GF Vacation to Italy - How to Control My Jealousy?

[Space Ritual]

Jealousy is a self fulfilling prophecy. If your gf is gonna cheat she's gonna cheat. Nothing you can do.

 

Quoted for Truth.

 

OP, I am afraid there is literally NOTHING you can do about it, unless you want to dump her before she goes. Sounds like this internally is somewhat of a dealbreaker for you, but you are hesitant to pull the plug because she has a hot body and fake tits.

 

Newsflash:There are A LOT of women out there that have a hot body and fake tits. You can always find another one if you choose

 

A conundrum you have, friend. Do you clam up because you want to keep that showpiece hottie, or will this totally go against your scruples?

 

Look, I date girls 20 + years my junior. Some have smokin bodies so I understand just how you may feel a pang of jealousy. However, because I am in my fifties i know these are short stays in Stripperville because some younger guy will eventually come along better looking and have more in common other than sex. lol

 

What I am trying to say is that You are more than entitled to have your dealbreakers.

 

Also I think you want somebody, in fact, anyone to tell you that you are just thinking malarkey, because you mention more than once the time honored kiss of death "I know she won't cheat"

 

Yeah buddy, a lot of us who populate these subforums said the same thing once upon a time.

 

Life is too short to be dealing with this nonsense. In your shoes I'd pull the plug, but I would never have gotten into this position so me being in your shoes is a moot point.

 

Dump her or always wonder and drive yourself nuts....Make a decision and stick to it. Because Hot women with Fake Tits are actually pretty common these days.

 

Good Luck

[Darren Steez]

Then I will have to re-evaluate our relationship because I would never dream of doing that to you.

 

.

 

This is the crux of it.

 

Forget about putting your foot down and all that nonsense because if you think she'll cheat she might just say f*ck it he doesn't trust me anyway might as well do it.

 

Co-workers or not these are strangers, they are not in a big group but a small and intimate group, these guys have no obligation to you, for all you know this villa could be their "slaughtering" ground"

 

But aside from the scare stories what it boils down to are your conflicting values (maybe these values reinforced themselves when you cheated because you know how easy it is)

 

Regardless or not whether her marriage was "bad" she still cheated. That's what scares you the most

 

*note* having read a previous thread this now makes a lot of sense

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/624081-getting-over-gf-s-sexual-past-ons

[Wookin Pa Nub]

OK, I'm one of those who says that 'putting your foot down' is controlling. As is 'allowing' a partner to do a thing.

 

But perhaps you are using words in a different context to what I would. Could it be that you're not actually thinking of telling her that she can't do it and you're more aiming to say that you're uncomfortable with the situation?

 

Yes when she asked my opinion if she should go, I said it is a great opportunity and I want her to have fun. She is going thru divorce now. She was also concerned about lost yoga teaching income while she's gone.

 

 

I told her that being gone 8 days is long time and costly and I would miss her too much. That I would take her to Italy in 2 years.

 

 

I never put my foot down at this point. Then after she told me she decided to go, she brought up the weekend seaside villa with 2 guys. I told her that I was not ok with that. We never concluded on what she was going to do. We both just dropped it.

 

 

I have a feeling this villa weekend is already set and either she goes to villa, finds her own lodging (not likely) or she cancels her trip and she holds that against me.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

Space Ritual:

 

 

The hot body and fake tits are just a bonus to show off. Its not that. We were best friends in college and have picked up right where we left off. We share something special between us. We both have acknowledged that.

 

 

If I ended the relationship over this trip, i'd miss her friendship 1000X more than her hot body.

[usa1ah]

Space Ritual:

 

 

The hot body and fake tits are just a bonus to show off. Its not that. We were best friends in college and have picked up right where we left off. We share something special between us. We both have acknowledged that.

 

 

If I ended the relationship over this trip, i'd miss her friendship 1000X more than her hot body.

 

Then keep her as a friend. Sorry but catching up on your post it is obvious she has a problem with commitment. You have reasons to worry that she won't be faithful no matter what you say on here.

 

Make sure you schedule your Cancun trip the same week she is gone.

 

Does the husband of the friend know about the villa?

[kendahke]

OP: You assume that your girlfriend is these guys' cup of tea... or bottle of prosecco.. just because YOU find her beautiful.

 

She's your preference, not every other guys' preference. Keep that in mind. She might be too (fill in the blank) to them and would rather take a pass or bring someone else more to their liking.

