Ashl Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 Hi I've been in a distance relationship for 2 years. We've spent about half of that together in total. About 3 months ago he asked me to marry him. I didn't want to say yes because he expected me to go and live in the south of England with him and all my family are in the north. He has a very good job and I understand why he doesn't want to live where I do but I suggested we both give London a try.He said it was a great idea and we both started looking for jobs.He started his new job in London a month ago and I am supposed to be starting mine next week. (I haven't moved yet but I've visited.) Two days ago he called me and said we needed to talk.He told me he thought I shouldn't come to London. He began by telling me he felt bad about making me leave my family but when I told him how exited I was about it all, he began to use other reasons I shouldn't go. It felt to me that he was making excuses and I asked him if he was trying to finish with me. He got angry and said that he 'couldn't do this anymore'. I tried to talk to him and ask him what he couldn't do. He said 'be pushed into all this'. I've never pushed him, it's been the other way around if anything. It's been two days now and he hasn't called me back. He's never been like this before with me. I left a message on his answer phone asking him to call me and he called me this morning and left one on mine (I was showering). He just said 'don't call me'. I'm so upset and confused. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ashl Posted June 23, 2017 Author Share Posted June 23, 2017 Hi I wrote a thread earlier but it hasn't appeared. I'll make this one shorter. I've been in a 2 year relationship with a distance of 200 miles. We've spent about a year together in total. He asked me to marry him but I wasn't sure because he he wanted me to move so far from my family. I suggested we live midway (London) and he liked the idea and got a new job there a month ago and I am supposed to be starting my new job there next week. On the phone 2 days ago he told me 'I can't do this anymore'. When I asked what he meant, he said 'all of it' and hung up. I've tried to call him but he left me a message saying not to call him. I'm angry, hurt and confused. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
trailwolf Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 very odd that he dumped you so close to after he asked you to marry him , lucky for you that you got out of this now rather than later . forget this jerk somebody much better will come along for you . Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 There's really not enough information in this and your other posts to say with any certainty why he bailed on you like he did. We could speculate all day long on whether it's because he found another woman or whether you're impossibly mean or everything in between. But the facts we know are that he bailed, you tried to reach out, and he's rejected your attempts to do so. The best thing to do at this point is to give him all the space in the world, and I'm talking absolute radio silence until he reaches out to you in an affirmative way, and if I were you I'd give him a few days to squirm until I replied. None of that may even happen, of course. For now, take care of yourself. You may want to pass on the London gig; the support of your family is going to be critical for a while. I'm sorry this happened to you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ashl Posted June 23, 2017 Author Share Posted June 23, 2017 Thank you for replying. I've just arrived home from work and had no messages but when I checked to see who'd phoned last, there was a missed call from his number about an hour ago. I'll see if he tries again. I don't think I'll go to London, the job wasn't great anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Knix Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 Sounds like he's been having a great time in London. There may be someone else. He was being an ass to you so that he could throw his hands up and not feel guilty about just ending things because there's someone else in his life. My ex did the exact same thing. He was seeing someone else and then was so nasty to me all of the sudden. I told him I wanted to break up and he said "okay!" And hung up, never heard from him again and he got into a relationship with the girl a week later. Link to post Share on other sites
Knix Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 Sounds like he's been having a great time in London. There may be someone else. He was being an ass to you so that he could throw his hands up and not feel guilty about just ending things because there's someone else in his life. My ex did the exact same thing. He was seeing someone else and then was so nasty to me all of the sudden. I told him I wanted to break up and he said "okay!" And hung up, never heard from him again and he got into a relationship with the girl a week later. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 Well, he probably doesn't understand why you won't leave your family to be where he was already established but you'd leave them to move to London, where I presume your family are also not living. England isn't that big a country to be quibbling about moving away from family, honestly. They're never more than 3 hours away, really. I think he's regretted making this change. His money won't go anywhere in London and he left a good job. He may be just wanting to return to his old position. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ashl Posted June 23, 2017 Author Share Posted June 23, 2017 Thank you for your message. London is just over an hour for both of us but from where he was to where I am takes over 3 due to having to cross London. We could more easily visit our families. Could have done. He was having some settling in anxiety with the new job but he seemed to be positive and had been coaxing me to hurry up. Link to post Share on other sites
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