GF Vacation to Italy - How to Control My Jealousy?

[Wookin Pa Nub]

 

Her boundaries are far from good. The mere fact that she was willing to go on that kind of trip and that kind of weekend with someone she barely knows...

 

Let's hope she's just very naive... But if I were you I would keep my eyes open wide....

 

Yes after she initially was debating not going she said she didn't want to disappoint friend. Then today after this all came out about the friend, she said she doesn't know her that well. I think my gf got caught up in the excitement of Italy trip and I will say she can be naïve about things.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

A woman with good boundaries (or just a good woman) would not find a friend cheating on her husband "interesting". Nor would she be cool with being made an accomplice to the activities.

 

A good woman would be appalled and want to distance herself from the friend, not go on a trip with her. It's one thing to find it interesting from a distance, but being an active participant to the deception is a really, really bad sign.

 

She has offered more information than she had to which is good, but if she ends up going she would likely cheat.

 

As was stated, just keep dolling out the rope....

 

Side question: has your gf cheated on a bf / husband in the past? Might be a good time to find out. You can start a convo in a non accusatory manner asking about the affair and if she's ever had one. "No big deal if you did" (yeah, right).

 

 

 

You do have a point but my gf said this friend's bad marriage reminded her of her own. Said there's a lot of similarities and the friend is scared to get out of it.

 

 

I have asked her if she ever cheated on her ex. She said she had her opportunities but never did. I believe her.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

Conclusion

 

So after a lot of texting today, her meeting with friend, etc she has decided not to go. I am happy.

 

 

I am still not sure I got the whole story but my gf seems to have good intentions. Turns out my gf isn't sure the Florence part was ever in the plans and that her and friend were meeting Italian guy and his roommate in villa or wherever so her friend could hook up. Of course that means his roommate is going all out to score with my gf. My gf said that was not the intention of her friend that she was just desperate to meet her guy.

 

 

I noticed a couple minor inconsistencies in my gfs story but nothing earthshattering. For example - she was giving me background on friend and italian guy and said that on her last work trip to Italy they went to dinner and toured the city the next day. Many texts later I asked if the seaside villa was the plan all along? My gf said no that her friend never had a chance to see and tour the city of Florence, which is inland from seaside villa area.

 

 

Also I noticed my gf has a knack of changing direction when I bring up topics or questions. For example I asked if friend was still trying to get her to reconsider? She never answered that directly. She just brought up other stuff about the trip.

 

 

I think I just need to be more in tuned when my gf doesn't answer my questions or changes directions.

[Space Ritual]

I noticed a couple minor inconsistencies in my gfs story but nothing earthshattering. For example - she was giving me background on friend and italian guy and said that on her last work trip to Italy they went to dinner and toured the city the next day. Many texts later I asked if the seaside villa was the plan all along? My gf said no that her friend never had a chance to see and tour the city of Florence, which is inland from seaside villa area.

 

 

Also I noticed my gf has a knack of changing direction when I bring up topics or questions. For example I asked if friend was still trying to get her to reconsider? She never answered that directly. She just brought up other stuff about the trip.

 

 

I think I just need to be more in tuned when my gf doesn't answer my questions or changes directions.

 

Conclusion?

 

Not a chance. Yet, that is. After the trip comes and goes perhaps.

 

Keep your ears wide open and your mouth closed, you'll find out more.

[italianjob]

Conclusion

 

So after a lot of texting today, her meeting with friend, etc she has decided not to go. I am happy.

 

 

I am still not sure I got the whole story but my gf seems to have good intentions. Turns out my gf isn't sure the Florence part was ever in the plans and that her and friend were meeting Italian guy and his roommate in villa or wherever so her friend could hook up. Of course that means his roommate is going all out to score with my gf. My gf said that was not the intention of her friend that she was just desperate to meet her guy.

 

 

I noticed a couple minor inconsistencies in my gfs story but nothing earthshattering. For example - she was giving me background on friend and italian guy and said that on her last work trip to Italy they went to dinner and toured the city the next day. Many texts later I asked if the seaside villa was the plan all along? My gf said no that her friend never had a chance to see and tour the city of Florence, which is inland from seaside villa area.

 

 

Also I noticed my gf has a knack of changing direction when I bring up topics or questions. For example I asked if friend was still trying to get her to reconsider? She never answered that directly. She just brought up other stuff about the trip.

