Is my wife hiding something?

[Bastile]

You're right that life doesn't always (often) resolve to the binary. But one basic rule we can all use to guide our choices is, "Are my choices damaging, or likely to damage, someone else?" In the case of seducing an attached woman you are damaging her SO if not the woman herself. More so if she's married.

 

If a business partner of my company breaches it's agreement I'm likely to sue the partner if we can't come to terms in a arbitration of some sort. Marriage is a contract, albeit one that has lost its remedies clause, perhaps owing to the fact that it's breached so often and governments don't want to crowd their courtrooms with contract cases brought by a sea of wronged spouses. But that doesn't mean that we as individuals should behave any way we want just because the potential penalties for ourselves are de minimis.

 

More broadly, it could be argued that Victorian morality was simply a reaction to the personal excesses of a prior era. Yes, an over-correction, but still a response to the societal consequences of social mores in the Middle and Renaissance Ages. 150 years ago and before it was perfectly acceptable to kill a man in a duel for bedding your wife if you had the skill and inclination to a take a life. I wonder if the collective excesses of our age will bequest to our grandchildren and great-grandchildren a similar fate.

 

Which completely ignores the dual mating strategy that women have for the lover/provider.

 

If I were to never have romantic relations with a woman for fear of harming some other man, I would never speak to another woman in my life.

 

I've been cheated on before too. I think to blame some random guy, rather than your Mrs is risible. These men have no responsibility to you. And expecting them to, based on some sort of white-knight moral code - as if we are all knights of the round table - is not living in the real world.

 

 

In my opinion ( and this could be way off) I would start off by sitting down with her and having a very serious discussion.

 

The problem with this idea is that he found her having prolonged Facebook chats with an orbiter (would be suitor), only for her to gaslight and use the age old excuse of "friends".

 

That makes an honest and direct discussion on the issue very difficult.

[wmacbride]

Thanks, Wmacbride. I've had several chats with her about my worries including a very serious discussion after I discovered the FB chat three years ago. But I've never asked her if she was cheating or if I have full access to truly everything because I feel that those questions are over-the-top, and probably inflammatory, given my observations thus far.

 

As you can read from the comments in this thread I've received many different opinions about whether or not I should spy and how long I should do so. At this point I've decided two months is reasonable. If I find nothing then I hope that I'm adult enough to let things go.

 

What you say makes sense.

 

The only response I have is this ( and it may not apply to your wife, so take it with a grain of salt, as everyone is different)

 

Reverse the roles.

 

If your wife came to you and told she was concerned, and laid out the reasons why, would you be angry with her, or would you be open to discussion her worries?

 

Again, I don't know if she was cheating or not. What matters to me is you have concerns, and a loving marriage should be able to address these. I'm not talking about accusing her, but if you have worries, they need to be addressed so they won't grow. From what you say, you've noticed some changes in her behavior, and even if she isn't cheating, it's still good to talk about it with her. It could even just be that she is going through a "mid life crisis" ( so to speak) and it's affected her behavior in ways she might not even realize. Talking with her can help her to open up and keep the two of you well connected.

 

It not only gives her a chance to know your fears and help you work through them, it can help her by encouraging her to keep the lines of communication with you wide open.

 

bet of luck. you sound like a husband who cares a lot for his wife:)

[wmacbride]

Which completely ignores the dual mating strategy that women have for the lover/provider.

 

If I were to never have romantic relations with a woman for fear of harming some other man, I would never speak to another woman in my life.

 

I've been cheated on before too. I think to blame some random guy, rather than your Mrs is risible. These men have no responsibility to you. And expecting them to, based on some sort of white-knight moral code - as if we are all knights of the round table - is not living in the real world.

 

 

 

 

The problem with this idea is that he found her having prolonged Facebook chats with an orbiter (would be suitor), only for her to gaslight and use the age old excuse of "friends".

 

That makes an honest and direct discussion on the issue very difficult.

 

I see what you mean, and it makes a lot of sense. I'd just hate to see him become obsessive and stuck on a merry go round he can't get off of.

 

Of course if she is cheating, he's already stuck.

 

Infidelity, ain't it grand? pfffftttttttt

[wmacbride]

Anyway, it's probably best for me to take Zona's advice and go dark on LS unless I find something. If I do I'll be back for more counsel. If not then you can all take a sigh of relief that a kook of a husband got it all wrong and has learned his lesson.

 

Don't be so hard on yourself. You had a problem, and you took advantage of a resource you thought might help ( LS) .

 

you could have done a lot worse, and you've been able to keep a level head.

 

I hope everything works out well for you, and you and your wife can find your way through whatever all of this was. Like I said in a previous post, you sound like a husband who really loves his wife and is hurting. I really hope your concerns turned out to be for nothing, but if it turns out she was cheating, you have a board here full of people who can be a sounding board.

