Author NJ123 Posted June 24, 2017 Author Share Posted June 24, 2017 Why? In the end, you're still the one who has to deal with your feelings. Now and in the future. A thicker skin and an unshakeable, positive mindset are going to be part of your solution box no matter what she says. Because I don't get why anyone would actually agree to be with someone that said something like that to them unless they had a good reasoning for it. I just can't see anyone outside of a guy who gets walked all over to be with a woman that degrades them. It's like a woman can state something really mean to you yet you're supposed to just say to yourself "confidence! be confident about it!". Like seriously what the hell? Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 AGREED. No point of even asking her. How old are you? You guys have to be in high school right? or early 20s? I'm ... a mature man. I control my feelings and emotions. I'm not shaken and broken because of what someone else says about me. Definitely don't go around demanding answers for my slighted feelings because experience has taught me IT DOESN'T MATTER! I also know a little something about acting like an overly emotional, hurt man and attraction .... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 Because I don't get why anyone would actually agree to be with someone that said something like that to them unless they had a good reasoning for it. I just can't see anyone outside of a guy who gets walked all over to be with a woman that degrades them. It's like a woman can state something really mean to you yet you're supposed to just say to yourself "confidence! be confident about it!". Like seriously what the hell? Trust me, you can't fix everyone's personality flaws. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted June 24, 2017 Author Share Posted June 24, 2017 Why? In the end, you're still the one who has to deal with your feelings. Now and in the future. A thicker skin and an unshakeable, positive mindset are going to be part of your solution box no matter what she says. It's like you think a woman would be okay with you if you said she should lose 50 pounds? And than think she has to be confident that you don't like her appearance? Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted June 24, 2017 Author Share Posted June 24, 2017 Trust me, you can't fix everyone's personality flaws. Why are some in here stating I need to be confident about being degraded like that though? Like why would I even for a second think about wanting to be with someone who treats me like that regardless of if it bothered me a lot or not? Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 It's like you think a woman would be okay with you if you said she should lose 50 pounds? And than think she has to be confident that you don't like her appearance? Midknightdreams is speaking in general about confidence, not specifically about this girl. He is saying not to walk around being downtrodden. People like being around others who feel good about themselves and are hopeful. Emotions are contagious. Again, it's not specific to this girl. It's a general attitude. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 Because I don't get why anyone would actually agree to be with someone that said something like that to them unless they had a good reasoning for it. I just can't see anyone outside of a guy who gets walked all over to be with a woman that degrades them. It's like a woman can state something really mean to you yet you're supposed to just say to yourself "confidence! be confident about it!". Like seriously what the hell? I think you are missing the point... My guess is that long before she cracked the joke, you gave off a bad vibe...So she decided to kick you in the nuts..That's why instead of getting angry, you should have at least joked it off..I dont know if it would have helped you in this case, but it would have at least shown her that you aren't hung up over it...Just about anyone can respect that... You need to have a different vibe to project to the world...You come across as insecure and overly defensive..Trust me on this one...Almost no women have issues with shorter guys...Yes, even the ones who say they do...Those same women would gladly accept the right shorter guy.... You have really nothing to gain by trying to get in her head,,, TFY 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 It's like you think a woman would be okay with you if you said she should lose 50 pounds? And than think she has to be confident that you don't like her appearance? Women are judged about their weight all of the time. Fat-shamed and many other things. My point is how she deals with it is up to her. She can choose to be strong or she can fall apart. Strength is more appealing and more beneficial. Someone's opinion or why they said such a thing doesn't determine how she responds. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted June 24, 2017 Author Share Posted June 24, 2017 Midknightdreams is speaking in general about confidence, not specifically about this girl. He is saying not to walk around being downtrodden. People like being around others who feel good about themselves and are hopeful. Emotions are contagious. Again, it's not specific to this girl. It's a general attitude. Yeah, but he's saying that my height wouldn't be an issue with her if I'm confident. But why would I want to go out with someone in the first place that said that to me unless she has a good answer for it? Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 It is disappointing though when you really like someone and then they say something crass. It's like getting gut punched. But you do have to remember that this is what dating is for. Be glad you found out early rather than later. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 Yeah, but he's saying that my height wouldn't be an issue with her if I'm confident. He didn't say that. He was recommending an attitude that will be beneficial to all (that includes YOU), but nothing is ever guaranteed in terms of how others respond. You can just increase your chances of positive outcomes. But why would I want to go out with someone in the first place that said that to me unless she has a good answer for it? You shouldn't imo. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted June 24, 2017 Author Share Posted June 24, 2017 I think you are missing the point... My guess is that long before she cracked the joke, you gave off a bad vibe...So she decided to kick you in the nuts..That's why instead of getting angry, you should have at least joked it off..I dont know if it would have helped you in this case, but it would have at least shown her that you aren't hung up over it...Just about anyone can respect that... You need to have a different vibe to project to the world...You come across as insecure and overly defensive..Trust me on this one...Almost no women have issues with shorter guys...Yes, even the ones who say they do...Those same women would gladly accept the right shorter guy.... You have really nothing to gain by trying to get in her head,,, TFY No, the conversation was fun & no bad vibes at all. Than she flat out asked how tall I was. And that's when it happened. Here's the convo almost word for word. Her: I'm 5'6" how tall are you? Me: 5'6" myself Her: Are you really? Me: Yeah why? Her: Well I typically go for taller guys like 5'9 and up Me: Oh I see Her: Do you mind wearing heels? Me: It doesn't matter to me Her: Okay you wear 3 inch heels and it will be perfect Me: lol you're not comfortable with me being the same height? Her: I think if you end up being my guy it wouldn't matter Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted June 24, 2017 Author Share Posted June 24, 2017 He didn't say that. He was recommending an attitude that will be beneficial to all (that includes YOU), but nothing is ever guaranteed in terms of how others respond. You can just increase your chances of positive outcomes. You shouldn't imo. He did say it in one of his first posts on here. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 No, the conversation was fun & no bad vibes at all. Than she flat out asked how tall I was. And that's when it happened. Here's the convo almost word for word. Her: I'm 5'6" how tall are you? Me: 5'6" myself Her: Are you really? Me: Yeah why? Her: Well I typically go for taller guys like 5'9 and up Me: Oh I see Her: Do you mind wearing heels? Me: It doesn't matter to me Her: Okay you wear 3 inch heels and it will be perfect Me: lol you're not comfortable with me being the same height? Her: I think if you end up being my guy it wouldn't matter She said it wouldn't matter. From the vibe of this conversation I don't think she'll care. Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 No, the conversation was fun & no bad vibes at all. Than she flat out asked how tall I was. And that's when it happened. Here's the convo almost word for word. Her: I'm 5'6" how tall are you? Me: 5'6" myself Her: Are you really? Me: Yeah why? Her: Well I typically go for taller guys like 5'9 and up Me: Oh I see Her: Do you mind wearing heels? Me: It doesn't matter to me Her: Okay you wear 3 inch heels and it will be perfect Me: lol you're not comfortable with me being the same height? Her: I think if you end up being my guy it wouldn't matter She obviously doesn't expect you to wear heels and actually said it wouldn't matter. You've chosen to get offended anyway. And now want to confront her. Bring negative vibes when even you said the convo "had no bad vibes". Why? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted June 24, 2017 Author Share Posted June 24, 2017 She said it wouldn't matter. From the vibe of this conversation I don't think she'll care. Yeah, but the asking me to wear 3 inch heels is what's really annoying to me. It just leaves me feeling like she'd be embarrassed being with a shorter guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted June 24, 2017 Author Share Posted June 24, 2017 She obviously doesn't expect you to wear heels and actually said it wouldn't matter. You've chosen to get offended anyway. And now want to confront her. Bring negative vibes when even you said the convo "had no bad vibes". Why? huh? She flat out said I should wear 3 inch heels & it would be perfect. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 Yeah, but the asking me to wear 3 inch heels is what's really annoying to me. It just leaves me feeling like she'd be embarrassed being with a shorter guy. No one is perfect but when you love someone you forget about their flaws. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted June 24, 2017 Author Share Posted June 24, 2017 No one is perfect but when you love someone you forget about their flaws. But why would she flat out ask me to wear heels than say that I should wear 3 inch heels? Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 No, the conversation was fun & no bad vibes at all. Than she flat out asked how tall I was. And that's when it happened. Here's the convo almost word for word. Her: I'm 5'6" how tall are you? Me: 5'6" myself Her: Are you really? Me: Yeah why? Her: Well I typically go for taller guys like 5'9 and up Me: Oh I see Her: Do you mind wearing heels? Me: It doesn't matter to me Her: Okay you wear 3 inch heels and it will be perfect Me: lol you're not comfortable with me being the same height? Her: I think if you end up being my guy it wouldn't matter Well I wasn't there, so all we can do is take your word,,If what you are saying is true she is nuttier than squirrel shyt,,,,Or maybe she picked up on something from your picture....I dunno... But I do see one problem with the dialogue,,, When she asked you if you minded wearing heels, you gave a wishy washy answer...Instead you should have said something like "No way in hell I would wear heels, I don't really feel like looking like a jackass" or ..."let me see if I still have the pimp outfit from when I used to do that type of work....Ill have to get back to you on that'... Let her know that you aren't down with that garbage..without getting emotionally unhinged.. TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted June 24, 2017 Author Share Posted June 24, 2017 No one is perfect but when you love someone you forget about their flaws. If it's not a big deal to her why would she mention flat out say that to me? Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 But why would she flat out ask me to wear heels than say that I should wear 3 inch heels? It was a joke. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted June 24, 2017 Author Share Posted June 24, 2017 Well I wasn't there, so all we can do is take your word,,If what you are saying is true she is nuttier than squirrel shyt,,,,Or maybe she picked up on something from your picture....I dunno... But I do see one problem with the dialogue,,, When she asked you if you minded wearing heels, you gave a wishy washy answer...Instead you should have said something like "No way in hell I would wear heels, I don't really feel like looking like a jackass" or ..."let me see if I still have the pimp outfit from when I used to do that type of work....Ill have to get back to you on that'... Let her know that you aren't down with that garbage..without getting emotionally unhinged.. TFY True, maybe I should mention that I'm never wearing heels & see what she says to that. But genuinely the conversation was perfectly fine until this part of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted June 24, 2017 Author Share Posted June 24, 2017 It was a joke. Well, what if I ask her if she was joking yesterday about me wearing heels & she says no? From the conversations we've had the vast majority of the time she's joking she uses emoticons. That time it felt dead serious. I'm almost certain she wasn't joking. Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 It was a joke. Could be a joke. A test to see how sensitive he is about his height. Which he's failing royally. No matter what the reason is, the best response is NOT to freak out about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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