Anxiety management - your tips?

[girlinNYC]

I have never been a sufferer of anxiety, or had it diagnosed - however the only instance I feel it is when I'm around a guy I like, or before I approach him.

 

Are there any tips to tap into the anticipation/anxiety I'm feeling revolving around saying hi? I am meant to be seeing him at the end of the week.

 

Side note: To not sound arrogant, I don't have any physical insecurities and I know what I can offer a guy in all facets of a relationship. I'm just not sure where the anxiety around seeing him is coming from.

Edited June 26, 2017 by girlinNYC

[coolheadal]

I am Reiki Master Healer, one of that is emotions and mental issues. We all have this condition you might not know it. Do you get excited, or do you ever feel like your going into a panic state of mine. Like oh no I going to be late!!! Where is my car keys!!!, Where is did I put that!!! Stuff like that. Or your late for the airline trip!.. Sometimes you can take 3 deep breaths and say the word relax each time. Got to clam down a bit.. You'll find it you'll make it, you'll get there on time!

[Superchicken]

I have never been a sufferer of anxiety, or had it diagnosed - however the only instance I feel it is when I'm around a guy I like, or before I approach him.

 

Are there any tips to tap into the anticipation/anxiety I'm feeling revolving around saying hi? I am meant to be seeing him at the end of the week.

 

Side note: To not sound arrogant, I don't have any physical insecurities and I know what I can offer a guy in all facets of a relationship. I'm just not sure where the anxiety around seeing him is coming from.

 

Hi girlinNYC,

 

 

When you approach him next, I want you to think about, if he is a cheater/player.

Don't think about your situation. I want you to analyse every move he makes, and every word he says.

Pre think what you reckon he will say, and possibly plant a few suggestions to see which way he plays them.

 

 

This will totally take you mind of you, and focus on him, and like a Weekend football match, watch and read him play by play.

Then maybe by half time, you can "Score" ..

Sorry, had to put a pun in there !.

My mind has been in the gutter lately, and come to think of it, its pretty crowded here with a lot of other guys minds as well.

 

 

Good luck, and here's to a few Touch downs..

 

 

Ted (Naughty)

Edited June 26, 2017 by Superchicken

[amaysngrace]

I don't call that having anxiety.....I call that having a bad vibe about someone

[Gaeta]

I tell myself.

 

* What will be will be.

 

* Whether he likes me or not my life will remain the same and I am not losing anything.

 

* If it's not him then he'll be someone else.

 

* can't control that he likes me or not. Just be yourself.

[girlinNYC]

I don't call that having anxiety.....I call that having a bad vibe about someone

 

oh, care to elaborate? This interests me!

[girlinNYC]

Hi girlinNYC,

 

 

When you approach him next, I want you to think about, if he is a cheater/player.

Don't think about your situation. I want you to analyse every move he makes, and every word he says.

Pre think what you reckon he will say, and possibly plant a few suggestions to see which way he plays them.

 

 

This will totally take you mind of you, and focus on him, and like a Weekend football match, watch and read him play by play.

Then maybe by half time, you can "Score" ..

Sorry, had to put a pun in there !.

My mind has been in the gutter lately, and come to think of it, its pretty crowded here with a lot of other guys minds as well.

 

 

Good luck, and here's to a few Touch downs..

 

 

Ted (Naughty)

 

Hi Ted,

Great advice, thanks! Every conversation we have had has been extremely pleasant (minus one time where he was more distant than usual) and he's always taken the lead re interest, subtle flirting. I haven't shown any 'interest' during conversation, unintentionally of course, I have always been so focussed on playing it cool that I had only realised a week or so ago that I actually hadn't shown him anything myself, so this is my next intention.

The talking doesn't worry me, as I know I'm a great conversationalist, but it's that initial first few seconds of saying hi? For some irrational reason I'm scared I'll be annoying him and it'll be awkward? I think my mind is playing tricks on me. He constantly looks at me, etc so I am confident there's interest. I don't think many guys would be annoyed if a girl they find pretty talks to them, ha! It's a good stroke to the male ego. Fingers crossed.

[girlinNYC]

I tell myself.

 

* What will be will be.

 

* Whether he likes me or not my life will remain the same and I am not losing anything.

 

* If it's not him then he'll be someone else.

 

* can't control that he likes me or not. Just be yourself.

 

Absolutely

Thanks Gaeta. Although I know all of this, it is that initial nervousness of saying hi which freaks me out, once I get a warm reception from him I'll be 100% fine, I'm just hoping it is a warm one if previous encounters are anything to go by.