 

This boils down to you not trusting your girlfriend and the sooner you quit lying to yourself, the better off you'll be.

[Chi townD]

You just need to talk to her. Tell her you trust her but you are uneasy about her being at a seaside villa with two guys. Doesn't hurt you to be honest and I think that she would appreciate you being open and honest about it as well.

 

She needs to know how you feel. That this does trouble you. If for anything else, she'll know that this bothers you and kinda proves to her that you have deep feelings for her. Because if you didn't give a crap, then you wouldn't care what she was doing.

 

But, bottling it up is only going t cause problems for you down the road. This might spill out later and get ugly. Just talk to her, find out what assurances she can give you to put you at ease about this.

 

You just need to talk. Because others are right. She's not your wife. She's just a girlfriend and she really doesn't owe you anything. Hate to be blunt, but it is what it is.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

Does the husband of the friend know about the villa?

 

 

 

I don't know if he does. I was only told he is a stick in the mud and this lady would rather have my gf come since she is more fun. If it's the lady who I think it is I met her once. Very attractive fit lady. Has a 2 year old and was told she is pregnant now. She's probably early 30s.

 

 

Of course many things are running thru my head. Just a thought but maybe this lady wants to try to hook her Italian co workers up with a single flirty fun American and hit the clubs and all that. At her age she might not know many single ladies aside from my gf.

 

 

Maybe she wants to impress these guys bc it might help her career rather than bring boring hubby along.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

You just need to talk to her. Tell her you trust her but you are uneasy about her being at a seaside villa with two guys. Doesn't hurt you to be honest and I think that she would appreciate you being open and honest about it as well.

 

She needs to know how you feel. That this does trouble you.

 

 

Yes I agree. We never finished the topic and it hasn't been brought up since. I think I need to do it soon before their plans are set. The trip is in about a month. My gf is on vacation in a couple days with her kids and a close cousin. I don't want to bother her with this while she is on vacation.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

OP: You assume that your girlfriend is these guys' cup of tea... or bottle of prosecco.. just because YOU find her beautiful.

 

She's your preference, not every other guys' preference. Keep that in mind. She might be too (fill in the blank) to them and would rather take a pass or bring someone else more to their liking.

 

This boils down to you not trusting your girlfriend and the sooner you quit lying to yourself, the better off you'll be.

 

 

 

Well she gets a lot of attention here at home so I assume that translates over to Italy. Who doesn't like a tall in shape blonde?

 

 

I do trust her. A big part is the thoughts of guys constantly hitting on her, having a good time with her partying, sight seeing, etc drives me mad. Its that I cant control the situation.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Well she gets a lot of attention here at home so I assume that translates over to Italy. Who doesn't like a tall in shape blonde?

 

 

I do trust her. A big part is the thoughts of guys constantly hitting on her, having a good time with her partying, sight seeing, etc drives me mad. Its that I cant control the situation.

 

This says it all.

[Space Ritual]

I don't know if he does. I was only told he is a stick in the mud and this lady would rather have my gf come since she is more fun.

 

 

Dear lord

 

Really? lol . You were TOLD that?

 

I think you have your answer, Asking any more questions will only serve as an even better attempt at gaslighting. Run from this now while you will not get your heart broken.

 

Hot Yoga teacher going to an Italian villa with a gf and 2 guys. Yeah that has above board socialization written all over it...

 

I'm very sorry but in a situation such as this you need to either question everything or question nothing.

 

You wrote in here so you are questioning something, even if it is questioning yourself and your judgement.

 

You'll fall in love again...give yourself the chance to do it with someone who does not have such poor boundaries.

[usa1ah]

OP: You assume that your girlfriend is these guys' cup of tea... or bottle of prosecco.. just because YOU find her beautiful.

 

She's your preference, not every other guys' preference. Keep that in mind. She might be too (fill in the blank) to them and would rather take a pass or bring someone else more to their liking.

 

This boils down to you not trusting your girlfriend and the sooner you quit lying to yourself, the better off you'll be.

 

I think the OP has already stated that she has been on solo trips already with no problems. He didn't have a problem with the trip to Italy. He has a problem with her spending a weekend at a villa with just her gf and two guys. Why can some poeple not understand that most couple would not be ok with this.

 

There is a story I think on here, were a wife went to San Francisco with a male friend for a mini vacation. When she got back it was to a empty house. Husband and son moved out.

 

It is not ok to spend time like this with the opposite sex. Why do you think there are so many poeple on this type of forum? Be cause some poeple put themselves in situations that it can happen. Then the excuses start, I had to much to drink, it happened so fast that I didn't realize until it was to late, blah blah bla.

