Author Lazy Fox Posted July 20, 2017 Author Share Posted July 20, 2017 (edited) I'm starting to think you dodged a bullet... Me too. The relationship wasn't perfect, especially towards the end, but we had some great moments and took something like 600+ pictures together. She came to the UK 3 times at $700 a pop in flights, and in my opinion we'd have lasted years and years, made great parents etc etc but we just had some communication issues. I made a lot of changes in my life for this girl, something which i was happy to do. I even went vegan for her, but she became too demanding and entitled. She was stopping me mid-sentence to tell me my attitude sucked and that she didn't like the words i was using. She has very high expectations of a relationship and she split up with me because of my contrasting views on religion, islam and transgender rights, but instead of guiding me and allowing me to grow up, she wanted to split up over the petty differences. I quote, "i would rather find someone who shares all the same views and morals as me" and "i'll convert them to vegan if they aren't". I think she's in for a big shock and lots of disappointment because relationships are never 100% romance and agreement and i don't believe most guys are as interested in working on themselves as i was. On top of her unrealistic expectations, there's the law of familiarity. Sure, for the first 6 months of her dating experience, she'll be over the moon. He'll be opening doors, giving her gifts etc, but the novelty does wear off, and that snoring, swearing or coming home late from work that didn't bother her before suddenly becomes an issue. I believe she'll start looking for someone else that suits her views more, and the cycle will start over. I think this girl needs something drastic to happen in her life and she isn't interested in seeking therapy. I feel bad for her as she's not mentally stable and all this sleeping around is going to bite in the ass at some point. It was a codependent relationship but neither of us are experienced and neither of us knew how to handle codependency, and she gave up first, basically. But she was curious about sleeping with someone else, which was just unfortunate for me. I was curious too, but i wouldn't have acted on it, and i'm not sure i could have said the same for her. The fact she slept around after less than one week of breaking up suggests to me it was part of the plan, in which case she's not the one for me as she's not monogamous, or at least wants to gain some experience. Ultimately, I take responsibility for what happened because i could have tried a lot harder with her. I rushed her for marriage which was wrong. In reality, having actually split up and experienced life without her, i'd be happy to wait the 5 years she was asking me to wait. The only issue there was that she was starting to say things like "i want sex" and when i told her i'd skype her she'd say "it's not the same". Unfortunately i couldn't afford to fly there on demand, so perhaps she was becoming sexually frustrated and ended it because of that? I didn't show my gratitude towards her in a way that she would have appreciated and I very much took her for granted, especially sexually. If i could go back, i would. Perhaps one day our paths will cross again, she really is an amazing girl. Edited July 20, 2017 by Lazy Fox Link to post Share on other sites
springy Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 Look, she is 20 years old. Hate to break it to ya, but can't expect a 20 year old to have their emotional act together. There are unicorns but they are the exception rather than the norm. How old are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lazy Fox Posted July 20, 2017 Author Share Posted July 20, 2017 Look, she is 20 years old. Hate to break it to ya, but can't expect a 20 year old to have their emotional act together. There are unicorns but they are the exception rather than the norm. How old are you? A lot of people have told me this and it hurts because i can't change my age (i'm 21). I'm attracted to 20 year olds which is almost setting myself up to fail. She just seemed like such an emotionally-aware girl that i thought she'd be able to recognize and control her emotions but clearly not. Link to post Share on other sites
springy Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 Most people your age will go through a number of relationships before finding a good fit. You're all still learning to 'adult'. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lazy Fox Posted July 20, 2017 Author Share Posted July 20, 2017 In my head i knew that this relationship wasn't great, but i also knew that it's prime was to be in the future. We shared the same views on parenting and other life things like money sharing and where we wanted to live etc. All we had to do was hold out and do our best for now. She says the distance didn't bother her but that's bullcrap. She was saying "i want ****ing" to which i responded "let's do it on skype then" to which she responded "it's not the same". She was getting impatient and it's common sense that if we were living together or locally, things would have been better. Yes the marriage was an extreme step, but it was the only step, and in my opinion at least, it would have opened the gate to allow us to flourish. She always complained that i wasn't romantic enough, and it hurts me to think of guys on tinder being romantic with her, but i couldn't do anything via Skype. I vowed to try harder in person but i wasn't given the opportunity. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lazy Fox Posted July 20, 2017 Author Share Posted July 20, 2017 Most people your age will go through a number of relationships before finding a good fit. You're all still learning to 'adult'. I know that but i'm a codependent and emotionally attached guy. I'd be quite happy to meet someone now and spend my life with them. Link to post Share on other sites
