GF Vacation to Italy - How to Control My Jealousy?

[d0nnivain]

Not all girls' trips (or even guys' trips) are inherently about cheating.

 

 

Last fall a bunch of my sorority sisters went to the Caymans to celebrate milestone birthdays. Other than waiters, bartenders, shop clerks & the guys who crewed the catamaran we sailed to sting ray city I don't think we talked to any men. We each called our husbands regularly & often passed the phones & computers around so we all chatted with each other's hubby's too.

 

 

Would I have loved to have gone to the Caymans with my husband? sure. But the house only held so many people, he couldn't get time off & we the sorority sisters wanted to spend time together. For us it was a week of recreating life in the sorority house (with a much better view)

 

 

You have to understand the parameters & the people involved.

 

 

Here Wookin Pa Nub's GF seems to have her head on straight. She was up for a girl's trip with her friend but once she realized that woman had less than honorable intentions she bailed on the trip. She's not required to give up the friendship but it's good that she enforces her own boundaries as opposed to ones mandated for her by the guy she's dating.

[Space Ritual]

She also told me right away about how she was out with some girlfriends and one of them called a guy friend to the place they were at to meet my gf. She said she left soon after she realized what was happening. Didn't stay for dinner. I do trust her completely.

 

WAIT A SECOND.....

 

Do you realize that most friends don't just out of the blue call guys to come over to meet somebody without any convo about it or at least without any positive initial reaction don't you?

 

So apparently this set of friends springing unsolicited plans to have your GF meet someone other than you is a common occurrence as of recent?

 

Call me crazy, but if this was a different friend that tried this, it seems odd that these women would have zero idea that you 2 were serious. Even if you say later that you two were broken up for a short amount of time in June, that still does not explain why your GF would seem to have attempted to explain to you that she was not even aware or thinking that the offer of the trip was for banging purposes. So this "meetup" she supposedly left before it happened was before the offer of the Italy Trip?

 

Either she is the most clueless woman I've ever read about on L/S or you are clueless to being paid back in your own coin.

 

I could be dismissive of 1 occurrence as being coincidence but not 2.

[Space Ritual]

When did this happen? After the topic of this thread? And while you were with her?

 

It seems like the people you shouldn't be trusting are your girlfriend's friends, because they're obviously a bunch of morally bankrupt wh*re types if they're continually inviting single guys to hang with your girl.

 

That normally would have been my initial reaction but being the timeframe is what it is begs me to question the GF's actual being blindsided by either incident. I mean if you ask most women here on L/S I would think they would tell you in a situation like that, they would have either have to have expressed some initial interest in meeting somebody new or their friends are dead set on inserting themselves into other people's lives come hell or high water.

I had to go back and re read my own posts on this thread and reexamine my replies based on the information provided. But I have to again go back and question the GF's complete ignorance of the purpose of the Italy Trip ESPECIALLY after supposedly being put in a precarious position a week or so earlier by her friends.

 

Her behavior just seems to elicit more and more questions than answers

[Wookin Pa Nub]

Space:

 

 

It is confusing and I questioned things a lot with her. The surprise blind date occurred while we were broken up. She went out with 2 ladies who were divorced. I don't know those ladies and not sure how much they know about me and my gf.

 

 

We were just starting to text again and I asked her how her night out was. She said not good and that "Lisa called a friend to meet me". She said she only stayed for a bit and didn't stay for dinner. The first thing that went thru my mind was this was planned all along. I pressed her on that and she said it was not and that her friend just called this guy to join them. I was texting her that night and she was home by 9 PM so her story checks out. It was very odd that a friend would try to set her up with a guy without checking with her first.

 

 

This was a couple weeks before the Italy invitation from a different friend, who I met once.

[elaine567]

Her behavior just seems to elicit more and more questions than answers

 

Call me boring maybe but I have never had a surprise blind date forced on me over dinner, nor have I been set up to go on a holiday abroad with essentially four unknown males...

[Try]

She's not required to give up the friendship but it's good that she enforces her own boundaries as opposed to ones mandated for her by the guy she's dating.

When in a committed exclusive relationship, the boundaries need to be mutually agreed upon. As for your "not required to give up the friendship" comment, this friend lied to her as she tried to use her as cover to cheat on her husband. This is what is called a toxic friend. Although he may not mandate anything to her, he is not mandated to stay with her if she has poor boundaries or toxic friends.

