Am I Just a Friend When it's Convenient to Her?

[Tabby_Cat]

I feel like my friend may be using me/ only seeing me when it's convenient to her and I'm unsure what to do!

 

We’ve known each other for 10 years and I feel she’s changed lately. She’s now very engrossed in her writing career and has a very busy life. However, I find that she never really spends quality time with her friends anymore. As soon as she started working she pretty much began ghosting everyone. She gets invited to birthdays, going away parties, etc. but never shows up. She used to rsvp but then cancel last minute EVERY time but now she doesn’t even respond to the invites. Our other friends have just stopped inviting her. I recently invited her to my birthday party and she said she would come but then one hour before the party she said she felt sick and couldn’t come. At the party our mutual friend kind of blew her cover and said she was worried about her writing deadline so was probably writing at home. It made me super mad considering I went out to dinner with her for her birthday.

 

If I do spend time with her she leaves after two hours max and spends most of the time looking like she is just waiting to leave, and/or is texting her other writer friends completely ignoring the rest of us. When we bring up our issues with her she just laughs it off. The only time she invites me over to her place is to help her plot her stories which I don’t understand in the first place, I’m not writing them. She has also gotten very close to her online writing friends and gushes about them all the time. She even told me she’s going away on a trip to meet some of them and go to a book signing event and asked me to go with her. I really don't want to because I would just be sitting there with strangers watching her sign books all day. Is it just me or should I just drop her as a friend?

[basil67]

Meh, just drop her. You don't have to do anything dramatic like tell her what you're doing - just stop inviting her. And if she asks you to come to her, just say you've got other plans.

[act00]

I would fade out of this one. This relationship is clearly one-sided, and while you (other friends) have offered support, invited and included, and done a lot to maintain this friendship, she never reciprocates. There are always periods of time with friends that one person is the most neediest and most selfish, and they get what they need and jump in the pool to reciprocate with the next friend that needs the most support...it just kind of balances out, even if you reach a point where you're wondering if your life is going to revolve so-and-so's latest drama. With this friend, it doesn't seem to be teetering back to any give-and-take balance, and it seems she has moved on to other people who suit her needs more.

 

It's just a matter of time before these new friends start dropping off, if she maintains this selfish type of attitude, if she is exceptionally needy with them as well, and does not reciprocate.

 

Already a lot of your friends have dropped the rope and given up. You have tried to cling to your past relationship, but it doesn't seem to be balancing, so I think it's time to face the inevitable, and let her go. She will always call when she needs something but will never answer when you call upon her for your needs. She can't even be around for a fun party. Sorry. I've been there. It hurts.

[Vesna]

It sounds like hubris to me. Her old friends have become rather pedestrian in comparison to her fabulous new friends. Eventually, she will hit a wall and may contact you. Don't furnish her shallow needs.