My wife wants sex everyday

[GuitarMan88]

My wife has a high sex drive and I just don't.

She wants to have sex everyday and I'm just not that into it like she is.

She thinks I'm not attracted to her and says I make her feel unwanted.

She gets upset when I use porn and says I should be having sex with her since she wants it so bad and I don't give it to her enough.

 

It's causing a lot of problems.

I need some insight from others to help. I'm not sure what to do.

[BluesPower]

Are you kidding me???

 

Stop watching porn. And start taking care of your wife and her needs.

 

Do you realize how many married guys have a wife that does not want sex at all.

 

How old are you? Have you had your Testosterone checked?

 

Let me tell you what is going to happen if you do not take care of business.

 

She will find someone who will and he may be a whole lot better than you. And she may just dump you and move on.

 

Listen, women have to be taken care of and nurtured. And if they want sex then they get it. If you cannot step up to the plate you and your marriage are toast.

 

Is that what you want?

[GuitarMan88]

She puts so much pressure on me to do it. It makes me less interested.

My testosterone is higher than average. She made me go to the doctor.

I don't have a problem with porn. She's watches porn more than I do. If anything, she has a problem with porn.

She is like sex maniac and after sex, she wants more sex.

I don't understand it.

[salparadise]

She puts so much pressure on me to do it. It makes me less interested.

My testosterone is higher than average. She made me go to the doctor.

I don't have a problem with porn. She's watches porn more than I do. If anything, she has a problem with porn.

She is like sex maniac and after sex, she wants more sex.

I don't understand it.

 

I don't suppose the house next door is on the market is it?

 

 

 

Yea, you're going to have to step up your game... or she's going to find a way to get her needs met.

 

Are you whacking to porn? Every time you do, that's opportunity lost. The only reason you should be using porn is if it gets you primed for the real thing.

 

What would be your ideal frequency?

[GuitarMan88]

 

 

What would be your ideal frequency?

 

We agreed to every other night. And we did that for a little bit but then she started complaining that it still wasn't enough.

On the days that we didn't have sex, she would try to seduce me and I wouldn't go for it.

Then would get upset.

You guys just don't understand. I need a break from it.

Yeah, I use porn but I know she gets upset so I only do it like once a week and it's usually in the morning before work.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I see nothing wrong with the two of you compromising to every other day. I think she needs to give a little here. Many people, myself included, do not have a sex drive high enough for every day (for the long term anyway).

[GuitarMan88]

She was fine with every other day until I used porn and then started complaining.

She says that if I use porn then I can have sex.

She is constantly asking why I can't.

I honestly don't know what to tell her.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

She was fine with every other day until I used porn and then started complaining.

She says that if I use porn then I can have sex.

She is constantly asking why I can't.

I honestly don't know what to tell her.

 

Well, she has a point with the porn thing, sorry. Do you find it's just easier to use porn? Quicker? Requires less effort? Is this a laziness thing?

[GuitarMan88]

Well, she has a point with the porn thing, sorry. Do you find it's just easier to use porn? Quicker? Requires less effort? Is this a laziness thing?

 

 

I guess. I don't know.

I don't know what it is.

But I'm just not in the mood like she is.

It's like she can never be satisfied.

She masturbates a lot. More than I do. Several times a day. And she says that she'd rather have sex than do that.

I'm just freaking out because it's to much.

 

She claims she's not loved and not wanted.

She thinks she's ugly. She thinks all kinds of crazy stuff. All because of sex.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I guess. I don't know.

I don't know what it is.

But I'm just not in the mood like she is.

It's like she can never be satisfied.

She masturbates a lot. More than I do. Several times a day. And she says that she'd rather have sex than do that.

I'm just freaking out because it's to much.

 

She claims she's not loved and not wanted.

She thinks she's ugly. She thinks all kinds of crazy stuff. All because of sex.

 

What makes you in the mood for porn?

[GuitarMan88]

What makes you in the mood for porn?

 

Nothing really. It's just constantly on my mind because she's always talking about it.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Nothing really. It's just constantly on my mind because she's always talking about it.

 

So you're blaming HER for your porn use?

[Buttercuplady]

What makes you in the mood for porn?