 

 

I think I just need to be more in tuned when my gf doesn't answer my questions or changes directions.

 

There are too may inconsistencies in this story, and not minor at all.

 

If she had no idea of her friend's situation and intentions how did her friend's marriage re mind her of her own?

 

Frankly the only thing that makes me think that maybe she's just naive is the fact that she told you about the villa...

 

So it would be interesting to know how it actually came up and how she reacted when you pointed out it was very inappropriate...

Edited July 8, 2017 by italianjob

[Sparta]

Dude no smoking hot woman on this planet is that naïve. what they are capable and they have instilled in them is they have no problem cheating. She smoking hot right got a love this one and her response was "I had many opportunities but NO I never did".! Yeah keep your eyes wide open with this girl when you're with them Smoking Hot is you pay a little extra, if you know what I mean...

[Wookin Pa Nub]

There are too may inconsistencies in this story, and not minor at all.

 

If she had no idea of her friend's situation and intentions how did her friend's marriage re mind her of her own?

 

Frankly the only thing that makes me think that maybe she's just naive is the fact that she told you about the villa...

 

So it would be interesting to know how it actually came up and how she reacted when you pointed out it was very inappropriate...

 

Thanks

 

 

According to the timeline I have, she didn't know about friends marriage issues until their meeting yesterday after my gf initially told her friend she is not going.

 

 

I do want to know the exact conversation between the two from beginning to end to get the whole story. Find out what she knew and at what point and how my gf reacted. For example did she know the entire time this wasn't a work trip, it was so friend could see this guy? Did she know from day 1 that they would be in seaside villa with 2 guys?

 

 

But I guess I need to trust what my gf is telling me. At the end of the day she decided not to go.

[italianjob]

Thanks

 

 

According to the timeline I have, she didn't know about friends marriage issues until their meeting yesterday after my gf initially told her friend she is not going.

 

 

I do want to know the exact conversation between the two from beginning to end to get the whole story. Find out what she knew and at what point and how my gf reacted. For example did she know the entire time this wasn't a work trip, it was so friend could see this guy? Did she know from day 1 that they would be in seaside villa with 2 guys?

 

 

But I guess I need to trust what my gf is telling me. At the end of the day she decided not to go.

 

1. Those are not minor inconsistencies, at least if you're really thinking of building a future and a family with her.

2. Why and how did she tell you about the fact that they were meeting two guys for some private time? That would answer a lot about how she feels about cheating (not a big deal it would seem...)

3. Really man, you go abroad with someone you claim you don't know anything about and just accept they'll be alone with a pair of unknowns, it's a problem for safety, also, either she's incredibly gullible or something doesn0t add up.

4. Not at all. If your serious about this relationship you need to know more about this. Being smoking hot doesn't amount to anything in a relationship if she have that kind of boundaries...

 

Then again, your life is yours and your decisions will affect only yourself.

[road]

Just saying - perhaps the two men in question are a couple?

 

A couple of horn dogs trying to nail everything on any Mediterranean

coast.

[road]

Perhaps, but if that were the case then OP's girlfriend would have been told that. Because she could have instantly shut down any questioning from many if she had blurted out

"Oh Wookin, these two guys are GAY, according to my 'friend" so you don't have to worry about anything." She probably would have mentioned it multiple times if indeed that were the case

 

See, in most relationships, even entertaining this arrangement would at least beg a question from the GF.

 

It simply does not add up. Yoga Hottie never came out with anything like that. It would have been a great gaslighting tool.

 

So either she is the most naive traveler any of us have seen in a long time, or she has no fear of Wookin dumping her.

 

She can tell him anything and this "friend" would most certainly back it up. I mean she is going because her Hubby is a "stick n the mud". Wouldn't a romantic trip with your spouse to Italy, of all places be just the thing to get that stick in the mud out of the dirt?

 

 

Although by my own admission am a pessimist, I simply believe that the Girlfriend takes Wookin for granted and has no fear of losing anything,and perhaps gaining a new FWB along the way, and get to go to Italy, to boot!

 

 

Wookin, I can only say so much, and you must believe what it is you want to, but if this were my Girlfriend, and given I had been fed the same exact same conversation, I would say "

"Honey, I love you and you are more than welcome to go to that Villa for a weekend with two guys you have never met, and a "friend" who is leaving her husband behind.

