I think my GF cheated while on LDR

[sigma7]

I have been together with my gf for almost 14months now, we are in our late 20s. She recently finished a year-long stint overseas (we got together a few months before she left) and has been back for 2 months. Other than the usual couple arguments and LDR issues, things seemed pretty smooth sailing until a few days back...

 

She received a call from Overseas Dude (lets call him OD) a few days back very late in the night while we were out. She did not pick up and OD then left a very long message. To put things in context, I suspected that OD had a thing for my gf while she was overseas (judging by their very frequent hangouts and he does post images of only both of them on his IG). I did approach her during one of my trips up to visit her about this OD guy, and she insisted they were just friends and that he is possibly gay!

 

I then did something I am not proud of, and checked her phone. To my horror, they indeed have been a thing while overseas, but stopped communicating after she came home. The recent call and message was because OD "did not know how to explain to others that they are no longer together". Looking at the conversation they had, it did seem they visited each other's house frequently doing couple stuff, but probably stopping at sex. I then brought this topic up again to my gf last night, and she said yes she is aware that OD had a crush and she might have unknowingly led him on, but that they were always just friends. She also claims after some time, she realised she did not like hanging out with OD as he had personal issues.

 

She is unaware that I have seen their conversation and the recent message that pretty much confirmed they were dating behind my back while overseas :/

 

I am feeling really lost now. This is my first gf (though I am not her first bf), and I really love her. I do have some questions for the forum:

1) Is this cheating?

2) Is she lying to me despite me asking her about OD a few times?

3) Should I ask her again about OD and let her know that I am aware of their status previously?

4) Should I continue this relationship?

[Darren Steez]

 

I am feeling really lost now. This is my first gf (though I am not her first bf), and I really love her. I do have some questions for the forum:

1) Is this cheating?

2) Is she lying to me despite me asking her about OD a few times?

3) Should I ask her again about OD and let her know that I am aware of their status previously?

4) Should I continue this relationship?

 

 

1) Is this cheating?

Yes, definitely emotionally most probably physically. But if she knew he liked her she still led him on what kind of girlfriend is that!? And if they were kissing and feeling each other up what is the likelihood they stopped before having sex?

2) Is she lying to me despite me asking her about OD a few times?

Yes

3) Should I ask her again about OD and let her know that I am aware of their status previously?

No, she will only lie again

4) Should I continue this relationship?

No, your girlfriend knew a guy liked her, hung out with him at his/her place, "led him on", they definitely kissed and most likely had sex and the relationship only stopped because she moved back home.

 

It's over my friend, have some b*lls and stand up for yourself.

[Poutrew]

You know something sigma 7? You picked a very telling name. In physics, sigma levels define the results of experiments all the time. Researchers determined the existence of the Higgs Boson to only 5 sigma levels and it was good enough to get them the Nobel Prize. At 7 sigma levels, the Higgs boson would be jumping up and down and singing you Blarney, just like your girlfriend is doing right now. Don't tell her you snooped, just say you think she is lying about her relationship with OD. Your mama didn't raise a fool. And she talks in her sleep. Then walk out and away from this lying bit*h. Go NC on her ass and find a woman for whom the concept of integrity has meaning. Also, some STD testing might be worthwhile as well...

[BluesPower]

Your girl friend had a boyfriend when she was overseas.

 

Of course she was screwing him, and you are really being foolish to believe what she is telling you.

 

Please don't be this guy. You are in denial that your GF was screwing another guy, but it is time to wake up.

 

Of course you she tell her you checked her phone and saw all the messages from him when they were hanging out. Tell her that you are not a fool, even though you have been so far.

 

Think of it like this... While you were sitting at home being a faithful BF, she was banging him and getting all her needs met while you watching Netflix.

 

Please blow her off and move on, and try not to be this foolish again...

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes, this is cheating. And yes, it is lying. She takes you for a fool, basically. And they stopped before sex? I doubt that. Why would they?

 

Get rid of her. She will know why, even if she never admits to it.

[usa1ah]

I have been together with my gf for almost 14months now, we are in our late 20s. She recently finished a year-long stint overseas (we got together a few months before she left) and has been back for 2 months. Other than the usual couple arguments and LDR issues, things seemed pretty smooth sailing until a few days back...

 

She received a call from Overseas Dude (lets call him OD) a few days back very late in the night while we were out. She did not pick up and OD then left a very long message. To put things in context, I suspected that OD had a thing for my gf while she was overseas (judging by their very frequent hangouts and he does post images of only both of them on his IG). I did approach her during one of my trips up to visit her about this OD guy, and she insisted they were just friends and that he is possibly gay!

 

I then did something I am not proud of, and checked her phone. To my horror, they indeed have been a thing while overseas, but stopped communicating after she came home. The recent call and message was because OD "did not know how to explain to others that they are no longer together". Looking at the conversation they had, it did seem they visited each other's house frequently doing couple stuff, but probably stopping at sex. I then brought this topic up again to my gf last night, and she said yes she is aware that OD had a crush and she might have unknowingly led him on, but that they were always just friends. She also claims after some time, she realised she did not like hanging out with OD as he had personal issues.

