LoveAshley Posted July 4, 2017 Share Posted July 4, 2017 (edited) I've been with my fiance for several years and we used to live in the Midwest when we first got together. We both grew up with the small town lifestyle and quickly grew bored of it, so we started daydreaming about where else we would go. Back then, I would occasionally talk about my family that lives on the coast of South Carolina in a popular vacation spot. He liked the sound of it, even though he has never been there, and he mentioned that he wouldn't mind living there someday. I agreed that I'd also like to live there too when the time and circumstances felt right. He was so sick of living in the Midwest, so over the next couple years, he always talked about how much he couldn't get out of the boredom and move closer the the beach. Like he was so excited about it, and I was too. But I warned him about the heat and the traffic congestion, and he said he'd learn to deal with it. Well this year it felt right, so we saved up some money, moved to S.C. close to my family. He started working at a yacht club. He liked it at first, but since the summer started, he's been miserable with everything, and I mean everything. All has been doing for the last 3 months is complain nonstop about how he can't stand that he works his life away, in the heat, never has time for fun and when he does he's too tired to do anything. He hates the crowds at any event, the traffic and all the bad drivers are giving him some serious anxiety. He told me that he's not happy here anymore. I feel slightly guilty because I had a feeling that he'd have some issues with these things, but I didn't think he would hate it so much here. I quite like it here for the most part. Yes the traffic sucks and yes there's a long wait if you want to do anything but that's about the worst part. We've only been here 6 months and now he saying he wants to move again, but he wants to go west to Colorado “where there is less people and less stupidity.” That's what he said. I am thinking about considering starting to make a plan to move out there in like a year or something, but I worry about where we are going to work and live and things like that. I also fear that he's getting into some kind of an escapist mentality kind of thing where he thinks all of his problems are going to go away just by relocating, and I don't think it is. I guess I just maybe want some input if anyone has any. Is it a good idea to move again? Edited July 4, 2017 by LoveAshley Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted July 4, 2017 Share Posted July 4, 2017 Some people are just chronically unhappy people. They complain, whine, and are never satisfied with anything. If you hadn't made a concrete plan to save and move to South Carolina, your passive, permanently discontented boyfriend would still be holed up in the Midwest griping about his boredom...and doing nothing about it beyond complaining. He did that for two years before YOU finally took action. Now he wants YOU to do the same about Colorado. Do you like living in South Carolina? If the answer is yes, dump his passive, whining ass, and enjoy everything that life in your current location has to offer. You don't need some malcontent hanging like an albatross around your neck and permanently preventing you from enjoying your life. No one deserves that life sentence. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 5, 2017 Share Posted July 5, 2017 Indeed. There is always something to complain about. I would think long and hard before leaving your job and uprooting your life again. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 5, 2017 Share Posted July 5, 2017 The other posters have an excellent point. Has your fiance had a negative mindset since you've known him? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 5, 2017 Share Posted July 5, 2017 Can you go visit Colorado before you relocate? Has he considered getting a different job in South Carolina? Would that ease his unhappiness? It sounds cheaper than moving 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Steve51 Posted July 8, 2017 Share Posted July 8, 2017 I had an unhappy fiance once. We made plans but she changed her mind after I committed. I went to Officer Candidate School in the Army and owed my country 3 years. She ended up cheating. Could not even wait 3 months for me to be able to see her again. She called me 40 years later to apologize. After hearing how her life went I felt so lucky to have left her after she cheated. Her life was filled with cheating on boyfriends, husbands, drug addiction, mental illness that still has her hearing and obeying voices in her head plus got pregnant by one of many guys she had sex with in a commune she lived in for a few years. Her unhappiness and subsequent cheating made meeting my wife possible and we are now on our 45th year of marriage. It has been a great life with 13 relocations that enabled us to experience new friends and different places. Only once was my wife unhappy with a relocation and I immediately got my company to transfer us back near our home. My wife was only 21 and homesick. She had never spent more than a few days away from her family before. After that she knew that she could take a chance to do something that I thought would make our life better because she never felt that she would be stuck if she did not like it. The wonderful part of an engagement is that you can get out of it without giving away half of your stuff and spend a fortune on lawyers. I always say that when it comes to marriage you get what you see. Adults rarely change and yet so many think that they can after marriage. Your engagement is a preview of what to expect in your marriage. She is not going to change who she is and if that is not acceptable to you now, it will be costly later when you want out. Link to post Share on other sites
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