Of course you are welcome to....just not as my girlfriend".

 

 

Talk about maning up.

[road]

As soon as I read Girls Night Out vacation to Italy

 

With

 

A GF who's husband is a stick in the mud

 

 

I knew where this story was going to end up. What did the OP's

GF know and when did she know it is what I want to know yet

the OP and us will never know it.

 

 

Typical woman managing her man tactics. Trickle truthing, but

pre affair rather then the usual post affair.

[smackie9]

You guys are circling this like a kettle of vultures. OP's GF isn't the one lying, cheating on her husband, or planning a trip to meet her lover

 

OP, seems to me your GF is a bit of a pushover/people pleaser, which opens her up to being taken advantage of and easily manipulated. From this experience I hope you both realize how valuable communication is to your relationship.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

A couple of horn dogs trying to nail everything on any Mediterranean

coast.

 

Now that is funny. It is also true. I was able to find this guys FB page. He is young, good looking I guess (I don't judge man looks well) has job with fortune 100 company and has his own seaside villa. His FB page with his young friends looks like they like to party. I think someone earlier said this seaside villa is where they "slay" women.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

You guys are circling this like a kettle of vultures. OP's GF isn't the one lying, cheating on her husband, or planning a trip to meet her lover

 

OP, seems to me your GF is a bit of a pushover/people pleaser, which opens her up to being taken advantage of and easily manipulated. From this experience I hope you both realize how valuable communication is to your relationship.

 

I think you are spot on. My gf even said she likes to please everyone. She hated disappointed this friend, who I guess isn't even that good of friend.

 

 

It made me very upset this friend lied to my gf about intent of trip. My gf spent a nice sum of money on the airline ticket.

 

 

My gf has been thru a lot with her divorce and she loves to travel. I think she got caught up in the excitement of traveling to Italy.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

1. Those are not minor inconsistencies, at least if you're really thinking of building a future and a family with her.

2. Why and how did she tell you about the fact that they were meeting two guys for some private time? That would answer a lot about how she feels about cheating (not a big deal it would seem...)

3. Really man, you go abroad with someone you claim you don't know anything about and just accept they'll be alone with a pair of unknowns, it's a problem for safety, also, either she's incredibly gullible or something doesn0t add up.

4. Not at all. If your serious about this relationship you need to know more about this. Being smoking hot doesn't amount to anything in a relationship if she have that kind of boundaries...

 

Then again, your life is yours and your decisions will affect only yourself.

 

 

1. I do want to ask more questions about what my gf knew and at what point.

 

 

2. We were driving to dinner (Italian place lol) a week ago and she said that this friends co workers invited them to seaside villa. I said I am not comfortable with that. She kept saying "but is seaside villa...Italy, seaside villa" Then she said that she is the last person I need to worry about cheating. The topic ended until 2 days ago. I do worry if I didn't bring it up again she would have gone ahead with staying there. Again she would not have cheated in my opinion but would have been in very uncomfortable situation.

 

 

3. I think she realized this way too late. She just said yesterday she is worried about friend and she just met this guy a month ago. My gf can be naïve.

 

 

4. I do want to know more. I might bring it up one more time and directly ask if she knew about friends marriage issues, her interest in co worker, and "couples" weekend in villa from the get go.

[d0nnivain]

But I guess I need to trust what my gf is telling me. At the end of the day she decided not to go.

 

We have a WINNER!

 

 

And then . . . . .

 

1. I do want to ask more questions about what my gf knew and at what point.

 

 

2. We were driving to dinner (Italian place lol) a week ago and she said that this friends co workers invited them to seaside villa. I said I am not comfortable with that. She kept saying "but is seaside villa...Italy, seaside villa" Then she said that she is the last person I need to worry about cheating. The topic ended until 2 days ago. I do worry if I didn't bring it up again she would have gone ahead with staying there. Again she would not have cheated in my opinion but would have been in very uncomfortable situation.

 

 

3. I think she realized this way too late. She just said yesterday she is worried about friend and she just met this guy a month ago. My gf can be naïve.

 

 

4. I do want to know more. I might bring it up one more time and directly ask if she knew about friends marriage issues, her interest in co worker, and "couples" weekend in villa from the get go.

 

Your GF is not going. Stop obsessing about this. If you continue to nitpick, your GF is going to dump you for being a suspicious un-trusting p.i.t.a. who can't let stuff go.

