Still Can't Get Over Her, The Nightmares Won't Stop, What Should I Do?

[EvilChicobo]

So it's been a little over 2 months since she broke up with me. I've spent many a sleepless night over her, I know it's a silly thing to do but love is really messy. I constantly keep having nightmares about her finding some new guy. And I mean, I shouldn't be bothering myself with these thoughts but I can't really control my dreams, it's like my subconcious is taunting me... Well, these past few months she's been veyr good to me, she still keeps me close to her, we still spend time together. Recently we've been very affectionate at times, that often leading to love making and what not. I mean I can feel it in her, in her eyes in her body, I know she still cares for me.

 

I've talked to her about this, and she tells me she just isn't sure what she wants, she cares about me, but she's so confused. I think she feels that if she commits she's going to miss out on something great. She once told me I was the best thing that ever happened to her... but I guess now if she wonders if something else better is out there... well that's why she broke up with me anyway.

 

The hardest part about all this, is that in 4 weeks she is moving to England to live as an Au Pair (nanny) for about a year. Yeah, you're probably thinking "wow just let her go and move on". But I just can't do it that easily, I love this girl with all of my heart. I've had several very serious relationships but this one is the one I would go through Hell and back for.

 

Her whole reasoning on going to England is that it's her mom's homeland. A few years back her mom passed away from cancer, her mom did so much with her life, even if she was given such a short time. And she feels that she should try to live her life to the fullest as well, so she does not regret anything from life. Her mom always wanted to take her to England, so I guess this is her way of doing that.

 

But I can't help but think "omg... she is going to find some English guy..." I know I have no control over that. I've talked with her and she's told me she really would like to get back together and try things again once she gets back from England, but she doesn't want to promise anything. So I don't know if she's just scared she wouldn't be able to handle the long distance, and is just keeping her distance to keep the pain to a minimum, or if she's going there with the idea that she might meet some charming English prince with a dreamy accent and really bad teeth.

 

I'd like to say "eh! she's missing out on me! I best find better water" But I like these waters. They feel like home to me. And I know I love her so much, but what am I to do? I cannot make her love me. For weeks I kept trying to figure out what I did to mess things up, but that didn't get me anywhere, the issue is within her and I know I just have to wait it out and live my life and see where things are when she returns. I wish I could help her see that what we had was truly wonderful and worth keeping. If only she could see what I see when we're together. Maybe I'm the one who needs to see things for what they really are.. I don't know. Sorry if this was lengthy, any advice will greatly help me, this is the hardest thing I've faced so far in my life. I know that doesn't sound like much, but it is literally tearing me apart from the seams.

[upsetnhurt]

Keep telling yourself "DAIC" - Done all I could and let things move forward as they were meant to be. I, like you, remained intimate and friendly with the ex and she said all those sweet things to me as yours did to you. Yet when it came down to it they both remain non-comiittal about the future. That should tell us both something and the reality is that we both do not to play second to anyone. If they feel there might be better out there, then unfortunately they both either need to find it or prove to themselves that it isnt there. I am not sure about you yet by her doing so.......she is telling me that I am not sufficient today and I assure you that I will not be there to pick up the pieces in the future. It hurts like hell like you said and I have those sleepless nights too yet everytime I wake up I think "DAIC" and it eases my mind a bit. Not everyone is made for eachother and think to yourself...do you really want to be with someone who is not convinced that you are the best guy out there. Sometimes I think we are the ones "confused" and they are just living their lives accordingly.

[lostinmymind]

I am in the same situation. It's true, we've done all we could, let them find out the grass isn't always greener...

[Deborah]

HI Chicobo,

 

really sorry about your situation. I can feel your pain.

 

I agree with upsetnhurt. You did all you could do, said all you could say, now it is not in your hands anymore. You really need to let her go, live her life and discover for herself what she wants.

 

Maybe she is hoping to meet a great english guy, maybe she is not. Either way, she does not think that you are the best guy in the world for her.

 

Let her be confused. Dont be there for her when she moves to England and feels lonely and without friends in the beginning. She might just use you for emotional support, keep you from moving on and drop you once she makes friends and meets a nice guy.

 

Let her go to England, wish her the best and tell her to get in touch with you if she realizes that you are the one she wants. Now if that happens during the first few weeks of her being in England, please dont believe her. She will probably just feel lonely and reach out for someone who cares about her. That does not mean that she really loves you and knows now what she wants.

 

My advice would be to have no contact for at least a few months. Maybe tell her to contact you for Christmas and tell you all about her new life in England. But dont hold your breath and hope for an email that will beg you for a second chance.

 

Maybe her going away is a blessing in disguise, as the distance might help you move on with your life and get over her.