BrandiLeigh Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 My husband of about a year has a kidney issue that gives him kidney stones on a regular basis. It can take a few days to a couple weeks to pass the stones and during that time he is unable to do anything sexually. We've been together over 5 years and it seems to be getting worse. I've tried to have compassion for what he's going through because it can be extremely painful. Lately, however, I've gotten more resentful. He has been okay with me masturbating, which I have been doing more often lately. I don't do it in front if him, but I don't hide it from him. I fear that this will only get worse as time goes on and have been less likely to initiate things even when he's healthy. I don't feel particularly guilty when I masturbate, I just feel bad that he can't do anything. I don't know if there is an answer for this, but I would love to get some input on it. Link to post Share on other sites
trailwolf Posted June 26, 2017 Share Posted June 26, 2017 i see nothing wrong with what ur doing , i feel for ur man but at least ur not going out an getting it from another man an cheating on him ! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted June 26, 2017 Share Posted June 26, 2017 I am really sorry for your situation. Is there any kind of preventive medication they can give him or a diet they recommend to alleviate some of his issues? Can he not participate in making love to you without having intercourse? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted June 26, 2017 Share Posted June 26, 2017 Some studies have shown that it may help to have sex. Check with his Dr. Having sex might help you pass a kidney stone. - Seriously, Science? Do you know what type of stones he has? Different ones, different diet. https://www.niddk.nih.gov/health-information/urologic-diseases/kidney-stones/eating-diet-nutrition Hope he feels better soon. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HangnTN Posted June 26, 2017 Share Posted June 26, 2017 Your compassion is just overwhelming. Further, I can't imagine the brickbats that would be thrown at any man who posted something similar were the situation reversed. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
JHandy Posted June 26, 2017 Share Posted June 26, 2017 Whenever I cannot perform, I still have other means to please my wife. Could you ask him to make you climax (finger, mouth, toys)? He may be out of commission for a bit, but he can still be part of your enjoyment. Sometimes I can snap to adterwards. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 Whenever I cannot perform, I still have other means to please my wife. Could you ask him to make you climax (finger, mouth, toys)? He may be out of commission for a bit, but he can still be part of your enjoyment. Sometimes I can snap to adterwards. In defense of the guy (my H has had plenty of kidney stones), that's unfair to put on him. He's feeling discomfort and in pain. How about asking your wife to give you a BJ or a hand job while she is having bad cramps, headaches and stuff during the first few days of her period. Anyway, just steer clear of sex until he's passed his stone and feeling better. If you want to masturbate, do so guilt free and enjoy yourself. No need to have to tell him or ask his permission. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 Just one question. If he was injured one day and he couldn't have sex anymore, would you leave him? Would you cheat? Here is the thing. Stones hurt. Imagine its almost like giving birth at times pain wise. Being in pain like that takes it out of you. I don't know about you but my wife didn't want anything to do with sex for over a month or two after each of our kids. Your husband sounds like he is in pain quite a bit. My brother had the same issue for about a year. His was caused by his diet. Now with you doing what you are to keep your sanity. Why not in front of your husband. It might help to get him going again. Also he will blame himself for your frustration and resentment. This will have a negative effect on his abilities. It can also cause him to start resenting you for not being supportive of him during this. Try and find things to do together including your private time. This should help with the resentment that I think both of you are feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
Bufo Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 Kidney stone #1 I thought I was dying. Kidney stone #2 I knew what it was but it still hurt like hell. Women who have had stones and given birth rate the kidney stone passing pain worse. It is sharp, burning and unrelenting. Any girlfriends with bad endometriosis? I'll bet they are not thinking of sex during attacks. Get him to a nephrologist or urologist. Meds and diet and surgical treatment can all help. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted June 29, 2017 Share Posted June 29, 2017 (edited) i see nothing wrong with what ur doing , i feel for ur man but at least ur not going out an getting it from another man an cheating on him ! Yet . But it won't be long if she's complaining already. Grow a pair and look after your damn husband, And don't forget ,you will be out of commission plenty through the life of a marriage with kids and operations and God knows what else later. Edited June 29, 2017 by Chilli Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted June 29, 2017 Share Posted June 29, 2017 I find it hard to understand how your only thoughts here are your sexual needs. Whatever happened to in sickness and in health. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
big dog Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 I find it interesting that you think you can't go a few days without sex. you're husband obviously has a serious medical condition. But you're only talking a few days at a time usually. You should have more self control than that i'd think. masturbating's OK though as long as hubby doesn't mind..... Link to post Share on other sites
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