 

Oh boy am I watching this thread . Believe me . It's no fun feeling like your automatically less exciting to the husband simply because of the ease and variety porn offers. I feel exactly like your wife ugly and unloved so I am

Really interested to hear what makes you turn to porn instead of her . It sounds to me like a lot of the keys lie in that answer

[GuitarMan88]

So you're blaming HER for your porn use?

 

No. I am not blaming her.

I just don't think it's normal for her to want sex this much.

It's A LOT.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

No. I am not blaming her.

I just don't think it's normal for her to want sex this much.

It's A LOT.

 

There is no "normal" when it comes to this. She's not abnormal and neither are you for only wanting it every other day.

 

If she's telling you that you are abnormal, or you are telling her that she is abnormal, this problem will never be resolved. The key is to respect each other's differences enough to compromise.

[GuitarMan88]

There is no "normal" when it comes to this. She's not abnormal and neither are you for only wanting it every other day.

 

If she's telling you that you are abnormal, or you are telling her that she is abnormal, this problem will never be resolved. The key is to respect each other's differences enough to compromise.

 

 

How do I compromise?

Is it wrong that i want to watch porn?

She tries to watch it with me and she wants to. She asks me to watch it with her all the time.

But it's something that should be done in private.

 

How can I make her understand that I don't want it that much? What is an easy way to tell her this?

[BaileyB]

Yeah, you can't really turn her down for sex and then turn on the porn. That's not going to feel good for any woman. Why do you do this?

 

If you both like porn, watch it together. Who says that it has to be a private thing? Is porn really worth the damage that it's causing to your relationship?

 

A reasonable compromise would be every other day. If that's not enough for her, she knows what to do. But, you can't seriously tell her that you are not interested and then go make yourself happy watching porn. That's going to hurt...

[GuitarMan88]

Yeah, you can't really turn her down for sex and then turn on the porn. That's not going to feel good for any woman. Why do you do this?

 

A reasonable compromise would be every other day. If that's not enough for her, she knows what to do. But, you can't seriously tell her that you are not interested and then go make yourself happy watching porn. That's going to hurt...

 

What I mean is....she can watch porn everyday and all day because I said no.

But, I can't do that because I said no...

Does it make sense now?

 

I only watch porn in the morning before work while she is asleep but then she wants me to wake her up to have sex.

I'm in trouble no matter what I do.

[IndigoNight]

Sex can be a wonderful experience you share with your partner, or it can feel like a noose around your neck. Her demands seems to be turning it into the latter. You should not be obligated to have sex with her every day if you want to use porn, on occasion, for some self-love. No one should. Her demanding sex because you watched a little porn is manipulative and controlling, and an unacceptable way to treat you.

 

When porn/masturbation takes the place of intercourse it could easily create its own issue, but no one should feel pushed into having sex with their partner. Forcing one's self to perform to appease the partner is highly likely to lead to resentment, and less-than-satisfying sexual experiences.

 

Her demands are unreasonable. Is there a chance she will fill her needs somewhere else? Only she could answer that. A lot depends on why she wants sex every day. Is she just that into sex? Is she having sex to validate herself as a woman, and sexual person? Whatever the reason, it is not okay for her to push you to the point that you feel uncomfortable, or don't enjoy it.

 

Would she consider going to MC with you? If you can, try to stick to the every other day compromise. It is more than reasonable. Have you thought about the different things the two of you could try, so she can get hers, and you have a night off? I am not suggesting another partner, or anything like that. Maybe she needs to consider engaging in more self love. There are a ton of creative ways to enhance your love life that don't involve you not having much of a choice in how often you engage in intercourse.

 

Are you familiar with tantra or tantric sex? If not, I suggest you look into it, and perhaps give it a try. I know that I am less likely to feel like I MUST have sex EVERY day, if I have had deep, meaningful lovemaking. Tearing off a quick one pales in comparison, so I am happy to wait because it is SO worth it. Quality over quantity!

 

Good luck.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

What I mean is....she can watch porn everyday and all day because I said no.

But, I can't do that because I said no...

Does it make sense now?

 

I only watch porn in the morning before work while she is asleep but then she wants me to wake her up to have sex.

