Is my wife hiding something?

[stillafool]

It is a possible that your wife is fantasizing about other men as well and maybe flirting back a little but not engaged in an affair. Like you she is a red blooded woman and is capable of being attracted to other men but that is where it ends.

[suspiciousH]

 

Did you use her computer? It often has logs for each account one logged into. And when logged out it will display "accounts" which were logged into using it unless all of it was purged.

 

Hey Maraud3r -- I don't see a list of accounts when I start-up Skype on her PC (or mine, which she uses sometimes). I don't know how to find such a list in PC logs and wasn't able to find a way to do so on Google.

 

By the way, I agree completely with your precious comments.

[suspiciousH]

It is a possible that your wife is fantasizing about other men as well and maybe flirting back a little but not engaged in an affair. Like you she is a red blooded woman and is capable of being attracted to other men but that is where it ends.

 

That's my hope.

[Jersey born raised]

Stillafool, like zombiehead's wife?

 

This thread and his seem intertwined at some level. Suspicious, you should read Zombie's thread (it's up to over a thousand comments) and post your thoughts here if your wife is acting the same as your's.

Edited July 1, 2017 by Jersey born raised

[suspiciousH]

Hey Maraud3r -- I don't see a list of accounts when I start-up Skype on her PC (or mine, which she uses sometimes). I don't know how to find such a list in PC logs and wasn't able to find a way to do so on Google.

 

By the way, I agree completely with your precious comments.

 

Sorry, "previous" not "precious" comments. (Thanks, iPhone auto spell...)

[Maraud3r]

It is a possible that your wife is fantasizing about other men as well and maybe flirting back a little but not engaged in an affair. Like you she is a red blooded woman and is capable of being attracted to other men but that is where it ends.

This is contradictory. Finding someone attractive is the first step, FLIRTING with them is already the second, physical contact the third. It only goes downhill from there.

 

Opening the door a bit, pretty much invites someone wrenching it open. It leaves an opening others can exploit and that might lead to further acts that should not exist in the first place. People cry slippery slope fallacy, ignoring that not every slippery slope is in fact a fallacy.

 

Hey Maraud3r -- I don't see a list of accounts when I start-up Skype on her PC (or mine, which she uses sometimes). I don't know how to find such a list in PC logs and wasn't able to find a way to do so on Google.

 

By the way, I agree completely with your precious comments.

Logs older than 30 days should usually be saved on the hard drive somewhere unless the person in case changed/deleted them. Where it is depends on the windows version being used and some other factors. You should google it.

 

As for other accounts. The small blue arrow on the right side of the name on the login screen can be clicked upon. It shows other names with whom one has logged in on said account, unless they have been deleted from the history.

[Mz. Pixie]

Sorry but, what? There is a HUGE difference between looking at people and possible mental cinema and actually engaging with another person. Feeling someone up, flirting with them and opening a door that should be firmly closed is a red flag. And not to be explained with "getting appetite somewhere else" anymore.

 

 

It's not about her being flirted with, it's about HER FLIRTING WITH OTHERS. Being chat up and talked to is one thing, however not closing that door and giving a firm rejection to it, instead inviting further advances and flirting back is an entirely different one.

 

This might be shocking to you but not everyone is you! I know, astonishing concept that.

 

 

Well apparently not grown enough to understand that not everyone is you and that other people have different boundaries and that flirting with other people, feeling them up etc might be stepping over the line for some.

 

It's him giving her the benefit of the doubt that her behaviour was indeed unintentional and not meant to convey what it did.

 

If you want to be grown, flirt with people, feel them up and possibly escalate further you are indeed free to do that. However you will find that many partners will not take you violating their boundaries and the integrity of your relationship lying down. This is not a case of someone banning you from doing something but merely telling you that if you do, it will have consequences such as them walking out on your or throwing you out.

 

 

Did you use her computer? It often has logs for each account one logged into. And when logged out it will display "accounts" which were logged into using it unless all of it was purged.

 

First of all, I wasn't assuming that everyone is me. I stated to me, as in my opinion, which you know kinda is the basis of this forum.