 

Why keep harping on that he is jealous, he told her to have fun when she decided to go to Italy, everything was good until she told him she going to a villa and staying with two guys that they don't even know, but the friend does so that makes it ok.

[usa1ah]

Read CaliforniaBoys thread.

[usa1ah]

Read gabby898

[usa1ah]

Read baileycat

[usa1ah]

Read t3sla. This guy was jealous.

[lolablue17]

You just need to talk to her. Tell her you trust her but you are uneasy about her being at a seaside villa with two guys. Doesn't hurt you to be honest and I think that she would appreciate you being open and honest about it as well.

 

She needs to know how you feel. That this does trouble you. If for anything else, she'll know that this bothers you and kinda proves to her that you have deep feelings for her. Because if you didn't give a crap, then you wouldn't care what she was doing.

 

But, bottling it up is only going t cause problems for you down the road. This might spill out later and get ugly. Just talk to her, find out what assurances she can give you to put you at ease about this.

 

You just need to talk. Because others are right. She's not your wife. She's just a girlfriend and she really doesn't owe you anything. Hate to be blunt, but it is what it is.

 

I totally agree.

 

More to that... You have the right to feel bad about your gf sleeping in a villa in Italy with 2 guys, including all the intimate atmosphere that comes with it. It doesn't mean that you're accusing her for possible cheating. It just means you're not approved with what you know she's planning.

 

She must know about it verbally. Say it clearly. If she loves you, she can make some efforts, to meet you half way, so she can have all the fun, while keeping you calm and secure, by changing some sleeping arrangements.

 

Think about it.. How can she have fun there, while knowing that the man she loves feel stressed and has a really bad time? It doesn't make sense.

Edited July 6, 2017 by lolablue17

[italianjob]

Listen, I've been married for almost three decades now, I wouldn't mind my wife to go on a vacation abroad with a longtime female friend that I know, and she wouldnìt mind me doing the same.

 

But this situation is sadly quite different.

She's going overseas with a relatively recent acquaitance, someone she knows very little about and that you have never seen (or just barely). To me, that would not be appropriate.

 

To have a romantic weekend with some strange guys in a place like the italian seaside is very inappropriate, it would be unacceptable to me, to my wife and more or less to everyone I know...

 

That's not just being jealous, that's having a very good reason to be jealous.

 

You should also consider the fact that the romantic weekend came up some time after she told you about the trip, that's a very bad sign.

 

I am italian, live in Italy and know very well how italian men think...

Two guys offering a nice we to a couple of hot ladies are thinking they have a goood chance to get laid, and will do everything they can to bed them, I can assure you. Unless they're gay, of course...

 

The claim that they might not like them is pure nonsense, they're not trying to marry them, they just want to bang them. not bad looking will do...

 

That doesn't mean your gf will surely bang some stranger, but she will have to turn down a very insistent courtship, you can bet your ass on that.

 

What is true is that you can't put your foot down, or tell her what she can or can't do. You can't control her.

 

But you can control yourself and decide if you want to be in a relationship where all of this is allowed... Because you need to be aware that this will set a precedent and these kind of things will happen again, you were alright with it why would you not be anymore?

 

I wouldn't want a relationship like that, but we all think with our own head, so you'll need to decide what is allright to you, what you are comfortable with...

 

What you could do is have a deep and serious talk with her about relationships, appropriateness, respect and what you both want.

Then decide what you feel safe with

[Mrin]

Just saying - perhaps the two men in question are a couple?

[Space Ritual]

Just saying - perhaps the two men in question are a couple?

 

Perhaps, but if that were the case then OP's girlfriend would have been told that. Because she could have instantly shut down any questioning from many if she had blurted out

"Oh Wookin, these two guys are GAY, according to my 'friend" so you don't have to worry about anything." She probably would have mentioned it multiple times if indeed that were the case

 

See, in most relationships, even entertaining this arrangement would at least beg a question from the GF.

 

It simply does not add up. Yoga Hottie never came out with anything like that. It would have been a great gaslighting tool.

 

So either she is the most naive traveler any of us have seen in a long time, or she has no fear of Wookin dumping her.

 

She can tell him anything and this "friend" would most certainly back it up. I mean she is going because her Hubby is a "stick n the mud". Wouldn't a romantic trip with your spouse to Italy, of all places be just the thing to get that stick in the mud out of the dirt?

