the_lost_1 Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 How do I deal with this? Basically 2 friends unfriended me from facebook this year and I'm not sure why but it is what it is. Like after talking with them and hanging out they suddenly unfriend you, I'm not sure how to feel about this What do I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Chin Up Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 I'd just msg them both the same thing - "hi, I just noticed you're no longer on my friends list. Did I do something?" Simple, non accusatory, and to the point. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 2, 2017 Share Posted July 2, 2017 It is not my intention to be mean or hurt you with what I am about to say. I think you are at a stage where you need honesty, so this is what I will give you. Judging from your posts here, you seem to have a defeatist attitude to life. Possibly also depression and problems with social skills. This stuff is hard to disguise in real life and will turn people off being friends with us. What proactive steps are you taking to get your life together? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author the_lost_1 Posted July 2, 2017 Author Share Posted July 2, 2017 It is not my intention to be mean or hurt you with what I am about to say. I think you are at a stage where you need honesty, so this is what I will give you. Judging from your posts here, you seem to have a defeatist attitude to life. Possibly also depression and problems with social skills. This stuff is hard to disguise in real life and will turn people off being friends with us. What proactive steps are you taking to get your life together? Well I'm not sure what steps........I'm pretty sure I'm not doing anything wrong....maybe sending them too many text messages I don't know. Maybe I'm clingy? I also have accent and I'm hard of hearing so I'm pretty sure that's what probably puts them off. I don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author the_lost_1 Posted July 2, 2017 Author Share Posted July 2, 2017 Or people are just really mean so I can't do anything about it Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted July 2, 2017 Share Posted July 2, 2017 Are you including the woman you kept groping "to show affection" and be "alpha" when she wasn't interested in this list of two? Or the Koeean girl who you kept following around after she told you goodbye? I'll be honest, if someone were to unfriend me on Facebook, I would never notice. Focus on real life interactions and building friendships in the real world. From your posts, I have the impression you could work on that. Do you have buddies you hang out with on a regular basis? Start by building that social circle. Obsessing about social media is not going to move you closer to your relationship goals. Working on interpersonal skills and building your social circle in real life will. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author the_lost_1 Posted July 2, 2017 Author Share Posted July 2, 2017 I'd just msg them both the same thing - "hi, I just noticed you're no longer on my friends list. Did I do something?" Simple, non accusatory, and to the point. I like this, thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author the_lost_1 Posted July 2, 2017 Author Share Posted July 2, 2017 Are you including the woman you kept groping "to show affection" and be "alpha" when she wasn't interested in this list of two? Or the Koeean girl who you kept following around after she told you goodbye? I'll be honest, if someone were to unfriend me on Facebook, I would never notice. Focus on real life interactions and building friendships in the real world. From your posts, I have the impression you could work on that. Do you have buddies you hang out with on a regular basis? Start by building that social circle. Obsessing about social media is not going to move you closer to your relationship goals. Working on interpersonal skills and building your social circle in real life will. Well the korean girl never added me on facebook but that's ok. I mistakenly followed because I thought we were still hanging after she said nice to meet you and exchanging numbers, basically miscommunication there The 2 friends im talking about is the one i liked more than friends, and the other one is a much older female who seemed to be not comfortable with me anymore for some reason. Yes, I'm bad at everything Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted July 2, 2017 Share Posted July 2, 2017 Don't do that! I don't know what you did, but both have made it clear they no longer want to interact with you. If someone I unfriended sent me that question, I would just block and ignore. Let it go and move on to greener pastures--current friends and people open to becoming your friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted July 2, 2017 Share Posted July 2, 2017 No one is bad at everything. If you want to improve in a particular aspect of life, just learn from your mistakes and practice. For example: You say the older woman became uncomfortable with you? What were you doing in your interactions with her around the time you noticed her discomfort. Did you stop whatever you were doing? Or did you persist? How could you have handled the situation differently? Link to post Share on other sites