[basil67]

Does your anxiety prevent you from having a good conversation? Or is it just pre-date nerves which will come good on the night?

 

And what's with deliberately showing no interest? Is that also part of your anxiety?

[todreaminblue]

this is going to sound stupid but I'm good at stupid so here goes...I fi am anxious I say ...I am not going to die.....my anxiety started from basically trauma so ...I repeat I am safe ...I am worthy .....I am not going to die..i am not going to be ridiculed or publicly stoned....and I survived that anyway..lived through too much to let this stop me..

 

the best thing a person can say to me when I I am anxious is hey I'm here your ok...so chill....relax..its ok...my support network know this....and I love my supports.....even when I dont agree with them and feel I'm going to just die....I get strength from them ...vibe off them

 

and I basically no matter how anxious or scared I am even when I am facing something or someone alone...I feel my supports and I feel a determination and hope form.....I think that actually comes from god he gave me my support system and they are solid..........and I step up.....that's exactly what I am going to do when I go shark diving...i will repeat often I am not going to die....and I can be anxious when the shark actually rips my leg off....until then..yeah...im not dying yet....my anxiety can go to hell.....where it belongs.....I am stronger than my anxiety ...even when I don't feel it.....deb

[D-Lish]

I'm the same way with people I'm attracted to. I'm not a shy person unless I'm attracted to a person- then I get nervous, tongue tied, and blush like crazy. The more I overthink things, the more daunting the approach seems.

 

You said you unintentionally avoid showing romantic interest. What I've been told in the past, after dating some of the guys, is that I was coming off aloof and that made them unsure. That's the thing- everyone gets nervous and is unsure how to act around people they are crushing on. So it's good to take into account that they may be feeling just as nervous.

 

Watch his facial expression when you walk into the room- does he smile, does his face light up? Does he blush?

[amaysngrace]

oh, care to elaborate? This interests me!

 

Yea sure. If being near someone is making you feel physical unease then that's your gut instinct sensing danger ahead. That's your fight or flight response being triggered.

 

Or are you talking about butterflies in your stomach?

[girlinNYC]

Does your anxiety prevent you from having a good conversation? Or is it just pre-date nerves which will come good on the night?

 

And what's with deliberately showing no interest? Is that also part of your anxiety?

 

No nerves during conversation, we have had a few laughs. It is more the anticipation which makes me feel nervous.

The me showing no interest has been unintentional. I can be quite shy and when speaking to him I've been focussed on playing it cool/not saying anything embarrassing etc that I soon realised hasn't provided much for him to run with.

The showing interest is my next step, I have no issue doing that.

[girlinNYC]

I'm the same way with people I'm attracted to. I'm not a shy person unless I'm attracted to a person- then I get nervous, tongue tied, and blush like crazy. The more I overthink things, the more daunting the approach seems.

 

You said you unintentionally avoid showing romantic interest. What I've been told in the past, after dating some of the guys, is that I was coming off aloof and that made them unsure. That's the thing- everyone gets nervous and is unsure how to act around people they are crushing on. So it's good to take into account that they may be feeling just as nervous.

 

Watch his facial expression when you walk into the room- does he smile, does his face light up? Does he blush?

 

Oh me too, I am a shy person, however with him during conversation I don't get tongue tied or anything which shows nervousness, it is so strange. I am super comfortable speaking to him, it is more that initial approaching which is causing my nerves. I am thinking of stopping by his work and saying hi - we work close by.

Yeah, I also made that aloof judgement myself reflecting on the conversations we've had and my lack of flirting compared to his. Sometimes I walk by his work and not even look at him because I'm shy which to him would come across as 'she isn't interested' which I totally get, and wouldn't blame him for thinking. This isn't a mind game I'm playing btw: it is genuine shyness, however I hear looking 'aloof' makes you more attractive to a guy? I must say he continues to stare at me, etc.

His facial expressions are always positive. He widely smiles whenever we've greeted each other, laughs, etc. Definitely what you want.

[girlinNYC]

Yea sure. If being near someone is making you feel physical unease then that's your gut instinct sensing danger ahead. That's your fight or flight response being triggered.

 

Or are you talking about butterflies in your stomach?

 

No I don't feel physical unease or bad vibes, I love his company. It is more so butterflies in my stomach anticipating visiting him.

[amaysngrace]

No I don't feel physical unease or bad vibes, I love his company. It is more so butterflies in my stomach anticipating visiting him.

