Too fat to date?

[Knix]

Is there a size that's too big to date?

 

 

I have friends that are bigger women that have a lot of trouble with this, guys will send them really mean trolling messages or won't call them back after a first date.

 

 

What works and what doesn't work?

[Popsicle]

No matter who you are, there will always be some guys who will say mean things to you. There will even always be misogynists. Just focus on the nicer men.

[Kitchen]

Is there a size that's too big to date?

 

 

I have friends that are bigger women that have a lot of trouble with this, guys will send them really mean trolling messages or won't call them back after a first date.

 

 

What works and what doesn't work?

 

I personally don't find fat women attractive. That being said, I don't send mean messages, that's just messed up. I simply swipe left or ignore their messages depending on the app.

 

There have been times though where a woman puts up misleading or old pictures, then you see them in person and find them quite a bit heavier than what they presented themselves as. Those are the ones I don't call back after a first date. Since then I've learned to be stricter with the type of pictures I must see before meeting up - a full body pictures is a must.

 

Incidentally there was this woman who I was doing long distance with for some time, she had a beautiful upper body but was large on the lower body. All her pictures were only of her upper body/ face. And we would Skype and she would make sure to never reveal her lower body, except by accident on a few occasions. It was a major turnoff, not necessarily because she was large, but because she felt the need to go above and beyond to hide this aspect of her. What the hell was she thinking, that when I saw her in person I wouldn't notice? How far did she think she could take this con?

[Arieswoman]

Knix,

It all depends wht you mean by "fat"?

 

If someone is carrying a few extra pounds then that's no big deal IMO.

 

However, if someone is morbidly obese they are just storing up health problems for themselves. The need to lose weight for themselves, not for others.

[basil67]

I agree that it depends on just how big they are. If we're talking about being firmly in the morbidly obese category, I can see it being an issue.

 

That said, I know a handful of morbidly obese women and they are all in committed relationships.

[thefooloftheyear]

Those guys are horrible pricks...Anyone can get themselves out there...

 

I do want to say something, though...

 

It seems like a pattern with some women in that they tend to whip themselves into shape to attract a mate....only to settle back into who they "really" are...I don't think that's fair, frankly...

 

If someone desires to change themselves for the long haul, that's great...But if you are (as some people are) destined to be heavy, then represent yourself as that and be confident about it...Let that person be the one the world sees...

 

Many men actually like heavy women...I don't think its that much of a detriment, especially if you are the type that puts herself together well despite the size...

 

TFY

[stillafool]

Is there a size that's too big to date?

 

 

I have friends that are bigger women that have a lot of trouble with this, guys will send them really mean trolling messages or won't call them back after a first date.

 

 

What works and what doesn't work?

 

It isn't a matter of what works and what doesn't. Some men are in love with obese women and seek them out. Some men like love overweight women and seek them out. There is always someone for everyone. Just because some women are fat does not mean they aren't attractive. Not every thin woman is good looking.

[CupCakess]

What works and what doesn't work?

 

Loosing weight works.

 

People treat overweight as if it was some sort of incurable condition. It isn't.

 

With diet and exercise, any person can loose a lot of weight and become more attractive in just a few months. Sure it takes some work and dedication, specially during the first 2 weeks. But it is something completly possible.

[BluEyeL]

I think a fat woman has a lot more trouble dating.

 

What i think would work is showing online how she really looks like, not trying to conceal anything. Also, let men contact her first, instead of messaging men herself. That's because most men don't like fat women, so if you hide how you look like, then message men YOU like, chances are they won't like you when they meet in person, or they'll respond in a mean way to your messages (how dare you message me thing).

 

A man who sees how you look like and still messages you, it means he likes you the way you are. Once you meet, it'l be no surprises. At the date, be confident,not self-conscious. He asked you out, it means he likes you.

 

These being said, expect much less attention/messages/dates than the thinner women, and much less than you'd like. And expect to take longer to find a match than one would otherwise expect.

[PegNosePete]

won't call them back after a first date

Do they hide (or try to hide) their size on the dating site?

 

I find it's best to be honest and upfront. If you cover things up you might get more first dates -- but you'll get less seconds. People don't like to be lied to or deceived.

[Chilli]

A friend of mine loved the big girls .

And funny , he was into karate and was in great shape but he just loved them.

l better not get into his description of what he loves about them here though.

me , l'm in shape and l like the same , no extra weight and a nice little tum tum. Not to the 6pack extreme though , just doesn't look right on a girl l reckon.

kinda looks like they'll snap.

Edited June 30, 2017 by Chilli

[Gaeta]

Of course there are men who love big women, they even have Big and Beautiful dating sites.

 

Your friend needs to be honest about her size, she needs to put up recent honest pictures and be confident of who she is.

 

Do not ever lie about your weight on a dating site or try to deceive men with older pictures. You will never ever meet a bf like this.

