Should I stick it out?

[DumpedGuy9617]

Just looking for some advice, preferably neutral and from experience. Long story short, I met a very cute woman who I hit it off with. We went on a couple dates, and gradually started to hang out more. We seem to have similar interests, and our personalities fit well. This is important to the story; she is very horny. Not a bad thing, but unusual in my experience.

 

The relationship became very physical quickly, but we also did other things. After about 6 weeks, I asked if she was interested in being my girlfriend. She seemed very excited and said yes. Things continued to do well for about another month. At that point I just asked her if she thought this was going somewhere. She said it had the potential too, recognized we were still in the honeymoon phase, etc. I agreed. Several days later hanging out, she got a text next to me in bed. I saw it was from a phone number by chance. However, she told me it was an app notification. I didn't question at first, but when she left I had to check. I've been played before. I saw a ton of messages from guys, most seemingly random, and with no responses. The one I had seen that night followed suit. She had made the mistake of publicizing her phone number online, which I had noticed on her online profile as well. However, there was a few ongoing conversations with other guys, in which she was going back and forth. Nothing sexual really, just chit chat. There was a couple where she was obviously fed up with the guys, and basically telling them to leave her alone. The messages were like a week old.

 

When she came back, I asked her why she told me the notification was from an app. She said she didn't want me to worry. I apologized and said it prompted me to look at her phone, and ask her why she was talking to other guys. She said most were from random guys she hadn't met, and the others were guys she had been talking to and was trying to let down easy. She said she would tell them she had a boyfriend now, and was not interested. She also said she would block their numbers.

 

She has done a number of other things to make me feel like I can trust her, like saying I can come over anytime (told me where the spare key was). She said this before and after I saw her texts. Also, I've never noticed any signs she has had other men over, and she generally messages me back right away, and always has.

 

Anyway, I am feeling very insecure now and worry about how that will affect our relationship. Do I have legit concern, or am I being insecure? What should I do?

[usa1ah]

You need help if she can't have male friends, that's just part of life.

 

Like always, trust but verify.

 

The only time to say no to friends of the opposite sex if the SO cheated and you're trying to reconcile.

[PegNosePete]

I think you're over-reacting a bit. You had valid concerns before, and it does seem she needed a small kick in the rear to switch from "single mode" to "couple mode". But now (she says) she's made the switch. I wouldn't worry, but I would keep an eye out to ensure her actions match her words.

[Maggie4]

It sounds like she is doing a good job systematically clearing off a long list of men. They will keep texting her. Guys do that. But she's not reciprocating.

Give her a chance to handle this.

[road]

You need help if she can't have male friends, that's just part of life.

 

Like always, trust but verify.

 

The only time to say no to friends of the opposite sex if the SO cheated and you're trying to reconcile.

 

It sounds like she is doing a good job systematically clearing off a long list of men. They will keep texting her. Guys do that. But she's not reciprocating.

Give her a chance to handle this.

 

 

She appears to be a keeper. Her response to you was good.

[DumpedGuy9617]

Thanks for the responses guys. You must understand for a male who has been cheated on and played it is difficult to trust attractive women these days. Just needed a little verification.

 

Ps - I would never stop a woman from having male friends. She has some that I've met...these were not make friends, they were flirts.

[smackie9]

Just think about it......she picked you, and you are the envy of the army of admires. Doesn't that account for anything?

 

Doesn't matter if she is attractive with admirers, or a homely church girl....if they are going to cheat, they are going to cheat. There are never any guarantees when it comes to relationships. If you spend your waking days mulling over if they will be cheating on you, then you shouldn't be dating anyone.

[PegNosePete]

these were not make friends, they were flirts.

Yeah. And at first she was replying in a "keep them on the back burner" way. That "letting them down gently" line she threw you is BS. She was keeping them on the line in case things went pear shaped with you.

 

Which is totally reasonable and normal in the early days of dating.

 

But at the point you become her boyfriend - which presumably is also the point you became exclusive - she should've stopped that. The correct response now that she's in a couple should be "sorry I have a BF I can't talk to you any more" or just stop responding to them completely. She should not be letting them down slowly or gently - anyone who's old enough to date, is old enough to handle it straight. Hopefully now she will do this, and act like a proper girlfriend, instead of keeping them in reserve.

[Space Ritual]

Just looking for some advice, preferably neutral and from experience. Long story short, I met a very cute woman who I hit it off with. We went on a couple dates, and gradually started to hang out more. We seem to have similar interests, and our personalities fit well. This is important to the story; she is very horny. Not a bad thing, but unusual in my experience.

 

The relationship became very physical quickly, but we also did other things. After about 6 weeks, I asked if she was interested in being my girlfriend. She seemed very excited and said yes. Things continued to do well for about another month. At that point I just asked her if she thought this was going somewhere. She said it had the potential too, recognized we were still in the honeymoon phase, etc. I agreed. Several days later hanging out, she got a text next to me in bed. I saw it was from a phone number by chance. However, she told me it was an app notification. I didn't question at first, but when she left I had to check. I've been played before. I saw a ton of messages from guys, most seemingly random, and with no responses. The one I had seen that night followed suit. She had made the mistake of publicizing her phone number online, which I had noticed on her online profile as well. However, there was a few ongoing conversations with other guys, in which she was going back and forth. Nothing sexual really, just chit chat. There was a couple where she was obviously fed up with the guys, and basically telling them to leave her alone. The messages were like a week old.

 

When she came back, I asked her why she told me the notification was from an app. She said she didn't want me to worry. I apologized and said it prompted me to look at her phone, and ask her why she was talking to other guys. She said most were from random guys she hadn't met, and the others were guys she had been talking to and was trying to let down easy. She said she would tell them she had a boyfriend now, and was not interested. She also said she would block their numbers.

 

She has done a number of other things to make me feel like I can trust her, like saying I can come over anytime (told me where the spare key was). She said this before and after I saw her texts. Also, I've never noticed any signs she has had other men over, and she generally messages me back right away, and always has.

 

Anyway, I am feeling very insecure now and worry about how that will affect our relationship. Do I have legit concern, or am I being insecure? What should I do?

 

Ride the relationship out for what it is, and then move on. People tend to put way too much stock in Apps and social media in order to receive ego kibbles. It is a fact of the age we live in.

 

That being said, one little white lie like that, when she knew you could have had access to her device when she left the bed is pretty indicative of someone who really does not see this as a problem. And will not see little white lies or lies of omission as that much of a problem either until she is caught.

 

 

And that my friend, is a perfect reason to just keep this relationship casual and not get too involved with her. She wants it casual, so indulge her and save yourself the heartache.

 

Just see it for what it is, have a good time,and when it's time to move on, just do so and wish her well. You won't see much change in her behavior until someone new comes along that flips her trigger. This will happen in due course, so prepare to exit this playtime with her with no regrets, and fun while it lasted. Do not , I repeat DO NOT get emotionally attached to this one.