 

She is unaware that I have seen their conversation and the recent message that pretty much confirmed they were dating behind my back while overseas :/

 

I am feeling really lost now. This is my first gf (though I am not her first bf), and I really love her. I do have some questions for the forum:

1) Is this cheating?

2) Is she lying to me despite me asking her about OD a few times?

3) Should I ask her again about OD and let her know that I am aware of their status previously?

4) Should I continue this relationship?

 

1. Yes

 

2. Yes

 

3. Yes

 

4. No

 

Just call OD and get his side of it. Ask him to email you the details.

 

We are just friends is the number one lie cheaters use.

 

The justification we be i was lonely.

[smackie9]

Well it's just too bad she just didn't fess up and dumped you when she met the guy. Not sure why either of you would even bother staying in a relationship long distance when you only have been dating for a couple of months. That isn't enough time invested to take on such an endeavor. She was gone for over a year. IMO the LDR should never have happened. Basically it was too weak, and someone was going to cave into temptation.

 

Now if I were you, I would just fess up about what you have found on her phone. You are pissed that she wasn't being honest with you, well then don't be like her....come out with it....just own it. And whatever the result of the confrontation, that will be decided then. First things first....go talk to her about it.

[Space Ritual]

I am feeling really lost now. This is my first gf (though I am not her first bf), and I really love her. I do have some questions for the forum:

1) Is this cheating?

YES

2) Is she lying to me despite me asking her about OD a few times?

YES

3) Should I ask her again about OD and let her know that I am aware of their status previously?

NO

4) Should I continue this relationship?

HELL NO

 

Look, Long distance relationships require a boatload of trust, communication and commitment. You and you Girlfriend have none of that.

 

And no you did not do a bad thing by checking her phone. You didn't invade her privacy. Rather, you invaded her secrecy.

 

The only bad thing you can do now is staying with her. At the very least she has poor boundaries even in admitting she may have led this guy on.

 

At worst, and most probable, she was banging the guy for all those months, and decided to end i with him when she returned. However they are still in contact.

 

She is showing you who she is. Believe her and Run screaming into the night away from this "relationship".

 

You never really had a relationship with her all these months. You have been the victim of a one sided Farce.

 

Get rid of her or you'll regret it. And get an STD Test ASAP.

[lolablue17]

4. No

 

1. Irrelevant due to 4.

2. Irrelevant due to 4.

3. Irrelevant due to 4.

Edited July 6, 2017 by lolablue17

[Marc878]

I have been together with my gf for almost 14months now, we are in our late 20s. She recently finished a year-long stint overseas (we got together a few months before she left) and has been back for 2 months. Other than the usual couple arguments and LDR issues, things seemed pretty smooth sailing until a few days back...

 

She received a call from Overseas Dude (lets call him OD) a few days back very late in the night while we were out. She did not pick up and OD then left a very long message. To put things in context, I suspected that OD had a thing for my gf while she was overseas (judging by their very frequent hangouts and he does post images of only both of them on his IG). I did approach her during one of my trips up to visit her about this OD guy, and she insisted they were just friends and that he is possibly gay!

 

Two of the biggest lies told. Typical cheater script.

 

I then did something I am not proud of, and checked her phone. To my horror, they indeed have been a thing while overseas, but stopped communicating after she came home. The recent call and message was because OD "did not know how to explain to others that they are no longer together". Looking at the conversation they had, it did seem they visited each other's house frequently doing couple stuff, but probably stopping at sex. I then brought this topic up again to my gf last night, and she said yes she is aware that OD had a crush and she might have unknowingly led him on, but that they were always just friends. She also claims after some time, she realised she did not like hanging out with OD as he had personal issues.

 

Oh cmon man. Seriously? They had lots of sex and you are just completely in denial.

 

She is unaware that I have seen their conversation and the recent message that pretty much confirmed they were dating behind my back while overseas :/

 

I am feeling really lost now. This is my first gf (though I am not her first bf), and I really love her. I do have some questions for the forum:

1) Is this cheating? Yes it is it was a sexual affair

2) Is she lying to me despite me asking her about OD a few times? Totally

3) Should I ask her again about OD and let her know that I am aware of their status previously?

4) Should I continue this relationship?

 

You are to young to waste your life on this. Don't become a doormat.

 

Cheaters lie, hide and deny. A blind man could see this.

 

Aren't you worth more than this.

 

Do you love being cheated and lied to because that's who she is.

[diddilybop]

oh the shade of it all!!

 

i don't need to repeat what the posters have said because i think you know the point we're all trying to make here. dump her and move on with your self-worth, respect and dignity. and maybe, next time don't get into a relationship with the girl who you've only been seeing for two months and then leaves for a year long trip overseas, ok?

Edited August 13, 2017 by diddilybop