[Gaeta]

Loosing weight works.

 

People treat overweight as if it was some sort of incurable condition. It isn't.

 

With diet and exercise, any person can loose a lot of weight and become more attractive in just a few months. Sure it takes some work and dedication, specially during the first 2 weeks. But it is something completly possible.

 

But it's not going to help her find a good man, it will just help her be chased by a lot of men and not the best kind of men.

 

A few years ago I went from fat to super hot! I got tons of attention from men, that's how I met 200 men from online dating. Did it help me find a boyfriend? nope! still took me 3 years to find a bf.

 

My friend on the other hand is chubby and BAM! found a bf right away. I am also reminded of a poster on here (Dis) who's young and absolutely gorgeous! and can't find a decent man to date.

 

We are who we are, someone will come along and love it. About 68% of people is US are obese and I don't think they're all single. For every fat woman there is a fat man somewhere.

[salparadise]

It certainly doesn't make a person undatable, but it does limit the number of people who will find her attractive. And it may also limit the quality of those who find her attractive. Heavy men, or men with few options, may find a heavy woman acceptable. Men who are confident (based on proven success) in their ability to attract attractive women aren't typically going to be interested in obese.

 

There are exceptions. There are outliers who actually prefer heavy women, but those are rare I think. It's also a matter of degrees, balanced with other assets such as a pretty face, great personality, intelligence, socioeconomic factors, etc. It's complex, not a yes or no question.

 

What pisses me off (and probably most) is deception. I went out with a woman recently who had ten-year-old pics on her profile, and she was significantly heavier than in the pics. She was nice and we had a good conversation, but when the first impression upon meeting is OMG she's big, is this even the same woman in the photos... well, you ain't going to recover from that!

 

Yet there seems to be this common delusion that if a woman can trick a man into asking her out and paying for dinner and drinks, he's on the hook somehow. I really don't know how anyone can delude themselves into thinking that's an effective cause and effect scenario. I guess the answer is that people are really good at irrational thinking and self-delusion. I've encountered it a few times but never had the audacity to turn around and walk out. It always ends up costing me fifty bucks and two hours of polite but disinterested conversation

Edited June 30, 2017 by salparadise

[caveman621]

Oh wow! I guess we're all being honest, huh?

 

Yeah, it sucks the people (I'm not excluding myself from this) are superficial, but when you are looking for someone to date, appearance is the first thing people notice. I'm not a fitness model, but not morbidly obese either. My GF is about the same as me as far as that goes. Not thin, but not a huge fatty.

 

And, what I'll say here is, just be honest. I learned from one experience to ALWAYS ask for body pics. If the other person has nothing but face pics, you should ask. This might sound mean, I know, but not as mean as showing up for the date then just ghosting them afterward or, worse yet, telling them to their face.

 

I once met a woman from online dating. She was ready to sleep with me the moment we met. She told me that's what she was looking for. So you can judge her or me if you like, but we agreed I would come to her place and we would hop in bed. Perfect for a lot of guys, I'm sure. And, at the time, thought it was a great idea. Didn't think about the fact that she had only face pics.

 

I showed up and was unable to, umm, perform? due to her weight. It was embarrassing for me, and, I'm sure, embarrassing for her. I felt awful. I didn't want to be mean to her, but I just couldn't.

 

So, I guess, there's someone for everyone, but just be honest with others.

[Knix]

I personally don't find fat women attractive. That being said, I don't send mean messages, that's just messed up. I simply swipe left or ignore their messages depending on the app.

 

There have been times though where a woman puts up misleading or old pictures, then you see them in person and find them quite a bit heavier than what they presented themselves as. Those are the ones I don't call back after a first date. Since then I've learned to be stricter with the type of pictures I must see before meeting up - a full body pictures is a must.

 

Incidentally there was this woman who I was doing long distance with for some time, she had a beautiful upper body but was large on the lower body. All her pictures were only of her upper body/ face. And we would Skype and she would make sure to never reveal her lower body, except by accident on a few occasions. It was a major turnoff, not necessarily because she was large, but because she felt the need to go above and beyond to hide this aspect of her. What the hell was she thinking, that when I saw her in person I wouldn't notice? How far did she think she could take this con?

 

Is it really a CON? You liked her enough to have a long distance relationship with her, right? So because she has thicker hips you're disgusted? That sounds really shallow...

 

 

I think the bottom line is that women are going to post nice pictures of themselves, right? I think there's something really unfair about your statement. Women get BERATED on a daily for their looks (it doesn't matter what they look like).

 

 

I started this thread because a girlfriend of mine posted a FULL BODY photo on a BBW DATING SITE, that's right, a dating site for people that are interested in BIG BEAUTIFUL WOMEN. That's when someone wrote "You are so ugly and fat". It seems like there is nowhere safe and I feel very sorry for her, especially because she's gorgeous and has an amazing life.