 

Secondly, the time that OP has taken to fantasize regarding these other relationships he could have been focusing on his wife. While I'm glad that he has told her about these sessions- could it be possibly that she would like his full attention and not for it to be dreaming up fantasies of other women he actually knows in real life.

 

So- it's ok for him to do those things but not okay for her to touch her hair in conversation with a man? Okay, big double standard.

 

Nothing was mentioned about feeling anyone up so I am not sure where that factored in at any point. I clearly said that her FB conversations were inappropriate. It has however been three years.

 

They have been married a very long time and other than that in all those years he has never had a cause to worry or be concerned- that's a great track record.

 

I'm simply giving her the benefit of the doubt.

[suspiciousH]

Totally unrelated but I've been playing with the kids this morning. We have a pitching machine and batting cage on the property and I am so proud that my eight year old son is now hitting 40 mph curve balls and sliders consistently! Love my family!

[Mz. Pixie]

Totally unrelated but I've been playing with the kids this morning. We have a pitching machine and batting cage on the property and I am so proud that my eight year old son is now hitting 40 mph curve balls and sliders consistently! Love my family!

 

That's great and glad to hear.

 

I think if you read some of my posts you'll see that I'm pretty hard on true cheating situations. It's just that some of the posters here are colored by what has happened to them in the past, understandably but immediately they think a woman is cheating.

 

I just hate to see a long great marriage be torn apart by stuff like this.

[SoulStorm]

I personally do not think a married woman should be flipping her hair and touching other males in conversation. regardless of what she may be thinking by doing this, she is sending signals to the gentlemen she is doing this to as she is interested. In truth she may not be, but that is not what the guy she is touching is thinking. The guy she is touching is thinking, 9 times out of 10, that she is flirting and interested in me.

 

That's just how in general men think. You can't make us think like women, because we are not.Most women are use to being flirted with. Most guys are not. The guys that are flirted with will try to take it to the next level in most cases.

 

There is a huge difference between fantasizing and actively pursuing. If my wife was grabbing mens arms, smiling at them and flipping her hair, that would be a huge disrespectful move to me. That guy will be thinking..I can take this guys wife because she is all over me, especially if she is DOING IT IN FRONT OF ME. Much worse also if she does it behind my back.

 

 

I guess if your husband was to talk to a woman, look in her eyes and smile while he runs his fingers gently across the nape of her neck would be acceptable. Well that may be good for your marriage..but my wife would not approve of me doing that. As I do not approve of her grabbing another man's arm and flipping her hair and smiling at him. She accepts that and that's why we will be celebrating our 31 year anniversary this month.

[Superchicken]

Nothing was mentioned about feeling anyone up so I am not sure where that factored in at any point..

 

Actually, he did say she places her hands on their arms..

So there is touching.

 

 

I would love your mentality to be the same for everyone else.

But, its not, and further, people these days are more devious, and sneaky.

Red flags are harder to spot, and when you do, its better to side on caution, rather than "Hope"...

 

 

You need to read so many guys, and girls, on this Forum, who had nothing but a stupidly dumb suspicion, but, yet, after some digging, Wallah..

Cheater caught, and all efforts proved well worth it.

 

 

Do I hope she's not cheating, yeah, and I hope we all look like idiots.

But, Red flags have been observed, and rather than feeling unsure, it would be better to prove it one way or the other.

 

 

Please don't say to "Talk to her about it".

That is the worst thing to do. Who in their right mind would fess up ?.

Get serious.. I mean, they are ALREADY lying to you about the affair, so you think that they will say "Oh well, she's suspicious, might as well give up the ball game.. Shucks golly gee"..

Or "WHAT, cheating, no way honey.. I love you so much, I couldn't do that to you.. Schnookems..".

 

 

Its too bad, there isn't more people like you, and be honest, but, we live in this world with liars and cheats..

 

 

Ted.

[Mrs. John Adams]

i just have a question...does your wife also touch women when she talks to them? Because some folks are just touchers...just like some folks are huggers....it may just be who she is and she doesn't even think about it.