 

Even if you think she's naive your GF is a grown adult. Treat her like you think she has the ability to run her own life. She was doing it for decades before you came along. You are not her father, her jailer or her conscience.

[JuneL]

I think you are spot on. My gf even said she likes to please everyone. She hated disappointed this friend, who I guess isn't even that good of friend.

 

My gf spent a nice sum of money on the airline ticket.

 

My gf has been thru a lot with her divorce and she loves to travel. I think she got caught up in the excitement of traveling to Italy.

 

Why doesn't she use the ticket and travel by herself? She can have some alone time in a beautiful country to reflect on things after her painful divorce.

[italianjob]

We have a WINNER!

 

 

And then . . . . .

 

 

 

Your GF is not going. Stop obsessing about this. If you continue to nitpick, your GF is going to dump you for being a suspicious un-trusting p.i.t.a. who can't let stuff go.

 

Even if you think she's naive your GF is a grown adult. Treat her like you think she has the ability to run her own life. She was doing it for decades before you came along. You are not her father, her jailer or her conscience.

 

So either his GF is a grown adult who seems to have no problem in having a week end with male strangers, or she's not very good at thinking of consequences in relationship. I would't be alright with it, and noone I know would be alright with it. Is OP alright with it? If he is, no problem, but if he isn't I think he needs to know why she saw no. Problem with it, if he wants to build something with her...

 

It's also quite obvious that, at the very least, she tends to act too much on impulse. Going abroad with someone you do't really know and planning to meet complete strangers in inappropriate situation is not very Smart. It puts you at High risa for any sort of things, including rape and physical harm.

 

He can't order her to do or not do things, but those issues should be addressed, if they want to have a serious relationship, imo.

Edited July 8, 2017 by italianjob

[Wookin Pa Nub]

Why doesn't she use the ticket and travel by herself? She can have some alone time in a beautiful country to reflect on things after her painful divorce.

 

She was able to get a credit for most of it although she has to book in the next 30 days and fly within 6 months.

[JuneL]

She was able to get a credit for most of it although she has to book in the next 30 days and fly within 6 months.

 

Well maybe you two can plan a trip together in 6 months

[Try]

Many posters to this tread called the OP jealous for being concerned about his GF going to the villa with her friend and 2 single guys. They said that not being good with this villa trip would drive the GF away. Now that we know the truth, that this was a planned romantic trip by the friend to cheat on her husband with her lover, with your GF being brought along for the lover's single friend, we know that the OP was right to ask questions, and to be concerned. Yet instead of acknowledging that they were wrong about this matter, many of these same people are at it again with the same do not act jealous and controlling bull. Stop it already. The OP played it perfectly by ignore the wrong advice and voicing his concerns.

 

And the OP is right to still be concerned. What did the GF know and when did she know it? Since the minute that she and the friend landed in Italy she would see that it was not a work trip, and that the friend was there for a romantic stay with her lover, with her lover's friend being there to be with your GF, why would the friend think that your GF would be OK with this? Why is your GF not outraged that the friend's dishonesty cost your GF a non-refundable plane ticket? Why is your GF not demanding that the friend reimburse her for this ticket? Since your GF claims that she hardly knows this friend,and it would be easy to dump this lying and cheating new friend, why has she not done so? There are many other unanswered questions the the OP needs to know the answers to before he commits more to this GF. Asking such questions does not make you jealous. It makes you not naive and blindly trusting.

[lolablue17]

...why would the friend think that your GF would be OK with this? Why is your GF not outraged that the friend's dishonesty cost your GF a non-refundable plane ticket? Why is your GF not demanding that the friend reimburse her for this ticket? Since your GF claims that she hardly knows this friend,and it would be easy to dump this lying and cheating new friend, why has she not done so?

 

Agree!

 

actually, I find it hard ro believe to that situation. Imagine... Her friend has a crisis in her marriage, and she wants to hook up with an Italian guy. So she's lying to her friend (his gf), and making up an imaginary "work trip", for his gf to come with her.

 

She knows his gf is in love and just reunited with her soulmate and is taken, yet she's hiding the fact that this Italian guy is bringing his single male friend to be the 4 of them in the same villa. She only told about it after the tickets were booked. And she only mentioned this weekend that this is not a work trip.