I'm in trouble no matter what I do.

 

Why don't you? And don't say, "I don't know."

[GuitarMan88]

Why don't you? And don't say, "I don't know."

 

Because it's just porn.

I don't see how I'm doing anything wrong.

It's not my fault that our sexual desires don't match.

 

I always thought I'd like a girl who was this crazy about sex. But, my god.....

[GuitarMan88]

Sex can be a wonderful experience you share with your partner, or it can feel like a noose around your neck. Her demands seems to be turning it into the latter. You should not be obligated to have sex with her every day if you want to use porn, on occasion, for some self-love. No one should. Her demanding sex because you watched a little porn is manipulative and controlling, and an unacceptable way to treat you.

 

When porn/masturbation takes the place of intercourse it could easily create its own issue, but no one should feel pushed into having sex with their partner. Forcing one's self to perform to appease the partner is highly likely to lead to resentment, and less-than-satisfying sexual experiences.

 

Her demands are unreasonable. Is there a chance she will fill her needs somewhere else? Only she could answer that. A lot depends on why she wants sex every day. Is she just that into sex? Is she having sex to validate herself as a woman, and sexual person? Whatever the reason, it is not okay for her to push you to the point that you feel uncomfortable, or don't enjoy it.

 

Would she consider going to MC with you? If you can, try to stick to the every other day compromise. It is more than reasonable. Have you thought about the different things the two of you could try, so she can get hers, and you have a night off? I am not suggesting another partner, or anything like that. Maybe she needs to consider engaging in more self love. There are a ton of creative ways to enhance your love life that don't involve you not having much of a choice in how often you engage in intercourse.

 

Are you familiar with tantra or tantric sex? If not, I suggest you look into it, and perhaps give it a try. I know that I am less likely to feel like I MUST have sex EVERY day, if I have had deep, meaningful lovemaking. Tearing off a quick one pales in comparison, so I am happy to wait because it is SO worth it. Quality over quantity!

 

Good luck.

 

She wants sex because that's how she feels loved she says.

[BaileyB]

Her demands are definitely selfish and unrealistic. You must reach a compromise and she needs to make peace with that.

 

But, your denial and use of porn must feel like rejection to her.

 

Again, is porn really worth the conflict in your relationship?

[GuitarMan88]

Her demands are definitely selfish and unrealistic. You must reach a compromise and she needs to make peace with that.

 

But, your denial and use of porn must feel like rejection to her.

 

Again, is porn really worth the conflict in your relationship?

 

No it's not.

I know if I was to cut out porn completely then it would solve all of our issues. I think that's what hurts her the most.

But, I will hold resentment.

Why should I quit It? She's not going to quit because she's always horny. It's a double standard.

[healing light]

How long have you been together? How old are the two of you? I'm guessing 28/29 by your user name, but it would make sense if you were older and she is hitting her prime.

 

Are you turned off because you feel like it's an obligation and the pressure from her makes you not want to do it? Because you feel like it's not your choice?

 

What was your sex life like when you were just dating? Was hers always higher than yours like this?

 

It may be that you don't have compatible sex drives and will have to compromise at every other day--but then be prepared to have a conversation about why you're up for porn and not her in the interim. Try to realize how confusing it is to her when you say you only have the drive for sex every other day (not unreasonable) but then masturbate to porn when she's still hot and heavy. What makes you turn to porn when that's the case? Is it easier? I can also see where partners prefer the ease and convenience of masturbation to sex occasionally, so if it's once a week when she's not around before work that doesn't sound excessive to me.

 

I studied Chinese medicine and there are a lot of factors that can make someone crave excessive sex (which are treatable, so if she has other signs like difficulty sleeping, hot flashes, etc. and an excessive sex drive, it may not be a bad idea to look into acupuncture to help balance her hormones). I know this will sound like a bunch of crap to most people, but from a Chinese medical point of view, sex is more depleting for a man than a woman, generally speaking. So I can see where he may not want to get her started if she's expecting to have marathons all night long on the days off. You need to be prepared to explain this to her and how you don't have the energy to keep going; and perhaps consider being willing to have sex with her when you would otherwise masturbate to porn in exchange for not being expected to go again and again.