 

yes...I am still giving her the benefit of the doubt...

[Mz. Pixie]

 

 

You need to read so many guys, and girls, on this Forum, who had nothing but a stupidly dumb suspicion, but, yet, after some digging, Wallah..

Cheater caught, and all efforts proved well worth it.

 

 

 

 

 

Ted.

 

Yeah-I've been here since 2005-and I've read plenty of stories, thanks

 

Of course I know if she's cheating she won't admit it.

 

I wanted for him to ask for access to her email. Before she had a chance to delete anything.

[suspiciousH]

i just have a question...does your wife also touch women when she talks to them? Because some folks are just touchers...just like some folks are huggers....it may just be who she is and she doesn't even think about it.

 

yes...I am still giving her the benefit of the doubt...

 

Good question. I haven't paid attention to whether or not she interacts with women in the same way. I'll pay more attention over the next week.

 

I speak fluent Spanish and have lots of Latino friends and so by extension so does my wife. One of her Latina amigas, wife of a buddy of mine, is very touchy with everyone. But I recognize the cultural differences between Latinos and North Americans. Still, I've told my wife that it bugs me when she touches me when we talk.

[SoulStorm]

i just have a question...does your wife also touch women when she talks to them? Because some folks are just touchers...just like some folks are huggers....it may just be who she is and she doesn't even think about it.

 

yes...I am still giving her the benefit of the doubt...

 

Yes and does she flip her hair when touching these women as well....

[Mrs. John Adams]

Yes and does she flip her hair when touching these women as well....

 

“The hair flip is an unconscious message sender. It tells the world that you want to be noticed: As animals, we are attracted to movement; when we flip our hair, we draw attention to ourselves. Often this is done in order to gain attention from the opposite sex, however, it can also be done in an aggressive manner to make an individual appear larger and more threatening.”

 

Does she have a hair style that her hair falls across her eyes or face so she tosses her head to get the hair out of her view?

 

I am a hair twister....I twist it subconsciously...I dont even realize i am doing it.

[suspiciousH]

Is soulstorm the same poster as suspiciousH?

 

Are you an idiot?

 

I just looked at some of his posts. Do the same and you'll see that there are dramatic differences in writing style.

[SoulStorm]

Is soulstorm the same poster as suspiciousH?

 

ummm no...

[suspiciousH]

[quote name=

Does she have a hair style that her hair falls across her eyes or face so she tosses her head to get the hair out of her view?

 

[/quote]

 

No, she doesn't have that type of hairstyle.

[Aqulesco]

Those skype sessions are probably smoking hott. The secretive illicitness adds to the intensity

[suspiciousH]

Stillafool, like zombiehead's wife?

 

This thread and his seem intertwined at some level. Suspicious, you should read Zombie's thread (it's up to over a thousand comments) and post your thoughts here if your wife is acting the same as your's.

 

Just read the first seven pages of Zombiehead's original post. I would say that his experience started differently and his wife displayed much more advanced signs of an affair than mine has thus far. In my wife's case: no nude photos that I know of, no phone guarding, no refusal to provide access to phone, no major physical changes, no new lingerie that I have found, etc.

[merrmeade]

Hey Mikey -- I would put flirting and cheating in different categories.

 

In each case of flirting I raised my concerns (and in one case I walked off the soccer field and said I'd talk to her later). I told/reminded her that flipping of the hair, showing her neck, touching her face, and her repeatedly touching the arm of another guy is 100% flirting in my book. She said that she wasn't aware of the signals that women send and that the occurrences were unintentional. After I saw her do that with the project manager I showed her a Youtube video on the signals that women send to express interest.

So I've read this entire thread just now. A couple of things...

 

First, the conversation about flirting and cheating: My experience is that they are inextricably linked within ONE category. It's simple: Flirting leads to cheating. And believing her when she says that she's not "aware of the signals" and the "occurrences were unintentional" is a mistake IMO.

