in front of your daughter.

 

 

Yep.

 

This is the fastest route to having your daughter despise you.

 

Don't bring your sex toys out in front of your children.

[lawgirl79]

Serioulsy people. Come one now. Why the hell would I bang my BF in front of my daughter or show her my sex toys etc.

 

 

That being said, my daughter is mature and she has a BF of her own whom stays over our house occassionally. I am sure I will be judged for that but I have a different style of parenting. I am not strict by any means and those of you to judge what I am doing is just incomprehensable to me.

 

 

To address my ex, I have been through counseling and I am still continuing to go. I have moved on from that. I moved on mentally years ago. I dont need the healing time or time to be my self because for the last three years, I have basically been alone.

 

 

What is good for one does not mean it is good for all. I dont have a habit of bringing strangers around my daughter. This BF is the first and I did discuss it with her before doing so.

 

 

Honestly, now that I think about it..most of you on here have your own ****ed up stories and I am subjecting myself to your advice when you cant handle your own situations.

 

 

Silly me. WTH am I doing on here.

[salparadise]

Serioulsy people. Come one now. Why the hell would I bang my BF in front of my daughter or show her my sex toys etc.

 

That being said, my daughter is mature and she has a BF of her own whom stays over our house occassionally. I am sure I will be judged for that but I have a different style of parenting. I am not strict by any means and those of you to judge what I am doing is just incomprehensable to me.

 

To address my ex, I have been through counseling and I am still continuing to go. I have moved on from that. I moved on mentally years ago. I dont need the healing time or time to be my self because for the last three years, I have basically been alone.

 

What is good for one does not mean it is good for all. I dont have a habit of bringing strangers around my daughter. This BF is the first and I did discuss it with her before doing so.

 

Honestly, now that I think about it..most of you on here have your own ****ed up stories and I am subjecting myself to your advice when you cant handle your own situations.

 

Silly me. WTH am I doing on here.

 

 

Different style of parenting, eh? Yea, they call that the school of promiscuous parenting, right? You're facilitating your 16 year old daughter and her bf being sexually active right there in your house... while you're there! Damn.

 

Yea, you're obviously too smart and righteous to benefit from anything anyone her could offer. I feel sorry for your daughter. I hope she manages to grow up healthy anyway.

[BaileyB]

 

That being said, my daughter is mature and she has a BF of her own whom stays over our house occassionally. I am sure I will be judged for that but I have a different style of parenting. I am not strict by any means and those of you to judge what I am doing is just incomprehensable to me.

 

Your daughter is 16 years old and you allow her boyfriend to stay over at your house? I'm sorry to say it, because I know you don't want to hear it, but where is your good judgment? My parents were definitely not strict but if I asked them to allow a boy to sleep over when I was 16 years old, they would have laughed in my face! Your daughter has no concept of what a healthy relationship is because you have never been able to give her a good model. And now, she is dating a young man at a very young age and you are allowing him to stay over... Hello, pregnancy and unhealthy relationships with no boundaries in her future.

 

Look, I know you think you are right and we are negative. I would say again, our comments are not really negative - just common sense. Not that you are really willing to listen and consider that we may have a good point though... Good luck to you.

 

FYI, I'm not here to tell my ****ed up story. You can get defensive and dismiss our comments as you like, but there are people on this board who have lived and learned. They share their wisdom out of concern for you - providing advice that may help to keep you from making some terrible mistakes. It's up to you whether you find value in that advice or not. But seriously, when every single person on this board tells you that you should reconsider the fact that you are moving too fast and lack healthy boundaries with relationships, and you are the only person who thinks there is nothing wrong... You may want to really stop and think about that.

Edited June 29, 2017 by BaileyB

[Redhead14]

I've said this many times -- OPs sometimes don't come here for advice, they only come here to see how many people will "support" their flawed thought process. They become defensive when they get numerous pieces of advice that don't. Then they will scoop up the ONE or TWO comments that do. To me that is the same as going to 10 doctors until you get the diagnosis you want . . .

[stillafool]

My how times have changed. At 16 my parents were doing everything within their power to keep me from having sex.