 

 

I understand that attraction is attraction, but you have to have SOME awareness that a girl is thicker/curvier/fatter even with no full body pictures. If you are really that surprised when a girl is big on a date, you need to study women better.

 

 

I am also curious if there are any men out there that prefer bigger women, and if they've had the opposite experience where a guy thinks he's going on a date with a thick girl but shes actually a twig?

[Knix]

Those guys are horrible pricks...Anyone can get themselves out there...

 

I do want to say something, though...

 

It seems like a pattern with some women in that they tend to whip themselves into shape to attract a mate....only to settle back into who they "really" are...I don't think that's fair, frankly...

 

If someone desires to change themselves for the long haul, that's great...But if you are (as some people are) destined to be heavy, then represent yourself as that and be confident about it...Let that person be the one the world sees...

 

Many men actually like heavy women...I don't think its that much of a detriment, especially if you are the type that puts herself together well despite the size...

 

TFY

 

I have to address what you said as well, most women don't lose weight to be in a relationship or trick a man. Most women lose weight for themselves.

 

 

Even when I was younger in my first relationship, I got so caught up in it and he was a 6'2" big guy with a bit of a tummy that loved eating his dads Italian pastas, cookies, brownies, burgers. And I found myself gaining weight.

 

 

When we broke up I moved up to the mountains and was hiking everyday, lost all the weight again.

 

 

When my dad died and I moved home, I wasn't thinking about dieting and exercise so I gained that back.

 

 

Now I'm back at the gym and losing weight again. See what I mean? We go up and down in weight, some of us for the rest of our lives. It doesn't mean we're doing it for the attention of men.

 

 

I'd like to hear from guys that are into bigger women. What have been your experiences?

[Knix]

I think a fat woman has a lot more trouble dating.

 

What i think would work is showing online how she really looks like, not trying to conceal anything. Also, let men contact her first, instead of messaging men herself. That's because most men don't like fat women, so if you hide how you look like, then message men YOU like, chances are they won't like you when they meet in person, or they'll respond in a mean way to your messages (how dare you message me thing).

 

A man who sees how you look like and still messages you, it means he likes you the way you are. Once you meet, it'l be no surprises. At the date, be confident,not self-conscious. He asked you out, it means he likes you.

 

These being said, expect much less attention/messages/dates than the thinner women, and much less than you'd like. And expect to take longer to find a match than one would otherwise expect.

 

I wanted to have a huge rebuttal to this, but this is how many men think. "How dare you message me when you are fat" "Don't message guys because you are fat" "Expect less dates than you'd like"

 

 

This is very sad.

[niji]

I think the point of the discussion is, "how unattractive is unattractive to date?" I completely understand that many people want to advocate for a healthy body image, but the truth is, being way outside of the normal BMI is considered unattractive to most people. We're talking about the obese range.

 

Let's take a step back. How many WOMEN do you know who would prefer dating a sumo wrestler, over Ryan Gosling?

 

As human beings, women or men, we all prefer to be physically attracted to our partners; without attraction, we cannot sustain a, essentially, mating partnership. Humans are more evolved in that over time, there's the emotional connection and shared friendship/partnership, but at the core, there has to be some physical attraction to keep it going. If as women, we prefer certain characteristics in men, then we cannot demand men to not have those expectations in us. As a woman, I prefer to date a man who's healthy, active, not someone who's so heavy they have a hard time walking. Whether I can make this a reality or not doesn't matter, I still have the expectation.

 

I wanted to have a huge rebuttal to this, but this is how many men think. "How dare you message me when you are fat" "Don't message guys because you are fat" "Expect less dates than you'd like"

 

This is the same thing as having realistic expectation. If your GPA is below average, don't expect to get into Harvard. Better yet, people will tell you not to apply to Harvard as you'll waste your application fee with very very slim chance of getting in. Same as dating. If you think that your body image is outside of the norm of what's considered "attractive", you probably should expect less messages from men. Doesn't mean that you wouldn't be able to find a great partner; we're purely talking numbers.

 

Again, how much one weighs is only a fraction of what makes that person "attractive" or not. At my work place where almost everybody falls into the normal BMI range, I find this one particular female co-worker super attractive. Like if I was a male, I'd be all over her , and I'm not even into the heavier body type. If I had to guess, she's probably most likely in the overweight range, but she has muscle tone, true curves, and the way she carries herself is nothing short of confidence.

