Not excited about ring shopping

[pindarsapho]

Hi everyone,

 

I've been in a relationship for three years with a very wonderful guy. He is 29 and I am 23. Over the last year, we talked frequently about getting married sometime in 2006 (in either June, August, or October). For a while from April to July, I was in the "so when are you going to ask me to marry you?" mode, hassling him from week to week. He responded with kindness and patience all the time, saying not to worry because he has everything under control. So I got off his back and decided to be zen about the whole thing, since there is nothing worse than twisting a guy's arm behind his back to get him to marry you.

 

This weekend, we are supposed to be going up to the jewelry district in downtown to look for an engagement ring. This idea was brought up by me many weeks ago in passing, because I had heard that the jewelry district has great selections offered at cost. So we decided to go shop for one this weekend (also suggested by me), but suddenly, I'm finding all this not too exciting anymore. I don't know if it has anything to do with one of our mutual friends passing away last weekend, because I've been feeling pretty jaded and depressed since then.

 

But I'm also finding that I don't like the idea of having a wedding altogether - I had already suggested getting married in Vegas (elope) many times, but he said he wanted to do it the "proper" way with family and friends and all. I find the details of wedding planning excruciating and we're not even engaged! But to compromise, we agreed to a very low budget, small wedding, and I already finished saving up for my half of the cost of the wedding we're going to have.

 

I'm just wondering if any of you went through this stage, and frankly, I'm frustrated because I FEEL like I should be jumping out of my seat in joy, but I don't feel that way at the moment. I've realized that the most important thing is not the engagement and the wedding and all this other hoopla, but the actual commitment of making our marriage work, and I'm all down for that. In fact, although I love living by myself (we don't plan to live together until marriage), the prospect of marrying him and living with him excite me. It's just the whole engagement thing, which I thought I wanted so badly up until few weeks, and the wedding don't excite me as much. Is there something wrong with me?

[LucreziaBorgia]

For a while from April to July, I was in the "so when are you going to ask me to marry you?" mode, hassling him from week to week.

 

I think the problem lies here. It sounds like now that he has gone through with the proposal, some part of you is dissatisfied that it wasn't spontaneous, and came after many attempts to lead him in that direction.

 

So, perhaps its the lack of spontaneity that is getting you down? Planning a wedding can be hard, and not nearly as fun sometimes as the thought of just jumping into the car like two crazy kids and running off to Vegas to have a wedding like that.

[bab]

I think the big question is are you not excited about the wedding, or you not excited about being married? I was also very excited about getting married before we got engaged, and when we did, reality set in. Wedding planning is about as fun for me as pulling teeth without novicane. It doesn't help that my family is less than excited about all of my ideas. And I don't want to spend huge amounts of money. The thing is, I'm still excited about being married to my fiance. That's what's important.

 

About the pressuring of your bf. Well, think about his personality. Is he the type of guy that would ask you to marry him just to get you to shut up? That's a bad sign. Or is he the type of guy that your pressure maybe made him evaluate what he wanted and he did in fact decide for himself? Not that I'm saying pressuring someone into marriage is a good thing, but just because you pressured, and he is asking, doesn't mean that the only reason he asked was because you pressured? Does that sentence even make sense? I also pressured my bf, but I know him well enough (and he has told me) that it didn't matter. He wouldn't have asked if he wasn't ready.

[clandestinidad]

about as fun for me as pulling teeth without novicane

 

Interesting that you word it that way....as I have experienced it a few years ago.....its torture and bizzare

 

Anyway, if I was ever going to get married again, I'd really want to do what the OP said...not necessarily in vegas, but somewhere away from everyone/everything.

 

I'd rather go to some island just the 2 of us, get married, have our honeymoon, and come back and have a party/reception/whatever with family and friends. They could see a video of it. As far as I'm concerned, the stress and hassle of planning, organizing, and trying to please everyone is rediculous and causes too much stress and fights in the relationship.

 

I think that since the marriage is b/n the 2 people, and they'll live with each other for the rest of their lives (hopefully) they should do it however they want....and I feel like since its so personal, it should be intimate (and I think people should look back at their engagement and wedding with happiness and love, not remembering stress and fighting which causes cold feet, and wondering if you really want to marry them)

 

But thats just me....some people like to have a bigger thing with everyone there.....I'd rather be with all of them later though.

 

So....I agree that maybe since he's finally done it or you know he's about to do it, there's no more fantasy for you. I think we grow up expecting it to feel amazing and wonderful and like nothing else, but when it actually happens its kinda like "thats it??? I dont feel any different" Kinda like your 16th 18th or 21st b-days....its all just hype.

 

I wouldnt let this get you down. Just wait until after youre married....that doesnt feel any different either, even though we grow up thinking it will feel miraculously amazing