Am I running out of time for a baby?

[GunslingerRoland]

Even from the west coast US, though, you could get a return ticket there for $1000 per person (one of the times that I went to Europe, I actually had to transit via the west coast of the US due to my location, so an even longer trip ), and then if you're reasonably frugal a 2-week trip shouldn't cost more than $3000 for accommodation/spending money for two (while still allowing you to see everything you want to see). So that's $5000. Still chump change in the grand scheme of raising a child.

 

Frankly if $5000 is what's holding a couple back, how on earth will they support a child? It's just not doable barring extremely fortuituous circumstances, like having free childcare on tap in the form of a very enthusiastic relative.

 

But I'm talking about travelling with children though (as for why they may want to travel before children). So double all of those costs.

 

And I'm not talking about cost as much as the trip itself. Most parents I know wouldn't want to make a multi stop/many hour trip with young children.

 

$5000 isn't insignificant in any way. That is almost half a year of child care.

[SummerDreams]

I'm a little confused here. So the only sign that your H wants kids is because he had unprotected sex with you when you started dating? Have you actually openly asked him whether he wants kids and when? You say you like his free spirited self but you are upset with him wanting to travel. Did this travelling desire come out of nowhere? What I get from you is that you don't want to have conversations but instead read the signs. This is not a way to keep a marriage. Issues and needs should be addressed and discussed thoroughly. Why was your H shocked to hear you want to start trying for a baby? Have you ever talked about it openly or was your goal first to make you marry you before you start demanding things he has no idea of?

[Els]

But I'm talking about travelling with children though (as for why they may want to travel before children). So double all of those costs.

 

And I'm not talking about cost as much as the trip itself. Most parents I know wouldn't want to make a multi stop/many hour trip with young children.

 

$5000 isn't insignificant in any way. That is almost half a year of child care.

 

 

You must live in an extremely cheap location! Full-time childcare in many cities (the 9-5 M-F variety that would allow both parents to work full-time) is at least $2k/month. And we're not even getting into the nappies, clothes, food, house with an extra room, etc. And if they live in the US, medical costs could be substantial as well.

 

$5000 for Europe for two from west coast US is actually a fairly generous mid-range estimate that allows for direct flights, decent accommodation, etc. If they really wanted they could do it for $3000, but that would involve some discomfort (staying in hostels) and bad flight days/times with multiple connections.

 

My point is, "we need to put off having kids for a few years because we can't afford a trip to Europe" is just... illogical in so many ways. The SO and I have been to Europe twice, from a country that's further away than west coast US. We couldn't afford kids, not yet anyway.

Edited July 1, 2017 by Elswyth

[No_Go]

Oh, you're right it is harder for West coasters.

 

I personally think Europe (western parts) can be very kid friendly, depending on your life style of course (I've never been into partying and considering they're middle aged couple I assumed they'd be into more mellow actuvities as well).

 

Travel system is great over there, you can get in between countries with a train if you want to, or very low cost flights. Excluding the super touristy places (that is not recommend on a first trip because it is too much of time waste anyway), there are many small museums with no wait time, smsll towns to explore, nature etc. Point being traveling with young kids would limit activities somewhat, but there will still be Tom of stuff to do without getting bored.

 

I guess I forget that it's so much closer from the east side of the continent.

 

From out west, you have to make both of those trips you listed.

 

I still stand by my statement though, most of the things that people from North America want to go to Europe for aren't young kid friendly. From spending hours at museums, lining up for hours for something like the Eiffel tower, the Euro party scene.

 

At best most of the stuff there won't appeal to kids under 8, and that is if you have really patient laid back kids.

[No_Go]

$5000 for half year of childcare??? Where is that? Where I live the cheapest one is $12000 for half year. And that is if you're very lucky, could be double than that easily.

 

But I'm talking about travelling with children though (as for why they may want to travel before children). So double all of those costs.

 

And I'm not talking about cost as much as the trip itself. Most parents I know wouldn't want to make a multi stop/many hour trip with young children.

 

$5000 isn't insignificant in any way. That is almost half a year of child care.

