Hiding cell phone - does this give him a sick pleasure?

[isolatedgothic]

I have had an on-again-off-again relationship with the "love of my life," as I've always called him, for the past 3 and a half years. We are currently in another break up period, and I really don't think I can go back this time. There is something he does that bothers me, and I need some opinions on it.

 

When we first got together, he told me his cell phone password and told me any time I felt the need to check, I was welcome to, because he loved me and had nothing to hide [he did this as a gesture to show how sincere he was, because he knows of my past with a very dishonest ex-husband.] That made me feel very secure and as though he was a man who could be trusted. Fast forward around the 1 year mark, and it all changed. He began hiding his phone from me. When we were in the car together, he'd turn it around so I couldn't see a text message or call coming through. He'd hide the face of the phone from me while checking the message/call. I mean, he would physically turn his body so I could not see anything. Sometimes, he'd make a dramatic jump when the phone would ding with a message, like he was scared of it. Then he wouldn't check it, unless I insisted that he check it, and then he would only check with his body and phone turned from my sight.

 

I told him multiple times, and in multiple ways, that this was making me feel insecure, and making me feel suspicious, and hurting me and our relationship. Instead of helping me to feel better, he'd argue with me, tell me he wasn't hiding anything, etc. If I dared to touch his phone or put it in my hands, he would freak out and jump for it and get sweaty and anxious.

 

These actions hurt me a lot. This has gone on for 2 and a half years now. I have had only a small scattering of occasions when I could actually get the phone, open it up, and see that there was nothing suspicious on there. However, his continued protective behavior, hiding the phone, making large and obvious gestures of turning it away from me to check a message, have all added up to a very fragile and insecure relationship.

 

It's almost as though he WANTS me to feel insecure, jealous, fearful, and like I'm losing him.

 

Has anyone ever known a guy to purposely create this kind of drama? Are there some men who simply enjoy being sadistic and playing on their beloved girlfriend's darkest fears?

 

We are currently broken up because of this. I'm tired of being tormented with a cell phone and his dramatic actions of hiding it. I'm just trying to figure it all out so I can put this relationship to rest and maybe some day move forward.

[d0nnivain]

While I don't understand your need to see his phone, I do think his intentional act of hiding it from you is designed to undermine your trust. I could not continue to date such an intentionally cruel guy

[isolatedgothic]

Sorry for the misunderstanding. When he and I first got together, I told him of a past relationship where I had been purposely misled and lied to, and he volunteered his cell phone to me, and said that I could check it any time, that he would never hide things from me.

 

To clarify, I never made that a requirement, and never asked for it. He did it, I supposed, as an act of good faith, to "show me" that he was different from others, and would be open in all areas with me.

 

I did not ask for it and wouldn't. However, when he started with the hiding and gestures of shock/fear when his cell would ding, it naturally made me suspicious. Questioning him never resulted in any answers, and he would sometimes even cross his eyes and get a simple look on his face and say, "Huuuhhh???" like he had some sort of comprehension disorder when I would ask him why he was doing this. He would play dumb, in other words, instead of addressing it directly.

 

It was like a game to him.

[Ahurtgirl]

Um... he is definitely cheating on you with that behavior. You aren't seeing anything on the phone because he is probably using an app that deletes convos after being read. His actions are exactly what I did when I was cheating! Look for apps like Kik or Whisper, etc. They are all used to cheat.

[isolatedgothic]

Thank you for your honesty. It is time for me to just be done with him.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Thank you for your honesty. It is time for me to just be done with him.

 

I wish all threads started by members ended this well

 

Good for you OP. You deserve better than this.

 

Good luck!

[caveman621]

It sounds like you already made your decision. And I think it's the correct one. From a former cheater (not proud of it, but it's true) he's displaying all the signs of cheating. Or there is at least SOMETHING in his life he doesn't want you to know.

[Space Ritual]

We are currently broken up because of this. I'm tired of being tormented with a cell phone and his dramatic actions of hiding it. I'm just trying to figure it all out so I can put this relationship to rest and maybe some day move forward.

 

1. Good you got away from him.What a douchecanoe this guy is. I hate phones, etc, but they are indeed the first dead giveaway because the cheater becomes attached to it and will hang on to it like Charlton Heston proclaiming with a Rifle: "From My Cold, Dead Hands...."

 

They hide it, sleep with it, take it to the toilet and god knows what else they do with it in there. LOL!

 

 

2. Please do not blame yourself for ANY of this in any way, shape or form. The Cell phone Shenanigans are right out of Page 1 of The Cheaters Handbook under section 4, paragraph 10 entitled" "I must have my phone glued to my hand or obfuscate it and my usage from loved ones."

3. Please waste no more time trying to figure this all out. The Love of Your Life is a broken man who would cheat on you if the opportunity presented itself regardless of who it was. Again, he is broken, has a need for validation and even if he has not been unfaithful that you know of, all signs point to it based on the Cell Phone alone.

4. Please read around here and take in as many of the stories from people as you can. How many of them have in it somewhere about a Phone and it being like a third arm.

 

Cheaters follow a basic script with not a huge amount of deviation. They usually have a basic script full of excuses for doing so when caught. That script is usually the same in that it will contain many bullet points to their "Whys" but rarely ever will that script contain anything about simply making the choice to cheat without really considering the fallout that is sure to occur.

 

5. Keep repeating to yourself "I dodged a bullet...I dodged a bullet".

 

6. Move forward and don't look back. Because that was as good as it was ever going to get. Sad? Maybe. True? Definitely!

 

You can be a success story by refusing to accept crumbs from someone who purports to love you.

 

Good Luck

[PegNosePete]

The above posters have covered your main question and I agree your decision to keep things ended is a good one. I've just one more thing to add:

I have had an on-again-off-again relationship with the "love of my life," as I've always called him, for the past 3 and a half years. We are currently in another break up period

This is no kind of relationship to have. If you're on-again-off-again then he is definitely not the love of your life. Any relationship that has multiple "break up period"s is not a good one. How many happy marriage stories do you hear that started out as on-again-off-again? Zero, that's how many.

 

If you're looking for a stable loving relationship then you should move on from bad ones. If you've broken up multiple times then it's a bad one, and you should just move on rather than keep going back.

[smackie9]

On and off again=fail. Never get into this cycle. You don't get any return in your investment in this type of relationship.

[kendahke]

I don't think you're his beloved anything anymore. That luster wore off after the 1st year mark.

 

You two don't have what it takes to stick together and probably get together more out of routine, habit and laziness and not love.

 

How do I know this? My tag line

 

|

|

V

Edited June 30, 2017 by kendahke

[preraph]

I think the good part of the relationship has run its course, unfortunately. He started off trying to make you happy and earn your trust, but then what he's been doing since then is either one or both of two things, which are both things to break up about:

 

Either he's cheating or flirting with other women

or

He wants you to think so because he's sadistic.

 

Time to bounce. I'm sorry. I know it's disappointing to get one who starts out good and then ends up like the others.

[sandylee1]

I couldn't deal with all that nonsense. Let it be over for good. When it's on and off, that's a sign you aren't so compatible.

 

Time to have him in your history and be done.