misspalmy Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 shes 16 years older than me, she plays the nice mother and wife, now put it all over facebook her man cheated and she took him but, i just think shes a fool and weak Link to post Share on other sites
honeytomb Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 (edited) In the beginning, I find out (without going through MM) what she looks like and once I confirm I am more attractive, I rest easier. I know that ultimately it doesn't matter and that my physical beauty will fade (it has already started to) but I won't be getting any points for my bubbly personality so... I never openly compare myself nor do I dwell on it, and I would not like it if MM cast his wife in a negative light. One did subtly compare me without directly mentioning her by saying things like: "It's so nice to be with someone who doesn't ____" and it was upsetting. I found out later he gossiped about everyone in his life including people he thought of as friends. I've no doubt that habit extended to include me as well. If I ever end up an OW again, I would rather not hear about her at all. Edited June 17, 2017 by honeytomb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jah526 Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 Strangely, I never did. I never really thought about her. Seen pictures - she is very pretty and looks like a nice person. In some ways we look sort of similar. If anything, I feel sorry for her. She doesn't know who she's married to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 There are no real comparisons. She and I are on vastly different playing fields. We want very different things in life-- the only thing we had in common was him. She wanted his lifestyle and his money. I wanted his intelligence and his heart. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 I've had the misfortune of dating single men who were hung up on their ex-girlfriends, so I'd say I've compared myself to ex's or bs for most of my dating life. I think it is normal and some people may feel more secure if their partner runs down the spouse or ex. Exbs had a nicer body than I do, but I'm ten years younger and I've not spent a lot of time needing makeup, so my face is less wrinkled and more even toned. She did spend a lot of money on hair, makeup and beauty. So, she is nice looking - for her age. I think she has an okay personality as well. I think we are both kind and generous people. She may be a bit, uh....snobbier than I am, but she may have also just been protecting her dating kids from riffraff and such. I just like sex better than she does. I was more adventurous and more accepting of my body and less shy about communicating and experimenting. Link to post Share on other sites
TheBathWater Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 (edited) My affair is over but I find funny things to think about it at times. One thing I remember doing is comparing myself to his wife. He would tell me that I was more beautiful than her, that I was more compassionate, better sense of humor, understood him better and he said our sex was the best he ever had. His wife and I were two very different people. She saw herself as high value and I struggled with my self esteem. She was blonde, I have very long dark hair. We were both successful and both church involved women. We both loved our kids. She liked to drink socially. I didn't. She would tell him off and I did the same at times. I have no doubt he told her that SHE was more beautiful and that the sex with her is the best, etc. Just funny how women try and compare themselves to try and compete. My ex married man's wife actually said to me, "don't you think we should let him choose who he wants to be with" as she was so self confident in herself. She did win but in reality, she won herself a cheater. I don't really compare myself all too much to my girlfriend's fiancé. I know enough about him and have even seen him in public social situations to maintain my confidence that I am an overall better partner to have. Sometimes I think about our similarities/differences and that can be interesting for me, but I've never really felt like he had an advantage over me in anything other than that my partner has a longer-term connection with him (about 10 years) compared to me (about 1 year). Edited June 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
misspalmy Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 i have 3k worth of fb messages i feel like sending to his cow wife 1 Link to post Share on other sites
crystalstevens Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 i have 3k worth of fb messages i feel like sending to his cow wife I wish I would have saved all of our twitter messages. That's 8 months worth of evidence.... but also evidence that could be used against me if my H discovered them. Affairs are like a double edge sword. No one ever really wins. All I have left is just a couple of pictures and a some insignificant facebook messages. Ugh :/ 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jenkins95 Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 Proud of you hurt girl! x Not so hurt girl any more!!! You took your life back 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 i have 3k worth of fb messages i feel like sending to his cow wife I know you're hurt, but his wife isn't your enemy. he isn't you enemy. Your own worst enemy in this situation has been yourself. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
crystalstevens Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 I know you're hurt, but his wife isn't your enemy. he isn't you enemy. Your own worst enemy in this situation has been yourself. EXACTLY, as much as xMM complained about her. She never did anything to ME, infact, I never even met her. All I did was sit there like a good girl and took his word. Of course your MM wants to make his W look bad... if everything was "perfect" they would never be seeking extramarital affairs with you. Don't send anything to his wife.... believe it or not, she's probably the only real victim here. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ms millie Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 The lady already has the worst of it..she has a cheater. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
misspalmy Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 I know you're hurt, but his wife isn't your enemy. he isn't you enemy. Your own worst enemy in this situation has been yourself. she bad mthing him on facebook, telling the world he cheated. i dont really need to send them. shes putting a kick in his ego Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 I trashed, deleted, burnt, removed and erased everything on my D Day. All contacts, all correspondence etc. But mine wasn't some long love story. We nice not to have anything physical or written to reminisce with, nor a method to reach him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ahurtgirl Posted July 3, 2017 Author Share Posted July 3, 2017 Does the MM usually blame the OW for the affair when it ends and his wife finds out? What stories have you heard about affairs and did the MM blame the OW when it ended to make himself look innocent? Link to post Share on other sites