Author the_lost_1 Posted July 2, 2017 Author Share Posted July 2, 2017 Yes, I understand. People would also tell me that I'm hard on myself, but it is what it is. I grew up bullied and everything, so even at 29 I'm still recovering and trying to behave at best socially. Sometimes I do act paranoid as well. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 2, 2017 Share Posted July 2, 2017 Well I'm not sure what steps........I'm pretty sure I'm not doing anything wrong....maybe sending them too many text messages I don't know. Maybe I'm clingy? I also have accent and I'm hard of hearing so I'm pretty sure that's what probably puts them off. I don't know. Lost 1, you've variously described yourself as possibly texting too much, clingy, paranoid and unable to do eye contact with women. You are also very defeatist in attitude. But then you go and say that the hearing loss is most likely the issue. It appears that you'd rather blame discriminatory behaviour in others than address what are significant social skill issues in yourself. You asked what you could do to help matters. I'd start by addressing your mental state with a psychiatrist and continue with counselling using a psychologist. Through the psychologist, you will learn better ways to approach life and others. I would also suggest you get some social skill lessons. Your local autism support service would know where to find social skill lessons for adults. And no, you don't need an ASD dx to qualify. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author the_lost_1 Posted July 2, 2017 Author Share Posted July 2, 2017 Lost 1, you've variously described yourself as possibly texting too much, clingy, paranoid and unable to do eye contact with women. You are also very defeatist in attitude. But then you go and say that the hearing loss is most likely the issue. It appears that you'd rather blame discriminatory behaviour in others than address what are significant social skill issues in yourself. You asked what you could do to help matters. I'd start by addressing your mental state with a psychiatrist and continue with counselling using a psychologist. Through the psychologist, you will learn better ways to approach life and others. I would also suggest you get some social skill lessons. Your local autism support service would know where to find social skill lessons for adults. And no, you don't need an ASD dx to qualify. Well I can assure you that I'm not crazy, but thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 2, 2017 Share Posted July 2, 2017 Well I can assure you that I'm not crazy, but thanks. I didn't say you were crazy. I think you have some unaddressed mental health issues which are holding you back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author the_lost_1 Posted July 3, 2017 Author Share Posted July 3, 2017 What mental health issues? I think you're lashing out against me for no reason and it's obvious that I'm being treated unfairly by those people. I'm honestly sick and tired of being treated like this. Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted July 3, 2017 Share Posted July 3, 2017 What mental health issues? Exhibit #107 I think you're lashing out against me for no reason and it's obvious that I'm being treated unfairly by those people. I'm honestly sick and tired of being treated like this. You clearly struggle in your interactions with other people, miss obvious social cues, have tremendous difficulty reading others, consistently do things that offend those around you while remaining oblivious, etc. The only person lashing out in this thread is you...at a poster who has offered you numerous helpful suggestions both here and elsewhere. Has what you're doing worked for you thus far? Has it gotten you any closer to having close friends or dates? You're 29. You can carry on with more of the same--blaming any and everyone for your social woes--or finally take some responsibility for your situation, change your behavior, and focus on self-improvement. The definition of insanity is continuing to do the same thing expecting a different outcome. Which will it be? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author the_lost_1 Posted July 4, 2017 Author Share Posted July 4, 2017 I don't understand, what's 'exhibit #107'? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 4, 2017 Share Posted July 4, 2017 What mental health issues? For starters, the overwhelming depression which comes across in your threads. It must be such a dark, horrible way for you to be living. I think you're lashing out against me for no reason and it's obvious that I'm being treated unfairly by those people. I'm honestly sick and tired of being treated like this. I'm not lashing out at you. You've asked for help and I'm trying to explain how your mental state will not only make your own life miserable, but will also drive others away from you. Your CI and accent truly isn't the problem. Underneath this depression, I'm sure there is a very kind and smart guy who just needs the tools to connect with others. Link to post Share on other sites
Author the_lost_1 Posted July 5, 2017 Author Share Posted July 5, 2017 Lol i'm pretty sure I'm already a good and understanding guy, but thanks. On a side note, I just changed my program on my CI, I think I hear better now. Many people, basically everyone doesn't understand that the better ears you have, the more you're better to speak. Everyone's ears affects the way they speak. When a brain receives the sound, it tries to mimic the sound received and CI is poor at doing that. But anyway yea I think I hear better now, I'm still experimenting with this bullsh**t Link to post Share on other sites
Author the_lost_1 Posted July 5, 2017 Author Share Posted July 5, 2017 However I will admit that people do tell me that I'm way too hard on myself though but whatever though Link to post Share on other sites
Author the_lost_1 Posted July 7, 2017 Author Share Posted July 7, 2017 I mean yes I do get hurt a lot because of stuff like this but it is what it is Link to post Share on other sites
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