Boogs16 Posted July 5, 2017 Share Posted July 5, 2017 Well, I may look back at this and wonder what I was thinking, but man I need help lol. Ok so here's the story, I met this girl through a mutual friend back in March and she lives 4 hours from where I live but she actually lives like 15 minutes from where my brother does. She's 24 years old, she's Turkish (born there lived here for 10 years), and absolutely beautiful in my opinion and fortunately I have no problem getting dates with attractive women (just when I really like someone I have a hard time and I don't act like my normal self, become maybe needy and start to visual a future with this person) We kept in touch here and there via texting/social media, an attraction was obviously there, and I was planning to visit my brother and meet her in June and I let her know. Leading up, we texted probably a little too much I think and we talked on the phone right before a couple times. The date went great, went to dinner and talked about a bunch of different stuff, close with her family, both into fitness, both grew up playing an instrument, she's smart (trying to get into med school), made her laugh and immediately after dinner I kissed her. We ended up going for a walk, and to a couple bars afterwords with some mutual friends and started making out there. I said I wanted to see her again and her response was "ok" lol Her last relationship was long distance but much further away. I think I blew it though as I was texting her stuff that was important to me (like sent her this photo album thing I made online of my childhood... I know, trust me I wish i didn't) but was trying to show a different side of me with the distance. I ran into her friend on how I met her the other day, and her friend was very short with me and blew me off So last night she called me, and I brought up trying to make another trip out to see my brother and I asked if she wanted to keep this casual and if she was interested in getting together. She said she has to make work a priority right now and her next few weekends she has plans. Says she likes me, but is not in a position right now to put anyone in front of her career, which I get because she really is that busy and the distance sucks. I feel like I maybe scared her away with some stuff I sent her that was too personal too soon, but who knows.... I'm a little upset about it, I'm sure I'll get over it, and I don't plan on reaching out to her unless she initiates contact but I'm not gonna jump to reply a text or answer the phone if she does call... Just looking for some advice and any input Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 5, 2017 Share Posted July 5, 2017 Your plan to leave it be unless she contacts you is a sound one. She was trying to let you down easy. I'm sorry things didn't work out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 So last night she called me, and I brought up trying to make another trip out to see my brother and I asked if she wanted to keep this casual and if she was interested in getting together. She said she has to make work a priority right now and her next few weekends she has plans. Says she likes me, but is not in a position right now to put anyone in front of her career, which I get because she really is that busy and the distance sucks. I feel like I maybe scared her away with some stuff I sent her that was too personal too soon, but who knows.... I'm a little upset about it, I'm sure I'll get over it, and I don't plan on reaching out to her unless she initiates contact but I'm not gonna jump to reply a text or answer the phone if she does call... Just looking for some advice and any input I don't think you blew it by sending her your childhood pictures. She would not have called you if that was the case. Probably a combination of distance and her career. Or maybe she is not ready for another relationship. She probably likes the distance as it makes it easier for her to focus on her work. She's just not in a place where she wants anything serious. The worst thing you can do is to keep contacting her (not saying you have, but if you feel the impulse to do so, I would advise against it). All that will do is push her further away, and make you feel less confident. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Boogs16 Posted July 7, 2017 Author Share Posted July 7, 2017 She reached out to me yesterday saying it's "national kissing day and wish I had you here to kiss...". I responded back jokingly saying "how many dudes did you send that to" and she said "Seriously? It was only sent to you"... She then jokingly said "what if I showed up this weekend?" She apparantly is not and we started flirting a little together via text and she sent me some very sexy Snapchats to me Do I just keep going with the flow? I got a lot of great things going on right now, I just don't want to get my heart smashed in half 1 Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted July 8, 2017 Share Posted July 8, 2017 Yes, just slow and steady. She may really just be prioritizing her career like she said with some plans the next couple of weekends. I don't think you blew it or she wouldn't be flirting with you. Give it a few dates and see what happens. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Boogs16 Posted July 10, 2017 Author Share Posted July 10, 2017 We talked yesterday on the phone a little about something I did with a group show on Friday (I'm trying improv, had our class show) and it was about a 15 minute phone call. She was teasing me the night before via text saying "what if I showed up to see you?" I told her it would make my night but obviously she didn't come... The show went great and I know she heard about it. She's leaving for a girls trip to Florida this weekend, so maybe I just say hope you have a good trip on Friday before she leaves? I hate this..... Link to post Share on other sites
Novz Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 Her being honest is better than her b keeping you with false hope. Don't blame that act of you sending her the photi album. It did not matter ( as I see it). What matters to her is her work for now. You just have to respect her on that. You are still blessed to know that she likes you. But man! She's really honest Link to post Share on other sites