 

This story doesn't make sense. I wouldn't do it to my enemy, not to mention a good friend. Most chance that his gf knew that this isn't very innocent , but tried to get away with it somehow without explicitly lying.

 

When she saw that the OP is not going to let her get away with it, she chose right, and canceled the trip immediatelly. She did it mainly because the guilt she felt for trying to manipulate her loved bf.

[Space Ritual]

Wookin, if you want to believe this trip was above board as far as your GF was concerned,and she was an unwitting dupe for this other "friend" who are we to tell you different?

 

I mean, An Italian Villa? Seaside? a couple of really good looking and rich guys and your GF had absolutely no idea you would find this arrangement objectionable ,and then only cancelled after some browbeating?

 

Would you not expect your GF to say when presented with this plan that "Well I'm sure that would be fun, but my boyfriend probably would not think too highly of it, so no thanks."

 

That would have been a default answer in many relation ships. being it was not in yours, I would venture to guess that as impulsive as her initial response was to going, that she really didn't take a lot of time to even second guess herself. She only relented after much discussion and texts about it.

 

I think you have received some absolutely excellent advice concerning your conundrum. I also think realistically that this is not over. The Italy trip may or may not be over, but down the road, here will be some seemingly small issue that will stoke the fire of resentment on her part.

 

It may only be then that you will figure out that she may not be into you or your relationship as much as she led you to believe.

 

I urge you to please keep your ears open. And hopefully I will be proved totally wrong about your GF. In this subforum I never feel any vindication for being right, none of us who frequent here do.

 

I just hope that you can come back in 6 months and tell me I was spaced out about her, and not read your post beginning with:"I should have listened."

 

Good Luck:)

[Wookin Pa Nub]

Many posters to this tread called the OP jealous for being concerned about his GF going to the villa with her friend and 2 single guys. They said that not being good with this villa trip would drive the GF away. Now that we know the truth, that this was a planned romantic trip by the friend to cheat on her husband with her lover, with your GF being brought along for the lover's single friend, we know that the OP was right to ask questions, and to be concerned. Yet instead of acknowledging that they were wrong about this matter, many of these same people are at it again with the same do not act jealous and controlling bull. Stop it already. The OP played it perfectly by ignore the wrong advice and voicing his concerns.

 

And the OP is right to still be concerned. What did the GF know and when did she know it? Since the minute that she and the friend landed in Italy she would see that it was not a work trip, and that the friend was there for a romantic stay with her lover, with her lover's friend being there to be with your GF, why would the friend think that your GF would be OK with this? Why is your GF not outraged that the friend's dishonesty cost your GF a non-refundable plane ticket? Why is your GF not demanding that the friend reimburse her for this ticket? Since your GF claims that she hardly knows this friend,and it would be easy to dump this lying and cheating new friend, why has she not done so? There are many other unanswered questions the the OP needs to know the answers to before he commits more to this GF. Asking such questions does not make you jealous. It makes you not naive and blindly trusting.

 

Excellent response, thank you!

 

 

I agree there's some people on here that get offended when a man "mans up" and think a woman shouldn't have any boundaries as long as they don't have sex with another person.

 

 

I am perplexed why my gf is not more incensed at this friend for what she pulled. It makes me wonder if my gf knew the plan all along and although she would not have cheated, did not see anything wrong with it until I objected.

In her texts, she even said "I'm not mad at friend's name, I am just confused why she didn't tell me more". Much later I said her friend was putting her in uncomfortable position being in that villa with another guy she did say "that does make me a bit angry".

 

 

I told her I am going to call her friend out next time I see her which is likely never.

[italianjob]

It is quite clear that the subject has grown old, so I wouldn't insist on bringing it up.

 

But... Before making deep commitments you need to observe her behavior because there are a couple of points that you should try tounderstand better.

 

1. Her boundaries and what she considers appropriate. She came up with the villa plan like it was nothing and when you said you didn't like the idea her first reaction was trying to convince you. She didn't give up an obviously inappropriate behavior on the spot. It took a lot of thinking.

 

2. You don't simply make friends and immediately book a trip with them to a place abroad or make plans to get involved in obviously ambiguous situations. That's foolish and dangerous.

So either she is so naive that she could easily get into trouble and she needs someone to point inconsistencies to her or her story has a lot of untold parts or maybe even lies or half lies.

 

Those are behaviors you need to watch and be aware of in case they happen to turn up in the future.