[Redhead14]

These are the same parents who are shocked and stunned when they are raising their own grandchildren on a retirement income . . . or in the OP's case, a single income. She is struggling with a divorce after a 19 year marriage and the separation isn't "official" yet and desperately seeking a new relationship to fill that void and distract her from the emotional upheaval. The OP has a very long journey of discovery for herself. After 19 years of marriage and still raising teenaged children, dating will be more than complicated, it will be a nightmare until she gets herself fully focused and reconciled to her "new" life as a single, independent woman for a while.

Edited June 29, 2017 by Redhead14

[Gaeta]

Honestly, now that I think about it..most of you on here have your own ****ed up stories and I am subjecting myself to your advice when you cant handle your own situations.

 

 

Silly me. WTH am I doing on here.

 

I don't care you let your daughters have sex under your roof, what I am appalled at is you bringing a stranger into your life and the life of your kid.

 

My f**up stories never involved moving a stranger of 2 weeks under my roof and living side by side with my teenage daughter. It's not because your daughter is having sex that it makes her *mature* she is still a kid with her brain under development and she is under your protection!! How are you being a protector? You asked her what she think of it? C'mon! She does not possess the maturity and the reasoning yet to answer that question. That is why YOU are suppose to be making the best decisions for her.

 

Your reasoning is shocking but what is even more shocking is that a man, a supposedly good man, is willing to participate in your non-sense. What man with integrity would accept to move in the home of a woman after 2 weeks where a teen girl lives? using the same shower, using the same towels, sleeping next room, eating at the same table!

 

At 6 months dating, If I was not home, my bf would wait for me outside my home if my daughter was inside! because he felt it was inappropriate for him to be alone with my daughter at 6 months dating!! That is a man with good judgement.

 

All of your story is about instant gratification. Just like a drug addict that wants his fix right-now! That is what you are teaching your daughter. The thrill is more important than the consequences.

 

You may think the worse of people here right now but when it all comes falling down for you we will be here to comfort you.

 

Good luck

[Redhead14]

All of your story is about instant gratification. Just like a drug addict that wants his fix right-now!

 

The Op's thread history is more like a nomad who has been traveling through the desert dying of thirst and searching for water. At some point, they drink the sand because they don't know the difference.

[kendahke]

Serioulsy people. Come one now. Why the hell would I bang my BF in front of my daughter or show her my sex toys etc.

 

 

That being said, my daughter is mature and she has a BF of her own whom stays over our house occassionally. I am sure I will be judged for that but I have a different style of parenting. I am not strict by any means and those of you to judge what I am doing is just incomprehensable to me.

 

 

To address my ex, I have been through counseling and I am still continuing to go. I have moved on from that. I moved on mentally years ago. I dont need the healing time or time to be my self because for the last three years, I have basically been alone.

 

 

What is good for one does not mean it is good for all. I dont have a habit of bringing strangers around my daughter. This BF is the first and I did discuss it with her before doing so.

 

 

Honestly, now that I think about it..most of you on here have your own ****ed up stories and I am subjecting myself to your advice when you cant handle your own situations.

 

 

Silly me. WTH am I doing on here.

 

In other words, you want to be your daughter's friend and not her parent.

 

I was referring to this guy you barely know as your sex toy. Didn't quite expect you to out yourself...

 

My own situation isn't messy to where I bring a grown man I barely know home around my 16 year old daughter. At least I know that much.

Edited June 29, 2017 by kendahke

[Versacehottie]

Hmmm, is dating complicated? I don't think so--some people make it so.

 

I think you came on here in your giddiness expecting more people to back what you are doing, even though you yourself have some niggling doubts (and should for what it's worth). To lash out at people who were only trying to answer your original question when seemingly you don't like the opinions you are hearing is completely transparent and unfounded.

 

Unfortunately the lessons and example you have already set for you kids, daughter especially, are already pretty far input and the scope of your "situation" is bigger than just a dating one or moving this guy into your home. Maybe your daughter is mature (ok whatever) because she had to be? You can keep convincing yourself that you've done her some great favor but I'm pretty sure within time you will find out that you have not. Truly hope that this situation works out for the best and your can see the advice on this thread as what it was meant to be.