[preraph]

You do realize that she doesn't have to go to Italy with her big fake boobs for guys to hit on her, right, and that if she wanted to cheat (which she has done before on her husband) she could and would do it right there in town.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

You do realize that she doesn't have to go to Italy with her big fake boobs for guys to hit on her, right, and that if she wanted to cheat (which she has done before on her husband) she could and would do it right there in town.

 

The are "C" fake boobs and they look incredible.

 

 

Anyway, while technically still married she asked her husband for divorce before I even reconnected with her. They had been living as room mates on different floors of the house. They had not had been intimate in years. She said she could have easily cheated on him over the years but never did. They were a mismatched couple. He is really overweight (technically obese), has poor hygiene, dips tobacco constantly and has very poor diet. She is incredibly fit and very cute. I am sure guys over the years saw them together and thought they could fill a need for her but again she said she never cheated. I believe her.

[Space Ritual]

Anyway, while technically still married she asked her husband for divorce before I even reconnected with her. They had been living as room mates on different floors of the house. They had not had been intimate in years. She said she could have easily cheated on him over the years but never did. They were a mismatched couple. He is really overweight (technically obese), has poor hygiene, dips tobacco constantly and has very poor diet. She is incredibly fit and very cute. I am sure guys over the years saw them together and thought they could fill a need for her but again she said she never cheated. I believe her.

 

Wookin.....

 

I totally forgot about her fake breasts. I apologize because that adds a whole other predictable layer to this sordid tale

 

Like Tattoos, people tend to get such modifications for all the wrong reasons.

 

No offense against people that have countless tattoos, as some I am sure have a story or life event behind them, however many don't and they have them to try to impress others or themselves...thus they re pretty cliche nowdays....just like implants are cliche.

 

I just never had any tattoos because they are an identifying mark for Law enforcement, and with my skewed thinking when I was younger I already had 2 bullet holes in me and a stab wound scar to boot. I didn't need to give anyone any other reason to gawk at me

 

One of the most infamous lies that they like to pull out of the Cheaters handbook is that they were already in house separated, or were not even intimate.

 

All of these things are "She Said".....You never witnessed any of it...it is all her words.

 

For all his physical cons, obviously she at one time was able to overlook them and be married to him a some point, and it did not bother her enough at one point to move out.

 

I was totally ready to move on to the next thread, but your posts as I mentioned before this week, have raised more questions than answers about this whole thing.

 

Regardless if whether you are a cheater, whether she is, whatever, it is now immaterial. You need to decide if all this headache over this changing story is worth keeping a woman with nice tits around, just because she has nice tits. My take is that you are far more into this relationship than she is, and more so for physical reason than anything else.

 

That is ok, but understand the risk/reward ratio of having such a physically attractive GF. I think if a relationship takes this amount of work over boundaries that it is a relationship better left in the past.

 

I learned that lesson the hard way many years ago, and I'm still paying for it to this day.

 

I'll step back out, but hope you get some resolution to this. You seem unable or unwilling to pull the trigger either way, and that's no way to live, Wookin

[usa1ah]

I think I can understand if she went fro a A to a C. It's a insecurity issue, body image.

 

It's not like she looks like Dolly now.

[Darren Steez]

Incredible how a former cheater now forensically dissects everything that's going on with his GF/Former AP.

 

This is an interesting study.

[sandylee1]

 

He is really overweight (technically obese), has poor hygiene, dips tobacco constantly and has very poor diet[\B]

 

.

 

Why did she marry him then if he had all those bad habits?

 

He must have had something that attracted her to him.

 

Was he wealthy?

 

Did he develop the bad habits during the marriage?

[Wookin Pa Nub]

Why did she marry him then if he had all those bad habits?

 

He must have had something that attracted her to him.

 

Was he wealthy?

 

Did he develop the bad habits during the marriage?

 

 

He is wealthy from family business. Took over business from his dad. My gf has shared some of their finances with me. I bet his net worth is $5-$10 million.