fiskadoro Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 (edited) Do you really like her personality, or are you just attracted to her looks? The first paragraph in your post sounds like the attraction is mostly physical. As far as her telling you that her career comes first, that was a blow-off. Everyone works, they have kids, church activities, bowling league, etc. Anyone who really likes you will find time to be with you. Anyone who LOVES you will move Heaven and Earth to meet you. A woman I used to date lived on her company's campus, and she would eat dinner and spend the night me three times a week, which involved a 2 hour commute (subway ride and two city busses) and then leave at 5 AM to get back to work the next morning. Don't settle because you are happy to be with someone you consider better than you! Edited August 12, 2017 by fiskadoro Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 We talked yesterday on the phone a little about something I did with a group show on Friday (I'm trying improv, had our class show) and it was about a 15 minute phone call. She was teasing me the night before via text saying "what if I showed up to see you?" I told her it would make my night but obviously she didn't come... The show went great and I know she heard about it. She's leaving for a girls trip to Florida this weekend, so maybe I just say hope you have a good trip on Friday before she leaves? I hate this..... Wonder if you did this? Would have been fine if you did but if you didn't I wouldn't text her while she's on the trip...maybe a day or so after you could text her that you hoped her trip was great or something casual. Basing this on her contacting you and the convo you had. Sure seems to me as if she's realizing she likes you, since you gave her the freedom of having space when she told you she needed to focus on her work... Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 Yes, I'm afraid you overshared too soon. And you did it by text. I mean, showing childhood photos in small quantities would be best done in person, I think. But it was just too soon for that like you said, and now you freaked her out because it came across being too fast and kind of desperate. I'm sorry. Maybe she'll reconsider if you step back and just let her be the one to contact you -- or not. Don't ever overshare like that. Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted August 13, 2017 Share Posted August 13, 2017 Yes, I'm afraid you overshared too soon. And you did it by text. I mean, showing childhood photos in small quantities would be best done in person, I think. But it was just too soon for that like you said, and now you freaked her out because it came across being too fast and kind of desperate. I'm sorry. Maybe she'll reconsider if you step back and just let her be the one to contact you -- or not. Don't ever overshare like that. She contacted him after he shared the childhood photos wishing he was there so she could kiss him, etc. Read his posts. Seems he didn't make a mistake...she likes him. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 She's 24 years old, she's Turkish (born there lived here for 10 years) Do you know anything about her culture? She probably comes from a muslim family? Is she religious? Are her parents open? You could ask her such things very openly, but this is better discussed in person than over the phone. I have no idea what her situation is, but just know that many Turkish girls don't date, at some point a man proposes and if she agrees (hopefully it goes like that unlike in India) he becomes her fiancé and known by the whole family. This is very important for you to know, because this might be the main reason why she can't have a boyfriend and can only see you now and then, without raising any suspect. Again, this might not be her case, but who knows. You didn't mention anything about it. How old is she? How old are you? And are you both in the USA? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Boogs16 Posted August 15, 2017 Author Share Posted August 15, 2017 Ok so here is what happened since last. My close friend from high school passed away right before she left for her trip. It was devastating to me and I've been a little emotionally vulnerable even more so now since. I didn't talk to her at all while she was on her trip and she found out about it when she got back. I ended up speaking at the service and she actually helped talk me through it. I mentioned to her I'd like to meet up and we picked a weekend. My parents were actually in town and I suggested the idea, no pressure of stopping over at my brothers place who lives in the same city. She said sure but "your parents might fall in love with me." She comes over, meets everybody and the conversation goes great. We end up playing cards against humanity and we were all laughing our heads off. I was drinking with my family before but she didn't drink at all which I thought was kind of respectful on her part because it came across like she wanted to get to know everybody instead of drinking the night away like the last time we hug out. I stopped drinking (only had 2 drinks while she was there.) We unfortunately didn't get any alone time while we were together besides saying goodbye and she mentioned she has a personal issue going on at home but doesn't want to share. We kiss but it just felt a little different from the first time, but she did kiss back and said she had to leave. We both glanced at each other when she got in the car and it was a weird feeling, felt like I'm falling for her and I felt like she is for me too.... But obviously I'm in my own shoes She texted me when she got home saying she had a great time and thanked me for inviting her. I texted her back when I got home to where I live to let her know and I also sent her a song that i discovered when my friend passed away that helped me through that tough time... She has not texted me back since... I really like this girl and I'm losing my **** compared to how I normally am.. It's only been 2 days since that but would figure since I shared something that she would respond. She is Muslim but she is a liberal Muslim, has dated guys in the past and her last relationship was long distance but was much further.. Hoping for any help here Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 she mentioned she has a personal issue going on at home but doesn't want to share. [...] She is Muslim but she is a liberal Muslim, has dated guys in the past and her last relationship was long distance I would dig into the personal issue going on at home. Is she free to date anyone and bring them home? How many boyfriends did she introduce to her parents? I guess you're implying she's totally integrated in your culture, but - I might be wrong - I think you're underestimating she's from a different culture you know little about. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Boogs16 Posted August 16, 2017 Author Share Posted August 16, 2017 You may be right, but I feel she should invest a little in me as I've been the one investing in her... I'm about to bail on this whole situation because I'm better than this and deserve better than this And I have a lot going for myself with my career, my friends, and my hobbies.... I'm 33 and she's 25 and I feel she has an idea of who I am and what I'm looking for and she knows it Link to post Share on other sites
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