 

Whatever happens, best of luck to you.

 

( sorry for the atrocious grammar, word choice and spelling...4:20 was a bit early today )

Edited July 2, 2017 by wmacbride

[zombiehead]

Have you looked through her email? Does she have yahoo or gmail? If she has opened any secret messaging apps like skype kik ect ect there will be a confirmation email sent to activate the account. Look through her email. You can go to yahoo and gmail and put in a phone number instead of a email address in the log in and it will tell you if there is an email account associated with that phone number. That is.how I found my wife's secret yahoo email which I found all kinds of horror like jackoff videos from her affair partners.

[S2B]

Have you been able to see what's she's doing since setting up all of your resources?

[suspiciousH]

Have you been able to see what's she's doing since setting up all of your resources?

 

Nothing new on GPS, VAR, ActivTrak. Shipping/installation of FoneLab, broadband receiver, and video were again delayed and won't be up until this weekend.

 

Zona's advice RE taking a break from LS was excellent. I spent zero time on LS this week -- it helped a lot. No question that one's reading and ruminating about the stories detailed here can goose confirmation bias. I noticed the first day I decided not to visit LS that I felt a moderately-strong pull toward the site. But I resisted and have found that the less time I spend on LS the less powerful the pull is. I'm not saying that LS is not valuable -- it very much is. But it must be taken in moderation for a person in my situation and with my temperament. So don't be surprised if you don't hear from me for a week or two.

[standtall]

Nothing new on GPS, VAR, ActivTrak. Shipping/installation of FoneLab, broadband receiver, and video were again delayed and won't be up until this weekend.

 

Zona's advice RE taking a break from LS was excellent. I spent zero time on LS this week -- it helped a lot. No question that one's reading and ruminating about the stories detailed here can goose confirmation bias. I noticed the first day I decided not to visit LS that I felt a moderately-strong pull toward the site. But I resisted and have found that the less time I spend on LS the less powerful the pull is. I'm not saying that LS is not valuable -- it very much is. But it must be taken in moderation for a person in my situation and with my temperament. So don't be surprised if you don't hear from me for a week or two.

 

Ya gotta watch some posters here...they love to sit on the sidelines for the slow motion car wrecks and give them a little push when it appears there will be no crash. Some people will set the world on fire just to watch it burn.

[lostgirl87]

Nothing new on GPS, VAR, ActivTrak. Shipping/installation of FoneLab, broadband receiver, and video were again delayed and won't be up until this weekend.

 

Zona's advice RE taking a break from LS was excellent. I spent zero time on LS this week -- it helped a lot. No question that one's reading and ruminating about the stories detailed here can goose confirmation bias. I noticed the first day I decided not to visit LS that I felt a moderately-strong pull toward the site. But I resisted and have found that the less time I spend on LS the less powerful the pull is. I'm not saying that LS is not valuable -- it very much is. But it must be taken in moderation for a person in my situation and with my temperament. So don't be surprised if you don't hear from me for a week or two.

Man. I honestly feel bad for your wife. Not gonna lie- it doesn't sound like she's cheating. Even from your early posts I never got the feeling or impression that she was cheating. It honestly just sounds like you're a bit insecure and I promise I don't mean that in an offensive way. Maybe there's something else going on either with you, with her or the marriage that you're not seeing and you're just going with "she's cheating".

 

I think all this spying on your wife is wrong and it doesn't sound like she deserves this. Maybe you should put the prying and spying to a rest. If your wife finds out what you're doing and she's innocent (as I suspect she is), she's going to be extremely upset and rightfully so. You may not be able to recover from that. The level of snooping you're doing is unreal. All b/c of some old Facebook chat and "flirty" behavior? Just doesn't seem like enough to do all of this to your wife.

 

Again, I don't mean to offend you. I just feel that you really need to think about what you're doing and stop all of this before it blows up. It's almost as if you want to find something and won't stop until you do. The problem is that if she's not cheating, you'll never find anything so how far are you going to go?! If she were cheating, you would have something by now. Please try and let it go and talk to your wife! See what's going onwith her. Make sure you 2 are on the same page with regards to the marriage. Whatever is going on, I really don't think it's an affair.

 

Good luck!

[Zona]

Nothing new on GPS, VAR, ActivTrak.

 

I'm kinda with lostgirl on this one. If she came up clean with all those, especially activeTrak, that would be enough for me.

 

Maybe check Activtrak over the period of a few more weeks, then call it good.

 

Not every woman has it in her to cheat. Having said that, it was good that you saw the FB chat and threw cold water on it. FB is a marriage wrecker, and even ethical/moral women can get sucked into stuff, especially if these a-holes can convince them that they just want to be "friends" and continue the contact over a long period of time. The longer the secretive contact goes on, the higher the risk of an EA, possibly leading to a PA.