 

Flirting is a thrill. There's the chase and conquest, tease and response, innuendo and acknowledgement, all creating sexual tension. If circumstances allow enough contact, the back-and-forth repartee and oblique, suggestive double entendres build electricity until one day those friendly, brief touches get sexual and go further, deeper, longer.

 

In my husband's case, he had no clear boundary where flirting stopped and lumped petting in with flirting because that's how it started. But any innocence they feign about what's right and wrong about these behaviors is just that - a feint that barely fools the listener, much less the teller.

 

Like suspiciousH, I used to have conversations with my husband about interactions I'd observed that made me uncomfortable. Similarly, he'd express lack of awareness or intention. I can't say I bought it entirely, but I couldn't imagine or swallow the possibility that it was anything other than innocent. Therefore, like sH, I lectured him on 'how it looks.' Well, now he's admitted to five affairs, both emotional and physical, that ALL started with flirting. I now know that he didn't know any other way to interact with women and blamed them. Messed up - I know.

 

I'm just telling you this, sH, to get you to start thinking about the fact that she may be playing you, too. I don't give my husband one iota of margin for this kind of bullshyte any more and he knows it. He wouldn't dare. The closest he's come was with a recent client, whose texts I came across and noticed were a shade too personal. Called him on it, got denial but not really. It was denial in words, but we both knew I was right.

 

And that leads to the other point I want to make about the way you all have been talking about flirting. This dissected argument about hair twisting is a silly but dangerous red herring. Obviously, most of us are inexperienced flirters - compared to these examples, but, good grief, everybody flirts differently. The point is that on some level there's a biological and psychological response to each other's body language and verbal responses, which has unmistakable sexual overtones. You're going to miss the real thing if you limit it to the short list of hair-twisting, arm touches and whatever else you've been debating. There's the 'look,' joking, the voice inflection, smile, laugh, sitting position, and so on that some people master at a very young age, but most don't make YouTube videos about it or even discuss it.

Edited July 1, 2017 by merrmeade

[merrmeade]

Just want to suggest another line of 'investigation.' Check all her credit card and bank statements as well as app purchases. Look at all purchases on the computer and on the statements. If it's out of the ordinary or raises questions about intention or receiver, then look further. If you thought she was meeting someone, then look for restaurant, motels, plane trips, gifts, etc. Think that anything is possible. Don't assume -

 

- until you've exhausted resources and you're satisfied. Then, you stop all this.

[Zona]

46 would be an odd age for her to be getting all flirty and hypersexual. She's getting pretty close to menopause, so her estrogen and especially progesterone levels are likely dropping pretty low. Does she take the birth control pill? That can mask the hormone drop.

[Bastile]

Bastile -- Thoughtful post.

 

Openness to cheating and actual cheating are different in magnitude but I couldn't live with either. Both would leave me in a morass of doubt and anger and I simply wouldn't live that way. But I consider myself a forgiving person, and I can let go of a very temporary curiosity that led to a stupid chat so long as it's not a behavioral pattern.

 

Question: Why do you hit on women who are unavailable? I ask not only because of the obvious integrity questions it raises but because it seems to me that an attached woman who is open to cheating isn't useful for anything beyond sex. For example, I've read a number of OW posts on LS to better understand the underlying psychology (or psychosis) of the WW. Almost without exception these women are grotesquely narcissistic. And were the state of their minds/hearts reflected in their physical appearance they would look like the exceptionally vain woman who disfigured herself with cooking oil in a misguided attempt to beautify herself, as described (and pictured) in the following article:

 

Cosmetic surgery addict injected cooking oil into her own face - Telegraph

 

I have found life to not be quite so black and white. Otherwise it wouldn't hurt my poor brain so much.

 

I would like to say how much I respect the great husband that you seem to be. That's part of why I'm interested in your thread. Maybe I could be there one day myself in your shoes?

 

I would veer towards that she hasn't cheated on you, but she is behaving unacceptably. She's clearly leading guys on, and then she gaslighting you with the "friends" business when you called her on it.

 

Very difficult position for which there are no easy answers.