springy Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 Well it is good you are in counseling then (I think I saw that somewhere), because being codependent is not a good thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lazy Fox Posted July 20, 2017 Author Share Posted July 20, 2017 Well it is good you are in counseling then (I think I saw that somewhere), because being codependent is not a good thing. I start in two weeks. Codependency takes two to tango but she's too busy with her newfound tinder sex life to address her issues. I'll tell you a story as quickly as possible: When we split up, this girl told me she was "seeing people". I asked if they had had sex and she said yes. I asked for more information and she refused to give it to me, which is understandable as it's personal information (even though we were only one week separated lol). It played on my mind over and over. Who? How many people? What was it like? did she use protection? I love this girl and it was really getting me down - i needed answers and she wouldn't give them. Why did i want to know you might ask? Well I'm not the type of guy that's interested in someone who goes off and sleeps around. I told myself that if it was one guy, i'd forgive her, continue with no contact and hope to rekindle the love. If it were more than one guy, i'd have reason to be disgusted and move on. But she wouldn't tell me. So i made a fake account on Tinder. What happened next can be left to the imagination but i managed to get the answers i wanted. Four guys, three weeks and eleven times. I felt disgusted and now i'm able to move on. Anyway, we were both codependent but we never knew it. I've learned a lot since we broke up, but having spoken to her recently, we were arguing just as much and it seems she's become overly controlling and demanding. She's convinced that there's a guy out there with which she will never argue or debate and now she won't settle for anyone less. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 Stop deflecting. Her issues are her own to deal with, as yours are yours to deal with. Again, you don't even live in the same country. This was not a real relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
springy Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 (edited) I start in two weeks. Codependency takes two to tango but she's too busy with her newfound tinder sex life to address her issues. I'll tell you a story as quickly as possible: When we split up, this girl told me she was "seeing people". I asked if they had had sex and she said yes. I asked for more information and she refused to give it to me, which is understandable as it's personal information (even though we were only one week separated lol). It played on my mind over and over. Who? How many people? What was it like? did she use protection? I love this girl and it was really getting me down - i needed answers and she wouldn't give them. Why did i want to know you might ask? Well I'm not the type of guy that's interested in someone who goes off and sleeps around. I told myself that if it was one guy, i'd forgive her, continue with no contact and hope to rekindle the love. If it were more than one guy, i'd have reason to be disgusted and move on. But she wouldn't tell me. So i made a fake account on Tinder. What happened next can be left to the imagination but i managed to get the answers i wanted. Four guys, three weeks and eleven times. I felt disgusted and now i'm able to move on. I don't really know how to respond to this other than to say your current state of pain was self inflicted. Calling her up and interrogating her about her new sex life is pretty cringeworthy behavior. Then to go on and make a fake tinder to 'catfish' it out of her is way over the top...a bit twisted honestly. Please put this behind you. You got what you wanted, I guess. All she needs is to login & see this...yikes. Since you are so disgusted AND are on different continents it should be a piece of cake to be done with her. Edited July 23, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language~T 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lazy Fox Posted July 21, 2017 Author Share Posted July 21, 2017 (edited) I don't really know how to respond to this other than to say your current state of pain was self inflicted. Calling her up and interrogating her about her new sex life is pretty cringeworthy behavior. Then to go on and make a fake tinder to 'catfish' it out of her is way over the top...a bit twisted honestly. Please put this behind you. You got what you wanted, I guess. All she needs is to login & see this...yikes. Since you are so disgusted AND are on different continents it should be a piece of cake to be done with her. It was very wrong of me but i'd had enough of sitting here crying. We always agreed to never block one another and always remain in contact and she went against that. I was in denial that she'd even slept with another, let alone four. Finally learning that allowed me to progress from denial to anger. She doesn't need to login to see this. I think i have borderline personality disorder and i do crazy things when im feeling emotional. For some reason i wrote a really really demeaning post and sent it to her and all her friends on facebook. Only i'm responsible for my behaviour but this breakup has completely ****ed up my mental health and it could have been avoided had we talked (I still dont know answers to some things i've been wondering for months). Edited July 23, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
springy Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 Wonderful that you are about to start seeing a mental health professional. I hope you will keep us updated on your progress. Link to post Share on other sites
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