Former mistress - my confession.

[I-was-the-one]

I am really happy it's over. Not because there were no feelings involved or we didn't care about each other. We had feelings, very strong ones and we did care about each other a lot, I was so in love that I ignored the fact he's married, he's committed and he's a father. I was SO HAPPY.

 

Uhm, no. Not so really.

Don't get me wrong I liked the feeling, I liked and enjoyed the way he made me feel. We had feelings BUT it was never going to nowhere. In my opinion - I wasted time. Not so much, luckily - only 10 months.

 

Even though we shared a special bond, it was a disgusting thing. This guy is married and committed to someone, they're supposed to be together for the rest of their lives, "until death do us apart". This is SERIOUS. I mean, you can't expect him to leave her, she's a victim, she's a poor lady who doesn't have an idea she's being cheated on. Her husband is screwing someone else! Her husband is spending his money on her (in my case, not much - but STILL), he gives his time and attention to someone else.... But wait, actually you're just his escape from his problems and additional attraction.

 

Now, remember he only talks to you when she's not around, he only gives you attention when his wife is not around when he has time. While he's at work, or out or while she's sleeping. Otherwise, he treats you like a ghost. But you are a ghost, he will keep you as a secret forever.

 

Now I'm not saying that married guys don't leave their marriages for the other women, they do but it happens in the first year or two. If you're a mistress, you'll most likely be one forever if you decide to continue. Plus... Ladies - once a cheater, always a cheater, remember that those guys are SNEAKY and LIE a lot. They never tell you 100% truth and they never will. And in most cases, affairs are about sex. Stop giving it to him and you'll see how fast he will run away. To another woman, eventually. You're really not that special. And I'm saying it, as an ex-mistress who could jump of the cliff for him.

 

Not anymore.

I met someone else, I stopped paying full attention to the guy, I was so hurt, I felt so empty. My now bf messaged me on Instagram and we've been chatting for a while and found out we have so many things in common. He made me realise what I been missing this whole time!

 

Imagine, you have a guy who gives you only 20 or 30% of his attention, time and emotions. And then you have a man who gives you, guess what....- a 100!!! Yes, now this guy will jump off the cliff for YOU. He will do absolutely everything to make you happy and you are his queen. You feel loved, taken care of, you can go for shopping together, you can go public, you can kiss in public, you can walk HOLDING HANDS, he wants to show you to the whole world. You can call him anytime, he will always come. He doesn't have to sneak around, he tells about you to his family and friends. They know you at his work, you can meet him anytime, you can stay at his house, you can open the door and let a postman in, or his neighbour, you can invite your friends to his apartment and he only makes love to you.

 

This is how my man is, he gives me 100%, he's the best and we will most likely get married and have kids. I will never do anything to hurt him, he's the sweetest guy ever. He's a keeper. His last relationship lasted 10 years and we met 2 years later. Now, I'm 30, he's 34, been together for 23 months. And trust me, my affair was nothing compared to my current relationship. I thought I WAS IN LOVE - I was what? Please, remind yourself what love is. A TRUE love, not breadcrumbs. Now I realised I was his ego booster, a trophy. I am one attractive lady, nice body, sweet personality, I take a good care about my man. Oh, and I thought our sex life was amazing, girl..... My bedroom is on fire now! Yes, our sex was good but was lacking one, fundamental thing - love. Sex without love is..... just sex. You will never have a chance to experience a true love if you won't back off at the right moment.

 

I would say, start paying attention to YOU. Forget about him, find your value, start loving YOURSELF first. My man makes me feel the most attractive woman on the planet. I feel whole.

Edited July 4, 2017 by I-was-the-one

[jenkins95]

Good for you OP. Well done for turning your life around.

 

I was one of those MMs and I'm ashamed to say that I recognised a lot of my affair behaviour/attitude in your post.

 

I am a reformed character now and very lucky to have been given another chance by my wife.