 

It's interesting. I met him a long time ago when I bumped into them. Also saw some pictures of him here and there. He was a decent looking guy. Not overweight at all. So I would do some stalking on my gf over the years on FB, google searches etc. Also google search him. About 6/7 years ago a picture popped up of him and I thought they had the wrong guy. He was 75+ lbs heavier and mostly bald. I really thought it was misprint. Then more photos of him came up over the years. He had put on so much weight he was unrecognizable. I thought something must be up - eating issue, health issue, etc.

 

 

Anyway, after reconnecting my gf said he is alcoholic and drinks 24 beers a night. Has bad diet and never exercises. The exact opposite of my gf. She said he has chosen alcohol over her and it is sad to see what happened to him. When they met, they both liked to drink and party so she knew he liked to drink. Her dad is alcoholic and she said she was marrying her dad. She doesn't drink or rarely drinks because of it. After his dad passed away she said his drinking got worse.

 

 

I am sure money played a role in her marrying him, staying with him all these years. She told me she thought money and big house would make her happy but she was very unhappy.

[Space Ritual]

He is wealthy from family business. Took over business from his dad. My gf has shared some of their finances with me. I bet his net worth is $5-$10 million.

 

It's interesting. I met him a long time ago when I bumped into them. Also saw some pictures of him here and there. He was a decent looking guy. Not overweight at all. So I would do some stalking on my gf over the years on FB, google searches etc. Also google search him. About 6/7 years ago a picture popped up of him and I thought they had the wrong guy. He was 75+ lbs heavier and mostly bald. I really thought it was misprint. Then more photos of him came up over the years. He had put on so much weight he was unrecognizable. I thought something must be up - eating issue, health issue, etc.

 

 

Anyway, after reconnecting my gf said he is alcoholic and drinks 24 beers a night. Has bad diet and never exercises. The exact opposite of my gf. She said he has chosen alcohol over her and it is sad to see what happened to him. When they met, they both liked to drink and party so she knew he liked to drink. Her dad is alcoholic and she said she was marrying her dad. She doesn't drink or rarely drinks because of it. After his dad passed away she said his drinking got worse.

 

 

I am sure money played a role in her marrying him, staying with him all these years. She told me she thought money and big house would make her happy but she was very unhappy.

 

Too much drama with this woman. Abort the mission Wookin...

[Wookin Pa Nub]

So the friend is leaving for Italy today. I know she has called my gf at least 3X asking her to reconsider. My gf just called her to see if the trip was still on and said the friend was begging her to go.

 

 

I really don't know how this friend would consider a relationship with a guy half way across the earth while she is 3 months pregnant with her H baby and a toddler at home.

[usa1ah]

So the friend is leaving for Italy today. I know she has called my gf at least 3X asking her to reconsider. My gf just called her to see if the trip was still on and said the friend was begging her to go.

 

 

I really don't know how this friend would consider a relationship with a guy half way across the earth while she is 3 months pregnant with her H baby and a toddler at home.

 

Unless it isn't her H's baby.

 

You might drop him a line as to you know she is spending her time at a villa with her boyfriend. With how she was going to play you and your gf a trick, she kind of asked for it. Also, the H really deserves to know his wife isn't being faithful.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

Unless it isn't her H's baby.

 

You might drop him a line as to you know she is spending her time at a villa with her boyfriend. With how she was going to play you and your gf a trick, she kind of asked for it. Also, the H really deserves to know his wife isn't being faithful.

 

The thought of contacting him has crossed my mind.

[Space Ritual]

Unless it isn't her H's baby.

 

You might drop him a line as to you know she is spending her time at a villa with her boyfriend. With how she was going to play you and your gf a trick, she kind of asked for it. Also, the H really deserves to know his wife isn't being faithful.

 

This also leads me to believe this is not her husband's baby either.

 

Why would your GF call her to see if the trip was still on? She knew it was.

 

Seriously Wookin, you need to dump this chick. and you also need to tell this poor guy everything you know...and do not tell your GF you are doing it...you just do it. If you tell your GF she will contact the other chick to give her a heads up and paint you as some psycho.

 

 

Anyway, shouldn't your GF have washed her hands of all of this when she already told this woman no? So when you tell this guy and you tell your GF AFTER the fact,she should be 100 percent in your corner being you would be doing the right thing and like USA1AH said...this chick kind of asked for it.

 

So I would oblige her for asking for it....blow that trip up like Dresden!

