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Haven't met his family - should I be concerned or not?

Lovezen_30

By Lovezen_30,
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Lovezen_30

Lovezen_30

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Been with boyfriend 9 months and things are serious. He says he loves me often, makes time for me in his life and I have attended his best friend's wedding with him/met more or less all his friends. We recently went on our first holiday together and he talked about me in all the postcards to grandparents, parents, sister.

 

His family lives far away which is obviously an obstacle. After 2 months together he wanted to introduce me to his mother when she was in town for one night - but I was already going on a trip and he forgot the dates clashed. The exact same thing happened when his dad came to visit!

 

Now his mother stayed with my boyfriend one night recently as a stop off on a journey - so probably not the best time for a meeting. But this week he asked if he could see me on a specific day because 'I am seeing my sister on Thursday.' I would have liked to meet her, but ok, they haven't caught up in a long time.

 

Next month his cousins are visiting a nearby city and he mentioned visiting them, but hasn't invited me yet (whereas I invited him on a trip with my family when cousins visited). If he doesn't invite me, should I make it clear that I would really like to meet those close to him? It is making me feel a little insecure

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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

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He tried to introduce you to the family. You had scheduling conflicts. He's not hiding you. It's a timing & distance thing.

 

 

Feel free to offer to organize something for the in-town relatives but don't push too hard.

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Lovezen_30

Lovezen_30

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He tried to introduce you to the family. You had scheduling conflicts. He's not hiding you. It's a timing & distance thing.

 

 

Feel free to offer to organize something for the in-town relatives but don't push too hard.

 

Hey d0nnivain. Well, he is spending time with his family who is visiting this weekend. Actually he said 'when we go camping this weekend...' and I was like 'who?' and he said he was spending the weekend with his nephews and their grandparents, apologising for not telling me beforehand. He has been very stressed out lately also.

 

I admit to feeling a little hurt, although maybe I have no right to? My family has invited him to another event next weekend and I know it's easier for them - but I still feel a little left out.

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Gaeta

Gaeta

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I would not be offended if my boyfriend wanted to spend a weekend with his nephews camping and I am not invited. I'd feel relieved lol. I don't know how old are his nephews but it will be more fun for them to have your bf all to themselves then have to share him with his gf.

 

That being said why don't you offer your boyfriend to go on a trip to his parents for a couple of days to meet them? Why wait to meet them randomly when they are in town.

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somanymistakes

somanymistakes

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It does seem a little weird to me if more than once he has "accidentally" scheduled things so that you don't actually meet them.

 

But I agree with Gaeta that the best thing to do is just address this head-on instead of worrying quietly about it. Make actual plans to go meet his family instead of waiting around for it to happen 'naturally'.

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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

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If you haven't met them yet I would think a whole weekend with an overnight included would be too much togetherness for the 1st time.

 

 

I wouldn't be thrilled about the lame explanation that he forgot to tell you about this camping trip but when he comes back, sit down & make a plan for you to meet them. Problem solved.

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Gaeta

Gaeta

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If you haven't met them yet I would think a whole weekend with an overnight included would be too much togetherness for the 1st time.

 

I would still do it. They've been dating 9 months she can handle 1 sleep-over at his parents. She is dying to meet them.

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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

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I would still do it. They've been dating 9 months she can handle 1 sleep-over at his parents. She is dying to meet them.

 

 

But maybe the parents aren't "dying" to have her sleep over, especially if the grandparents are coming along. We don't know the ages of the nephews or the family's views on relationships & sex. The logistics alone would add to my stress.

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Redhead14

Redhead14

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If you are still looking for indicators of his level of interest/commitment intent at 9 months, I might suggest that you aren't getting all you need from him in terms of validation/attention or somethings along those lines. I mean, in the early stages of a developing relationship, people often are looking for "signs" that the partner is "upping" the relationship along the way because they don't feel like they can have conversations like that. But by 9 months, you should be past that.

 

That being said, he did attempt to have you meet the family at some point but it just didn't work out. I don't see why you can't broach the subject with him about this get together he's having. By now, you can have these kinds of conversations. Just ask him if you can come along or if there is some reason that he isn't bringing you.

 

Is there something lacking in communication/interaction between you?

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Gaeta

Gaeta

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But maybe the parents aren't "dying" to have her sleep over, especially if the grandparents are coming along. We don't know the ages of the nephews or the family's views on relationships & sex. The logistics alone would add to my stress.

 

Oh no, I was not suggesting she goes in camping with the whole family. I was suggesting him and her go on a short road trip to meet his parents some other time without the extended family around.

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BaileyB

BaileyB

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When the right opportunity presents itself - the right time and the right place - it will happen. I wouldn't be worried, he has given you many other signs of commitment. Be patient and try not to worry.

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Lovezen_30

Lovezen_30

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If you are still looking for indicators of his level of interest/commitment intent at 9 months, I might suggest that you aren't getting all you need from him in terms of validation/attention or somethings along those lines. I mean, in the early stages of a developing relationship, people often are looking for "signs" that the partner is "upping" the relationship along the way because they don't feel like they can have conversations like that. But by 9 months, you should be past that.

 

That being said, he did attempt to have you meet the family at some point but it just didn't work out. I don't see why you can't broach the subject with him about this get together he's having. By now, you can have these kinds of conversations. Just ask him if you can come along or if there is some reason that he isn't bringing you.

 

Is there something lacking in communication/interaction between you?

 

I think the issue is that I am feeling a bit insecure at the moment. RE previous thread, I am taking a job abroad for 9 months and am starting to feel stressed about the fact we'll soon be separated along with everything else.

 

Add to this that my bf is going through an extremely stressful period at work. To the point where he has cried in front of me, has been distant in recent weeks and I sometimes feel shut out. I think the more I feel him pushing me away, the closer I try to get. He told me he loves me and is serious about the relationship, that his current distance/stress has nothing to do with me - but I still struggle with it. Bailey might be right.

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JuneJulySeptember

JuneJulySeptember

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I would say 'not concerned'.

 

I dated a woman once and she did not introduce me as her boyfriend to her mother and sister after I picked them up from the airport. :laugh: That would qualify as a higher level of concern.

 

I can think of other instances where I know people who have done that. You should never be ashamed of someone you're dating.

 

Even if you're not sure how serious it is, just say "Hey. This is the person I'm dating. We'll see what happens."

 

In any case, in my experience, most guys don't pull this type of stunt. :confused:

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Steve51

Steve51

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I met my wife's family and both of her parents were alcoholics and violent ones at that. One of her brothers was a heroin drug addict and her sister was 5 years old at the time. Despite that, we still got married but we moved 2,500 miles away until both of her parents died.

 

My wife's parents were both only children so there were no other family to meet, thank goodness. My family is a very large Italian one so my wife did not get to meet most of them until the wedding. Sometimes meeting the family is a good thing. :)

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InvisiBlonde

InvisiBlonde

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After 2 months together he wanted to introduce me to his mother when she was in town for one night - but I was already going on a trip and he forgot the dates clashed. The exact same thing happened when his dad came to visit!

 

How convenient that he knew your unavailable dates before both parental visits.

 

I wonder what he woulda said if you'd told him your trip got cancelled, or something. . .

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