[suspiciousH]

Man. I honestly feel bad for your wife. Not gonna lie- it doesn't sound like she's cheating. Even from your early posts I never got the feeling or impression that she was cheating. It honestly just sounds like you're a bit insecure and I promise I don't mean that in an offensive way. Maybe there's something else going on either with you, with her or the marriage that you're not seeing and you're just going with "she's cheating".

 

I think all this spying on your wife is wrong and it doesn't sound like she deserves this. Maybe you should put the prying and spying to a rest. If your wife finds out what you're doing and she's innocent (as I suspect she is), she's going to be extremely upset and rightfully so. You may not be able to recover from that. The level of snooping you're doing is unreal. All b/c of some old Facebook chat and "flirty" behavior? Just doesn't seem like enough to do all of this to your wife.

 

Again, I don't mean to offend you. I just feel that you really need to think about what you're doing and stop all of this before it blows up. It's almost as if you want to find something and won't stop until you do. The problem is that if she's not cheating, you'll never find anything so how far are you going to go?! If she were cheating, you would have something by now. Please try and let it go and talk to your wife! See what's going onwith her. Make sure you 2 are on the same page with regards to the marriage. Whatever is going on, I really don't think it's an affair.

 

Good luck!

 

Maybe.

 

Last night upon arriving at my car in the train station parking lot (I live in a major city) I noticed that the vehicle was not parked where I had left it, as evidenced by the printed parking receipt I had received in the early morning. Not only that but my car had been driven 99.3 miles that day (I track my mileage for tax purposes).

 

WTF??

 

Anyway, for better or for worse, I've become almost a PhD of LS and similar sites and it seems clear that WWs regularly go dark with their AP for a month or more and so I don't think it's unreasonable to continue with the plan to track her for two months.

[Zona]

Maybe.

 

Last night upon arriving at my car in the train station parking lot (I live in a major city) I noticed that the vehicle was not parked where I had left it, as evidenced by the printed parking receipt I had received in the early morning. Not only that but my car had been driven 99.3 miles that day (I track my mileage for tax purposes).

 

WTF??

 

Can you think of any innocent explanation for why your wife would need to take your car and drive it nearly 100 miles while you were gone?

 

How would she have traveled to the station without the GPS in her car picking it up?

[Poutrew]

Maybe.

 

Last night upon arriving at my car in the train station parking lot (I live in a major city) I noticed that the vehicle was not parked where I had left it, as evidenced by the printed parking receipt I had received in the early morning. Not only that but my car had been driven 99.3 miles that day (I track my mileage for tax purposes).

 

WTF??

 

 

So someone drove 49.65 miles away, and back with your car while it was parked at the train station and you were away on your trip? Yep, that is a pretty considerate car thief who would just borrow you car and return it to the same parking slot... Does you wife's car have a GPS hooked into it already? If so you will at least be able to see her getting to your car and going back home... but why would your dear wife want to use your car? Unless she knows hers is bugged and doesn't want to leave any tracks. In that case, perhaps she didn't use her car at all... A friend or a taxi would come into play then. But still, the question is why?

 

Friend, perhaps you have underestimated your wife's technical incompetence. Perhaps she knows what you are doing and this is her way of sending you a 'message'. If so, your wife will be much harder to catch...because you are dealing with a master. This is a chilling development. Are you completely sure that SHE hasn't key logged YOUR computer? If so, she could be reading your posts here and knows exactly what you are doing. To get definitive results, you may have to skip the stuff you are dong now and go straight to hiring a good PI...it has just become harder to a catch her.

[lostgirl87]

Maybe.

 

Last night upon arriving at my car in the train station parking lot (I live in a major city) I noticed that the vehicle was not parked where I had left it, as evidenced by the printed parking receipt I had received in the early morning. Not only that but my car had been driven 99.3 miles that day (I track my mileage for tax purposes).

 

WTF??

 

Anyway, for better or for worse, I've become almost a PhD of LS and similar sites and it seems clear that WWs regularly go dark with their AP for a month or more and so I don't think it's unreasonable to continue with the plan to track her for two months.

That's just odd! Why would your wife go to the train station, look for your car, drive 100 miles then park it back at the train station? Are you sure you didn't somehow invert some

Of the numbers when you last tracked the miles?

 

If she knew you were tracking her car, wouldn't she just have her AP meet her closer and then take a cab/uber? OR just taken an uber for her little trip? Why would she go and get your car to do that? That's just crazy!

 

Just straight up ask her about the car. She what she says and pay attention to her body language. It makes no sense to me that she would go and get your car parked at a train station to drive 100 miles to see her AP but I guess anything is possible. I still don't think she's having an affair.

