William Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 Folks, did a bit of clean-up here as things were heading off topic so I'll remind everyone that this thread is dealing with a specific situation. If you'd like to discuss the general topics of how appearance effects dating prospects or General Relationship Discussion would be the place for that. We'll return this thread to Carpe Diems situation. ~T Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 OP: How tall is he? I would guess a 300-lb guy is not just overweight, but actually obese, right? I always say I don't care about a guy's looks, as long as he keeps himself clean and healthy. So while I have no problem dating an overweight guy (I'm slim and fit myself), I honestly would stay from someone who is obese, as it points to an unhealthy lifestyle and maybe poor coping skills. I think the first thing your friend/colleague needs to do is to have a healthy and active lifestyle and put his weight under control, even just for himself. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 Another coworker whose son had aged out of beginner skates told me that he'd being the first one to pop by her desk with $30 when she advertised them on the staffroom bulletin board. Honestly that's one of the reasons I've become so invested. The thought of him brining home these little skates and putting them away for his future son or daughter, makes me sad. This quote doesn't make me sad; instead, it totally creeps me out Link to post Share on other sites
Bastile Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 If someone ever said to me "swing for what you can hit for", i'd feel inclined to give them a smack in the mouth. Ironically, if he has that attitude, he would probably do great. But, I think it stinks to spread ignorant negativity like that. I think it's smart to accept that you've bitten off more than you can chew in taking on this hard case. He has a serious path to walk before him (given what you've said), and it's way too much of an investment for something that you aren't getting paid for or anything. Even if you were single, and you took him out and winged him, he'd likely kill your energy and be a weight around you. For me personally, I'll help anyone looking to help themselves. That spreads good energy around, but I am very discerning in my real life about whom I do that with. I think you might need to be too. I like your energy, but you need to be careful about how you use it. The thread ends up becoming more about you, than him. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted June 29, 2017 Share Posted June 29, 2017 But a woman CAN be average looking and yet still be gorgeous to some men? I was instantly attracted to my bf; most would say he is cute, but not a 9 or 10? I had 9s and 10s before and I was actually a lot more attracted to my current bf. And no, I didn't have to "grow" to feel into his looks. Average people can find people who instantly fall for their looks. I am average and I have men fall for my looks instantly! It only takes 1 or 2 nice features for a person to be very attractive. I an average all around but have lips and eyes that stand out to many men- so your friend really needs to learn that conventionally 9 and 10 woman are not the only ones he will be super attracted to. Has he given a girl like me a chance? Or does he mu default, assume he CAN only be into model look alikes? I would explain to him that true attraction and chemistry can make a 7/10 into a 10. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted June 29, 2017 Share Posted June 29, 2017 (edited) I agree with your partner. I would be (at least) irritated of hearing my partner get too involved in another guy's life even if it is to help solve his dating woes. You can lead the horse to water but you can't make him drink. Let your coworker be. I agree. OP is way too involved in another man's love life. Eek. Some advice and support is fine but OP, you are going way too far. Edited June 29, 2017 by smiley1 Link to post Share on other sites
JustGettingBy Posted June 29, 2017 Share Posted June 29, 2017 I would explain to him that true attraction and chemistry can make a 7/10 into a 10. Most important thing said in this thread, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted June 29, 2017 Share Posted June 29, 2017 Most important thing said in this thread, IMO. And it is not like my partners have had to "grow " to find me very attractive! You really can feel instant attraction towards fairly average people. Look at pictures of people? Most people have one thing about them that is attractive or pleasant to someone. The issue I see at play here is that this gentlemen is not OPEN to the idea that non model look alike can be gorgeous looking. Some men really do only feel the hots for very beautiful women, but more often than not, a man can feel real chemistry instantly for women who are not classically beautiful. I was like this guy in my very early twenties. I had a fling with a model. And it was .. good but no sparks were flying. I then decided to make the choice to be open to all kinds of men. Alas, instant chemistry ensued for fat men, bald men, older men, younger men..... you get the picture. The best chemistry and instant attraction of my life was with bald average looking men. Two of them to be exact. One was much older. Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted June 29, 2017 Share Posted June 29, 2017 (edited) I was like this guy in my very early twenties. I had a fling with a model. And it was .. good but no sparks were flying. I then decided to make the choice to be open to all kinds of men. Alas, instant chemistry ensued for fat men, bald men, older men, younger men..... you get the picture. Yeah, I had a similar hang-up in my late teens and early twenties. My first experiences with girls as a child were with girls from my mixed soccer team, all very athletic with short hair, tomboys more or less. Trying to continue this pattern, I ended up with a lot of lesbian friends, which was interesting but not very productive. So yeah, I also purposely broke my pattern because it didn't get me anywhere. Edited June 30, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fix quote Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted June 29, 2017 Share Posted June 29, 2017 Average people can find people who instantly fall for their looks. I am average and I have men fall for my looks instantly! You aren't average looking though... you have a unique look, it's different. You've said yourself that some men don't find you attractive but many find you gorgeous. I don't think that is the norm for truly "average" looking women. That isn't saying that men don't find them attractive, but not in the way you describe. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 I agree with the advice to date "everything that moves," or however it was worded. It will help him get experience and odds are very high he'll find someone he likes even though he thinks he's only doing it for practice. Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 (edited) ha , that's not a bad idea really CO.or in his case anyone that'll go out with him. but to op , your partner's right, cut back on the time and effort with him. He's a big boy now he's gotta stop leaning on you and stand on his own two feet , it'll actually help him anyway. Just start moving quicker, getting back to your work or thing when he starts , keep it short and sweet more and more. Sometimes people turn into big babies if you allow too much of that stuff but when they're finally shown that they're over doing it and taking advantage , it sinks in and they toughen up and start getting on with things. Edited June 30, 2017 by Chilli Link to post Share on other sites
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