[usa1ah]

The thought of contacting him has crossed my mind.

 

Don't stop at it had crossed my mind.

 

Tell him the truth. Let him know your gf was going with until she found out about the villa and the other guy.

 

The way I see it with what you have related lately is this.

 

The two of you broke up. She told her friends. Her friends don't like you now so they are trying to hook her up with other guys. But you two throw a wrench in their plans by getting back together. Hell I had one of my wife's friends trying to break us up from day one. It took a few years but the wife dropped her as a friend finally.

[kgcolonel]

This also leads me to believe this is not her husband's baby either.

 

Why would your GF call her to see if the trip was still on? She knew it was.

Seriously Wookin, you need to dump this chick. and you also need to tell this poor guy everything you know...and do not tell your GF you are doing it...you just do it. If you tell your GF she will contact the other chick to give her a heads up and paint you as some psycho.

 

 

Anyway, shouldn't your GF have washed her hands of all of this when she already told this woman no? So when you tell this guy and you tell your GF AFTER the fact,she should be 100 percent in your corner being you would be doing the right thing and like USA1AH said...this chick kind of asked for it.

 

So I would oblige her for asking for it....blow that trip up like Dresden!

 

 

This also struck me as indicative of the truth from your GF. She actually showed her hand in this action. She told you about the call to see how you would react and if there was a possibility of you softening your position. My bet is that she was still wanting to go, never intended to actually not go but you found out what the scoop was on the arrangements and she had to back out to save face. Wouldn't surprise me if she at some point, decided to join her friend...sorry, but that is what i see.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

My understanding based on timeline is she was a month pregnant when she went to Italy the first time. Obviously can't confirm that but I am sure her H would notice the baby's Italian features so really no reason to lie about who the father is.

 

 

My gf told this girl NO multiple times. Maybe my gf was being too nice in the way she said it to let her friend down easy. My gf cancelled her flight a while ago.

 

 

I think my gf called yesterday just to see if friend was going to follow thru with seeing this guy. Out of curiosity since it is crazy circumstances. Even initially after our discussion about whether gf should go, she commented that it would be interesting to go just to see what happens.

[knabe]

This also leads me to believe this is not her husband's baby either.

 

Why would your GF call her to see if the trip was still on? She knew it was.

 

Seriously Wookin, you need to dump this chick. and you also need to tell this poor guy everything you know...and do not tell your GF you are doing it...you just do it. If you tell your GF she will contact the other chick to give her a heads up and paint you as some psycho.

 

 

Anyway, shouldn't your GF have washed her hands of all of this when she already told this woman no? So when you tell this guy and you tell your GF AFTER the fact,she should be 100 percent in your corner being you would be doing the right thing and like USA1AH said...this chick kind of asked for it.

 

So I would oblige her for asking for it....blow that trip up like Dresden!

 

His girlfriend is participating in an affair...with HIM. So she doesn't make the best choices....

[Space Ritual]

I think my gf called yesterday just to see if friend was going to follow thru with seeing this guy. Out of curiosity since it is crazy circumstances. Even initially after our discussion about whether gf should go, she commented that it would be interesting to go just to see what happens.

 

LMFAO!

 

She has you by the nuts. If my GF had said something like that to me, I'd have said.."Go ahead and go, but please put your stuff in storage. When you return form Italy I sure don't want you coming back to my place".

[usa1ah]

Depends on how long they have been friends. My wife has known her gf sense they were both 4 years old, best friends. It's hard to cut ties with someone that has ALWAYS been there for you. But with the way she was talking about me and trying to get her to go out and meet other guys, my wife finally had enough of it.

 

This all happened the first two years my wife and I dated.

 

It funny, now when I run across her old friend, she is very nice and talkative.

[road]

Depends on how long they have been friends. My wife has known her gf sense they were both 4 years old, best friends. It's hard to cut ties with someone that has ALWAYS been there for you. But with the way she was talking about me and trying to get her to go out and meet other guys, my wife finally had enough of it.

 

This all happened the first two years my wife and I dated.

 

It funny, now when I run across her old friend, she is very nice and talkative.

 

Because she got put in her place by your wife and

she misses her long term friendship with your wife

 

or

 

she wants to seduce you to get revenge on your wife for

dumping her for you.