 

I truly hope my xOW sees life like you, meets (or maybe has already met) a great (available) guy, and has a great life. And if she occasionally looks back to our "thing", I truly hope it's not with hate, but with a mutual understanding that we did the right thing for everyone in the long term by stopping our selfishness.... also with the knowledge that there were genuine feelings between us - even though the relationship was so wrong to everyone in every way.

 

Inspirational post OP and welcome to LS. You could be a very valuable member here, especially to hurt OWs.

 

I wish you nothing but the very best in what sounds like a lovely new relationship. A guy who can give you 100% must feel like heaven after what you've been through. I applaud you

Edited July 4, 2017 by jenkins95

[I-was-the-one]

Good for you OP. Well done for turning your life around.

 

I was one of those MMs and I'm ashamed to say that I recognised a lot of my affair behaviour/attitude in your post.

 

I am a reformed character now and very lucky to have been given another chance by my wife.

 

I truly hope my xOW sees life like you, meets (or maybe has already met) a great (available) guy, and has a great life. And if she occasionally looks back to our "thing", I truly hope it's not with hate, but with a mutual understanding that we did the right thing for everyone in the long term by stopping our selfishness.... also with the knowledge that there were genuine feelings between us - even though the relationship was so wrong to everyone in every way.

 

Inspirational post OP and welcome to LS. You could be a very valuable member here, especially to hurt OWs.

 

I wish you nothing but the very best in what sounds like a lovely new relationship. A guy who can give you 100% must feel like heaven after what you've been through. I applaud you

 

Jenkins95, I appreciate your post and your honesty. I am really happy your wife gave you another chance, now do anything to keep her. I wish you all the best. If you posted here, I'll probably read it later.

 

 

I was lurking here while I was a mistress but never had guts to post. I was just laying down yesterday and had that odd feeling about my past and I simply decided to share my thoughts.

 

His wife doesn't know and I am not the one who will change it. Honestly, I don't hate him, I'm neutral. I just want someone to read this and think. People start affairs for wrong reasons. If there are marital issues - just try to solve it. And for the ladies out there, if you feel lonely or unworthy - go and talk to someone, married men will not make you feel better, it's an illusion. The best option is to NEVER get involved with a married person. Period.

 

It can teach you a lesson, however, it's not worth it. Too many people will get hurt. Because affairs are terribly hard to digest by all those betrayed people (wife, kids, sometimes family). They all feel bad but wife and kids will be hurt the most.

[Bufo]

You don't hate him. Good. Indifference is the opposite of love. Not hate which would mean he's still occupying too much space in your head.

 

One question. Does current BF know about MM? Better that he finds out from you rather than from some friend/acquaintance of yours. Did any gf know about the A?

 

My wife confessed early in our relationship. She reluctantly disclosed his name

That reluctance didn't go over too well with me. But I got over it. The confession made me realize there was hope for our future. Hearing about it from somebody else (and that was a real possibility) would likely have resulted in me ghosting her. I don't know if there was no chance of discovery she would have confessed. But 30+ years later it doesn't matter.

 

Wishing you the best.

Edited July 5, 2017 by Bufo
Typo as usual

[sandylee1]

I'm glad you've found happiness. You've also done some brilliant self reflection too.

[Violetstar]

I get it. You can't help who you fall for. And if the married man ever leaves his wife for the mistress, whose to say that he won't do the same exact thing to the mistress for another mistress?

My father cheated on his wife (my mother), and left her for someone much younger.

 

My devastated mother began to work out, maintained a smoking hot body, and had implants (She ain't ashamed!!).

My father began to realize his mistress was immature, she lied a lot, and apparently she was fooling around with her boss. Things ended 1.5 years later and my father was begging for my mother back.

 

I love my father but karma bit him so hard that 20 years later, he still tells me it's the biggest mistake of his life! He remarried 10 years later to someone else just so he wouldn't be alone.

 

Everyone should buy the book, "The Script," it's so good. Tells you the lies married men provide. And the real deal they get with mistresses. And the real deal that mistresses have to deal with.

 

I was the one, you made me tear up! I love your happy ending!