Met up with EX 6 months after breakup

[LOSINGHOPE113]

So me and my ex broke up 6 months ago, I have had a very tough time getting over her, depression and anxiety hit me really hard, I never expected to of been wanting her back in the way that I did and with absolutely no chance of it happening.

 

She was always leaving my city to go back home at around this time of year and she had something of mine which she told me she would return when she was leaving, for ages I was waiting for that day that she would text so that I could see her again but about 3 weeks ago I changed my mind, I decided that when that day came (if it even would) that I would tell her I didn't want the item back (so that I could avoid seeing her). Well that day came yesterday, I was actually having the best day i've had in a long time until 11.30 came and she text me out the blue saying she would drop the item off, I panicked, I didn't know what to do, I was set that I didn’t want to see her again but then my mind went into overdrive and told me if you don’t see her now then you will never see her again so I agreed to her coming over.

 

It was strange, I have reached out to so many people over the past months for help about how i'm feeling but the only person I wanted help from was her! The person you are trying to get over, the person you are trying to forget is the person you want to lean on for the support you so desperately need and yesterday I got that. I didn’t want it, I admit I shouldn't of told her how bad I was, I should of kept a brave face, but I didn't, I couldn't help it, she asked me how I was doing and I just broke down, I told her that since we broke up life hasn't even been worth living that I am a completely different person, that she wouldn’t even recognise me, the person she met and the person she fell in love with no longer exists, the happy playful person that absolutely loved live is no longer in existence. In some ways I wish I never admitted how much I’ve struggled but I’m also quite happy she knows. She did seem to care she told me not to do anything stupid and kind of gave me some encouragement to get out of the deep deep hole I have dug myself into.

 

It’s so strange, in front of you is this person and this person you have all these wonderful memories with but somehow they don’t count now because they are also not the same person, I mean we hadn’t seen each other in 6 months but I also feel like we could of kissed made up had sex and picked up where we left off but I also know just how much it wouldn’t work. I was just standing there looking at her thinking about our holiday together (exactly a year to the day) just thinking how different this time last year was, how happy we were, and I knew exactly what we’d be doing, for 6 months I’ve thought about these memories and they seem so strange but it’s even stranger now that the person these memories are with is standing in front of you but under completely different circumstances.

 

I had a chance to confront her about the way she treated me. Yeah she treated me pretty bad in the end (that’s why we ended) she would never admit it and whenever I brought it up in the past I was always wrong, I had bumped into her briefly 6 weeks after the breakup but that really didn’t go well and she wouldn’t listen to me, but yesterday I actually had a chance to speak my mind, to not actually care that she wouldn’t agree with me which she didn’t, she defended everything I said and there all things that can’t even be defended.

 

I wish I said so much more to her, even though I didn’t want to see her for the past 3 weeks I had always thought about what I’d say if I did see her and now the opportunity is over I didn’t say half of the things that I wanted to but to be honest I’d probably need a whole day with her to get everything off my chest! She didn’t have much to say to me, I told her little things that was going on in my life but she didn’t really tell me anything about her unless I asked a question.

 

She was like a drug, I was obsessed with her while we were together and I have been even more obsessed with her since we broke up (because I knew I couldn’t have her) well yesterday I got my little dose, even though it was under different circumstances I still got that little high that I use to get when I saw her, that funny little feeling that no one else in the world gives you, that feeling that I truly believe no one else in the world will EVER give me again.

 

I feel like it was actually a good thing seeing her, we said our goodbyes, we hugged, we actually left things okay wishing each other all the best, but it’s the hardest thing in the world seeing the love of your life, the person you’ve been longing for for 6 months, the person you actually wanted to spend the rest of your life with just walk away, walk out that door knowing that you’ll never see each other again, I think I had closure I saw her walk away knowing that that is it she moving away, she’s gone, I won’t bump into her by mistake anymore and hopefully I can start getting her off of my mind and just move on with my life.

 

As you can tell I miss her like ****ing crazy!

[d0nnivain]

Maybe this will bring you some closure. She treated you badly & now after all this time, when you broke down, she basically sat there. Hopefully as painful as it is, this encounter will help you realize that she is well & truly done which should spur your recovery.

 

 

Hang in there.

[Goodguy05]

Thx for sharing..

 

I can relate same thing wth the ex wife. I went over one last time to sign the divorce papers mind u this is in t b r past now 10 yrs ago. She was in such a hurry for me to get it signed and done wth. We went for one last drive to the city and did a loop. I confessed my love for her wich was still strong at the time to no avail and walked away one final time. I remember looking at her feet and they just looked so different a change was in the air.

Final goodbyes are aweful. I drove away boiling my eyes out on the freeway I cld hardly see the rd lol

[Darien 76]

I've had that same thought too guys. It's weird that you can spend years with someone and then never speak to or see that person again. Handling that final stage of acceptance has been hard for me. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever hear from him again. I just hope I move on. xoxo