I don't really know how to be happy outside of a relationship

[Nogan]

Let's see, I have good friends, I work, I have hobbies to invest in, I exercise almost every single day, and I'm even decently attractive so I don't have much difficulty getting laid.

 

It's not really the same. When I'm single, I just kind of float along through life not really knowing what to do with myself until I eventually get over the last person and meet someone else. I can't imagine that this is how it's supposed to feel, but having a woman to genuinely care about is about the only time the rest of my life makes any sort of sense. It's like, during my last relationship, everything was just sweeter and I actually felt like there was some sort of purpose to living day to day.

 

I've felt this way for a long time. And I'm in a rough spot right now because I need to be single for a couple more months until I get over this last girl, but going out and meeting/chasing new women is such a tempting pastime. Just a kind of empty existence since it won't ever convert until I'm in a better spot.

 

Anyone deal with this?

[Knix]

I'm a woman that deals with this as well. I used to feel a lot of shame about wanting a relationship all the time. My sister is VERY independent and she doesn't get me. I used to think something was wrong with me until a friend asked me why I thought it was bad to want a relationship? I didn't know either...

 

 

I think it only becomes a problem if you stay in a relationship because you're afraid to be alone, or if you are constantly looking for something new and exciting while in a relationship.

 

 

I never understood the amount of time you are supposed to stay single because of a breakup. If you know deep down you are okay and won't drag issues of the past into a new thing, what's the harm in dating?

 

 

A lot of people enjoy and prefer being in a relationship. I don't see anything wrong with it as long as you are going about it in the healthy way.

[rushed]

I feel the same way. The times I've been single, I enjoyed moments here and there - hanging out with friends, going to the gym at 3 am, taking classes, seeing whatever stupid movies I wanted to at the movie theater with all the delicious popcorn.

 

But at the end of the day I was still lonely. Like you, getting laid was no problem. But that didn't ease my loneliness.

 

To me life is just so much better when you have someone to share it with. I can't relate to people who are happy being single. I like someone holding me when I'm sleeping, and I like having someone to text my random stupid thoughts to, and I like having someone who will be my cheerleader during rough times.

 

The only way I found myself making it through singledom was just sucking it up and living my life. I mean one really doesn't have much of a choice.

[fieldoflavender]

There are pros and cons. As someone who has been single for most of their life and was in a long term relationship that almost led to marriage, I think part of it is the lack of drama and stability in being able to make your own decisions.

 

And falling from being too comfortable with someone is a terrible feeling. Good thing I've been able to feel used to be on my own so I don't feel that dependent now alone again. I can not imagine if you had always been with someone and you're learning once again to be alone.

[Chilli]

That's where l'm at .

lt's very weird being single now, my whole life there was always someone.

lt's strange , sometimes l feel like pinching to see if it's real.

l can understand how some people prefer being single but it def' doesn't agree with me.

Friends and stuff just don't do it for me , or one nighters .

[Miss Peach]

I find I enjoy myself either way but I tend to wind up in relationships most of the time. Even last time when I tried to stay single, I had a number of seemingly good guys who wanted to be my BF to choose from. I have an independent streak naturally so I'm good as long as I can nurse that from time to time.

[Heartbrokenandhurt]

Yes I feel this on a daily basis. I think its a validation thing, sadly. I have issues.

[Chilli]

nothing to do with validation for me. l just love being a couple, not the nerdy kind, have always had a very cool life with my women , l just prefer that kinda living.

[Popsicle]

I'm content and at peace when I'm single. Meaning, I'm not super high happy, nor am I down, sad and depressed about it either. When I'm in a relationship, I find that I'm either super high happy or super sad and stressed about things that are not going well. There has been no in between......sadly I have not experienced staying in a super happy state in a relationship (which would be ideal, but likely unrealistic?) or even getting to that place of peace and content and staying there with someone. I am hoping to get to that place with someone one day. I think maybe if I weren't so at peace with being single then I'd probably be with someone now (impulsive?) and probably be married. I do like marriage.

[Popsicle]

I have to say that I do struggle with understanding people who can't be alone. I read a comment a lady made recently about how she doesn't know how to live her life without her partner (they were no longer together). I like to hope that she meant that she was just so sad that he was gone and the sadness was so crippling that she is struggling with recalibrating, but not that she really doesn't know how to do things or do anything in life without someone. Like really? You don't know how to get through a day by yourself? It just kind of blows my mind....

 

It's actually quite common really. I have tons of friends (all women) who are like this.

 

I'm especially baffled when these relationships are not good, or they are miserable in them. Why do you miss that so much?

Edited June 30, 2017 by Popsicle

[Popsicle]

 

It's like, during my last relationship, everything was just sweeter and I actually felt like there was some sort of purpose to living day to day.

 

It would help if you found another purpose in life.

.... other things that you look forward to... other things to live for.

[D-Lish]

I actually enjoy being alone- I don't equate being alone with being lonely. There is something liberating about being comfortable in your own skin. I've been single for a very long time and it doesn't bother me much. Getting laid isn't a problem, but I've figured out that I'm much happier being alone than being in a relationship just for the sake of having someone by my side.

[Kitchen]

The number one most primitive purpose in life is to mate and reproduce.

 

I too feel empty without a partner, particularly at my age now (29 M), and particularly now that most of my friends have coupled up and some even having kids. It's a really crappy type of loneliness I am feeling now.

 

I am happy with my hobbies. I have things I enjoy. But nothing in life is as fulfilling as loving and being loved, and having that partnership. I'm not ashamed of feeling empty, it's our genetic desire to mate.

 

I hate it when people say "you need to learn to be happy alone before being in a relationship". Yes I'm happy, as happy as I can be being alone at this age, but no matter what without being fulfilled by this most basic of human desires, how can anyone truly be happy?

 

I know some are, some are independent, some are emotionally closed off, some are lying to themselves, some fake it to make it, but to me it's just natural to feel this way.

 

Having said that, I would rather be alone than settle. To me it's a ****tier feeling being with someone you don't enjoy rather than having nobody at all.

[Popsicle]

Having said that, I would rather be alone than settle. To me it's a ****tier feeling being with someone you don't enjoy rather than having nobody at all.

 

I get this but some people truly feel it's ****tier to be alone than be in a bad relationship. Being alone is a WORSE feeling to them.

Edited June 30, 2017 by Popsicle

[Kitchen]

I get this but some people truly feel it's ****tier to be alone than be in a bad relationship. Being alone is a WORSE feeling to them.

 

Yea that I don't get. Isn't a relationship that you don't enjoy a burden rather than a benefit?

[Popsicle]

Yea that I don't get. Isn't a relationship that you don't enjoy a burden rather than a benefit?

 

My guess: At best, they miss the good things. At worst, they truly don't know how to make any moves in life by themselves.

[Els]

I think it's normal and human to desire emotional intimacy with another person (whom you care about and who cares about you). It only becomes a problem if this desire starts to cloud your judgement and good sense (for instance, staying in an unhappy/abusive/harmful relationship just for the sake of having a relationship). Assuming this isn't the case for you, I don't see why you should perceive yourself as having "a problem" in this regard.

 

Breaking up really does suck, but just like every other sucky phase of life, you just gotta hold your chin up and plough through. When you make it to the light at the end of the tunnel, you'll realize it was worth it.

[fieldoflavender]

Try to find the person you were before the break-up. I was sad and lonely, but a lot of the times, I was also very proud and happy. I was proud of the little things in life that made me happy and I liked the freedoms and doing my own thing.

 

It doesn't mean you should never change or modify anything for someone who is worthwhile, but it means you need to find confidence in who you are. That's key.