Black_Cat_85 Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 Long story short, my ex and I were in a relationship for 8 years and broke up last year. We are both in our early 30s. Over the last year, we have both dated/slept with other people. During that time apart we remained in contact with each other and were friendly and have even hooked up a few times. It's now been over a year and after talking, we have decided to give things another go. My issue is, he has told me before that he has a few friends with benefits and even though he wants to try again with me, wants to stay in contact with them via social media. He has told me that nothing physical would happen of course but he wants to keep in contact. (NB - A large majority of his friends are female and even though it's not totally relevant as he was single, has slept with several girls while we were apart. I had previously been with 2 other people within the year apart) Naturally I felt some type of way when he said this and I don't feel secure in the slightest. Part of the reason we broke up was due to trust issues and I don't see how this is going to help repair those issues. He told me that I'm the one with the problem and that I should see a councillor. He also said that unless advised by a councillor, that he doesn't seem to understand why he should no longer keep in touch with these girls. I'm dumbfounded. From my side, I find it really disrespectful that he would even put me in this situation to begin with. In my mind, if he really wanted to get things back on track with me, he would of cut off anything/anyone that would make me feel uncomfortable. I know for me, that is what I would do for him. After I told him this, he then said it would be the same as keeping in contact with an ex. I can kinda see his point there but at the same time, these girls aren't exes. They are his "friends" so there is a degree of sexual attraction there if they slept together. I get that yes, he met people while we were apart and as a single man he could do whatever he wanted but at the same time, if you're really committed to fixing the relationship from your side, you should be making us/me the priority. In a nutshell, he wants to stay friends with girls that he has been sleeping with and that he hasn't even told them about me. He doesn't seem to understand my point of view. He is my best friend and we've been through a lot but this just seems like he wants to have it both ways. Am I right for thinking this way or am I going overboard? Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 He wants to screw all his FWB's and you too. The things he is telling you are complete BS so don't fall for it. If you want and open relationship with him the go ahead. Because that is what he plans on doing. Of course you have trust issues with him, he is a player and he will always be. You really don't need to get back together with this guy if you want a monogamous relationship.... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Luigi1212 Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 It depends on what kind of friends they are. They could be great friends from the past that slept together in a moment, or they could be "friends" as in somebody reeaaaallly likes the other person. In first case I think it's ok if they remain in contact but in second case not so much. But I dont like the way he treats you by putting all the blame on you. Do you really want to star a relationship with a fight. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Black_Cat_85 Posted July 6, 2017 Author Share Posted July 6, 2017 It depends on what kind of friends they are. They could be great friends from the past that slept together in a moment, or they could be "friends" as in somebody reeaaaallly likes the other person. In first case I think it's ok if they remain in contact but in second case not so much. But I dont like the way he treats you by putting all the blame on you. Do you really want to star a relationship with a fight. Well there have been a few "FWB" in the last year but there are a couple that he has been sleeping with over the course of the last 7-8 months. It wasn't a once off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Black_Cat_85 Posted July 9, 2017 Author Share Posted July 9, 2017 He wants to screw all his FWB's and you too. The things he is telling you are complete BS so don't fall for it. If you want and open relationship with him the go ahead. Because that is what he plans on doing. Of course you have trust issues with him, he is a player and he will always be. You really don't need to get back together with this guy if you want a monogamous relationship.... He wouldn't be hanging out with them but I still don't get why you'd need to stay in touch. He told me that they are friends and that he has never cut off anyone from his life before and that it's the same as me keeping in contact with an for example via Facebook. He doesn't understand that their "friendship" is based around sex. He met them via tinder ffs. He just doesn't get it. Link to post Share on other sites
Nogan Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 He wouldn't be hanging out with them but I still don't get why you'd need to stay in touch. He told me that they are friends and that he has never cut off anyone from his life before and that it's the same as me keeping in contact with an for example via Facebook. He doesn't understand that their "friendship" is based around sex. He met them via tinder ffs. He just doesn't get it. I'm pretty close friends with one of my exes, and we hook up when we're both single. But I wouldn't let her get in the way of a relationship, just as she wouldn't with me. There just isn't a real romantic connection there anymore. I would want to stay in contact with her if I was dating someone, because I care about her and her friendship is important to me. Is our friendship not real because we started off as romantic and sexual partners? I also met her on Tinder. I completely understand why you're uncomfortable, but pitting yourself against a friend never ever works. Even when there's a reason to be that way. It's probably better to walk if it isn't a situation you can accept. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Black_Cat_85 Posted July 9, 2017 Author Share Posted July 9, 2017 I'm pretty close friends with one of my exes, and we hook up when we're both single. But I wouldn't let her get in the way of a relationship, just as she wouldn't with me. There just isn't a real romantic connection there anymore. I would want to stay in contact with her if I was dating someone, because I care about her and her friendship is important to me. Is our friendship not real because we started off as romantic and sexual partners? I also met her on Tinder. I completely understand why you're uncomfortable, but pitting yourself against a friend never ever works. Even when there's a reason to be that way. It's probably better to walk if it isn't a situation you can accept. Fair point but there are 3 girls in the frame. A couple he has told me that pretty much everytime they hang out they end up sleeping together. These aren't exes and the so called friendship was based around sex with these women. He told me that when we first broke up, he went crazy and slept with 4 different women within a week and has been on about 60 dates. His business of course but he doesn't really care about anyone but himself. 90% of his friend are female, including the ones who have been his FWB. I just find it insulting that he wants to start again with me, after he has been with all these women but expects me to be cool with him keeping in contact with them. It's a turn off. Link to post Share on other sites
Nogan Posted July 10, 2017 Share Posted July 10, 2017 I think most people would find it insulting, and despite what I said above, that was in response to the idea that he couldn't be genuine friends with these women. But the fact of the matter is that he's putting this as a non-negotiable condition to you guys being together. I think if he genuinely cared about making you comfortable, he'd cool his jets and put himself in your shoes. This is the man you have to accept if you choose to get back together. There isn't a compromise because he isn't offering one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Black_Cat_85 Posted July 10, 2017 Author Share Posted July 10, 2017 I think most people would find it insulting, and despite what I said above, that was in response to the idea that he couldn't be genuine friends with these women. But the fact of the matter is that he's putting this as a non-negotiable condition to you guys being together. I think if he genuinely cared about making you comfortable, he'd cool his jets and put himself in your shoes. This is the man you have to accept if you choose to get back together. There isn't a compromise because he isn't offering one. Thanks Nogan. That's kinda how I feel about it all now. Basically he is saying that I have the problem when in reality he is dishing out the crap that creates problems. I love him a lot but I can't deal to this crap anymore. I would rather be alone than have to worry about this stuff. Thank you heaps for your words though Link to post Share on other sites
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