 

 

Although by my own admission am a pessimist, I simply believe that the Girlfriend takes Wookin for granted and has no fear of losing anything,and perhaps gaining a new FWB along the way, and get to go to Italy, to boot!

 

 

Wookin, I can only say so much, and you must believe what it is you want to, but if this were my Girlfriend, and given I had been fed the same exact same conversation, I would say "

"Honey, I love you and you are more than welcome to go to that Villa for a weekend with two guys you have never met, and a "friend" who is leaving her husband behind.

Of course you are welcome to....just not as my girlfriend".

[Joga_31]

A little backstory. We were college sweethearts 20+ years ago. Got in bad marriages, reconnected recently and now both going thru divorces. We've been very serious and we want to spend rest of our lives together.

 

 

She is a very attractive 43 year old. She teaches yoga and has an incredible body plus she has a certain enhancement guys like. She has been asked out by 20-something aged guys. She turns heads when we go out.

 

 

Well one of her yoga students asked her to go to Italy for her corporate job and some of this lady's co-workers who live in Italy are going to show them around. This lady is married and a couple months pregnant. My gf said the lady didn't invite her H bc he is stick in the mud and she would have more fun with my gf. She asked my opinion if she should go and I said it is great opportunity but that we could go there in a couple years. She has decided to go. I do get jealous but want her to have fun. I trust her 1000% not to do anything.

 

 

Well it now comes out that a couple of the lady's co-workers who are guys invited them to spend the weekend at a sea side villa. I assume just the 4 of them. Now her friend is married and pregnant and her co workers won't be trying to get her into bed but I imagine these guys are going to be trying to get my gf into bed the whole time. I know my gf won't do anything. Her friend is early 30s so I am guessing these guys are around the same age. I am 45 for reference. But she does have flirty nature even tho she doesn't realize it and she also dresses provocatively to show off her assets. It makes me so jealous these guys are going to be staying with her and unless they are gay, will be trying to score with her.

 

 

Do I put my foot down about saying no to the seaside villa invite? I have a feeling it is already part of the travel arrangements so they would have to figure something else out.

 

If you tell her to not go she will resent you and lose attraction. Its normal to feel jealous and many men would not tolerate this situation at all especially at 45 years old.

 

You can learn a lot from her too though, if you find out that she goes on the trip and does something then you know she not for you.

 

There is nothing you can do to stop her whether she cheats there or not. All you can do is be the confident secure guy and wait for her to come back. You say you trust her so prove it to yourself and her. It is much easier said then done though. The other side is just flat out say you will not tolerate this and will end it and then stick to it.

 

I wish you the best.

Edited July 7, 2017 by Joga_31

[Wookin Pa Nub]

Update:

I told her yesterday that her staying in seaside Villa with two guys is crossingthe line and I'd be hurt. She said she had already told her friend that she "prefers" not to do that and she would be uncomfortable. She then said she would talk to her friend and get it worked out. I said good.

 

 

A few hours later she said she was "rethinking" the Italy trip. Said she didn't want me to worry and be stressed the whole time. Again I am ok with her going. I want her to go for experience. My guess on her"rethinking" trip is the villa weekend is part of the package that she can't rearrange so she decided to cancel since I said that it crosses a line.

 

 

So after some back and forth last night she decided not to go. It was her decision. She called friend and friend was very upset. She said she hates disappointing friend but doesn't want to hurt me.

 

 

This morning I said I was feeling guilty that I was the reason for her not being able to go to Italy and that I want her to be comfortable with decision.

 

 

Now I read Italianjob's comment above about Italian men being persistent about getting sex and I wish I didn't give her out to change her mind by saying I felt guilty about it.

Edited July 7, 2017 by Wookin Pa Nub

[smackie9]

You see how communication plays a key role in relationships? Of course you are going to feel guilty BUT you did the right thing, and so did she.

 

Time to compromise. Make it up to her by planning a trip together to go to Italy in the future. To make it affordable, invite another couple to share accommodations.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

You see how communication plays a key role in relationships? Of course you are going to feel guilty BUT you did the right thing, and so did she.

 

Time to compromise. Make it up to her by planning a trip together to go to Italy in the future. To make it affordable, invite another couple to share accommodations.

 

I am still not sure her decision is final yet. We traded some texts but then she had to go teach yoga. She is really torn. She wants to go, she doesn't want to disappoint friend, she spent a lot on airline ticket (non refundable) but she doesn't want to hurt me.