 

Yes APs "go dark" sometimes but that's usually when they've been discovered or a spouse is obviously suspicious. And even then, with all the tracking you've been doing, something would've popped up b/c I doubt she knows the extent of your surveillance. But again, anything is possible. Just doesn't seem likely here.

[Marc878]

Maybe.

 

Last night upon arriving at my car in the train station parking lot (I live in a major city) I noticed that the vehicle was not parked where I had left it, as evidenced by the printed parking receipt I had received in the early morning. Not only that but my car had been driven 99.3 miles that day (I track my mileage for tax purposes).

 

WTF??

 

Anyway, for better or for worse, I've become almost a PhD of LS and similar sites and it seems clear that WWs regularly go dark with their AP for a month or more and so I don't think it's unreasonable to continue with the plan to track her for two months.

 

Who else has keys?

[understand50]

IT could also be that she went out and took a drive to clear her mind. I do this all the time, and there is nothing nefarious about it. Not everything, especially after you have come up with nothing is cheating. Also, I clear my phone regularly, as it does not have much space and I need to clear it from time to time. Mostly what we think is cheating, is not, or only in our minds. Unless you come up with something better, I am just not seeing it.

 

You may want to think about why you are going down this path, and what caused it as I think this is not allowing you to deal with other issues in your marriage. If you put as much time into your relationship as this, things would improve.

 

I wish you luck.....

[staggerlee71]

suspicious latest post is so much more interesting. I feel I have to know who why that car was driven and placed back. lol

 

just sayin

[Doorstopper]

I would not have even got in the car.

 

Call #1 to wife, If she says no she didn't take it

Call #2 to police

 

They must have cameras at the train station. But I also have to wonder since you're off by almost exactly 100 miles, could it be a recording error and the car was not moved? Or could one of your children have taken it?

 

If your wife is smart enough to know you are tracking her like a dog, she's smart enough to know you track mileage, would realize the car was moved, etc. etc. A teenager on the other hand ....

 

But honestly, If you did not call/tell your wife/family about this and/or did not call the police, you may be entering a state of paranoia and conspiracy theory regarding the possible affair, because you are not thinking logically.

[mikeylo]

This is strange ! Does your wife not have her own car? If not, then why did you park it in the lot and not have her drop you and later come and pick you up? If you have one car then how does she go around?

 

This is confusing.

[GoldenR]

Who looks at their mileage when they get out of their car?

[MickeyBill]

Who looks at their mileage when they get out of their car?

 

Some need to keep track for work or billing clients. A friend of mine does that and tracks each gas purchase/day/mileage. But he's an engineer so....

[Mrs. John Adams]

I keep track of my mileage for business however ... I write it down when I leave...and when I get home. There would be no reason for me to write it down before the trip is complete.

 

Writing down the mileage when arriving at the parking lot only to write the beginning mileage leaving the same parking lot to go back home makes no sense.

 

And I cannot imagine myself going to the airport to use my husbands truck while he is gone for the day or week.. without telling him... makes no sense.

If I needed to use his truck... I would change cars with him or I would drive him to the airport and drop him off and go back and pick him up.

 

If a wife was having an affair.. why would she catch a ride to the train station to pick up her husbands car to drive to the lover then take the car back knowing that the parking ticket has the parking number on it...and then catching a ride back home?

 

That too makes no sense.

[OneLov]

This is what I cannot understand: How is she smart enough to know you are tracking her car, but dumb enough to think you would not notice your car parked in an entirely different spot and almost 100 miles put on the vehicle that you keep track of for work? It makes no sense.

 

I could go with multiple reasons why this theory makes no sense but how do you explain that one?

 

Can you explain how you were able to determine this based on the receipt you received? Was the car in a completely different lot? Does this train station issue parking receipts based on sections or rows?

 

As to the mileage, is it possible you made a math error or an error in computing the mileage? I'm only suggesting this because it seems like a much more likely scenario.

[MidwestUSA]

Who looks at their mileage when they get out of their car?

 

If you have suspicions, you do.

 

If you receive mileage reimbursement for work, you do.

 

And sometimes I just do it out of my OCD nature. Go figure. And I remember all six digits. Sometimes it's handy, other times it's just a curse.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Remember...this man has had spyware in place now for a while and has found absolutley nothing.

 

would you have reason to suspect that your wife would steal your car from a parking lot to drive to a lovers rendevous? What would even make you consider that as a possibility? Has she ever "borrowed" the car from this parking lot before? and if she did...did she tell you? I mean...who would even think of this?

 

But I tell you what...i think you should mention this to her and guage her reaction....Honey...it was wierd...my car was parked in the wrong spot at the parking lot and it had a 100 extra miles on it....

 

I dont know what the explanation is....for this "happening" but i aint buyin that the wife did it.

 

If he was out of town...loverboy could have come to the house....