[No_Go]

I've done about 10 trips Europe-US while I was a PhD student - aka low salary. I'd get the travel reimbursed but still I had to get masterful in finding cheap flights. I could go to Boston-Amsterdam for like 600 if I shop carefully.

 

Airbnb and B&B in Europe are cheaper than US in most parts. 100/night or less is very doable.

 

So considering that a trip to Europe for 10 days or do is not a great expense. 3000 for two will do. (I don't account for food and minor expenses because you need to buy food etc anyway).

 

Now, if you need to save half year to afford a vacation of 3000, I'd get on birth control and won't ever dream of getting pregnant. Emergency health expense for the kid will be easily more than that...

 

You must live in an extremely cheap location! Full-time childcare in many cities (the 9-5 M-F variety that would allow both parents to work full-time) is at least $2k/month. And we're not even getting into the nappies, clothes, food, house with an extra room, etc. And if they live in the US, medical costs could be substantial as well.

 

$5000 for Europe for two from west coast US is actually a fairly generous mid-range estimate that allows for direct flights, decent accommodation, etc. If they really wanted they could do it for $3000, but that would involve some discomfort (staying in hostels) and bad flight days/times with multiple connections.

 

My point is, "we need to put off having kids for a few years because we can't afford a trip to Europe" is just... illogical in so many ways. The SO and I have been to Europe twice, from a country that's further away than west coast US. We couldn't afford kids, not yet anyway.

[No_Go]

Did you ever had the conversation before getting engaged/married? Desire for children is a massive incompatibility... Something that is a solid reason for a divorce ... so needs to be squared away before marriage not after.

 

I'm sorry to say it but he sounds like a man-boy .. My ex was just like him and I got misled like you because he will say the things that I wanted to hear ... but the actions didn't match.

 

I agree. We had a big fight about this over the weekend. I was trying to be supportive about the Europe trip without losing sight about what I want to. So I had, "oh honey, we'll have plenty of time to save. We can take our trip by April or next summer, and by then I'll be 34, making me 35 when we have our baby." He flipped. He said "whoaaa whoa whoa, I don't want to be on a timeline either, and I never said about having it right after we come back." What?! So we had a major exchange of disagreements. He's not ready, he doesn't know when he will be, im selfish; I told him its not that I'm selfish, it's just that I don't have a lot of time left so I need to at least have an idea. He said he doesn't know. I cried all weekend, and as usual, he was able to snap back from this fight like nothing happened, talking endlessly about what he talks about best-- Pokémon, movies, music, etc. I don't know what to do. I'm not sure this is something I'd want to divorce over because it's not something I always wanted--- but it kind of feels like he deceived me and it's cruel to have awoken a desire in me that he wasn't serious about. I resent him for being the one to awake that desire-- and the one to extinguish it.

[ThatsJustHowIRoll]

But I'm talking about travelling with children though (as for why they may want to travel before children). So double all of those costs.

 

And I'm not talking about cost as much as the trip itself. Most parents I know wouldn't want to make a multi stop/many hour trip with young children.

 

$5000 isn't insignificant in any way. That is almost half a year of child care.

 

I've made several multi-hour/many stop trips with my 3 children. The youngest traveller has been 18 months, the oldest 7. They have loved it. The last trip they spent a month traveling Vietnam and Cambodia. Visited 6 cities. Watched my kids have a ball playing hide and seek at Angkor Wat. They keep asking to go back... but we're a family of adventurers so don't like to visit the same place twice

 

Next month we go to 9 locations over 5 countries... planes, trains, buses. They're excited . We're all excited. Having kids has not stopped us from traveling... we have taken 3 holidays this year. But yes, it does get expensive. We live in the Southern Hemisphere so everything is more expensive. But We work hard for it, so why not? And my husband and I don't feel like we are missing out on anything doing the "family" thing. Wiping myself out with Slimeballs and Ferals in Ibiza doesn't sound particularly appealing to me anyway

 

Some of the best childhood memories are of family holidays.

 

Kids and traveling are not mutually exclusive