He FLAT OUT lied to me and then said I need to stop manipulating him -- how to deal?

[mymadlife]

Would like some feedback on this one. My fiance and I were set to marry over a year ago. We bought the wedding bands etc -- but broke up not long after. The reasons revolved around his level of control and his anger over me withholding a paycheck from him -- and he was spending money imo -- irresponsibly and i was scared to be left holding the bag. We were no contact 41 days.

 

Well it happened. I had to get my own apartment. However, I didn't sell my rings. He was shocked. I immediately started wearing my engagement ring again. I left the wedding band in my cabinet.

I recently realized he took it. I asked where it went. It was missing. He said that he was going to get it resized for me. It didn't need that.

 

I let it go. Well during a fight last night I asked where it was since it was gone. He said he couldn't believe I was asking. That he was taking it to sell. So he could buy me a bigger one. It's a wedding band. That makes no sense.

 

And the place we bought it would give us what we paid for it for any upgrade. They told us.

 

So I asked where did you take it? He said tiffanys. I said why? That makes no sense. I let it go.

 

So this afternoon he asked me where it went. Why did I take it. I didn't. I said I never touched it. Why? He said he just wanted to make sure I didn't take it.

 

Now we have been fighting a lot lately. And he says I am the love of his life but I need to be less accusatory and bothering him.

 

I didn't. I said soooo if you had it appraised as you say. How much did they offer. He said 3800. We only paid 1100 for it.

 

I said what? You are lying to me. I pulled out the receipt from my email. And showed hkm. He said wow. That's so weird.

 

I said what is weird is that is just not right. You are lying. He said "you are just full of questions. Accusations. Manipulation. I am sick of your games. And honestly the way you are asking me ...I think you are up to something very deceitful. YOU are hiding something and trying to divert my attention. You have a problem".

 

I asked hkm where his wedding ring is. He said its "in a safe place". I said wow. You Won't tell me?

 

He said no. It's in a safe place and that's all I need to know. And any further questions are scaring him about my intentions.

 

How do yoi deal with flat out lies and being told that you are doing something very wrong yourself because of the nature of your questions about these obvious lies. What to do?

[elaine567]

Dating is about finding compatible people.

YOU don't trust him with money and he is not trustworthy with money.

He lies and you call him out on his lying and he lies again.

It is obvious he has sold both the rings.

 

He is NOT husband and father material so you need to realise that and bail now before you have three kids together and no money whatsoever.

[Mrs. John Adams]

I agree with Elaine...this relationship is not going to improve. Look at it in a positive way....you found out that you are not compatible before you married and avoided the expense of a wedding and then a divorce.

 

You cannot build a relationship on lies.

 

Good luck to you in whatever you decide to do....

[mercy]

Sneaky people annoy me.

 

I'd move the bed out of the house and say don't worry it's in a safe place.

[aileD]

There's some gaslighting going on here too.

I would seriously reconsider marrying him

[mymadlife]

I checked and he didn't sell the ring. I think he was planning to -- but why did he make up the lie about how much he was quoted?

 

It makes NO SENSE.

 

And it's just a pointless lie...

 

And it makes me wonder what else he lied about. So, I went and checked his google history and saw that he was searching out a woman's name on FB.

 

She is a very cute girl who lives out of state -- single -- and just graduating college.

 

She doesn't work in his field and it makes no sense why he would be checking this girl out -- for anyting other than romantic issues/

 

I didn't see any other evidence in my quick glance.

 

However, when we broke up - -he said he only went on one date and it was bad. He said he was talking to another girl up north but never met her.

 

Well, as I checked his pictures I saw that he had forgotten to delete some photos of him completely out of state -- near the water. He didn't have an actual picture of him with a woman. But there were texts from the girl -- he sent -- saying 'i'll text you as soon as I get into bed'.

 

And I randomly asked him -- if he had ever been to this location and he said no. never. I said, oh -- for some reason -- I thought you said you had.

 

He said 'nope'. "what's wrong with you?"

[elaine567]

How much proof do you actually need?

He appears to be a total stranger to the truth.

Edited June 26, 2017 by elaine567
removed quote

[mymadlife]

I guess -- I just keep making excuses. Well, we were broken up. He didn't have a duty to tell me what he was doing. Right?

 

 

As for him searching the woman -- should I worry? I don't have any other proof. But, if I call him on it -- it won't be pretty. Then, he will be pissed at me that I went through his stuff -- instead of being sorry thta he lied to me.

 

I want to move on and believe -- but it's hard now. I feel as if I have to question everything.

 

He doesn't act like a cheater right now. Not at all. But -- how do I trust?