After the breakup

[guy45]

Back in September I had met a really nice woman on OKC. Things were going pretty well, I guess you could say we were madly in love. Fast forward 4 months later, I feel as if I lost my attraction for her after we had a video chat (this wasn't a ldr). I realized that maybe I wasn't as attracted to her as I first thought I was.

 

I stayed with her anyways for another 4 or 5 months hoping my attraction would come back.

 

During this time I wasn't really happy, and we broke up many many times. Finally the 5th break up was us deciding to be friends even though I can sense she still wants me back.

 

Now I'm pretty much single again, although I can't say it's such a bad thing since the misery seems to be less.

 

And now I'm back to OLD again ....unfortunately. I basically learned it's better to be single than with the wrong person.

 

Can anyone relate?

[Robert]

moderator bump ~6

[divegrl]

Exactly. Stay single until you find someone you truly vibe with!!

 

Chin up, there's lots of amazing people out there!!!

 

Good luck my friend!!!!

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Yes, definitely better to be single than with the wrong person.

 

I'm curious why your feelings changed after a video chat?? That sounds....unique.

[preraph]

I am a little confused. How many times had you actually been with her face to face?

[guy45]

We met every week. I guess I never really paid much attention to her looks in person, she's not bad looking but after video chatting with her I guess I paid more attention to certain features.

 

Really wish it would have worked out, but if you can't get that good feeling when looking at them it's pretty much hopeless.

 

I guess I stayed with her so long because she was fairly nice.

[Chilli]

Yep can def' relate .

While going through my divorce l spent oover 3 yrs basically alone except for when my daughter was over.

l was renting a big beach house , heaps of room , lovely views, yet here's me all alone night after night. Mind you , l wanted to sort out my thoughts on everything and get over my marriage and stuff so although l wasn't even ready anyway, given the right person l think l'd have been ok

And those years just being wasted , that house, didn't feel right either.

l went on a date site for a few mths talked to dozens of girls, only really interested in meeting 2 or 3 of them though.

Wasn't attracted to any when we met,although two were kinda ok. But great women and l wondered if l needed my head read, surely it'd be better than the lonely crap way l was living.

But , l know my hearts gotta be fully in this stuff or it ain't gonna work.

later on l met my gf though , and everything was right , insane right, beautiful,made it all worthwhile .

Sadly though that hasn't worked out now as it was part LDR to but there were some other things also.

 

l wouldn't swap our 16mths all up for anything , but it is sad and very weird to be back in this sitch now.

l also worry that she has set the bar so high to now that anyone else is likely to just be disappointing.

[Zul]

I was madly in love with my ex for 5 years of dating, 6 months of flirting and 4 more years of having a crush on her... That's basically 10 years of obsessing over her... Then it all came crumbling down. What I've realized, is her personality is what turns me off the most. She is physically attractive, but the way she acts pushes me away. She left me, still a year later; I obsess over her.

 

I've found out that, like Robin Williams said (in my own words). I was scared my whole life of being alone, I was with her for a long time and I dreaded the time if we ever broke up and we weren't together. I've been feeling recently how I feel less alone now than I was when I was with her the last two or so years of our relationship.

 

She was toxic, wrong and not for me. It's better for me to be single than to jump into something I know I'll be unhappy in. I wish you the best, but enjoy some single time... Relationships will ALWAYS be there; but your single time is rare. Enjoy it while you can. Focus on you. Best of luck.

[BaileyB]

Back in September I had met a really nice woman on OKC. Things were going pretty well, I guess you could say we were madly in love. Fast forward 4 months later, I feel as if I lost my attraction for her after we had a video chat. I realized that maybe I wasn't as attracted to her as I first thought I was.

 

I stayed with her anyways for another 4 or 5 months hoping my attraction would come back.

 

During this time I wasn't really happy, and we broke up many many times. Finally the 5th break up was us deciding to be friends even though I can sense she still wants me back.

 

Now I'm pretty much single again, although I can't say it's such a bad thing since the misery seems to be less.

 

And now I'm back to OLD again ....unfortunately. I basically learned it's better to be single than with the wrong person.

 

Can anyone relate?

 

First of all, you couldn't have been "madly in love" if you decided that you lost your attraction to her almost instantaneously, after one video chat. That's what you call, a very superficial love. I mean, my boyfriend isn't the most handsome man on the block (he's certainly handsome to me), he does things that annoy me, and he certainly makes me crazy sometimes, but I don't lose my attraction to him because our relationship based on a deeper love and acceptance.

 

It's clear, you really struggle with what you "think" attraction should be.

 

But anyway, if you broke up and got back together five times then... It's time to accept the fact that this relationship is not meant to be... That's not good and it's not healthy. It's definitely time to be single and start dating again...

 

I hope you figure out what you want and find somebody who meets your expectations. Good luck to you.

Edited July 18, 2017 by BaileyB