davis6 Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 WARNING, this message is long.. On June 17, 2017 I decided to call it off with my gf for almost four years. couple hours later within the day, i found out she was cheating on me with a guy i had my suspicions about. her excuse was that she was drunk and high. I apparently pushed her to the edge because I didn't want her like she wanted me. i believe that statement she made was invalid. reason why is that just because i didn't lust for her 24/7 did not mean i didn't want her. This October wouldve been four years so why wouldn't I want her? I'd be wasting mine and her time. i did as much as i could do for her. i love this girl with all my heart, i truly do. Last year around april she somewhat did the same thing around the same time period. instead she broke up with me and i found out the next day she messing around with her co worker. i begged for her to come back and simply stated that she didnt want to be with me anymore. so I ended up using the no contact rule. around June 2016, she ended up contacting me saying that she wanted to make things right. In present time, despite what she did, i still love her. After i found out she cheated on me, I confronted her through txt. she replied multiple times but i initiated no contact (June 17, 2017) and havent spoken to her since. We dont follow each other on social media. I do notice that whenever i post something on my Ig story she ends looking at it... EVERYTIME. What should i do? should i continue to do no contact until she contacts me first? its killing me but i know i can do it. i still do want to be with her deep down but something is telling me that that isnt a good choice. even if she decides to come back. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 So she hooked up with someone within hours of you breaking up with her on June 17th? Hours BEFORE the breakup or AFTER? If after, she didn't cheat on you. You broke up with her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author davis6 Posted July 1, 2017 Author Share Posted July 1, 2017 sorry i wasnt clear enough. hours after we broke up, I found out from a mutual friend of ours that she has been cheating on me while we were still together. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 sorry i wasnt clear enough. hours after we broke up, I found out from a mutual friend of ours that she has been cheating on me while we were still together. So you've found out twice that she's cheated on you? Once this year and once last? I think you should move on from this woman. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author davis6 Posted July 1, 2017 Author Share Posted July 1, 2017 last year around april she broke up with me over the phone saying that she was talking to someone else. couple months past of not speaking to her, she contacts me first and we begin to work on things. this year, i called it off because she was the one stating that "im just hanging in there... im tired... and i dont want to break my promise of leaving/ breaking your heart" i told her well if youre basing this relationship off a promise and youre not happy then lets just end it. She was on the fence about the break up but i was at the point where i didnt want to wait until she figured out what she really wanted. plus i began to notice her attitude started to change over a couple of days prior to the recent break up. i just dont understand if i so much "pushed her to the edge and didnt want her like she wanted me" why is she continuing to snoop around my instagram account? its the same situation as last year, snooping around my social media just to see if i moved on or something idk. i just know that as many times her and i have argued and just been really mad at one another, i never thought of cheating on her. i was willing to fight because i wanted to be with her . seems like she thinks the grass is greener on the other side Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 last year around april she broke up with me over the phone saying that she was talking to someone else. couple months past of not speaking to her, she contacts me first and we begin to work on things. this year, i called it off because she was the one stating that "im just hanging in there... im tired... and i dont want to break my promise of leaving/ breaking your heart" i told her well if youre basing this relationship off a promise and youre not happy then lets just end it. She was on the fence about the break up but i was at the point where i didnt want to wait until she figured out what she really wanted. plus i began to notice her attitude started to change over a couple of days prior to the recent break up. i just dont understand if i so much "pushed her to the edge and didnt want her like she wanted me" why is she continuing to snoop around my instagram account? its the same situation as last year, snooping around my social media just to see if i moved on or something idk. i just know that as many times her and i have argued and just been really mad at one another, i never thought of cheating on her. i was willing to fight because i wanted to be with her . seems like she thinks the grass is greener on the other side Nearly everyone on planet Earth does this with their exes. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 I'm sorry this has happened and you're having to deal with it. Honestly, to me, it just sounds like she's not all that in love with you and certainly not committed to you. Most of the time when women cheat, it's because they're not totally happy in the relationship anyway. It's a sad fact that many of them find a replacement before they leave, which isn't fair and not nice. If she contends she's only doing it because she's drunk, then it's up to her not to get drunk if she truly doesn't want to behave that way, but I believe she wants to do it and so she does it. I just don't see it working out in the long term. I don't think she sees you as the forever guy. Her comment about blaming you because she wasn't getting enough attention -- well, that was just one justification but it's no excuse for why she says she's committed to you and then cheats. But it may be a valid thing, but not necessarily something you are obligated to change. It may simply be that this wasn't enough for her -- and maybe no one man is, but that's no longer your problem. I'm sorry. I bet you can do better. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 WARNING, this message is long.. On June 17, 2017 I decided to call it off with my gf for almost four years. couple hours later within the day, i found out she was cheating on me with a guy i had my suspicions about. her excuse was that she was drunk and high. I apparently pushed her to the edge because I didn't want her like she wanted me. i believe that statement she made was invalid. reason why is that just because i didn't lust for her 24/7 did not mean i didn't want her. This October wouldve been four years so why wouldn't I want her? I'd be wasting mine and her time. i did as much as i could do for her. i love this girl with all my heart, i truly do. Last year around april she somewhat did the same thing around the same time period. instead she broke up with me and i found out the next day she messing around with her co worker. i begged for her to come back and simply stated that she didnt want to be with me anymore. so I ended up using the no contact rule. around June 2016, she ended up contacting me saying that she wanted to make things right. In present time, despite what she did, i still love her. After i found out she cheated on me, I confronted her through txt. she replied multiple times but i initiated no contact (June 17, 2017) and havent spoken to her since. We dont follow each other on social media. I do notice that whenever i post something on my Ig story she ends looking at it... EVERYTIME. What should i do? should i continue to do no contact until she contacts me first? its killing me but i know i can do it. i still do want to be with her deep down but something is telling me that that isnt a good choice. even if she decides to come back. The first time she cheated on you should have been message enough for you to tell her to hit the road permanently. Here is what you do: 1. Block her on Social Media, Instagram email addresses, telephone, etc. You cannot begin to heal if you are leaving a door open by having even the most limited of contact with her. No contact =no new hurts. 2. The worst 4 letter word on Loveshack applies here: TIME. You need time to heal from this. And you cannot until you make yourself and your healing a priority. That as well means making her insignificant. And if that means dumping mutual friends for the short term, etc, then it must be done. 3. Google and read "No More Mr. Nice Guy pdf". You could stand to benefit greatly form doing so. There have been only 3 life changing events in my nearly 53 years on this planet. The first one was listening to Hawkwind's Space Ritual Album for the first time, walking in on my fiance in my bed with my best friend,and reading No More Mr. Nice Guy. I used to be the epitome of a Nice Guy. That guy died 30 years ago and was replaced for a few years by a Monster but the Monster has mellowed somewhat. I am happier than I have ever been in my life now. 4. The goal here is to become INDIFFERENT to your ex. You need to detach from any mention of her, any memories or mementos you have of hers, you need to either get rid or, destroy, or put them in a place where you won't remember where hey are in desperate moments. It will get easier with time. Just remember the opposite of Love is not Hate, for Hate is an emotion. The opposite of Love is Indifference , which is emotionless. You'll get there if you only remember she showed you who she was the first time around, and if you go back to her in any way you will be on the rollercoaster of your own construction that you will be hard pressed to jump off of anywhere but your own Peril. Good Luck 4 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 Definitely stay NC. She will always cheat on you. Her excuses that you didn't give her enough attention is ridiculous. You will never be able to fill her tank with enough attention because she will always need other guys to validate her. Thank God you didn't marry her. Heal, work out and eat well. You are a catch and there are millions of girls out there who are better than her. You'll see. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 She's missing attention and went looking for it somewhere else, you were not really that into keeping the home fires alive, it all fell to s hit....everyone lacked proper communication to save it. It's a reality this relationship has run it's course and there is nothing more to do about it....please move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 She doesn't love you the way you love her. It's very clear that she was not committed and didn't respect you enough to stay faithful. There won't be a happy ending with this girl, OP. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted July 2, 2017 Share Posted July 2, 2017 So you've found out twice that she's cheated on you? Once this year and once last? I think you should move on from this woman. Exactly the in quotes and what is your point OP? She should be out of your life and hence no reason to be telling us about her. Leave her at the curb and drive away and never look back in the rear view or either side view mirror. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted July 2, 2017 Share Posted July 2, 2017 First thing is, you should have never gotten back with after last the last time. Secondly, move on already. She is not in love with you. Why keep putting yourself into the fire. Find someone that actually cares for you and loves you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
misspalmy Posted July 11, 2017 Share Posted July 11, 2017 Run as fast you can, i understand you love her, but tell yourself can you handle your heart being broken again? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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