Feeling like I can't be happy without a guy

[foreverdancer]

When I was in high school, I never pursued relationships - mainly because I thought I was too good for the guys in my who-knows-where school. Only casually dated a grand total of 2 guys I liked. Lost interest in them after a couple of months. Then in my first 2 years of college, I had crushes here and there that never progressed into anything because I was too scared of rejection.

 

In my junior year, I had this friend A who started flirting with me despite him having a girlfriend, and before long, we already developed an affair. A was good at emotional manipulation, making me believe that he really cared about me beyond the physical aspect of our relationship. I had no desire for him to leave his gf for me, but I enjoyed the pain and the pleasure this affair was rife with.

 

So my thing with A only ended when I met B at the end of my senior year, who I thought was my dream guy. B was 7 years older than me. I thought this was finally something real because of everything he said and did (it was even a bit too fast for my liking), but I broke up with him after nearly 3 months of dating because he was starting to pull away and gave me the "not ready for relationships because of work, life, past relationship experience" BS.

 

Then there's C. I've been acquainted with him all throughout college. We legit talked for the first time at a grad party and he contacted me a week after. He has a girlfriend and I was dating B at that time, and we were both aware of this when we started regularly texting each other. And so began our full-blown affair. We enjoy talking to each other for hours because we really "click". And we greatly enjoy each other physically. I feel like what we have is too great to pass up.

 

I know I should end it with C. It's not like I want more from him. On the contrary, I don't want him to leave his gf for me because I don't even want a relationship with him. I wouldn't be hurt if he got into a new relationship, but it would bother me if he dropped me as a result. And I'd be devastated if I'd be supplanted in my "role". As crazy as this sounds, what I want is to be the only "No. 2".

 

I'm still looking to date and have serious relationships, but I haven't met anyone yet. Until then, I plan on keeping this arrangement with C, because I don't want to feel lonely, unwanted, and unloved. I just want to find someone fast because C might permanently lose interest in me when we both become busy with our lives (me with law school and him with med school in a different city).

 

I'm planning on seeing a counselor soon, but I don't have the time yet and I'm a bit scared she might advise me to see a shrink.

Edited July 3, 2017 by foreverdancer

[d0nnivain]

I'm planning on seeing a counselor soon, but I don't have the time yet and I'm a bit scared she might advise me to see a shrink.

 

A counselor provides talk therapy. A shrink prescribes medication. You can do talk therapy without the drugs.

[liberated]

I bounced around (Sound b**chy )from one guy to the next a lot in college. i loved the attention and it was a quick cure for boredom since i struggled to make friends i would be around my boyfriends all the time and as a result i stated becoming clingy. They is nothing wrong with having fun and being a number 2 but its not an ideal situation when your with a guy and he has to attend to number 1, reality hits that you'r not as important to him and that hurts.

 

Find and love yourself,make new friends and keep busy.

you will find the right guy when it matters to you.