Realitly and LDR

[Virginia]

Ok ive been married,I know how reality is vastly different to the dream that we/I have,now I'm talking about my LDR here so it may or may not apply to you.

 

It is easy to like someone when you are miles away,when one of us is in a mood we simply make the phone call shorter,I don't know his little habits,seeing someone for a week here and there does not give you a good enough idea on how you will cope living daily life,it can be a lot easier to get on well with someone when you do not have to live daily life with them,I'm talking from my experience here and most people I knows,the honey moon period doesn't last long,relationships require a lot of work

 

My point is (yes I have got one ) is that me and my man do not know each other well,you never know somebody well enough until you live with them or you spend a LOT of time with them,you may think you do,but the realitly is you do not-I'm not going to live in a dream and think it will be all hearts and roses,as we live far away,and what seen each other twice,I know I do not know him enough at all to think of a long term future.

 

If he moves here,he losses his job,his home,he will be far away from his daughter,he will need to drive 3-4 hours at w/ends to get her,he will need to live with my daughter,so I sometimes wonder what the point of it is

 

I like him a lot,we have so much in common but I know we will not know if it will work properly unless he moves down here

 

When is the risk not worth it? how do you deal with these feelings?,if you have them

[d'Arthez]

Whether something is worth it or not, can only be determined by the two people in the relationship. There are no golden rules, like" if you live closer than 45 minutes from each other, it will work." You need to be aware of the traps and pitfalls of a LDR. If you have that understanding, and your partner does too, that is a good starting point.

 

But LDRs require a lot of compromise too.

 

If he moves here,he losses his job,his home,he will be far away from his daughter,he will need to drive 3-4 hours at w/ends to get her,he will need to live with my daughter,so I sometimes wonder what the point of it is

 

Why is he required to move down there, and can't you move to him? There may be perfectly valid reasons, but he may have perfectly valid reasons for not moving near you / in with you. Perhaps a compromise is possible, and perhaps not. You need to talk about it, and find compromises that work for the both of you.

 

You can love each other, but be entangled in your own environment. We would rather have it otherwise. He can be quite reluctant to risk all, for something that may not last for 3 months if he is living near you / with you. And sometimes love is not enough - if he is doing the moving, he must also consider the things he gives up.

 

And a lot depends on geographical situation, and preferences for place of living, availability of jobs, schools, and whatever is necessary for the two of you, and your children. Sometimes things can be worked out, and sometimes people want the impossible (both living at the place they are living now), and then things won't work out.

[Virginia]

It is not possible for me to move,my daughter is in special education,its took 6 years to get some good Dr's for her problems,she has a statement of special education,her own full time assistant at school,moving her would disrupt it all and with her special needs it is not a risk I can take,we would have to find new specialists etc

 

He always said that if it ever came to that,he couldn't expect me to move,thanks for your advice