lostgirl87 Posted July 3, 2017 Share Posted July 3, 2017 I don't think it's possible to blame the OW unless the wife is completely delusional and wants to believe anything her husband says to justify her staying. I mean how could you blame someone else? "Sorry, wife. She forced me to call her, lie to you, go see her, take her out on dates, open up to her about stuff I don't even tell you, spend my money on her, tell her I love her AND she forced my pants down and shoved my penis into her"?? I mean come on! I'd like to believe that no man is that dumb and no woman is that delusional! 7 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 3, 2017 Share Posted July 3, 2017 I think that a married person can blame the AP in just the same way as an AP can blame the married person. "They manipulated me!!" Many people do all kinds of things to avoid personal responsibility in life. It's nothing new. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted July 3, 2017 Share Posted July 3, 2017 I've heard MM and MW say they were pursued by the OW/OM. Sometimes it's true and as a betrayed spouse, one is so desperate to believe their husband or wife didn't actively pursue the affair. In some cases the claim is backed up by emails and texts, but no gun was held to their head. There is temptation of course, but when you're married you need to stand firm and put a stop to it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted July 3, 2017 Share Posted July 3, 2017 He blamed her for not being able to stick to no contact. Things he said: -"she said if I didn't talk to her she'd come up to my office" -"she won't take no for an answer she's insisting I tell her in person" -"she has stuff to give back to me and is insisting on seeing me" -"she's persistent, if I don't talk to her, she will not leave me alone" It's all bull****. A big fat restraining order could have stopped it all if he was really serious. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
independentwoman Posted July 4, 2017 Share Posted July 4, 2017 I don't think it's possible to blame the OW unless the wife is completely delusional and wants to believe anything her husband says to justify her staying. I mean how could you blame someone else? "Sorry, wife. She forced me to call her, lie to you, go see her, take her out on dates, open up to her about stuff I don't even tell you, spend my money on her, tell her I love her AND she forced my pants down and shoved my penis into her"?? I mean come on! I'd like to believe that no man is that dumb and no woman is that delusional! I find this a little ironic. I've seen many an ow on here believe everything their MM said about the marriage "it's sexless" "she only thinks of me as a wallet" "we live as roommates" it goes on and on and on. The stuff us ow believe is just ridiculous. So yeah...men and women can be delusional 6 Link to post Share on other sites
lostgirl87 Posted July 4, 2017 Share Posted July 4, 2017 I find this a little ironic. I've seen many an ow on here believe everything their MM said about the marriage "it's sexless" "she only thinks of me as a wallet" "we live as roommates" it goes on and on and on. The stuff us ow believe is just ridiculous. So yeah...men and women can be delusional Um the question or subject of this thread is MM blaming the OW. What you're talking about, while true in some cases, is not related to the topic hence the reason it was not addressed. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 4, 2017 Share Posted July 4, 2017 I find this a little ironic. I've seen many an ow on here believe everything their MM said about the marriage "it's sexless" "she only thinks of me as a wallet" "we live as roommates" it goes on and on and on. The stuff us ow believe is just ridiculous. So yeah...men and women can be delusional Exactly. People believe what they want to believe. So, it a married man wants to tell his wife that the affair didn't happen, or she pursued him, or it was only a few times and it meant nothing to him... Some wives will certainly believe that because they want to keep their marriage, their family intact, their lifestyle. As an OW, why would you not think that that your married man would not lie to his wife and throw you under the bus when he gets caught? After all, he's already proven that he is a liar and a cheater. Would you expect him to tell his wife when he's facing the breakup of his family and the prospect of financial ruin to tell his wife "I really loved her and felt it felt like we were meant to be together." Equally delusional. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
independentwoman Posted July 4, 2017 Share Posted July 4, 2017 Um the question or subject of this thread is MM blaming the OW. What you're talking about, while true in some cases, is not related to the topic hence the reason it was not addressed. It absolutely has to do with your post and this topic. Of course the MM throws the OW under the bus, and when he does, the wife believes it, and she is no more delusional than the ow who believes he's in love with her, when he's still with his wife. If a man is truly in love with his ow, he will be with her, but nine times out of ten he's not, and it's simply because most of what he told her was lies. 12 Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted July 4, 2017 Share Posted July 4, 2017 Being that there are only two people standing in the middle of Affair Boulevard it only stands to reason that one or both are going to get run over by the DDay Express bus. Thats just what happens. Kinda hard to call foul when you put yourself there. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
lostgirl87 Posted July 4, 2017 Share Posted July 4, 2017 It absolutely has to do with your post and this topic. Of course the MM throws the OW under the bus, and when he does, the wife believes it, and she is no more delusional than the ow who believes he's in love with her, when he's still with his wife. If a man is truly in love with his ow, he will be with her, but nine times out of ten he's not, and it's simply because most of what he told her was lies. Again, the question was "do MM blame the OW". My response was that even if he did, the wife would be completely delusional to think her husband was a victim. And I don't think most wives believe that. Most blame their husband for his role and the mistress for hers. It would be delusional to believe otherwise. Had the question been "do OW believe everything MM tells them" then your analysis would be more on topic. MM lies to everyone. He couldn't survive if he weren't lying to everyone in some way. That's a given I just didn't address OW believing MM's every word b/c that wasn't the question. Link to post Share on other sites
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