handled it badly -- now what?

[d0nnivain]

I agreed to be responsible for my 18 year old step nephew last week. I don't really know him, having seen him 3x for less than 48 hours each throughout his life. He initially said he wanted to go on some rides atop a tall tower. His grandmother, my step-MIL, was downstairs on the ground floor because she's afraid of heights.

 

 

When we got upstairs, the kid chickened out of going on the ride but said he'd take video of me while I went. I said OK & gave him my backpack which had my wallet, my ID, my phone, and my eyeglasses. I'm blind as a bat without the glasses but I wasn't allowed to wear them on the ride. I figured they would be safer with him then the ride operator.

 

 

I told the kid to stay at the entrance & I'd come back to him when I got off the ride.

 

 

As the ride was going round & round I could no longer see him or bag. Truthfully all I could really see was a shape of a person, the color of his shirt & the contrasting color of my bag. Still I know he moved.

 

 

I got off the ride & rushed back to him. No kid. I looked all over the observation deck as much I could without being able to see. My seatmate on the ride & his wife helped me look too.

 

 

I asked all the elevator operators if they had seen the kid ride down to the lobby where he grandmother was. I was panicking because I assumed if he went downstairs my MIL would know that I'd be freaking especially with out my eyeglasses & send him back up. It was $20 to ride up to the tower & she wouldn't come because she's terrified of heights.

 

 

After 45 minutes building security got involved looking for him. Now I was really terrified. They thought he fell or had been abducted. They were worried he was being molested in the bathroom. I wasn't sure if that happened or he met a cute girl & wandered off with my money.

 

 

Security called the police to look for him. Before they would start a floor by floor search they walked me down to the ground floor to find my MIL & hopefully a picture of the kid.

 

 

He was sitting there with MIL & FIL & they were all mad at me because I didn't come down for over an hour. He swore to them that he waited for me to come back to him for 15 minutes (a total lie).

 

 

I freaked! The security team explained to the cops that it was a false alarm. But I yelled at the kid for leaving the floor without telling me & I yelled at my in-laws for not sending him back up knowing I had nothing: no glasses, no phone, no money. I refused to listen to anything they had to say. I was so out of my mind. I said I needed to be alone to calm down.

 

 

The next day my ILs apologized for allowing me to be scared & not realizing I must have been searching in vain for the kid.

 

 

I feel awful.

 

 

Do I do anything or just let it go? I certainly will never be responsible for this nephew again.

[Miss Clavel]

if you could see the outline of a human and the color of the shirt then they could see you.

 

they had to know the ride was over just by the timing and the fact that the people on the ride changed.

 

you gave up control when you gave up your glasses. if you are not allowed to wear them then don't proceed.

 

no one thought about your disability. the fact that you could not see anything without your glasses.

 

that's very telling. along with the fact that he lied.

 

accept their apologies. and then, wonder, out loud, how anyone could forget that you're helpless without your glasses.

 

maybe he, not knowing you well, not having spent time with you, just doesn't understand what it's like not being able to look for him without your glasses.

 

make it clear that he's important to the family, to you, and that anytime anyone goes missing, you're gonna call out the troops.

 

some day this will be a funny story.

[Whodatdog]

I think they probably didnt realize how little you actually could see, otherwise they thought you would just come downstairs after the ride.

 

Understandable that you would panic. I think both sides messed up a little bit, tho I think panicking over an 18 year old getting abducted or molested is a bit over the top.

[d0nnivain]

tho I think panicking over an 18 year old getting abducted or molested is a bit over the top.

 

 

I actually thought he just took off with some hot girl his own age. Security & the police suggested the other scenarios. But he's very naïve so that didn't ease my mind with him "alone" in the big city.

[Superchicken]

I would forgive and not forget towards your inlaws..

 

 

As for the knuckle head, well, seriously ?.

He's 18. I mean, what else did you expect ?.

I'm sure you did far worse things in your day, and never really looked at how your parents would have handled it.

You just did it, with little regard of consequence.

 

 

I myself, did so many stupid things, where I almost lost my life in.

I cringe now when I think of those times.

One was where I was hanging over a mountain ledge with a 600 foot drop, with half my body over, and only balanced because my hands were dug in the dirt at my waist.

It required two of my friends to drag me from my feet to get me off the ledge.

 

 

I was told that area was dangerous, and not go there. But to a 18 year old, I heard "I dare you to go there".

 

 

Next time you see him, see him as a young kid, being just that.

We learn by one mistake at a time, and its "Us" older more experienced folk that set the ground rules, and follow up when they inevitably break those rules, but by going over their stuff up's, so it doesn't occur again.

 

 

Lastly, it could have been far worse.

 

 

It may well have been a life changing incident. So see it that way too.

 

 

Give him a chance to out grow his (And others) stupidity.

I'm still trying to out grow mine.

 

 

 

 

Ted.

[GunslingerRoland]

Wait, is there a typo in this or are you really talking about an adult?

 

I guess it was slightly inconsiderate of him, to go down to the bottom when your were expecting ot meet him up top. But it sounds like you panicked and over reacted.

 

I understand how disorienting it is when you are without prescipriton eye glasses you need though. I don't think some people understand what it's like.

[LivingWaterPlease]

It's understandable to me why you panicked. However, personally I'd mention to them each that you wish you hadn't yelled and/or screamed.

[Arieswoman]

d0nnavain,

 

I agreed to be responsible for my 18 year old step nephew last week.

 

I think, unfortunately, that this was your first mistake.

 

Why should you be responsible for an 18 year old? At that age in UK they are adults and should be responsible for themselves !

 

Is it different in USA?

 

Having said that, you have now learned that you don't get involved with this childish brat again. I'd just move on and forget about it.

Edited July 25, 2017 by Arieswoman

[bluefeather]

So when you found out that this 18-year old "kid" was ok, you threw a tantrum.

 

"Now what?" Now you apologize...