 

That's good then, much better than anxiety.

[D-Lish]

Sometimes I walk by his work and not even look at him because I'm shy which to him would come across as 'she isn't interested' which I totally get, and wouldn't blame him for thinking. This isn't a mind game I'm playing btw: it is genuine shyness, however I hear looking 'aloof' makes you more attractive to a guy? I must say he continues to stare at me, etc.

His facial expressions are always positive. He widely smiles whenever we've greeted each other, laughs, etc. Definitely what you want.

 

I don't think acting aloof makes you more attractive to a guy at all. I think most guys like positive signals. I've learned through the years that lots of guys are just as nervous and confused about dating as we are.

 

I like a guy I work with and his signals are so confusing from one day to the next that I have no clue what's going on in his head. One day I'm positive he likes me, and the next I'm equally positive he doesn't. I think consistency is important - even if you just smile and wave when you see him.

 

I'm really outgoing, happy, and not in the least bit shy with people I have no stakes in. I've been told by guys that they thought I didn't like them because I was animated and talkative with everyone but them. It's easy to misinterpret shyness as disinterest.

 

It's a good sign that he smiles when he sees you. You have to look deeper into the body language- do his eyes widen, does he grin vs smile. When a guy likes you his face will light up when he sees you.

 

You should also trust your instinct- if you think he likes you, he probably does.

[todreaminblue]

I don't think acting aloof makes you more attractive to a guy at all. I think most guys like positive signals. I've learned through the years that lots of guys are just as nervous and confused about dating as we are.

 

I like a guy I work with and his signals are so confusing from one day to the next that I have no clue what's going on in his head. One day I'm positive he likes me, and the next I'm equally positive he doesn't. I think consistency is important - even if you just smile and wave when you see him.

 

I'm really outgoing, happy, and not in the least bit shy with people I have no stakes in. I've been told by guys that they thought I didn't like them because I was animated and talkative with everyone but them. It's easy to misinterpret shyness as disinterest.

 

It's a good sign that he smiles when he sees you. You have to look deeper into the body language- do his eyes widen, does he grin vs smile. When a guy likes you his face will light up when he sees you.

 

You should also trust your instinct- if you think he likes you, he probably does.

 

 

I am the same way with guys I like..i can be close to someone I have no attraction for but if I am attracted it becomes really hard for me....it feel magnetic for starters...confusing most noticeably... I dont feel in control.....I feel really vulnerable...and I will veer off from getting close....like...direct avoidance...stupid I know...but as I wrote in my first post here...I am good with stupid....it must be hard for guys I like to know I like them.....but...I do find the guys that like me back ...take the risk and go for me......which is not so stupid...they in their cleverness.....see through my stupid...lol...which is cool..and then I feel comfortable to let down my guards a bit....get to know them on a deeper level .......deb

[girlinNYC]

I don't think acting aloof makes you more attractive to a guy at all. I think most guys like positive signals. I've learned through the years that lots of guys are just as nervous and confused about dating as we are.

 

I like a guy I work with and his signals are so confusing from one day to the next that I have no clue what's going on in his head. One day I'm positive he likes me, and the next I'm equally positive he doesn't. I think consistency is important - even if you just smile and wave when you see him.

 

I'm really outgoing, happy, and not in the least bit shy with people I have no stakes in. I've been told by guys that they thought I didn't like them because I was animated and talkative with everyone but them. It's easy to misinterpret shyness as disinterest.

 

It's a good sign that he smiles when he sees you. You have to look deeper into the body language- do his eyes widen, does he grin vs smile. When a guy likes you his face will light up when he sees you.

 

You should also trust your instinct- if you think he likes you, he probably does.

 

Great advice again, thanks.

I've done the smile and wave thing to him once before, he looked away when I caught him looking at me and I felt mortified (thats the shyness coming out ) so I guess I fear ever being in that situation again, ha.

Deeper body language of his includes standing quite close to me, smiles instead of grinning, quite wide eyes. Despite the flirting he has many signs of a shy guy, even though I'm at a loss as to why - he is the literal example of tall dark haired and handsome.

The whole standing close to me thing struck me straight away.

I am going to begin the flirting (finally) by complimenting what he's wearing, and I'll go from there.

[basil67]

No nerves during conversation, we have had a few laughs. It is more the anticipation which makes me feel nervous.

 

In that case, I would say that what you're experiencing is totally within the realms of 'normal'.