 

To sum it up, if you're heavy but healthy, there will be people who find you attractive. If you're heavy to the point of having health problems, finding dates probably shouldn't be your main focus right now; getting rid of those health problems should be (save for people with legitimate congenital conditions that render it impossible to achieve a heathy weight, but these are rare). On the other hand, expecting as many inquiries as someone in a "normal" weight range is not realistic, because people tend to behave with a "norm" tendency, and things outside that range may go unnoticed. Just like having crooked teeth, unproportional facial features, or extreme lack of height (for men mostly). My example is, if most women wouldn't want to date a male who's 5'0", most men don't want to date a women who's 200 lbs. That's just the way people behave, and there's nothing you can do to change it. You can campain all you like for the "healthy" body image, but the reality is that, there is a difference between being "thick" with curves, and plain obese.

[Maggie4]

I don't understand why fat men with beer belly also insist on dating only thin women.

[No_Go]

If you're not confident about your weight/appearance guys WILL know it and it will repel them.

 

If you think you're too fat/skinny/flabby/unrefined - just change it. It's not like you're hardwired to be that way. I don't think the actual feature/number matter - it is more about how it affects your confidence.

 

Is there a size that's too big to date?

 

 

I have friends that are bigger women that have a lot of trouble with this, guys will send them really mean trolling messages or won't call them back after a first date.

 

 

What works and what doesn't work?

[No_Go]

As in any transaction - because there is a demand. Otherwise they just adjust to the new conditions of the dating market. Same for women.

 

I don't understand why fat men with beer belly also insist on dating only thin women.

[frigginlost]

I'm a bigger dude (hey, it's the scottish in me :-)) at 6'1" 245 pounds, but I'm built like a linebacker and extremely active. I don't fit in the mold of some women's wants and I do in others.

 

I dated a girl who is/was a fitness model. 6 pack and all that jazz. And to be perfectly honest it was a huge turnoff to me. She spent more time in the gym than I cared for.

 

As far as my preference toward bigger girls, I only have one rule; if they're truly active and can keep up with me then all is good. There are bigger women at my gym that some guys would consider "fat" but they always have guys around as they are active...

 

Self confidence and being active are huge with men.

 

As far as guys being jerks to your friend, they are just trolling. They have issues within themselves...

[Knix]

I think the point of the discussion is, "how unattractive is unattractive to date?" I completely understand that many people want to advocate for a healthy body image, but the truth is, being way outside of the normal BMI is considered unattractive to most people. We're talking about the obese range.

 

Let's take a step back. How many WOMEN do you know who would prefer dating a sumo wrestler, over Ryan Gosling?

 

As human beings, women or men, we all prefer to be physically attracted to our partners; without attraction, we cannot sustain a, essentially, mating partnership. Humans are more evolved in that over time, there's the emotional connection and shared friendship/partnership, but at the core, there has to be some physical attraction to keep it going. If as women, we prefer certain characteristics in men, then we cannot demand men to not have those expectations in us. As a woman, I prefer to date a man who's healthy, active, not someone who's so heavy they have a hard time walking. Whether I can make this a reality or not doesn't matter, I still have the expectation.

 

 

 

This is the same thing as having realistic expectation. If your GPA is below average, don't expect to get into Harvard. Better yet, people will tell you not to apply to Harvard as you'll waste your application fee with very very slim chance of getting in. Same as dating. If you think that your body image is outside of the norm of what's considered "attractive", you probably should expect less messages from men. Doesn't mean that you wouldn't be able to find a great partner; we're purely talking numbers.

 

Again, how much one weighs is only a fraction of what makes that person "attractive" or not. At my work place where almost everybody falls into the normal BMI range, I find this one particular female co-worker super attractive. Like if I was a male, I'd be all over her , and I'm not even into the heavier body type. If I had to guess, she's probably most likely in the overweight range, but she has muscle tone, true curves, and the way she carries herself is nothing short of confidence.

 

To sum it up, if you're heavy but healthy, there will be people who find you attractive. If you're heavy to the point of having health problems, finding dates probably shouldn't be your main focus right now; getting rid of those health problems should be (save for people with legitimate congenital conditions that render it impossible to achieve a heathy weight, but these are rare). On the other hand, expecting as many inquiries as someone in a "normal" weight range is not realistic, because people tend to behave with a "norm" tendency, and things outside that range may go unnoticed. Just like having crooked teeth, unproportional facial features, or extreme lack of height (for men mostly). My example is, if most women wouldn't want to date a male who's 5'0", most men don't want to date a women who's 200 lbs. That's just the way people behave, and there's nothing you can do to change it. You can campain all you like for the "healthy" body image, but the reality is that, there is a difference between being "thick" with curves, and plain obese.

 

I agree with that. It's scientifically proven that certain attributes are more attractive, mainly because it's important to be healthy.

 

 

I think the same would go for an obese man, probably doesn't get many messages.

[elaine567]

I don't understand why fat men with beer belly also insist on dating only thin women.

 

I have a feeling that women looking for relationships in general are more tolerant of "chubbier" men, especially if that guy has other attractive traits and attributes that make him a good "catch".

Women tend to be good at identifying "fixer uppers" too.